Desiderata
by kimpy
Summary: Desiderata is Latin for "desired things or something that is needed, wanted." Both Edward and Bella want happiness, but will their pig-headed stubbornness and biases get in the way of finding true love? Based upon Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice."
1. Prologue

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: **_**Desiderata**_** is latin for "desired things or something that is needed, wanted." This story is meant to represent that state of feeling for both Bella and Edward.**

**Things I own, courtesy of my baby sister who loves to indulge my inner geek: An Edward Cullen action figure, which I refuse to share.**

**Things I do not own: Anything Twilight—that's all SM. And **_**Desiderata of Happiness**_** belongs to Max Ehrmann.**

**Prologue**

The Desiderata of Happiness is something I ran across years ago. I may even have been in elementary school, I can't remember. What I do remember, though, is that even back then, it struck me as a really good life philosophy. If only I could strive to achieve those ideals, I would always be striving to be happy and fulfilled. That's the idea, anyhow…

My name is Bella Swan. I'm 21, and I've lived in Forks, Washington, the rainiest spot in the continental United States, my entire life. My day-to-day life consists of an early start in Alice Brandon's coffee shop, "Alice's Wonderland Café and Mad Tea Party," where I make all the baked goods, including my famous "Bella's Buns." I didn't come up with the name, of course; much to my consternation, I tend to blush furiously whenever someone asks for "one of my buns," the double entendre never lost on me. Alice and her brother Emmett started the shop as a way to support themselves after their parents died, and I've been working along side them ever since. It hardly feels like work, being with my BFF, and I love to get totally lost in thought as I mix and bake. So I get to be quiet and alone with my thoughts, while Alice handles the barista duties. She is so tiny, quirky, bubbly, energetic, and cheerful that the customers eat her up. Vivacious would be an understatement. Emmett's role is to balance the books and be our administrator; he completed his degree at Port Angeles Community College while Alice and I finished our education at Forks High. Working together with them is actually a lot of fun, but it is exhausting work. I tend to fall asleep every night by 8:00. As you can imagine, my social life is pretty much non-existent, just the way I like it.

Alice, who I love like a sister, has been my best friend since we were in kindergarten. We are as different as night and day, which is probably why we get along so well. She lives with her older brother, Emmett, who long ago took me under his wing as his little sister, too, since I have no siblings of my own. He always looks out for us. When Emmett was 18 and Alice and I were 16, their parents were killed in a car accident, by a drunk driver who plowed into their car. Sadly, it was my dad, Charlie, as Forks' Chief of Police, who had to break the news to them. In the aftermath, Emmett hung around Forks to take care of Alice. Naturally, he is a little over protective when it comes to both of us. He is a huge guy that no one in town would choose to mess with, so no one ever does. Alice and I both recognize that he is total marshmallowy goo on the inside; he doesn't fool us one bit. We love that big lug to death.

I both love and hate my daily existence here in Forks. Hate it because it is so small and stifling, and there is no room for anonymity. I do love it, though, because it is so closely linked to all the people I love—Alice, Emmett, and Charlie. It's where my heart is. My mom has been pretty much out of my life since I was a baby. She had a torrid affair with a minor league baseball player, and left my dad and me to fend for ourselves; it was apparently quite the town scandal at the time. She lives in Arizona now, and I hear from her from time to time. Her baseball player is long gone, and my mom apparently keeps moving on from one boyfriend to another. Most of the time, when she does write or call me, the main focus is always on her. I learned long ago to ignore most of what she says as a way to insulate myself from being hurt by her narcissism. Although my dad has had to work very hard to keep us together as a team, we've been able to roll with the punches. After Alice and Emmett's tragedy, he kind of took them under his wing, too, so I consider the three of them to be my family. Someone famous once said, "Friends are family you choose for yourself." I'm not sure who said it (it is listed in my quote book as "anonymous"), but I just know I couldn't have chosen a better family for myself if I tried.

My dream has always been to be a writer, and I would love to go to college, but there is no money for that right now, or in the immediate future. Even if there was enough, I just cannot envision leaving Charlie, Alice, or Emmett behind. Our bonds are so deep, our lives are so interwoven, that it would just feel wrong to be apart from them. Instead, I lug around my journal, writing down every quote I can find, every snippet of fun dialogue I overhear or read (not that there is much in the way of snappy dialogue here in Forks). There is just something magical in finding a quote that describes exactly how you feel about something in a way that completely captures your thoughts or beliefs. I love finding little gems like that and have collected quotes for as long as I can remember. Wherever you find me, you will find a tattered Moleskine book; we just go hand in hand. I have dozens of them, completely filled with my chicken scratch, piled high in stacks in my bedroom closet. They are my biggest treasures in the world.

And that pretty much sums up my life, except for one thing: At some point, I forgot to heed the caveats contained within the _Desiderata_. I _was_ cynical about love. I did _not_ believe the universe was unfolding as it should. And that would prove to be my undoing…

"_Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself._

"_Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism._

"_Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness._

"_Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle to yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars and you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world._

"_Be cheerful. Strive to be happy._

_The Desiderata of Happiness by Max Ehrmann, 1874-1945_


	2. Chapter 1: Synchronicity

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: **Things I own, once again due to the indulgence of my baby sister: A Cullen Crest t-shirt, which I take off _occasionally_ to wash.

Things I don't: Twilight. It's all Stephanie Meyers'. Damn.

**CHAPTER ONE: SYNCHRONICITY**

"There is an odd synchronicity in the way parallel lives veer to touch one another, change direction, and then come close again and again until they connect and hold for whatever it was that fate intended to happen." – Ann Rule

"Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella!!!" Alice's cries break me from my thoughts.

"Alice, chill…it is only 6:00 AM and you haven't had your coffee yet. How can you possibly be this wound up already?"

Alice stops dead in her tracks. "Waaaaait…Bella, what in god's name are you wearing?"

"What? It's just a stupid t-shirt, Al, calm down," I mutter. "Can't you see I'm busy working? Were you expecting to find me clad in Prada or something?"

"'_Some days it isn't even worth chewing through the restraints'_? Honestly, if that doesn't scare the guys away, I don't know what will…geez, Bella! Anyway, back to the real reason I came running in here—I just had one of my _dreams_," she emphasizes the word carefully. "And all I can remember is that you need to watch out for a pair of vibrant green eyes that will show up today."

"English, Alice?"

"Bella, I saw you, mouth wide open, staring into a pair of gorgeous green eyes. I think it was here in the shop," she continues, slightly exasperated that I don't catch up with her train of thought immediately.

"That's about the most ridiculous thing I've heard come from your mouth yet! This is Forks, Washington, Alice. _Nothing_ exciting ever happens here. No one new ever comes here. I think I can safely say that there will be no vibrant green eyes to worry about today. By the way, didn't your dream forewarn you of my t-shirt choice?"

"Oh come on, Bella…you were clearly blown away by this guy in my dream! That has to mean something!" _I can't believe she totally glossed over my psychic crack!_

"Alice, it isn't like you foresaw us galloping away into the sunset on his horse! All you saw was me with a gaping, wide open mouth! How do you know it isn't wide open because I just said something stupid or embarrassing? That's more like something I would do."

"I got the sense in my dream that there was a strong connection between you two, and _that _was the reason for your gaping mouth. Bellaaaaahhhh--don't you _ever_ believe that there is someone out there, waiting for you, to fall in love? Don't you think there is such a thing as destiny?"

"You just totally gave me a _Streetcar Named Desire _moment, Alice!" I giggle out loud, while Alice pouts her lip at me. I move back to the matter at hand. "I think that the concept of destiny and true love is something conjured up by shallow, unhappy people who want to imagine life is like a romance novel. I _do _hope, for your sake, that there is someone out there, waiting for you…I'm not convinced, though, that there is a man alive who could possibly appreciate what an absolute gem you are. You know me, my irreverence alone scares every guy away. And didn't I just tell you that no one new ever comes to Forks? I'll be damned if I'm stuck with Mike Newton by default; being alone is a far more appealing prospect," I growl at that last thought.

_I will _never_ attempt to relieve myself again by agreeing to a date with Mike Newton. My own hand is far more, umm, engaging than the prospect of making out with Mike. And as Woody Allen once said, "…don't knock masturbation; it's sex with someone I love." Hell, I even make quotes to myself—that can't be good!_

"Bella, I just know that someday, someone will come along and sweep you off your feet," Alice shakes her head and grins at me. "And you, my dear, will be totally caught off guard!"

"Even in matters of love, Alice, you are always the optimist…but it ain't gonna happen!"

"I don't see why you insist on being so cynical about love and life."

"In the immortal words of Cameron Frye, in _Ferris Bueller's Day Off_, 'I'll give you two good reasons: My mother, and my father.' And you know, George Bernard Shaw once said, 'the power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.' There you have it, Alice; two good quotes to illustrate my insistence upon cynicism." I giggle. I know I got her.

"Honestly, Bella, don't pull that quote shit on me…it is too early in the day for that, and I haven't had my coffee yet!"

"Aw, you're just pissed 'cause you know I'm right!" I say as I reach over and attempt to muss up her hair.

I sigh deeply to myself and return my attention to stirring the batch of lemon curd I am making for my "Queen of Hearts Tarts." Alice's proclamation dredged up some deep thoughts to the forefront of my mind, ideas that are best left alone, buried in the recesses from whence they came. Although I live a simple, easy existence, with people I genuinely love, I'll be the first to admit that I often feel like I'm just going through the motions. I would never admit this to Alice, but I want so badly to believe her. I know in my heart that I am simply too unconventional to appeal to any guy. And I've never met anyone who is different enough to pique my interest—it is a pretty small pool to fish from here in Forks, after all. I mentally assess my attributes and flaws:

_- Mousy brown hair and lackluster brown eyes _

_- Complete lack of verbal filter _

_- Blush at the drop of a hat_

_- Reserved and overly pensive_

_- Rely upon other's words to express myself _

_- Irreverent to a fault_

_- Invisible to members of the opposite sex_

_- Trip over my own two feet _

_- Fall asleep by 8:00 PM every night; wake up at 3:00 AM every day_

_- Nearly constant state of horniness_

_- Etc., etc., etc._

Somehow, I always seem to come up short on the attributes end of things. In fact, my list doesn't have _any_ attributes. Except maybe the horniness part, and of course there is no one who even comes close to fitting the bill to relieve me of that state of horniness. _If you doubt me, just refer back to the mention of Mike Newton. See what I mean??_

I continue musing, prepping, and baking while Alice brews away for our regulars. I'm just getting my Cheshire Cat Grins into the oven when, around 9:00, there is a huge commotion in the front of the store, and I interrupt my train of thoughts to check it out.

"O-M-G, I think I just died and went to heaven!" I hear Jessica Stanley scream. I silently wish to myself that she would. _Die and get out of Forks, that is…_

"Jess, did you hear when they are supposed to get here?" Lauren Mallory screams in return. _Seriously, have these two never heard of inside voices?_

"I just heard that they are coming to scope out the scenery with the producers, but I think it is a done deal already…" Jessica continues. I am reminded that Desiderata clearly states to avoid loud and aggressive persons, as they are vexatious to the spirit. _My spirit is being seriously vexatioused to the core right now!_

"You know that means Jasper Whitlock will TOTALLY be here, like, in Forks, like, for months?" Lauren squees, and then Jessica joins her. The sound is not unlike fingernails scratching down a chalkboard.

By now, the entire shop is staring at the two screaming girls, and lo and behold, the gossip chain has begun. I hear the murmurs and buzz, and arrive at Alice's side.

"Hey, Tinker Tot, what the hell is going on up there?"

"I have no idea, Bella. But I intend to find out…" Alice says, as she dances off towards the pair.

I watch the process unfold, in between the squeals, screams, and giggles, seeing Alice nod her head, ask some questions, and quickly depart.

"I guess that Jess and Lauren read on the Internet that Masen Masterworks is going to be filming their next movie here, in Forks, and they are flying in to check things out before everything is finalized, " Alice informs me.

"Wait, these two twits get wind of an Internet rumor, and all of a sudden it is a fact? WTF, Alice?"

"Apparently their next film is about a love affair between a Native American and a white settler, and they want to shoot it here because we're near the Quileute tribe and our population is small, so they won't have to worry about lots of locals interrupting the shooting schedule," Alice says, shrugging.

"Well, I'll believe that when I see it," I scoff.

I happen to know a little bit about Masen Masterworks, because I am a total book and independent film nerd. In fact, I've seen every one of their movies—they are known for their exquisite period pieces, really good scripts, and have won numerous awards. Their coming here would be a really big deal, which is why I doubt the news so fervently. It would be too good to be true. On top of just being a great production company, I know that their productions are always directed by Edward Cullen, who is Elizabeth Masen's nephew, and invariably star his best friend, Jasper Whitlock. The entire Cullen family is involved with Masterworks. To say that Edward Cullen is a lurvely slice of yumminess would be an understatement; he is notoriously single, and all of Hollywood's hottest actresses are after him perennially. Jasper Whitlock is no slouch, either. I could _totally_ handle those two hanging around town for a few months. Just another reason to believe it could never happen.

"Earth to Bella, hello! Remember what I said about green eyes? You know who has those famous green eyes, right?"

"Jesus, Alice, give it a rest already! I am _not _going to suddenly be face-to-face with Edward Cullen's green eyes any time soon…you do remember that our information source for all of this is Jessica and Lauren, right? All the more reason to just let it go…"

Alice grins her damn spritely little grin at me and just walks away. I could clobber her sometimes, except that I love her too damn much.

Our day continues per the typical routine, except that there are more mutterings than usual. Yep, it's official: The Forks grapevine is in full swing. Good for business, though, because people like to swap gossip over coffee until the bars open. Around 5:30, we start to clean up and wind down for closing, when suddenly the familiar bell above our door tinkles out an announcement that a new customer has arrived. Alice is in back loading up the dishwasher, so I am forced up to the front of the store. When I look up from the register, I see three sets of eyes, but my focus goes straight to the pair of impeccably green eyes standing in front of me. Lovely, perfect, _vibrant_ green eyes, looking at me. Seriously, do genes _ever_ combine to create eyes that green? I've never seen anything like them in my life! I realize that photos don't even do them justice, like when you try to capture the colors of Hawaii—it never looks as vivid as it does in real life. My mouth drops wide open and a million thoughts flood my brain simultaneously, the most prevalent being:

_Fuck. me._

_No, really, fuuuuuck me._

_Please, fuck me. Please??_

I stand there, mouth agape, saying nothing, which prompts a beautiful smirk to form right below those beautiful green eyes. The smirk suddenly disappears as quickly as it appeared, as if the smiler caught himself in the act. Still, I swear I'm having one of those moments where music is beaming and lights arise from on high, announcing the arrival of god, straight out of a Monthy Python sketch. Those green eyes are literally that fucking beautiful. I have an instant, visceral reaction: My stomach fills with butterflies, my brain with sawdust, and my girlie parts are suddenly very tingly. I'm fairly certain that if I looked down on the ground right about now, I would discover a puddle of marshmallowy goo sticking to the floor where once I stood. _Shit, I'm worse than Emmett!! Why am I such a freaking idiot?! All he did was look at me, smirk momentarily, and I'm already a gooey mess. Say something, Bella!!_

"Hello there, welcome to Alice's Wonderland Café. Would you like one of my buns?" I stammer. _Oh. My. God. Please tell me I didn't just say that. Kill me now. Pleeeeeease…._

"Well, actually, we just came in for a cup of coffee…"


	3. Chapter 2: Words

**DESIDERATA**

A/N: I don't own anything Twilight, but I do own a mean case of OCD. And a box of _Twilight_ conversation hearts, Forbidden Fruit flavor. SM owns the rest.

**CHAPTER TWO: WORDS**

"Words, so innocent and powerless and they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good or evil they become, in the hands of one who knows how to combine them!"

--Nathaniel Hawthorne

"_Hello there, welcome to Alice's Wonderland Café. Would you like one of my buns?" _

"_Well, actually, we just came in for a cup of coffee…" _

**EPOV**

I'm looking into the brownest set of eyes I've ever seen, and I've seen plenty. Deep pools of chocolate brown that go on forever. Here I am, in a stupid coffee shop in the middle of buttfuck, USA, just trying to get rid of my caffeine headache, gazing into the most spellbinding eyes in the world.

_Fuck. me._

Jesus, all I want is a fricking cup of coffee, when all of a sudden I can't even think straight. And since when do a sprout wood over someone's eyes, no matter how beautiful they are? _Get a grip, Edward._ I've never experienced this kind of visceral reaction to a woman before…I pride myself on my ability to control my feelings; I think it is the only thing that has kept me sane in the world of film production. In an industry full of sycophants, being detached keeps me from becoming ensnared in any Hollywood scandals, thank god for that.

Then she says it, the words tumble out of her mouth, one after the other, and I'm not entirely sure I hear them correctly….

"Hello there, welcome to Alice's Wonderland Café. Would you like one of my buns?" her sweet voice purrs at us.

Momentarily taken aback, all I can muster is a smirk; once I realize my reaction, I quickly wipe it from my face. In the intervening moments, I gratefully hear Jasper answer her query: "Well, actually, we just came in for a cup of coffee…" _Br__illiant, Edward. Jasper has to once again save the day because of your social awkwardness._

The beautiful face with the beautiful brown eyes flushes a lovely shade of red…It is such an amazing, innocent response, and I've never seen anything like it.

"Umm, sorry about that, I didn't mean that like it sounded. It's just that I bake everything here, so everyone calls them 'my' buns. Just ignore my verbal diarrhea, ok?"

"Well, your buns happen to be hidden behind that apron, so I have no idea if I'd like one of them or not…but can you just get me three cups of coffee, to go, please?" Jasper teases her. While I am envious of his ability to talk to anyone, anywhere, I would prefer he not be as charming as he is. It invites unwanted attention. He doesn't mean to draw people in, but he simply cannot help himself. I worry that it will get him into yet another hurtful relationship; he doesn't seem to understand that most, if not all, women are disingenuous, and all they are interested in is dating Jasper, the movie star, not Jasper, the man. I scowl a little bit at the thought.

"Yeah, sure, what size?" She asks, as the blush starts to fade from her cheeks.

"Largest you have, we need a caffeine infusion in the most serious way…," he answers.

"Do you need any room?" I hear her say, motioning to the cup.

"That kind of defeats the purpose of getting the optimal amount of caffeine possible," he grins at her.

"Spoken like a true fanatic. Cheers to you," she laughs in reply.

"So, was today worth it?" he asks, breaking her focus.

"Umm, what?" She says, raising her right eyebrow at him.

"Chewing through the restraints?" he nods towards her t-shirt.

She starts snickering out loud, and may have even snorted a time or two, and the sound is simply magical. Once again, I surprise myself with my reaction to her—_she fucking laughed, so what?_ In the midst of that thought, I hear a high, childlike voice preceding the arrival of a tiny woman with spiky black hair, who suddenly appears behind the counter.

"Bella, I can't leave you in front for one minute while I clean up, I swear…" she suddenly looks up to see Bella handing Jasper the cups of coffee. The moment her eyes meet Jasper's, she stops short, freezes for a second, and then continues. "Well, hello, I didn't see you there!" Her eyes lock onto Jasper's and focus on him intently. In that instant, I get a very bad feeling about this.

"And, Alice, he was just commenting on my t-shirt, can you imagine that?" the brown-eyed creature says, breaking her colleague's reverie.

The elfin woman rolls her eyes and reaches over the counter to shake Jasper's hand as she says, "Sorry, I should introduce myself. I'm the proprietor here, Alice Brandon. This basket case next to me is my best friend, Bella Swan. It's a pleasure to meet you, …" she babbles. Her intense gaze into Jasper's eyes continues unabated.

"My name is Jasper Whitlock, and this is my sister Rosalie, and my best friend Edward Cullen," Jasper nods towards the two of us. It does not appear that Alice is even aware of anyone else in the room at that point.

"Oh. So you _are_ in town for your new film," Alice states, not too subtly.

At that point, I have to interject. Jesus, the gossip train moves so fast in these damn small towns! "I wasn't aware that our filming here was general knowledge, especially since none of the paperwork has been finalized," I growl. I can't help it; it just pisses me off that you can't do anything with a modicum of privacy anymore. I just want to be left alone to complete my project, and people make it so fucking difficult to do so. Behind me, I hear Rosalie's toe tapping away at the floor, recognizing that her ire is probably even greater than mine. As my personal assistant, she likes to stay ahead of the gossip chain via pre-emptive strikes, and she missed the loop on this one. Nothing pisses her off more than being outdone.

All of a sudden, I overhear Bella mumble_, _"Speculation in our society has a way of becoming fact."

Taken aback, all I can say is, "What?"

Bella flushes red once again. "Nothing. It's just a line from the movie _Quiz Show_. It seemed to really apply to this situation, especially when people have been in and out of here all day speculating that the movie is going to be filmed here," she says softly. Her comment surprises me—she obviously knows her films, and can quote them verbatim. I'm shocked to find myself somewhat impressed by that fact.

Bella's musing is interrupted by a hiss from Rosalie. "Jasper, just get the fucking coffee and let's get out of here. I can't wait to get back to LA and away from this crappy rain…"

"Geez, Rose, chill. I'm only being polite!" Jasper says, shaking his head.

"Well, grab it and let's go. I'll meet you back in the car," she says as she huffs off through the door, out to the car, and disappears inside with a slam.

Her quick escape opens the door for my own, so I grab my coffee from Jasper and abruptly turn to leave, taking one more deep gaze at Bella's eyes. I really have to get that out of my system before we come back for shooting, or the project will never be finished. I could barely even think straight in her presence, and any thoughts that popped into my head were all ruled by lust. I tell Jasper on my way out, not even bothering to turn around and look at him, "Jazz, please just take care of the bill and get your ass out to the car. We have a plane to catch." I hear the stupid bell tinkling as I make my exit through the door and tramp outside.


	4. Chapter 3: All The Small Things

**DESIDERATA**

**Things I own: The Rob Pattinson edition of GQ. **

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, dammit. But I still have fun playing with my Edward Cullen action figure…**

**CHAPTER THREE: ALL THE SMALL THINGS**

"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." – Galadriel, Lord of the Rings

"Geez, Rose, chill. I'm only being polite!" Jasper says, shaking his head.

"Well, grab it and let's go. I'll meet you back in the car," she says as she huffs off through the door, out to the car, and disappears inside with a slam.

**BPOV**

"What a pair of arrogant asshats!" I scowl, before I have a chance to catch myself; I had momentarily forgotten that Jasper Whitlock is still standing in front of us, waiting to pay for his coffee. "Oh, sorry about that! Verbal diarrhea once again. I seem to be suffering from that a lot lately." I attempt to laugh, feebly.

"Aw, don't pay any attention to them. Edward can be awfully intense, and Rose just hates the world. They aren't so bad once you get to know 'em," Jasper explains.

I glance over at Alice, who is being uncharacteristically quiet and still throughout this entire exchange. "Yo, Alice, you still in there?" I say, waving my hand in front of her face, which hasn't taken its gaze of off Jasper since she first saw him. His eyes drift off towards Alice when I speak to her, and the two most definitely share a "moment."

I ring up the order, when, suddenly, Alice's hand stops me. I furrow my brow in confusion at her, but she simply says, "No, Bella, this one is on the house," smiling shyly up at Jasper.

He pops a huge grin in return, "Well, I will just have to return the favor the next time we're in town," giving her a big wink.

Alice smiles coyly at him now. "So, you _will_ be back in town after all? Mr. Cullen didn't seem so certain," her voice trails off.

"Yeah, that's the thing about Edward. He is really private, and wants to avoid any undue attention. He's kind of obsessive about it. Rose calls him a control freak, but she's one to talk!" Jasper laughs.

I'm watching all this unfold in amazement, because it is so surreal. Jasper Whitlock, THE Jasper Whitlock, is standing here, alone, in Alice's Café, talking to us like he's an old acquaintance. Just this morning, I was totally dissing Jessica and Lauren for their Internet gossip-mongering ways, and here three of the Masen Masterworks players are. Unreal. Then there's Alice, staring into Jasper's eyes, and I could swear that he is looking back at her just as intently. I really don't think I'm reading into anything here. WOW. Just

W-O-W.

Jasper clears his throat awkwardly, realizing that Rosalie and Edward are waiting for him in the car. "Well, I should probably skeedaddle," he says with what appears to be genuine reluctance. "But, you know, I'm sure we will need a coffee connection for the cast and crew once things get started, so I'll make sure to talk to Edward about it before we finalize our plans. Do you have a card I can pass along to him?"

""Oh, that would be so nice of you, Jasper! Let me go grab one," Alice says before darting back to her office.

Impulsively, I grab a Cheshire Cat Grin and hand it, waxed paper and all, to Jasper. "Here, give this to Mr. Cullen. Tell him I said he needs an attitude adjustment—hopefully this will do the trick. If he doesn't recognize what it is, just tell him it's a grin. People do that, sometimes," I say, smirking at the thought. I'm pretty pleased with myself, even if I am acting impulsively.

Jaspers laughs, "Like I said, Edward is just private. He laughs plenty when he's in his element, but I'll be sure to give it to him. You know, Alice is kinda like a little hummingbird, isn't she?" he says, switching subjects, plastering a goofy grin on his face.

"Yep, that's Mighty Mouse for you!" I giggle in return. By the time I finish my sentence, Alice reappears with her card.

"Just in case you need it, I wrote down my cell phone number on the back. Feel free to call me, or umm, have Mr. Cullen call me, if you have any questions about getting things set up. Of course, we would be honored to help out with the crew's needs while they are in town," Alice explains.

"Well, I'll see you two ladies soon! Alice, Bella, it has been a genuine pleasure meeting you today," Jasper says, giving us a salute as he walks out backwards, not breaking eye contact with Alice the entire time. He backs himself into the door, quickly turns around, and walks over to the open car door. He steps inside and the limo briskly pulls away from the front of the shop.

Alice stares at the doorway, silently, for a good minute after he leaves. I don't know that I have ever seen her speechless. This is definitely a first.

"Hey Alice, star struck, much?" I state, as I shake her shoulders, attempting to have her rejoin reality.

"_Oh. my. god._ Bella, did you _see_ him? I don't know that I've ever seen a more beautiful man in my entire life!" she swoons.

"Um, Alice, he's a movie star. That's kind of what they're paid to do. If he wasn't swoon-worthy, he wouldn't be a film star, now would he?" I'm just trying to get her goat; on the inside, I'm thinking the same thing.

_Yeah, right, Bella…you're thinking about those green pools of heaven that nearly caused you to pull out your v-card and get it stamped!_

"He seems so nice and laid back; I'd never expect that. They usually seem like assholes when you meet them in person…" she sighs.

"Alice, how many actors have you met face to face before? Is there something you've been hiding from me all these years?" I giggle at her.

"You know what I mean, Bella. They are so beautiful onscreen, but then you hear all those stories…"

"What? You mean like, _National Inquirer_ kind of stories? _OK_ Magazine stories? What, exactly?" I push.

"Just never mind. I'll dream about him tonight. I'm certain of that much…" she says, poo-pooing me dismissively.

I find myself having to admit that Alice was right. Alice is kinda creepy like that sometimes, and it freaks me out when her dreams come true. I just can't seem to get those green eyes out of my head. It isn't just that he is stunningly beautiful, which, of course, he is; it is more the intensity of his gaze that gets to me, like he can see into your very soul. It looks stern yet smolders at the same time. I didn't think such a combination was possible, but the living proof had been here just moments ago. If Masen Masterworks is truly going to be filming in town, we were going to have our hands full on multiple levels.

Alice's voice brought me back into the moment.

"C'mon, Bells…let's finish cleaning up and go home. I can't wait to tell Emmett all about our new adventure!"

"I think the word 'adventure' might be overstating things, but yeah….let's get outta here. I'm bushed."

I pack up some leftovers from the Café to bring home to Charlie. Someone needs to make sure that man eats. If left to himself, god knows how he would survive. That's another good reason I have for not moving away to go to college. I worry about Charlie on his own. The man may be Chief of Police, but that all stops the minute he leaves his office, I swear!

As I make my way into the kitchen, I let my dad know dinner will be ready in a minute or two. When I call him to the table, we talk briefly about our respective days. The conversation is never long or heady; we're both pretty quiet people. But I feel compelled to share the Masen Masterworks thing, because it could ultimately have an impact on the Forks police, for security reasons.

"So, Charlie, we had the weirdest thing happen in the Café today," I start.

"Let me guess, something about a movie being filmed here in Forks?"

"Yeah, I guess I should have known you'd have it on your radar screen. What do you know about it?"

"Well, the producers stopped by today to give us an update on their plans for the film. Wanted to make sure they would be able to comply with local law enforcement. They use their own security firm, of course."

"Do you know when they'll get here? Or how long they'll be here?"

"They're supposed to start filming in about a month, and it will take about three months, according to the director."

"Oh, you met the director? What did you think?"

"Didn't really impress me one way or the other. He seems like a pretty quiet and serious man. Certainly didn't say much. Why are you so interested?"

_Yeah, quiet, serious, and a total asshat. You failed to mention asshat, Charlie!_

"I'm not particularly interested. They just stopped by the shop for coffee today, so we met them briefly. It's the only thing of interest that happened today, is all."

Charlie responds with a "Hmph." That is the extent of our compelling dinnertime conversation. Granted, it is about 100% more conversation than we typically have, so that is notable in and of itself.

We finish our meal in silence, with Charlie heading to watch ESPN while I clean up the kitchen. It is only about 7:00, but I'm wiped out, so I kiss Charlie goodnight and head up to bed.

_God, I'm such a wild woman. Beat and bushed by 7:00. In bed by 7:30. Such a party girl, Bella! Wait, did I just say 'beat' and 'bushed' in the same sentence? Mind totally in the gutter, like always!_

I snuggle into my bed, hoping to fall quickly asleep. My mind chooses not to cooperate with my body. I surprise myself with how actively alert I am, and I find myself returning again and again to Alice's premonition, the green eyes, and the asshole the eyes belong to. I acknowledge that there is more to Alice than meets the eye; she really is a remarkable little creature. Her dreams do creep me out, but this one also catches my intrigue.

_What if Alice is right—that somehow, these green eyes were meant to be a part of my life? _

_Come on, Bella! You know it was just a dream, nothing more._

_Yeah, but I can at least imagine a lover with gorgeous green eyes, can't I? I mean this is _my_ subconscious, after all!_

I shake my head and sigh deeply. It's never a good sign when you start fighting with the voices inside your head. I know at least that much…

I reposition myself in bed, and try once again in earnest to fall asleep. I peek open one eye to check on the time: **8:02**. Damn. My mind starts to wander again, and it keeps going back to green eyes.

_Jesus, obsessed much, Bella?!_

I peek open my eye again: **8:05**.

_Dammit! I'm never going to fall asleep!_

I officially give up. I grab the laptop from my desk and return back to my bed. I fire it up, type in my password, and decide to surf the web. Maybe I can find a good fanfic to dig into to help me fall asleep; none of my books appeal to me at the moment. I get an errant thought in my head, and decide to go to the Masen Masterworks website. Just for shits and giggles. I'm surprised when I see their latest project, _The Noble Savage_, highlighted on their homepage.

_WTF? This afternoon Cullen was acting so cavalier about the entire project, and here it is highlighted on their homepage? He is even a bigger asshole than I realized! We could have just gone to the website and read about it for ourselves! _

Then I notice that the website was updated 30 minutes ago, so it appears that the posting is new.

_I wonder who does their website management? Wouldn't it be weird if Cullen was updating it right when I was obsessing over Masen Masterworks? _

_Yeah, Bella, Edward Cullen does all that menial work by himself, and OF COURSE he was thinking of you while he did it…there could be no other explanation! Get a grip, girl! Reality is slipping away from you rapidly!!_

I can't imagine why this asshat has me so obsessed! Why can't I just fall asleep and stop thinking about him? Before I even know what I'm doing, I find that I'm searching the website for details about Edward Cullen. It doesn't take more than a few clicks of the mouse to find what I'm looking for. His photo is a profile shot; his elegant left hand graces his forehead. His long, lean fingers are curled up in his hair. You can see the sharp angle of his jawline. His look is pensive. His eyes don't look directly at the camera, just off to the side. His brow is thick, and his green eyes glow—they practically jump off the screen. He has a yummy 5:00 scruff. His lips are utterly kissable. He is wearing a charcoal colored jacket, black v-neck t-shirt underneath. His hair is disheveled, but not in a bad way—it seems to convey the message, "I've been thinking hard all day and running my fingers through my hair helps me think better."

_Oh, who am I kidding? It looks like he's been in the sack for 12 hours straight, and that his lover used his hair to direct him to all the right places!! Wow, I'm hornier than I thought!! I just used the words elegant, glow, yummy, kissable, and disheveled to describe Edward Asshat Cullen. Something is definitely wrong with me…_

I break my gaze from the website to see what time it is: **11:12**.

_Jesusfrickingshitchrist! I have to get up in less than four hours! _

I quickly shut down my laptop and set it back on my desk. I cuddle into my bed, turn my back _away_ from the clock, and will myself to sleep. The last thought that enters my mind is that Alice Mary Brandon, my BFF in the world, planted a seed in my brain that has unwittingly taken root.

**A/N: If anyone is interested in making a banner for this story, I'll happily accept! I just don't have those kind of skillz.**


	5. Chapter 4: Quandary

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: Things I own: A rubber bracelet stating, "I'm in love with a fictional character." Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to SM. **

**CHAPTER FOUR: QUANDARY**

"_We do not describe the world we see, but see the world we describe." – Joseph Jaworski_

**EPOV**

I look over at Jasper as the door slams shut behind him. His hands are full, and he is trying to hand me something. But that's not what catches my attention—it is the look on his face. I've seen that look before, and it worries me to my core. He doesn't need to say a word; I recognize at once that Jasper is smitten with the café proprietor, Alice.

"Here, Edward. Bella gave me this cookie to give to you. She said I'm supposed to tell you that, quote, 'he needs an attitude adjustment—hopefully this will do the trick. If he doesn't recognize what it is, just tell him it's a grin. People do that, sometimes.'" Jasper is laughing his ass off as he finishes his sentence.

"This is a grin? I thought it was a moon." I hear Rosalie laugh when I say that.

"She called it a 'Cheshire Cat Grin.' I think it has something to do with the shop being called 'Alice's Wonderland Café,'" Jasper adds.

I scoff to myself. _Attitude adjustment! Mind your own business, I just needed a fucking cup of coffee. You'd be headachy and irritable, too, if you had to deal with getting set up for a movie, sweetness._

"Fuck the grin. Just get me out of this goddamn rain. The sooner we head back to LA, the better. I can't believe this is the location you chose for the movie, Edward. What in god's name were you thinking?" Rosalie fumes.

"Rosalie, I was thinking that Forks, Washington is the ideal location because it is remote, thus allowing us a greater degree of freedom and privacy, particularly from the media, and it has its very own Native American tribe nearby, from which we can draw upon for all the Native Americans we need for the film. You know it is important to suffer to create our art, n'est-ce pas?"

Rosalie rolls her eyes at me. "Whatever, Edward. I still think you could have opted for something in California. Forks, Washington is so fucking colloquial I can't stand it. I'll never be able to get a decent latte there. Never mind what all the rain will do to my hair." I hear Rosalie start to rant, but don't listen to the words she's saying. I don't even want to go there when she is in a mood like this. That Internet gossip must have really set her off.

"Well, to be totally honest, I found the people of Forks, Washington to be very genuine, warm, and amiable, a wonderful change from all the suck-ups back home," Jasper adds once Rose's rant is temporarily on hiatus.

"Jazz, my sole concern about filming in Forks is that you will become enchanted with one of the locals…then what would I do with you?" I say, only half-kiddingly.

"Well, Edward, at least you can be assured that won't be your fate…"

_Oh, Jazz, if only you knew…damn, just thinking back to those brown doe eyes has me hard again. Shit._

I see Jasper fiddling with something. He looks down at it, and then looks at me, almost sheepishly.

"Oh, Edward, I forgot to give this to you. It is Alice's business card. I thought it might be a good idea to arrange a coffee cart for the set. Here," he says simply, as he hands the card off to me.

"Let Rosalie handle it, Jazz. You know I don't care about shit like that."

"Well, I know you will care when you don't have a caffeine fix whenever you need one."

"Again, give it to Rose. She'll take care of it."

I hear Rosalie snort and mutter under her breath, "Yeah, I'll take care of it…" and she swipes the card out of Jasper's hand.

"Jasper, what the fuck is this?" She sneers at him.

"What the fuck is what?"

"This hand-scrawled phone number on the back of the card?"

I see Jasper blush and hesitate for a moment. That is definitely not good.

"Oh, Alice just wrote down her cell phone in case we had trouble contacting her."

"Jazz, can you give me one good reason why we would ever have trouble reaching her? She lives in fucking Forks, Washington! It isn't like the router is going to get overheated from the huge volume of phone traffic in and out of this place!"

Jazz looks at her with a completely calm, but firm, gaze. "Rosalie, I am only going to tell you this once: Back the fuck off. Leave Alice alone. Just call her and set up the coffee."

I watch this unfold between the siblings with both interest and fear. The interest is because I have seldom seen two siblings who are more different than Jasper and Rosalie, and they are fascinating to behold when they spar. The fear is because of the line of demarcation that has been drawn between the two when it comes to Alice. Had this been a fleeting, cursory meeting between Jasper and Alice, the point would be moot. I know better—we will be filming intensely over three months, and Jasper will run into Alice again. Which means that Jasper and Rosalie will spat over Alice again. I begin to feel like this movie project is akin to walking into a den of snakes. Between Miss Brown Eyes, Alice, the Internet leak, on top of all the typical production logistical difficulties, this is turning into a personal nightmare of epic proportions.

There is a temporary stalemate between the siblings over the "L'Affaire d'Alice." Rosalie sits with her arms and legs crossed, bouncing her stiletto-clad foot up and down. The look on her face is stern, and her lips are taut. She is about as approachable at this moment as a Rottweiler in heat—you could do it, but you wouldn't want to deal with the nasty consequences of your actions. When I glance over at my best friend, if I didn't know any better, I would say he is spellbound. Not that I believe in any of that ridiculous psychic nonsense, but he is completely in another place other than here in the car, sitting next to me.

I start to think about the roles these two play in my work, how inextricably interwoven they are in the fabric of my life. Rosalie is the sour to Jasper's sweet. She is the shrew, and he is the tamer. She is the oil to his water. And yet, in some ways, they are so similar. Their gestures, their manner of speech, even their laughter, resemble one another. Their wavy blond hair, their brilliant blue eyes, their height, body type, all clearly follow the Hale phenotype.

While it would be easy to write off Rosalie, because, frankly, she is a total megabitch (she loves to reply to my question, "Rose, why are you such a megabitch?" to which she answers, "Because I can be." We both love the movie _Heathers_), it would be imprudent to do so. She is as loyal an individual as one could ever find, she works herself to the bone, she is smart as a whip, and doesn't put up with any bullshit. She is, in short, the ideal Personal Assistant, and I'm damn lucky to have her on board.

I've known the siblings since we were children growing up in Chicago. The Hales were an old Southern family, from Georgia; they moved to Chicago when I was in first grade. Jasper and I are the same age; Rosalie is two years older than us. We all went to the same private school. Initially, Jasper struggled with the culture shock between the south and Chicago. Jazz has the kindest, most gentle soul on the planet, and the other kids immediately honed in on this vulnerability. Rose, on the other hand, was always tough as nails—to my knowledge, no one ever fucked with her. I've always been a fairly serious and reserved person, but I simply couldn't stand by and watch Jasper be torn apart by the other first graders. When the other kids started to tease him on the playground, I told the playground monitor. She could never catch them in action, of course, because playground bullies are far too smart to get caught in the act. When that wasn't enough, I stepped in and made certain no one bothered Jasper again. We've been inseparable best friends ever since.

When I decided to go to UCLA for film school, Jasper followed, studying acting. Rosalie majored in Economics at Northwestern, preferring to stay closer to home. She didn't move out to LA until she broke up with Royce; he was a total son of a bitch and did a real number on her, so her tough outer shell became tougher with every passing year. We encouraged her to join us, and we've been thick as thieves ever since.

I always knew my Aunt Elizabeth planned for me to take over the helm at Masen Masterworks from her. It is the future for which my parents, Esme and Carlisle, always prepared me. As an only child, I take the duty of my family responsibilities very seriously. Thus, my attending film school was a pre-determined conclusion. To be honest, Jasper always assumed we'd go into the business together, which is the main reason he chose to pursue acting. I just happen to be extremely fortunate that he is such an incredible, versatile actor, in addition to being my best friend. No matter what film project we take on, Jazz is a natural male lead. Add to that his infallible charisma, and he is one hot Hollywood commodity. There is practically no one in Hollywood who takes on projects out of a sense of commitment and loyalty to the production team, but Jasper has always put Masen Masterworks first. No matter what outside projects he is offered, he always defers to the Masen projects. I couldn't ask for a more loyal friend. In an industry filled with ruthless, narcissistic individuals, Jasper's integrity is unassailable.

I'm still deep in thought as we arrive at the airport. Jasper and Rosalie's stalemate has gotten nowhere. That makes for brilliant conversation once we get on the plane, with each of us in our own world. As we take off, we fly into the cloud base that appears to cover the entire state of Washington. Through the deep cloud cover, Bella's brown eyes pop back into my mind and come back to haunt me.

_Shit, I must really be tired if my mind keeps wandering back to some baker in the middle of nowhere, Washington. What could she possibly have that would appeal to me? Our lives couldn't be any more different—we move in completely separate worlds. It simply isn't possible, or even pragmatic, for me to fall for someone who is so…unique._

_It was adorable the way she blushed and bit her lip after the "bun incident." She really didn't say much at all, but what she did say was quite notable. She quoted directly from _Quiz Show, _which was a brilliant movie. I couldn't really see her figure, hidden behind that apron, but god, she was so beautiful, especially with the dab of flour that dusted her nose. I can't decide if it was her doe eyes or her blush that made me hard, but I've never done that before._

"…Hey, Edward! Where are you right now?" Jazz' words break into my musings, and I realize I am hard again, just thinking about Bella. _Dammit!_

"Hmm? Oh, nothing, Jazz. Just thinking about the project…"

I know better than to imagine that Jasper would buy lame excuse; he is way too intuitive and knows me far too well for that.

"Anything about the project in particular? Like, oh, I don't know, a pair of really brown eyes, perhaps?" He says, with a shit ass grin on his face. _Damn, I knew it!_

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Jasper! Except that I did notice you had your own 'moment' back at the café."

"Touché," is his only reply. _Two can play this game, Jazz…you know me better than that!_

Our plane lands and we all catch a cab home. We make plans to meet up in the office tomorrow to regroup and debrief after our site visit. I'm utterly exhausted and fall into bed in my clothes, asleep before I even hit my pillow.


	6. Chapter 5: Calm Before the Storm

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: **

**Things I own: A boatload of filled quote books. **

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to SM. **_**Desiderata of Happiness**_** is Max Ehrmann's.**

**CHAPTER FIVE: CALM (BEFORE THE STORM)**

"_There is a luxury in being quiet in the heart of chaos." – Virgina Wolfe_

"_We are made strong by what we overcome." – John Burroughs_

**BPOV**

My alarm goes off, and I groan. As I roll over to see what time it is, knowing full well that it is the same time my alarm goes off every morning, I'm still shocked to see **3:00**. Story of my fucking life. 3:00 AM every day except Mondays. I'm only 21, but I'm still way too old for this shit.

I drag out a pair of jeans, my statement shirt of the day (_Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but the duties are largely ceremonial_), my Chucks, and head off to the bathroom. Prep time is minimal, because I'm just going to get full of flour, frosting, and anything else I happen to knock into. I brush my hair, quickly put it up in a ponytail, and head down to the kitchen. I grab a granola bar, hit the lights, and lock the front door behind me. My wonderful train wreck of a truck, Old Faithful, is waiting for me as always. I hop inside and amble my way along to the café.

At exactly 3:30 AM, I walk into the back of the café, flip on the lights and head straight for the coffee. While I get a pot brewing, I find a clean apron and hat (_don't want any long brown hairs in the Mad Hatter's Cake, after all!!_), and wait for the coffee to finish. I cannot possibly start _anything _until my coffee is ready. I am not, by nature, a morning person. In fact, I am the furthest thing from a morning person that exists. Since I am completely going against my personal circadian rhythms on a daily basis (_except for Mondays, of course!!_), coffee, in general, and caffeine, specifically, is required for my life support. Copious amounts of it. I drink it all day long. _And, yes, I always wash my hands afterwards—no unsanitary baked goods come from these two hands!_

Once my coffee is poured, I fire up my iPod, put on my headphones, and suddenly, the White Stripes are helping me get my baking on; Jack and Meg are so good to me in that way. I'm all on my own here in the café every morning until Alice arrives around 6:00 AM. To be completely honest, it is my favorite place in the world. Everything is quiet, calm, and orderly. No one is there to tell me what to do or how to do it, I can march to my own beat and no one will say a thing to me. I love to be alone with my music, my baking, and my thoughts. I get my very best thinking done during this time, curiously enough, the time of day when I am least likely to be functional according to my internal time clock. Too much of a good thing, however, can easily become a bad thing. I sometimes wonder if that isn't my biggest problem in life—the fact that I over think everything.

On this particular morning, my thoughts drift back and forth between two things: Green eyes, and the _Desiderata of Happiness_. I've given up any kind of thought control when it comes to those green eyes. I'm convinced that my subconscious mind is dead set against any type of control over thoughts of green eyes. I figure that, as long as I'm doomed, I may as well go along for the ride and enjoy myself.

The reason for thinking about the _Desiderata_, however, is completely driven by my conscious mind. After the disconcerting number of hours I spent learning about Edward Cullen last night, I kept asking myself, _Why am I so obsessed with someone who is utterly unattainable?_ Such behavior is totally out of character for me, and makes no sense whatsoever. One could chalk it up to a ridiculously, unnaturally high level of horniness (and no real ways in which to appease that horniness outside of my own two hands), but I think there is more to it than that. And there's more to it than just Alice's precognitive dream.

I decide to do what I usually do when something in life just doesn't make sense: Bring it back to _Desiderata_. How does my issue fit, or not fit, with my vision of a life well-lived, according to the principles in the _Desiderata_? If it fits, I try to resolve the issue internally within the context of advice in _Desiderata_. If it doesn't fit, I do my very best to let it go. That's what has always worked for me in the past, so that's what I plan to do now. I have a copy of the _Desiderata of Happiness_ taped to my workstation for this very reason. I read the first line:

_Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence._

Well, being calm and quiet in the midst of chaos certainly sounds appealing to me. That's just how I roll. It's kind of like I'm programmed to be the calm yin to Alice's hyper yang—we end up cancelling each other out. Clearly, no issues to deal with here.

…_and remember what peace there may be in silence._

Again, peace, silence—all good things in my book. I am, however, jamming to the White Stripes as I read this, so there may be something there. I think back to the fangirl squees of Jessica and Lauren yesterday, and believe me, I _DO_ remember what peace there may be in silence. I remember it so clearly that I imagine ways to create that level of peace and silence the next time they screech their way through our front door; alas, most of the ways I imagine would require violence, which kind of defeats the purpose. Damn.

_As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. _

Ouch. This one is hitting a little too close to home. There are a few persons I am not on good terms with, to put it bluntly. For one thing, there is Renee. Just the fact that I can't even call her "mom" speaks volumes. I know I was just a baby when she left Charlie, but the memory of the scandal is still etched deep in the links of the Forks Gossip Chain, and it is still an embarrassment to both Charlie and me. It's pretty difficult to be on good terms with someone whose behavior is so motivated by self-interest. The only time I ever hear from her is when she needs something from me, which is rarely. Renee's behavior is probably the main reason I am reserved and cautious when I meet new people—I think she ingrained in me a sense of mistrust. When I was young, every time she would call or show up unannounced, I kept thinking she wanted back in my life because she loved and missed me. But, of course, she never stayed for long, and I would end up feeling like my heart had been trampled upon yet again. As I grew up, I quickly learned not to put any trust in her actions, as a means to protect myself from getting hurt by her anymore.

Cognitively, I know and understand that Renee's behavior isn't my fault. I mean, she was the adult, I was the child. I can remind myself until I'm blue in the face that none of this is my fault. The problem with this, however, is that there is a small part of my brain where Baby Bella still lives, the Baby Bella who continues to be convinced that the real reason Renee left was because I was unlovable. Think about it: Your mother is supposed to be the one person on earth who doesn't give up on you. Ever. If your mother leaves you when you are a baby—an age when you are supposed to be universally cute and adorable—it has to be your own fault, right? Well, no matter how hard I try to talk myself out of believing that tiny voice in my brain, it has never been fully silenced. I'm not sure it ever will. It is a direct result of Renee's actions that I cannot imagine anyone ever falling in love with me. It's that simple. I know it is illogical, irrational, and just plain incorrect to bend to that line of thinking, but I have to be honest and admit that it is still the way I feel.

Of course, in the midst of thinking about persons I need to be on good terms with, the image Old Green Eyes pops into my head. I seriously need to talk to someone about the settings for my mind's internal wallpaper—I would really _love_ for it to be anything BUT Edward Cullen's green eyes. He was such an asshat yesterday, acting all high and mighty. Like we commoners are scum of the earth and he doesn't have time in his busy schedule to bother with us. I'm feeling more than a little bit irked with Max Ehrmann. I'd really like to smack him on the side of the head and knock some sense into him. Seriously, if he ever met someone like Edward Cullen, I'm pretty certain that he would never have included that statement in his _Desiderata._ I mean, really, how can you even treat someone like that with anything but contempt? He virtually begs to be mistreated!

_Okay, Bella, you've probably kneaded the Bella's Buns dough long enough—you're going to end up with Buns of Steel if you don't cool it. Dammit—that asshat makes me angry and he isn't even here! _

In the blink of an eye, one of my favorite quotes randomly pops into my head, "_Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die._" I can't remember who said it, but that isn't important right now. What is important is that I realize that I'm the one taking the poison here, and that Edward Cullen is certainly not in any danger of dying.

_Okay, Ehrmann, point taken. I'm kinda poisoning myself by letting Edward Cullen piss me off. He doesn't even truly know I exist. He will never remember our little exchange in the café yesterday. I'm getting worked up by someone who has no ability to even acknowledge how much he pisses me off. I'd better let this one go and remind myself that the same goes for Renee. I'm just poisoning myself over this shit, which isn't hurting either one of them. The light bulb finally goes on._

So, I guess I need to do a better job of giving both Edward and Renee the benefit of the doubt the next time their paths intersect with mine. It won't be easy, but I can do that if I have to. If it helps me achieve a greater level of happiness, it's worth the effort. It just doesn't make sense to continue poisoning myself with resentment.

I take a deep, cleansing breath and set the Bella's Buns dough aside to rise. I take the butter out of the fridge to soften for my other baked goods and refill my mug of coffee. _Shit, that makes 8 cups. No wonder my hands are shaking so badly! _I read the next line:

_Speak your truth quietly and clearly_

That's something I do without even thinking about it. My verbal filter isn't the best, to put it mildly, so I always state my truth. It is usually done quietly, and hopefully done clearly. Truth isn't a problem for Bella Swan, that's for sure.

_and listen to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story._

On the best of days, I'm not the most patient person on the planet. That's why Alice is our barista, and I'm in back with the dough. We both relate very well with our particular clientele. Clearly, I'm a smartass (my statement of the day shirts are proof positive of this fact). But I do need to remind myself that everyone has a story to tell. I recall that Anne Frank wrote about humanity that, "_I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are still truly good at heart._" If, after months of fleeing and hiding from the Nazis, and eventually being sent to Auschwitz to die, Anne Frank could have faith in humanity, then perhaps I can, too. If that doesn't put things into perspective, I don't know what will. Okay Anne; I'll give it a go, for your sake.

_Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit._

I snort out loud as I read this line—seriously, you do not need to convince me to avoid loud and aggressive persons. I already do that all on my own. They are _totally _vexatious to the spirit, as I can personally attest, just remembering Jessica and Lauren's behavior yesterday. Yep, I can keep avoiding them. It's all good.

_If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself._

Come to think of it. I constantly compare myself to others. While I haven't become vain, I am, perhaps, a little bitter, because I always think everyone else looks so much better than me. I'm not sure where my self-effacing nature comes from, but it is clearly embedded within my psyche, just as deeply as reporters were embedded with the troops in Iraq. Come to think of it, my psyche could probably use an anti-flak jacket, too. It helps a little bit to imagine that, no matter who you are, there are always people you consider to be greater and lesser than yourself. Part of this issue is tied to how good you feel about yourself, and I have to admit that I am pretty scathing when it comes to critiquing my own assets and liabilities. Okay, I guess this needs some serious work, too.

_So, I need to be nicer to Renee and Edward Cullen (if ever I see him again), I need to do a better job being patient with other people, and I need to quit comparing myself to everyone else and accept myself as I am. Well, Mr. Ehrmann, you have given me quite a workload for the next few days. I think I'll work on this before I start to tackle the rest of Desiderata. No need to bite off more than I can chew—that would just result in a big, goobery mess. Gross._

I am so lost in thought and listening to Jack White strum away that I don't hear Alice when she appears behind me. I'm in the middle of cracking eggs into the mixer when I feel her tap on my shoulder. I scream at the top of my lungs and eggs go flying in all directions. I whip off my headphones immediately.

"Alice, what the hell?! You _know_ better than to sneak up on me when the iPod is on! Now I'm never going to get these sticky eggs wiped up!"

Alice just giggles at the expression on my face, already grabbing a towel to clean up the mess.

"Bella, how in the hell else am I supposed to let you know that I'm here when you are deep in thought and your tunes are cranked up to 11?" she says, sporting a very spritely little grin.

"Okay, point taken. I guess it's kind of my own fault for getting into the zone, anyhow. When I get focused, you know how hard it is for me to break away."

"Yes, Bella, I do know, based upon a wealth of experience. Do you need you need your coffee topped off?"

"Yeah, actually, that would be great. So, what's new in your neck of Wonderland? Any new dreams you need to share?"

Something catches Alice's attention, and she looks at me with a furrowed brow. "Wait a minute, I haven't seen that shirt before. Let me guess, you got it just so you could wear it to work, didn't you? Just to bug me!" She sighed with exasperation.

I couldn't help myself. I started snorting. "You know me way too well, Speedy Gonzales! OF COURSE I bought it solely for you! I knew how much it would piss you off! It's the best way I have to show my love and appreciation for you, my dear little Alice," I say as I put a dot of flour on the tip of her nose.

Alice just sighs, shakes her head, and heads over to the coffee pot. I hear a little squeaky noise erupt from her throat.

"Jeez, Bella, you already drank a whole pot of coffee?"

I quickly look over towards Alice to see her pour out the last remains of the coffee into her mug.

"Wow, I guess I wasn't really paying attention to my intake this morning. I'm pretty beat. It doesn't feel like I've had that much; I keep waiting for the caffeine to kick in, and it just doesn't."

"Did you sleep badly again? Nightmares?"

I blush deeply, because my mind acknowledges that my sleeping badly is due to one thing, and one thing only: An OCD-like obsession with Edward Cullen and his motherfucking green eyes. This soundtrack to my life is getting really old, even if it has only been playing for about 24 hours, and I briefly consider turning it in for a newer model. I sigh, then laugh humorlessly, knowing that my mind is going to be stuck on Edward Cullen for some time to come.

*******************

**APOV**

The last 24 hours have been the most surreal of my life. I mean, first of all I have that dream about Bella and Edward Cullen's green eyes. I swear, when I turned the corner and saw him looking at Bella, it was like an instant replay of my dream—total déjà vu. My dream versus reality bit doesn't usually match so closely, so that kind of freaks me out. What surprises me even more, though, was the way the dream made me _feel_. I woke up with this sense of calm and peace, but it was all stemming from Bella. As though I had been Bella in the dream, and I felt the green eyes staring into the depths of my soul. For some reason, I can't shake that feeling, even after 24 hours. Every time I look over at Bella, I am drawn into that feeling once again. I can't put my finger on it, which is why I'm so agitated right now. I need to figure this out, for Bella's sake.

Bella has been my best friend, as close to me as a sister, for as long as I can remember. She is the truest, most loyal friend anyone could ask for. She is intelligent, hard-working, always puts everyone else first, and never really complains. She is the deepest thinker I know, and it worries me sometimes when she gets too wrapped up in her own thoughts. I feel like she has become more intense since my parents died; she is funny to a fault, but part of her light, easy-going humor died along with my parents. Her humor definitely became darker. That was a little over five years ago, but it is time for us to start living again. The café keeps us both very busy, but a little too busy. Having only one day off a week just isn't enough. I'm going to have to talk about Emmett about the possibility of getting some help with the café so that we don't have to rely so heavily upon ourselves. I mean, if you make yourself irreplaceable, you will be. I would like very much to be replaceable at some point, I really would.

I catch myself smiling at that last thought, because there is one specific reason I wish to be replaceable, and his name is _Jasper Whitlock_. I know it's crazy for me to even put that wish into my head, because we both live in such different worlds. He is a freaking movie star, for goodness' sake—I own and manage a coffee shop. In what universe does someone as amazing as Jasper date someone like me? Yet, even as I think that, I remember how captivating his gaze was, and I know it was zeroed in on me. His blonde, dreamy, wavy hair, was just begging to have my hands run through it. His clear blue eyes were the most perfect shade of blue I've ever seen, but their gaze was both kind and intense. His physique was so tall and lean. I noticed he has great fashion sense; I also noticed how sexy those low-riding jeans of his were, and how nicely they showed off his "package." I think the most alluring thing about him, though, was his smile. It was wide open, friendly, and genuine. Best of all, it was framed by those beautiful lips. The moment his eyes captured mine, I swear I heard a voice in my head, loud and clear, saying, "_You're mine_._ You always have been._" I know it isn't normal to hear voices in your head; I'm definitely not crazy. But I've had enough strange things happen in my life that I've begun to just accept the implausible, whenever or wherever it shows up. It makes my life easier to cope with when I do. With that in mind, I plan to pay close attention to Bella in the coming days to help her understand the significance of my dream. I also plan to follow Jasper Whitlock anywhere he wants to lead me. He is like my own personal Pied Piper. I couldn't resist him if I tried, and I'm certainly _not_ going to try. Period.

Bella's hand waving in front of my face snaps me back to reality, pronto.

"God, Bells, I'm sorry. I'm just a little preoccupied this morning."

"All I said is that it would be great if you could pour us another cup of coffee—it's been done brewing for about 5 minutes now, and my hands are full of sticky eggs and greasy butter. I was trying to give you time to return back to earth from wherever you were, but I had to intervene because the spaceship looked like it lost its way back home."

I giggled loudly at Bella's comment. She is the funniest person on the planet, and she never fails to put me in a good mood.

"Well, thanks for being my homing beacon, Bella—I'd never make it past the front door without your support and guidance, you know!"

"Well, Thumbelina, with your tiny little body being pint-sized, someone has to look out for you!"

"I know you've got my back Bella, even if I'm tougher than you are. Thanks, sweetie." I hand her what is likely her 7th mug of coffee so far today, and return to the front to get set up for the day, whatever it brings my way.

*******************

I'm heading off to work tonight for a week of night shifts…I will try to have the next chapter ready sometime next week. It all depends upon how much sleep I get (Bella isn't the only one hooked on caffeine here!). Chapter 7 is called, "Plans," and will feature mainly Edward, Rose, and Jasper.

For those of you who don't know, I also have a one-shot story, "Like A Virgin," that is an entry in the "Age of Edward" contest. Check it out at: http://www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5108751/1/Like_a_Virgin

The EPOV to the story, "Frankie Say Relax," is at:

http://www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5124842/1/Frankie_Say_Relax

Obviously, replace the "(DOT)" with a real dot…


	7. Chapter 6: Plans According to Edward

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: A special shout out to HaleWhitlock for being such an awesome reader and reviewer. This update is just for you, bb! Enjoy!**

**Things I own: A Cheshire Cat tattoo.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to SM. **

**CHAPTER SIX: PLANS (ACCORDING TO EDWARD)**

"_Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way." – American proverb _

"_One man's way may be as good as another's, but we all like our own way best." – Jane Austen_

**EPOV**

In all my life, I've only remembered a handful of dreams. The ones I remember are usually very stressful and unpleasant. Once I dreamed that someone was chasing after me with a syringe full of heroin, and I awoke just as he got me in the arm. I then realized that I was lying on that arm and it had fallen asleep. Apparently, my subconscious mind isn't very creative. So the fact that I remember my dream from last night is, in and of itself, remarkable. The dream itself isn't much to talk about—just a pair of deep brown eyes looking up at me, questioning me, bearing into my soul. The eyes haunted me, making me feel utterly naked. Whenever I moved, the eyes followed me, inquisitively. I didn't know how to answer, I just stared right back. And then I opened my eyes to find myself in my own bed. Alone. Just like every morning for most of my life. A fleeting thought enters my mind—I've never felt lonely until this morning. As soon as the thought appears, I shoo it away. I just don't have time to deal with shit like that today. The brown eyes wake me up before my alarm sounds, so I roll over and look at the clock. _Fuck!_ It's only three fucking AM. I hate it when that happens. I grin to myself morbidly when that thought runs through my head, because Jasper and I have discussed this phenomenon before. I hate waking up in the middle of the night, because it is nearly impossible for me to get back to sleep. He loves waking up in the middle of the night, because he knows he has a number of hours left before he needs to wake up. Just another very visible example of how different the two of us are. Jasper always sees his glass half full, I'm always the glass half empty kind of guy. I suppose that's why we get along so famously. He's the yin to my yang. I briefly ponder trying to roll over and get more sleep, but I'm old enough to know myself better than that. It would merely be an exercise in futility. I groan and hoist myself out of bed. I may as well be constructive if I'm going to be awake at 3 AM.

I walk over to my desk and pull my laptop out of my briefcase. I smirk to myself when I remember I updated the Masen Masterworks website during the flight home last night. Hell of a lot of good that did me—I'm just going to be working on more of that shit now that I'm awake. I should have saved myself the trouble. It is important to me to get the truth of our project out there on the site, however, before the rumor mill churns up a life of its own. It pisses me off that I get obsessive about that shit, but I can't help it. If you make films, stuff like this happens, because fans want to know what your every move is going to be. As much as I try to protect Jasper and other Masterworks players, industry players like TMZ and Perez make it virtually impossible. And Jesus, these fans and their cell phones—talk about trying to keep your image under control. There are just too many ways to get caught these days, no matter how hard you try to be above the board. All it takes is one innocent itch to the nose, and suddenly the world thinks you're a booger picker. I should just surrender, but that feels so wrong to me. Like the gossipmongers win. I refuse to let those without any integrity ruin the lives of those who do.

My mind drifts back to the dream image of brown eyes and I ponder that for a minute before I pop back into my conscious mind. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ I rub my eyes and shake my head. I've never, ever had this problem before. No one has ever affected me in this way. I almost feel like she is haunting me. _Oh hell, now I'm fucking hard. Seriously, I need to get this under control!_

I decide to take a shower to get myself fully awake and in the right frame of mind to start the day's work. Of course, the right frame of mind includes beating off to the image of the beautiful woman attached to the haunting brown eyes. Hopefully that will get her out of my head—_both_ of them. I step into the steamy shower, and my cock is literally throbbing. I can't remember the last time I was this hard. I reach down and wrap my fist around myself. I breathe in deeply as I stroke my erection, imagining her mouth wrapped around my cock, her doe eyes looking up at me. Her lips are so full and pink, moving up and down my shaft. I even picture that adorable dot of flour dusting the end of her nose. I moan deeply as I envision her hands gently palming my balls. My orgasm bursts forth suddenly, unexpectedly; it's the best one I've ever experienced. I've never come harder in my life, not even when I'm having sex. That fact truly alarms me—I don't even remember this woman's name, for Christ's sake. She is a baker in the middle of Nowhere, Washington, and has nothing substantial to offer someone like me. How can someone with those credentials, or lack thereof, make me so hard? How can someone like that invade my dreams, when I don't even dream at all? How can someone like that make me so anxious to see her again, that I'm counting the days until we return to her shithole town? I'm completely perplexed by all this.

I make my way to the bedroom to get dressed, then stumble off to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I may be awake, but that doesn't mean I'm lucid. I need some serious caffeine to get my brain to kick into high gear. If that is my only vice, I'll embrace it. I'm definitely a caffeineaholic, but I refuse to enter a 12-Step program to stop. _I can stop whenever I want to; I just don't want to._ Okay, that line of thinking is a perfect example of what my brain does when it needs a caffeine infusion. I decide it is best to just wait for the coffee to be done brewing, and not to attempt any heavy-duty thinking so that I avoid injuring my brain. I grab the first clean mug I see from the cupboard—"Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but the duties are largely ceremonial." I smile to myself whenever I use this mug. Rosalie gave it to me for Boss' Day one year, and she didn't crack a smile when she handed it to me; I'm pretty sure she thinks it's true. I pour it full of coffee and return to my desk.

I'll be meeting with Jasper and Rosalie today to review and finalize plans for the filming schedule. Esme and Carlisle don't need to come in for the meeting, but I will need to apprise them of the final details before we get final approval from the board. Together with Aunt Elizabeth, they make up the planning board for Masen Masterworks. Nothing gets done without their approval. Fortunately, the fact that they are family and intimately acquainted with my working style makes the approval process far easier than it is for other studios. Of course, I also make good use of my own brand of diplomacy, where I get each of them figure out that they want to do things my way. That certainly makes my life a lot easier.

I look over my meeting agenda, and think about the casting process for locals. I need to find a liaison for the Native American community before we look for our leading players. It's very important to me that the process be fair and respectful of the Quileute tribe—the last thing we need is a PR nightmare because we handled the casting process with insensitivity. I trust Rose to track down someone good, but I need to make sure we get on that process immediately. It is going to be hard to find just the right cast for this film. Of course, all the other leads have already been cast, including Jasper and Tanya Denali. We've used Tanya in other Masterworks productions, but she tends to be a little overly friendly with me during our projects. I'm slightly concerned that the media will bring up the old news about the two of us being linked, when clearly we are not, nor have we ever been, an item. Half of the reports about me link me with Tanya; the other half swear that I'm gay. Overzealous photographers tend to sniff out relationships that don't even exist. Hopefully the paparazzi won't be too anxious to hang out in rainy, miserable Forks, Washington to get their stories.

I'm done with the agenda and planning, and glance at the time on my laptop screen: 6:00. Our meeting isn't until 8:30, so I have some time to myself. Before I even realize what I'm doing, I open my web browser and Google "Forks, Washington restaurants." Sure enough, one of the hits turns out to be "Alice's Wonderland Café and Mad Tea Party." The website is actually pretty fun and eclectic. There are photos of Alice, Miss Brown Eyes, whose name is listed as Bella Swan, and a huge, muscular guy whose name is Emmett Brandon. Their menu and prices are listed, and I recognize at once how much cheaper the cost of living is in Forks, Washington than it is in LA. Well, keeping those types of expenses down will make Auntie Elizabeth very happy indeed. My eyes drift back over to the picture of Bella. _Bella_. What a perfect name for her. In the photo, she is holding one of her "buns" and has a nervous, self-conscious smile on her face—it is utterly adorable. Her chocolate brown doe eyes are looking right into the camera, so it feels like she is looking directly at me. Her lips are positively kissable. She has small features. Her brown hair is shiny and full around her face, like it is designed uniquely for you to slip your fingers through its waves. She is wearing a black t-shirt that says, "We're All Mad Here—You'll Fit Right In." The Cheshire Cat's grin is sitting on top of the lettering, and his tail is peeking out from the side of the lettering. She isn't wearing an apron in the photo, so it is easier to pick out the lines of her curves than it was when I saw her in person. She has a small waist, curvy hips, and her tits are perfect—it looks like they are just the right size to fit in my hands. _Aw hell, now I'm hard again. I thought I took care of all that!_ I quickly click the browser shut so I don't think about Bella any more. I just wish my cock would get the message…

I open my e-mail and work on that until Jasper and Rosalie arrive. I manage to avoid having a hard on for about two hours, and I'm really proud of myself. I got my mind off of Bella for two hours. _Fuck_, I think to myself. _I'm so pathetic._

**JPOV**

When I get home from the airport, I pour myself a tall glass of Oban. I toss some ice in there. I plop myself down in my leather recliner and take a nice, long sip of the scotch. While I am fatigued, I'm not tired at the moment. My mind has been a jumble of ideas and sentiments from the moment we stopped to get coffee this afternoon. I'm not used to being this distracted, but then again, I've never met someone like Alice Brandon before. I'm not a hopeless romantic, but I have always believed in true love. Edward laughs at me whenever we discuss this, but he's just so damn cynical about everything in life, love included.

I've never met anyone quite as broody as Edward, but somehow our friendship rises above my optimism and his pessimism. He's always had my back, and I've always had his. I would do anything for that son of a gun; he is as loyal a dude as I've ever known. The fact that we have known each other forever, and we work together so intimately, just reinforces how close we are. Although Edward doesn't have any siblings, he feels as close to me as a brother. In fact, I feel more related to him than I do to Rosalie. I know aspects of his character that no one else has ever seen. He is an extremely private person and holds his cards very close to his chest. Edward is the most principled individual you will ever find. It is tough to get to know him, but the rewards in doing so are huge. He is a really funny person. Truly. No one would ever believe that, because in his day-to-day affairs, he seems so formal and stiff. It is hard for him to make small talk—he nearly always freezes up when expected to do so. Whenever we are at an event, we become inseparable, because he always relies upon me to take care of the meet and greet obligations. I certainly don't mind, but I wish Edward could feel more comfortable in his own skin. He is such a good guy, if he could only relax and let someone in, the right someone, it would be the making of him. Sadly, most of the women we tend to meet are social climbers, vapid and shallow. Edward needs someone with a hearty intellect, someone who isn't afraid to speak their mind, and perhaps most importantly, someone who isn't part of the Hollywood scene. Edward will never meet anyone of substance here in LA.

My thoughts of Edward's unsuccessful love life eventually drift back towards my own lonely state of affairs. It has been a long time since I've been in a relationship, which is of my own choosing. Victoria and I were together for about a year. I never realized that she was still seeing James while she lived with me. We met during a Masterworks project, of course, and I was instantly attracted to her. She had beautiful, wavy red hair, and she was as hot tempered as she looked. When I walked in on them together in the living room, my heart broke. It is one thing for your lover to fall out of love with you; it is another thing entirely to find them fucking their old flame on the living room couch. I swore off actresses at that very moment. Unfortunately, I don't often meet people outside the film industry, so I've been without a sidekick for nearly a year. I'm just not even remotely interested in a quick, meaningless lay anymore, but a little lovin' on the side sure sounds good about now. Maybe that's why meeting that little dynamo Alice seemed so magical. The moment she appeared from behind the pastry case, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Now, I've seen all kinds of beautiful, stunning women over the years, but no one ever hit me like Alice. When her deep blue eyes gazed at my face, I just knew she was mine. She was always meant to be mine. I can't explain it, or make any more sense of it than that. I locked eyes with her, and I just knew. Typically, that kind of an internal response would have me running away, but all I felt was a huge sense of relief, and of peace, in my discovery of her. She hasn't been out of my thoughts for more than a minute or two at a time. I'm going to get on Rosalie's case again at our meeting tomorrow to make sure we use Alice's café for the coffee cart. Not only do I want to give her the business, but I also want to see her as much as possible every day we're in Forks. I want to know everything there is to know about this mesmerizing woman. I smile to myself as I think about what a petite little thing she is—she only comes up to my chest. I imagine myself holding her, and her ear falls directly in front of my heart. It is a very satisfying thought. I've never before been attracted to someone like Alice—all my past girlfriends have been relatively tall and willowy, always with long, wavy hair. But Alice is petite, has short, spiky black hair, and a very funky look. Everything about her physically appeals to me. The fact that she is so different is what initially makes me recognize that we were meant for each other; everyone else who came before were just like rehearsals with the understudy; Alice is the true leading lady.

My scotch has been long finished, and I am finally feeling sleepy enough for bed. The last thing I see before I drift off to sleep is Alice's lovely smile, looking up at me.

**RPOV**

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I want to cut off Edward Cullen's balls, and preferably with rusty, dull scissors! How the fuck can he not conclude one stinking little fact-finding trip to shitty Forks, Washington without landing in the gossip rags? I make a mental note to call up Perez personally when we land in LA—that asshat is always causing me problems. I glance down at the card I'm holding in my hand for "Alice's Wonderland Café." _Seriously, Jasper, please tell me you are not holding a torch for this little runt of a woman._ Jazz may be my brother, but I've never understood him. He's always soft where I'm hardened, and it annoys me to no end. Jesus, he can't even look out for his own ass. Between Jazz and Edward, I feel like I'm a full time mom of two toddler boys, I swear. They'd be totally lost without me.

We need to do a planning session tomorrow, so that means I have tonight to get things straightened out with the Quiluetes. I've been in touch with Sue Clearwater, and she has agreed to be my liaison with the tribe for both auditions and tribal matters as they are portrayed in the film. In my visit to the reservation, I noticed that most of the guys there are hunky and huge. It was a lovely little side benefit that Sue was able to talk Sam Uley and his gang into heading up our on-set security team. Sue had some great ideas about who could play our male lead, the Native American who falls in love with Tanya's character. We'll be screen testing with him on our next fact-finding trip. Ugh, I don't even want to think about going back to that crappy little town before we set up for good when filming starts. I'd term this as taking one for the team, but that is kind of my mantra—all I ever do is take one for the team. _Fuck_.

I enter all of Sue's and the Quileute's agreement information into the standard contract we use for Masen. I'll have our lawyer look things over in the morning before I fax it off to Sue. It will be nice to have that out of the way early in the day. There is nothing more satisfying than crossing something off my to do list. Well, except boning some hot dude, but there is rarely enough time in my schedule for that, dammit. I totally blame Edward for cramping my personal life. He always has me running ragged—tell me when I'm supposed to fit a guy into my schedule? Exactly, you can't. I finish e-mailing the contracts to Esme and close up shop for the night. I'm exhausted and cannot fall asleep soon enough.

*********************

After taking my shower and checking my e-mail, I head into the office for my meeting with Edward and Jasper. En route, I quickly dial the phone number listed on Alice Brandon's business card. I'm expecting the sprite herself to answer, when this gorgeous, deep bass voice answers.

"Yeah, this is Emmett."

_WTF? Emmett? Did I fucking misdial?_

"Umm, I was trying to reach Alice's Café, is this the wrong number?" I hear a booming laugh come over the phone line.

"Yes, yes it is! Are you sure this is the number you wanted to call?"

"Well of course I wanted to call here, or I wouldn't have dialed this number now, would I?"

"Well, I happen to be the business manager for Alice's Café, so if you need the business office, then you've reached the right place. What can I do for you?"

I sigh deeply. Looks like I'm working with a beginner. "My name is Rosalie Hale, and I'm the Personal Assistant to Mr. Edward Cullen of Masen Masterworks." Apparently, Emmett's brain doesn't work very fast, because I sit there in silence for longer than I cared to waiting for his reply, which never came. I prompt him again. "Masen Masterworks. You know, the film production company?"

"Why would I know anything about Masen Masterworks? This is a bakery!"

"I assumed that Alice would have told you that herself. She gave us her business card when we were in the shop yesterday afternoon. We'll be in town filming our latest project, and we were hoping to use the Wonderland Café to provide our coffee cart."

"Well, why the hell didn't you say so? I had no idea what you were talking about, lady!"

"You know, we can always take our business elsewhere, _Emmett,_" I inform him icily. No one gets the better of Rosalie Hale, that's for damn sure.

"No, no, now don't get like that. I'm sure we can work up something to keep you guys happy."

"That sounds better. Do you want me to e-mail a list of our specifications over to you? That's probably the easiest way to get our needs across to you."

"What kinds of needs to you think you're going to have?" I hear Emmett say in this wonderfully sexy voice.

"I'm sorry, what?" I say with indignation in my voice. He isn't going to get away with that kind of crap, so I want to stop it before it even starts.

"Just e-mail the details to me. Then we can talk some more."

"What is your e-mail address?"

"It's on the business card, sweetcakes."

"Oh, you did not just call me sweetcakes. You _did not _do that!"

"Oh yes, I did."

"Just get back to me with the specifics once you get my e-mail. It might be better for us to deal with one another via electronic communication if you're going to continue with your constant innuendos." I hang up before he has a chance to answer. He isn't getting the best of me, that's for damnfucking sure.

**EPOV**

Jazz and Rose show up within minutes of each other for our planning meeting. Jazz doesn't really have to be there, but it just feels like he is a natural part of the project rather than simply being one of my lead actors. Plus, his presence tends to offset Rose's, so the energy remains relatively even. Jasper is kind of like the choke collar to Rosalie's Rottweiler in heat, and I'm always grateful that the choke collar is usually around when I need it the most. Rose goes over the specifics of the contract with the Quileutes and her initial contact with the coffee people, as well as plans for housing the actors and crew in the local hotels. Everything looks like it is shaping up nicely, and our current filming schedule actually seems attainable at this point. Of course, something always happens to shoot that to hell, but I'm actually optimistic about things at this point.

Before we finish up the meeting, Rose insists that we take a photo to post on the website. I roll my eyes at her; I _hate_ that staged bullshit, but she says it is good for PR. When the photo has been completed and Rose has e-mailed it to me, she huffs off to do whatever it is she needs to do. I mostly just try to stay out of her way and do what she tells me to do. She is an amazingly precise and efficient PA, but she also scares the bejeezus out of me. I _never_ want to get on her bad side. Ever. A few minutes after she leaves, I get a call from her.

"Bad news, Edward. It looks like we need to head back up to Forks for negotiations with the Quileutes. They don't trust paper contracts per se, and they want to negotiate with us in person. The only good thing about this news is that the guy who is perfect for your lead, Jacob Black, will be home this weekend, so we can do a screen test while we're there. Do you want to talk to Esme about it, or should I?"

"Fuck. Just when I was feeling slightly optimistic about the project, it blows up. Remind me I never want to be optimistic again. I knew there was a reason I am a pessimist! I'll talk to Esme. Just get the flight and details set up, and let's head there for the weekend, OK?"

"Yep, I'll 'make it work.' No worries there."

Immediately after hanging up, I give my mother a call. "Hey mom, there's a slight glitch with the _Noble Savage_ project that I need to run by you."

"Of course, Edward. What seems to be the trouble?"

"Apparently, the Quileutes don't much trust written contracts. They want us to negotiate with them face-to-face. The guy I want for the lead will also be in town this weekend, so I want to do his screen test while we're there, too. Do you think you need to come along with us, to cover the legal end of things? Or do you feel comfortable doing this over the phone?"

"Well, Edward, I'm assuming that if they don't trust paper contracts, they aren't going to trust a voice on the cell phone, either. No, I'll go with you. Your dad will be working all weekend, so it will just be me. Have Rosalie get the trip details to me when they are ready. Come to think of it, I'm actually kind of excited to get to spend a little time with you; it seems like we never see each other anymore."

"Yeah, that will actually be great, although we'll be running around the entire time we're there. I'll save you a seat next to me on the plane, OK?"

"Sounds just great, Edward. I'm looking forward to it. Bye, my sweet boy"

"Mom, I'm 28 years old…am I ever going to stop being your 'sweet boy'?"

"Absolutely not! That's one of the privileges of being a mom, you never outgrow the role."

"I guess that's why I love you so much. See you soon, mom."

"You know I love you, too. Bye, my boy."

I shake my head as I smile knowingly. Esme really is the world's best mom. I don't know how I got lucky enough to have parents like Esme and Carlisle, but I'm grateful to have them as such a strong presence in my life. Without my friends and family, I would never survive in this business. It tends to just rip the core right out of you if you aren't properly grounded. Thank goodness we've all survived the journey intact so far.

**End Note: The paparazzi/gossip rant was something I added after I saw how much RPattz is being hounded while filming **_**Remember Me**_**. Seriously, peeps, let the poor boy be. Pay for the movies if you need to see him that badly!**

**If you want to trade barbs on Twitter, you can follow me kimpy0464**


	8. Chapter 7: Plans According to Bella

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: The last chapter of Desiderata posed some technical problems in the form of user error (sadly, mine), and the story was deleted and re-loaded as a result. For any of you who had trouble finding the story again after that mishap, I apologize. I'll promise to do my best not to let technical difficulties get in the way again!!**

**Things I own: A boxed set of **_**Twilight**_**. BONUS: This was given to me by my **

**husband, when he officially bought in to the "dark side." ******

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. I also do not own a banner for this story, so if anyone is interested in designing one, please, be my guest!!**

**CHAPTER SEVEN: PLANS (ACCORDING TO BELLA)**

"_I become insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." – Edgar Allen Poe_

**BPOV**

To say this week has been crazy would be an understatement of monolithic proportions. It all started out with the visit from Masen Masterworks, when Mr. Asshat Cullen decided to grace us with the presence of his film company. The rest of the week has been four long days of fangirl squeefest. If I never hear Jessica or Lauren again, it will be too soon. In listening to their squeals, however, I have discovered something important—I'm fairly certain that if we could manage to close their mouths permanently, we will have solved the global warming crisis.

With the antics of Jessica and Lauren in mind, today's shirt selection reads: _I have a positive attitude (but it may be a false positive)._ Suffice it to say, Alice isn't amused. She won't even let me up front to pour my own coffee this morning, so she must be pretty pissed. The way I see it, though, I don't really have a way to fight back against those two harpies, thus my only means of self-expression is via my t-shirt slogans. And, frankly, being forced to stay in the back of the café isn't a punishment, it is a reward. I can't believe Alice hasn't figured that out yet—she is usually so quick on the ball. I think she's been so preoccupied with a Mr. Jasper Whitlock, though, that I've been able to get away with more than usual.

I'm just getting ready to pop some of my "Eat Me" cookies in the oven when I look up to see Emmett and Alice in front of me. This can't be good—I'm usually left to my own devices all day long. Sometimes, Alice will come back to freshen my coffee and say a quick hello before flitting back off to the front. The only time Emmett appears is when he gets hungry and tries to sneak one of my freshly baked cookies. In all the time I've worked here, however, I don't recall both of them coming back at the same time, and certainly not standing in front of me with looks of consternation and frustration. At least I think that's what their looks convey.

"Bella," they both say at the same time.

"Whoa, there horsies—I can only handle one person talking at a time, and sometimes that's a little too much. Take a breath, Alice," I say, looking pointedly at her. I turn my gaze over to Emmett. "Emmett, what do you need to say?"

Alice then opens her mouth to add something, but I quickly put my finger over her lips. I know from previous experience that she is so excitable I won't be able to comprehend what spews out of her mouth with the same airspeed velocity as an unladen swallow. _Is that a European or African Swallow_? I chuckle to myself thinking of that whole skit from Monty Python. _Oops, busted_. _Not paying attention, my bad_.

Emmett finally just blurts it out. "The only way for us to make this work is if you take care of the coffee cart, Bella."

"Umm, what?"

"The coffee cart. You have to do it."

"What coffee cart? What the hell are you talking about, Emmett?"

Alice can't hold back any longer. "Masen Masterworks has asked us to do the coffee and goodies for the length of their filming here in Forks, Bella! Isn't that the best news you've heard all year?" She is literally imitating a Mexican jumping bean.

"No, that is definitely not the best news I've heard all year. Well, it might be good news for you, Alice, since it will put you in close proximity to Mr. Whitlock," I notice Emmett's brow furrow with that last statement, "But as for me, I don't want to be within 50 square miles of Mr. Edward Cullen, if that's all right with you. And I'm the baker girl. Alice does the coffee. You know this, Emmett! Look at my t-shirt, for god's sake—doesn't that spell 'customer service disaster'? I'm like the _Titanic _of customer service! They'll want their money back if I come anywhere near them."

"But Bella, if I do the coffee cart, you would have to work the front counter here at the café…wouldn't that be worse than the coffee cart? Plus, it would be easier for you to head off to the movie set once you're done baking, since you finish up mid-morning."

I'm beginning to suspect that Alice may have ulterior motives. I can't believe she would suggest that I should do the coffee cart.

"Can't Emmett do it? I don't know if I will be able to get all the baking done in time every day _and_ go to the movie set. I hear they work ungodly hours, so I would need to be there 24/7. I can't do that, Alice! You know that!"

"Bella, Alice and I have been around and around with this, and it is the only option that works. I don't need to remind you how huge an opportunity this is for the café, do I? The publicity alone will be killer."

I put my fingers in my ears and start singing "La-la-la-la-la" at the top of my lungs. I know this is completely immature, but they don't seem to be getting the point—I _cannot_ do this. I can't talk to famous people. I can't help famous people. And I _will_ poison Edward Cullen's coffee if he comes too close to me.

"Well, we've already told them we'll do it, so we'll all need to work together to make this happen. Bella, we all have to pitch in here; I know we're asking a lot of you, but we wouldn't do it unless we had to," Alice says, with a sympathetic smile.

I sigh deeply. She got me. That sweet little face turns me to mush every time. She always gets me, dammit!

"I'm gonna need to think this through over the next few days. I'm pretty sure I can figure out a way to get Alice to do it and still leave our existing customers in one piece. Just give me some time." In the back of my mind, however, I know damn well I can't make this work. I'm just buying myself some additional time.

Alice does the Mexican jumping bean imitation again and hugs me tightly. Her enthusiasm is almost catching. _Almost._

The front door chimes out a greeting to the three of us. "Well, I need to run back up front. Think about it, Bella, and we'll talk later." Alice says, as she dances away.

Emmett just looks at me, shrugs, and uses his bear paw of a hand to grab a few cookies. His reflexes are always sharper than mine, and I end up swatting the table instead of him. "You're eating into company profits, Assmet! I mean that literally!" I shout after him as he makes a quick escape to his office.

_Well now, that was most unexpected_, I think to myself. There are so many different feelings running through my brain that I'm completely overwhelmed. I need to sit down and breathe for a minute to get myself calm. The ramifications of working with Masen Masterworks are huge; I understand this implicitly. That's probably why I'm hyperventilating and feeling lightheaded.

I quickly determine I'm not going to be able to put my head around this today. I'm just going to take a step back and finish my work. I purposely take in a deep cleansing breath and walk back to my cookies. I very deliberately set the timer, so I make certain not to forget about them in my dazed state of mind. I glance at my work station, and my eyes fall upon my copy of _Desiderata._ I realize that haven't moved on to think about the other sections of Desiderata for a few days. Maybe I should just think through that to see if it gives me some perspective on all this craziness; it certainly can't hurt. I read the first sentence.

_Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans._

Wow, talk about pertinent! We're achieving a lot, our little café enterprise, through this contract with Masen. It really is a huge deal, and I should have been more excited about it with Emmett and Alice; it is truly something to celebrate. I shouldn't be such a stick in the mud sometimes, but I can't help it—new ideas just take me a little bit longer to process. I'm the kind of person who needs to work through things, to understand them fully, before I can move forward. When I was little, Charlie always joked that I was his little detective, because I need to have all the facts in front of me before I could reach a conclusion. It's just the way I'm wired. The Masen deal also puts some plans into effect, so it looks like we've got this part of _Desiderata _covered.

Of course, I need to think about this in a personal context as well…_amazing, I didn't just rush to self-analyze! I went with the greater good first!_, I think sarcastically. Talking about individual achievements is never something I've been comfortable doing. I mean, what is there to say about myself? That I graduated from high school? That I can whip up the best lemon curd west of the Mississippi? No, I can't even say that—but I can say I make the best lemon curd tarts in Forks, Washington. My "buns" are renowned within Clallam County. That is an achievement, however modest.

And plans? Yes, I have plans. I do want to enjoy my plans. Someday, I _will_ become a writer. My gigantic collection of Moleskine books will serve their purpose. Perhaps I might even get that chance to go to college. _Someday_…

_Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. _

Well, being a baker is a humble enterprise, but I am proud of all that I'm able to produce with my own two hands. I make people happy via desserts. To me, it's the best way in the world to show how much I love someone—to make them something sinfully delicious. As much as I grumble or wear my saying-of-the-day shirts, I absolutely love what I do. It is hard work, but very satisfying. I recognize that there are plenty of people around who have lost their jobs recently, but here we are getting the business deal of a lifetime. We're damn lucky, all three of us. It reminds me of Katharine Graham, the former owner of _The Washington Post_. She once said, "To love what you do, and feel that it matters—how could anything be more fun?" And you know what? She is absolutely right.

_Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. _

Now I'm getting nervous and second guessing myself—the Masen deal could also be seen as the "big guys" trying to pull a fast one on us little, colloquial, backwater podunks. Just because they live in LA and they're urbane and sophisticated doesn't mean they're better than us, after all. I will need to check with Emmett to make sure we are getting a fair shake. Mr. Ehrmann, you're a genius. Thanks for the reminder that Edward Cullen isn't to be trusted. I'm sure the rest of them are okay, but I'm certain that Cullen is a conniving SOB. I just know it.

_But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism._

I suppose I could admit that, in general, I'm a little cynical. But my faith in humanity is not completely frayed—all I have to do is take a look at my sweet little Alice, who is about as virtuous a person as there is. We all strive for high ideals here at the café, we work our buns off (well, at least "Bella's Buns" off!!) to do our best for our customers. As for everyday heroes, if my dad isn't the biggest hero I've ever known, I don't know who is. I have heroic and idealistic people surrounding me, so that's all good.

Before I know it, I'm done with my tasks for the day. There's something about mixing, measuring, and baking that puts me in my thinking zone. If I'm completely honest with myself, I'm feeling far more comfortable with the Masen plan than I was when Emmett and Alice first presented it to me. I just need to have faith that it will all work.

I peek my head out front to see what Alice is up to, and see that she is paging through a magazine. Never mind that this month's cover boy is—wait for it, wait for it—Jasper Whitlock. Oh, this girl has got it B-A-D. _Good_, I think to myself. _She is weak enough to fall for a ploy to look up Masen's Internet site with me._

"Hey Alice, is it safe to come out of my rabbit's hole?"

I hear her delightful giggle. "Yes, Bella, it's safe. Just make sure your apron covers up your shirt."

"So, I was thinking we could check out the Masen Masterworks site to find out more about them. You know, to make sure we are, um, meeting their needs. That is, uh, tailoring our approach to meet the client's demands."

"Bella, I don't know why you even try to hide your agenda. Just say it out loud: You want to check out Edward Cullen. And I want to check out Jasper Whitlock. I've known you forever, Bella—you should know by now that your motives are _always_ completely transparent to me."

_Damn, she's a tricky one, that Thumbelina._ "Okay, okay, yes, I wanted to check out the website. But no, I did not want to check out Edward Cullen. He may be a hottie, but he has an ego the size of Texas, which makes him totally unappealing."

"Yeah, right, Bella—dry that one out, you can fertilize the lawn. Come on, let's go over to the computer"

Alice's Wonderland Café is wired for the Internet; we're a wifi site and have a couple of computer terminals you can rent by the hour. Alice is already at the terminal when I hear her gasp.

"What is it, Alice?" I cannot imagine what could have alarmed her like that.

"Well, whoever was here last left the Masen Masterworks home page up. Look at the photo, Bella!"

I quickly catch up to pipsqueak and look over her shoulder. I see a picture of the Asshat, Jasper, and Rosalie Hale. The caption says they were in a planning session for their upcoming production of _The Noble Savage_. Sure, Jasper looks mighty fine in the photo, but I can't for the life of me figure out what would make Alice gasp—it isn't _that_ fine of a shot. He looks far hotter on the cover of the magazine that she was just reading.

"Yeah, Alice, I'm looking. And?"

"Don't you see it?"

"What, Alice, what? See what?" I'm getting a little annoyed.

"The coffee cup."

"Huh?" That's all I can manage.

"Bella, it has the same saying as the shirt you were wearing the other day. Remember, the one I almost made you take off because I hated it so much?"

I look at the photo a little more closely, then I see it: _Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but the duties are largely ceremonial._

_Well, fuck me. I look at the date stamp on the photo—it is dated the exact same day I wore that shirt. _

Now I'm more than slightly concerned that there is some kind of instant karma the universe has sent my way as retribution for all my snarkiness. This is my payback, in the form of Edward Cullen. I don't think the universe could have done a better job at picking the perfect nemesis for me. Damn, why do I have to be such a snark? Why can't I be more sweet and loving, like Alice? Her instant karma is clearly Jasper Whitlock. Mine is Edward Cullen, sent to torment me for months on end. _Shit._

I have no intention of letting Alice understand how much this bothers me to my core. "Well, that just proves everything we already learned about Edward Cullen—see, he _is_ an agent of Satan!!"

"Oh no you don't, Bella! I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I see the date stamp on that picture, and I know it was the same day you wore your shirt with the same saying. It's what I've been trying to tell you all along, since I had the dream—he is in your destiny, Bells. I feel it to the depths of my soul."

I sigh loudly. "Ali, I love you. You know I do. But you have to stop with the Obsessive Cullen Disorder shit right now. We aren't destined to be together. He is Hollywood personified. I am a baker girl with famous buns from Forks, Washington. He is a total asshole. There is a chasm between us the size of the Grand Canyon, and never the twain shall meet. Savvy?"

"Bella, I need you to listen to me, and to take this seriously. You know I wouldn't demand this of you if I didn't believe in this very strongly: I sense in my bones that our lives, our destinies, are meant to be something quite different than what we have previously expected. The minute that trio walked through our doors, our lives changed permanently, and will continue to do so in the most profound way. I can't tell you why. I just _know_ it is going to happen. You know me well enough to understand that I don't take such intuitions lightly. Most importantly, have I ever, ever been wrong?"

_No, Alice. You've never been wrong. Until now._

"No."

"So, will you work with me here, or not? Because this is all going to happen, and the proceedings will be much happier for everyone involved if you go along with it. That's all I'm saying."

"Sure, pipsqueak. Sure."

Alice raises one eyebrow at me. She knows I'm just saying what she wants to hear in order to shut her up, but that's all I'm capable of at this point in time. Seriously, I've had too many things sprung on me today to accept anything more. I'm maxed out on that particular credit card of life.

I glance back at Alice and notice that she is far away. She starts to speak, and it's almost like she's having an out of body experience—her eyes are still somewhere else entirely.

"Bella, I hope for both of us that we marry only because we are truly and deeply in love. Promise me you won't ever get married otherwise."

I'm having a total WTF moment. Marriage? Huh? Did I miss about 20 steps of logical thinking there? Hell, I'm a dateless-wonder-virgin. I'm not getting married. Ever. What kind of voodoo is Alice creating? The only way to shut this down is to go with the flow. And speak the truth.

"Alice, nothing but the deepest love and respect for my partner would ever entice me into marriage. I promise that to you. Okay?"

It makes me wonder if we all drank the wrong batch of Kool Aid recently. Either that, or Alice accidentally swallowed the red pill while I swallowed the blue. Because, seriously, I feel like I'm in the _Matrix _all of a sudden. Until four days ago, life made sense. It wasn't blissfully happy, certainly, but it made sense. It was something I could work with. Now, I feel like I've drifted into some kind of twisted reality like a real-life version of Alice in Wonderland. On Monday, I knew what was big was big, and what was small is small. Today, the world has none of that sense of order. I honestly don't know which end is up. Which is my cue to shut things down until I can reboot my Central Processing Unit. Seriously.

I check my watch, and it is nearly time to leave. I clear my throat audibly to get Alice's attention back to the Wonderland Café from wherever it is she has gone.

"Ali, it's nearly 6:00. I'm just going to finish cleaning up in back and head home, okay? Charlie needs to get some dinner."

Alice just nods absently, staring at the Masen website, so I head back and finish up my work. By the time I'm done and have some food packed up for Charlie, Alice has come back to earth.

"Hey girl, I'm heading out," I yell out to Alice. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, 'kay?"

She smiles her little grin at me. "Sounds great. Love you, girl!"

"You know I love you too, baby! Don't stare at the picture of Jasper Whitlock too long, sweetie, or the image will be burned onto your retina. It's just like looking at the sun directly," I laugh as I exit the café.

Charlie and I go through our usual evening motions, between dinner, dishes and ESPN. Well, I do the dishes and he does ESPN. God forbid our roles be reversed—ESPN drives me nuts. I find myself very preoccupied as I put away the last of the dishes. I'm still a little unsettled with everything that went down at the café today. I have to tell myself over and over again that I will figure it out, and that everything will fall into place; I know that it usually does. It is just the time it takes for everything to fall into place that has me feeling so disjointed. I don't deal well with ambiguity, and my life has been one ambiguous mess these past few days. I walk over to the living room to tell Charlie goodnight and head upstairs.

As I settle myself into bed, my mind is a flurry of activity. I wonder if I will ever be able to fall asleep with the party that's going on in my brain. On top of all that, I realize that I am horny as hell—it must be all the sexual tension Alice has been projecting into our workplace this week. I doubt that there is a hornier virgin on the planet than Bella Swan. I sigh to myself—I don't even know what sex feels like, but I certainly know that I want it. With the shallow pool of applicants from Forks, Washington, however, I have no intentions of cashing in my v-card anytime soon.

My mind starts to wander down a more erotic path, and I start to think of all my favorite kisses from the movies. With no personal sexual experience to draw from, I have to resort to hot images that totally turn me on. Pathetic? Absolutely. But true. It reminds me of my favorite scene from _Cinema Paradiso_. Set in Italy in the post-WWII era, the local puritanical priest has insisted that all the kissing/schmexy times scenes be cut from the movies. At the end of the movie, the owner of the theatre spliced together all the kissing scenes, so they play continually. It is the hottest, sweetest moment in all of independent filmdom. That's kind of what my mind is doing to me right now, except it is running down all my favorite schmexy scenes:

_James McAvoy and Keira Knightly in Atonement_

_Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio in Titanic_

_Joseph Fiennes and Gwyneth Paltrow in Shakespeare in Love_

_Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in Mr. and Mrs. Smith_

_Robson Green and Francesca Annis in Reckless_

_Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint in North by Northwest_

_Gael Garcia Bernal, Diego Luna, and Ana Lopez Mercado in Y Tu Mama Tambien_

_Dev Patel and Frieda Pinto in Slumdog Millionaire_

_Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams in The Notebook_

_James McAvoy and Anne Hathaway in Becoming Jane_

_Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice (Colin Firth version, of course)_

_Leo DiCaprio and Claire Danes in Romeo+Juliet_

_Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge_

_Marco Leonardi and Lumi Cavazos in Like Water for Chocolate_

_Ralph Fiennes and Kristin Scott Thomas in The English Patient_

_Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire in Spiderman_

_Hugh Grant and Andi MacDowell in Four Weddings and a Funeral_

As the scenes play through my head, I don't even realize that my girlie parts have turned into a sopping wet mess. I slide my hand under the waist of my panties and meet the slick wetness there. I slowly drag the moisture up to my clit and start to circle around the sensitive nub. I'm so hot and bothered from the scenes replaying over and over in my head that I nearly moan loudly the second I touch myself. I catch myself in time to make sure that Charlie doesn't overhear my activities. That would just be ten shades of mortification blush right there. It's a challenge to keep quiet, but I simply have to achieve release, or I'll never fall asleep. As I continue to circle my clit, I use my left hand to palm my breasts and pinch my nipples. My body reacts instantly to the sensation, and I arch my back in response. I slip my left hand down my abdomen to my lips, slide them gently apart, and thrust two fingers inside. The motion brings with it relief, and I feel myself tightening towards my climax. The images are flashing through my mind so quickly, it's almost like someone set a slide projector on fast forward. _Kate+Leo…fuck, yes!!...Ryan+Rachel… shit!...James+Keira…Ralph+Kristin…oh-my-god-yes…Joseph+Gwyneth…green eyes+ fucking smirk…jesusfrickingchrist I'm coming so hard!_

My orgasm overtakes me like a tsunami—almost like the Aswan Dam breaking open. My heart nearly beats out of my chest and it takes me several minutes to control my breathing. I've never used that particular brand of imagery to beat off before, but I have to admit it is very effective. I'm silently smiling to myself when a breath catches in my throat. _Wait a minute…the last thing I thought of before I came was _green eyes and a smirk? _Fucking green eyes and a smirk, seriously? How the hell did that slip in with all those other yummy images? I came the minute green eyes entered my mind? Fuck, that is so _not_ good!_

I'm finally relaxed and tired enough to fall asleep, so I simply shove that last little nugget of information out of my mind's eye for now. No, I am _not_ ready to acknowledge that little detail in the light of day yet. I close my eyes, pull the covers up over my shoulders, and settle in to sleep.


	9. Chapter 8: Transitions, PT I

**DESIDERATA**

**Things I own: An addiction to caffeine that is something fierce (you would, too, if you worked straight nights; s'all I'm sayin'). My own particular drug of choice is a Starbucks Venti Café Americano with an extra shot (total # shots=5; YES! 5)**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

**CHAPTER EIGHT: TRANSITIONS, PT. I**

"_The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well." – Joe Ancis_

**EPOV**

I'm standing next to Esme on the tarmac as we wait for the Masen jet to be ready for boarding. Rosalie is texting away like a demon, so I'm trying to avoid getting into her personal space this early in the morning. Rosalie before 6:00 AM is just hazardous to one's health. Jasper went off somewhere to curl up and sleep until the plane is ready to go.

"Esme, how confident are you that we can get the Quileutes to sign the agreement?"

"Oh, I'm fairly certain we can come to terms with them, dear. From what I know so far, their tribal history indicates that they've been screwed over time and again with written agreements; I mean, that's how they ended up on a reservation, after all. I did some research on the Internet and feel that I have at least a cursory understanding of their tribal culture. It isn't so much that the paper document itself is a deal breaker—it's more that they want to have a personal connection in any their agreements."

"So, how do you think we should approach this?"

"Well, I do think it's best if you are present, along with me. I'm not sure all four of us need to go; that might be overwhelming for them. And, to be honest, Rose would probably just scare them. I do ask that you leave most of the talking and negotiations to me. I get the sense that your being a white male might not be to your advantage here."

"God, I didn't think about any of that. Sorry, mom. I didn't mean for things to backfire so soon."

"Edward, you can't possibly know everything. Negotiations aren't your expertise; that's what I'm here for, silly boy! You just need to be at the helm for the filming process, which is what you do best, after all!"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, mom. I just feel like I should be able to foresee things like this, that's all."

As we're discussing our plans for the day, the flight attendant walks towards us to let us know the jet is ready to board.

"Mom, I need to track down Jasper. Can you let Rosalie know we're ready to go?"

"Thanks for leaving the Rottweiler for me!"

"Mom! I can't believe that just came out of your mouth!" I say in feigned shock.

"Hey, you're the one that came up with the nickname, after all!" she giggles. She likes Rosalie as much as the rest of us, but we all acknowledge that she can be…difficult.

I walk off into the hangar and find Jazz sitting with his head between his knees. I go up and nudge his calf with my foot.

"Dude, it's time to head out—you can sleep on the plane!"

Jasper whips his head up, alarmed. "I wasn't asleep! I was just meditating!"

"Jazz, no one snores when they meditate."

"I was _so _not snoring!"

"Whatever. Just get your ass on the plane."

We get on the plane, and I take a seat next to Esme. I chuckle to myself when I realize that I'm referring to my mom by her first name. Since I work with my parents in a professional capacity, the line between work and home gets pretty muddied for us. Half the time I call her mom; half the time it's Esme. Whenever we're outside of the house, it tends to be Esme, since that's what everyone else calls her. They both feel equally comfortable to me.

During the flight, I boot up my laptop and start reading through the latest draft of our script. As talented as our screenwriter is, I've never found one with whom I see eye-to-eye. That bothers me, but it isn't an unexpected occurrence in the industry. I sigh deeply as I start reading.

"Edward, honey, you're going to yank all your hair out by the time you reach 30 at the rate you're going!"

I'm jarred back to reality by my mother's comment. "Hmmm?"

"Honey, your hair looks like you've been accosted by one of your many fans!"

I laugh along with Esme; for as long as I can remember, I've run my hand through my hair when I'm thinking or stressed. It happens so naturally; I don't even realize when I do it.

"Yeah, well Carlisle does the same thing and look at his full head of hair. I haven't heard you complain about that!" I smirk back at my mother.

"Okay, point taken, wise guy. What are you doing that has you so deeply engrossed in thought?"

"I'm just reading through the most recent version of the script. It looks like I'm going to have to do some edits. You know I'm never completely happy with what they give me. I'll just have to do my best to get this up to snuff before we start filming."

"That's why you're such a good director, sweetie—you always obsess over the details and end up with a beautiful end product."

I lean over and give her a big kiss on the cheek. She really is a wonderful mom.

I decide to give up on the script. For shits and giggles, I Google "Forks, Washington" to see what comes up. Not surprisingly, "Alice's Wonderland Café" is one of the search results. I click on the listing. It is the same website that I saw earlier in the week, of course, nothing new has been added. Before I realize what I'm doing, I find myself focusing on Bella Swan.

"Edward, it doesn't appear that you are reading the script anymore," I hear Esme say to me. I look over at her and see her with a large smile on her face.

"And how might you know that, oh wise mother of mine?"

"Because I've never seen you look so intensely content when reading a script before; I highly doubt that _The Noble Savage_ is so engaging as to put that look on your face."

_Jesus, even my own mother can sense there is something more than meets the eye here. I'm so fucked. Why the hell did I go to the website, anyhow?_

"I was actually doing some research on lodging and catering in Forks for the filming."

"I thought that was Rosalie's job?"

"Um, well, yes, it is, but I like to give input from time to time."

"And would that input quite possibly have something to do with that very beautiful brown-eyed brunette?"

I quickly shut the laptop and power it down. "Mom, that has nothing to do with the catering choice. You know me better than that!"

"Well, perhaps, but I _do_ know you well enough to know that I've never seen that particular look on your face before. So deny it all you want, but let's just say I have a mother's intuition when it comes to you, Edward. She is lovely, by the way. Have you met her before?"

"Who?"

"Edward, you know who. That beautiful woman from the Wonderland Café."

"How did you know that's what it was called?"

"I peeked over your shoulder when you were being mesmerized by her picture. You didn't even know I was doing that, because you were somewhere else entirely."

"Mom, I am so not mesmerized by her. I was just perusing the menu."

"Suit yourself. But just remember, De Nial is not just a river in Egypt."

After that, Esme has the courtesy to excuse herself and walk to the back of the jet. _Damn it, Cullen, get your control back and get in the game! You need to focus on the project, not on Bella Swan. The daily shower sessions didn't get her out of your head? _

My cock becomes rock hard at the memory of beating off on multiple occasions to the images of Bella's beautiful mouth, her gorgeous body, and her amazing hair. _Christ, what am I, 17 again?_ If I keep up this pace, I'll need to whack off again tonight, dammit. This is really starting to piss me off.

The captain announces we're close to landing, so Esme returns to her seat and we buckle ourselves in. My mother remains quiet until we land, and I secretly hope this is the end of her line of inquiry on one Ms. Bella Swan.

We meet our driver at the airport and make our way to Forks. Rosalie is still texting away, and I'm getting caught up on voicemail. Jasper and Esme are talking quietly between themselves. Jasper and I have been friends for so long, he is like a second son to her.

"Edward, I would like to stop and get some coffee before we head out to the reservation. Plus, we also need to drop off Rosalie and Jasper somewhere, since they won't be coming to that particular meeting."

As if on cue, Jasper pipes right up. "Hey, Esme, funny you should mention coffee. We know a great little place in Forks—they're actually going to be doing catering during our shoot. Why don't we just go there?"

"That sounds lovely, Jasper. Rose, perhaps you could use our stop there to finalize the contract. Jasper, will you have enough to keep you busy if you and Rose stay there during our meeting?"

"Oh, I'm fairly certain I can keep myself occupied for a few hours," Jasper tells her with a wink and a grin.

"Jazz, how stupid do you think I am? Like you didn't just plan out that entire conversation with Esme just to scheme a way to get back to the Wonderland Café? Mom, seriously, you are _so_ obvious!" I say to both of them, and furrow my brow.

"Why, Edward, I have no idea what you're talking about. I just need some good coffee, that's all," Esme says with a smirk.

"Uh-huh. Right."

"Esme, I cannot imagine what kind of ungrateful oaf would be so skeptical of his own mother!" I hear Jasper say in mock indignation.

"I fully agree with you, Jasper. I think someone else in this car needs a cup of coffee, along with an attitude adjustment."

My mom and Jasper start cracking up together, and high five one another. I just shake my head and give up. Rose is completely oblivious to the proceedings. I silently wish I had that ability to focus when I want to. _Well, I used to be the king of focus before Bella Swan came along…_

The town car pulls up in front of the Wonderland Café, and we all empty out into the shop. Being a Saturday morning, the shop is full of customers. Without even saying a word, Jasper and I both whip out our Ray Bans. They seem to help us stay incognito in LA; I'm hoping they have the same effect in Forks.

The door chimes as we open it and walk into the café. All of a sudden, the café goes silent, and all eyes turn to us. I guess it was a bit too optimistic to believe our presence would go unnoticed. We get into the queue and wait our turn in line.

When we get to the front of the line, Jasper is first. The little sprite we saw before is at the register. Jasper suddenly removes his sunglasses and looks the pixie in the eyes.

"Why Mr. Whitlock," she says to Jazz without missing a beat, like she's been doing nothing but sitting around waiting for him since we left. "What a surprise to see you here again! We weren't expecting you for another month or so!"

"That's very true, Ms. Brandon. We happen to be in town tying up some loose ends."

"You can call me Alice, by the way. What can I get for you this morning?"

"I'm disappointed that you don't remember what my favorite menu item is, Miss Alice."

I silently roll my eyes at this. Jasper sure knows how to lay it on thick when it comes to the ladies. He doesn't seem to be any less smitten with "Miss Alice" than he was the last time he saw her. My internal threat level of worry has reached ORANGE, meaning fear of Jasper boinking Miss Alice is HIGH. If we move to threat level RED, all bets are off, and said boinking_ will_ occur. I need to think of a way to get him to move back to at least level yellow, and fast. Unfortunately, I can't bring him with me to our meeting, and my only alternative seems to be leaving him here with Alice. I sigh audibly for quite possibly the tenth time today, and it isn't even noon yet.

"Jazz, Esme and I really need to head over to the reservation. Do you mind hurrying along so that we can get our coffee, too?" I ask him with impatience.

"Edward, you should know we're on Forks time now. The Quileutes will wait for you to arrive. Just settle down. You know, don't worry, be happy." The motherfucker laughs at me.

I cross my arms and give him my _I am SO not amused look_. He gets the message, finally.

"Miss Alice, I think I will step aside and let my kind friends get their beverages of choice first; you and I have plenty of time to get my selection down later."

Alice just nods her head in slow motion, and very slowly turns her head over to me. I presume she intends to take my order, but all her thought and reason seem to be directed towards Jasper at the moment. I clear my throat to re-direct her brain over to me.

"I'd like the most caffeinated beverage on your menu, please."

"Well, sir, I can get you as many shots as you want—it's just a matter of adding extras. How many do you need?"

"Probably more than is healthy for me. Do you have anything with four shots?"

"That would be our large espresso Americano," she says, while shaking her head. "Your intake practically rivals Bella's!"

My heart stops when I hear the name Bella, and I freeze. Did she somehow sense my initial attraction to Bella? Why else would she mention her like that? _Shit, am I that obvious? First Esme, now Alice. This is already so out of control._

I decide to play dumb. "Bella?"

"Yes, I believe you met her last time you were here. Bella Swan, the person who makes our baked goods."

"I don't seem to recall anyone by that name."

"Oh, well I can have her come out to meet you. She is going to be taking care of the coffee cart on your set, so you might as well meet her."

I open my mouth to start protesting, when I hear Alice bellow out "Swan! Get your bunners up here now!!"

If I didn't know any better, I would say it is physically impossible for someone that tiny to make a noise that loud. Apparently, I would be wrong.

I hear a grumbling noise approach. Bella Swan comes out from a set of swinging doors. Her hair is in a high ponytail, she has flour over every imaginable body surface, and she is sporting a shirt that says, _Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies_.

Before she sees any of us, Bella replies, "What is it, Tiny Tim?"

"Bella, this is Mr. Edward Cullen. I'm not sure that you've been properly introduced."

Bella stops dead in her tracks and looks like she has just been a witness to a grisly murder. I decide that at the very least, I should act like a gentleman. Esme is standing right behind me, after all.

I hold out my hand to her. "Hello, Bella. It is a pleasure to meet you."

Bella gives me the biggest stink eye look I've ever seen. "Hello. Edward." She looks like she just threw up in her mouth. WTF?

Bella and I just stand there, shaking hands joined, eyeing each other warily. Esme breaks the silent scowling.

"Hello, Ms. Swan, my name is Esme Cullen. I'm Edward's mother. In case you haven't met her, this is Rosalie Hale. She is Edward's Personal Assistant."

Bella drops my hand like a hot potato and just as quickly grabs onto Esme.

"It is such a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Cullen. I truly admire Masen Masterwork's portfolio of films."

_Again, WTF? I'm the director of most of the projects at Masen, but all I get is a terse "Hello. Edward." Esme gets the royal treatment? What am I missing here? Was I not polite? _

"Thank you so much, Ms. Swan. The pleasure is all mine, truly. I really appreciate your compliment."

All I can do is scowl. I'm pissed off to a huge degree. I cannot fathom what I might have done to earn Bella's ire.

"Here's your order, Mr. Cullen. Would you like anything else? One of Bella's Buns for the road, perhaps?" She says to me, sweetly. I have to admit, she is very cute. I glance over at Bella again and notice that she is beet red. I wonder why.

"No, we ate on the plane. Coffee is just fine for now. Thank you. Esme, you and I should really get going."

"Yes, dear, I know. Ms. Brandon, I'm wondering if I could just get a cup of your brewed coffee, then we'll be on our way. And I have to compliment you on your café. It is just superb. I've always loved the story _Alice in Wonderland_. You've really captured that here."

"Thank you so much, Ms. Cullen. We're just a little shop in little Forks, Washington, but we do the best we can," Alice tells Esme as she hands her a cup of coffee.

Rose finally gets off her phone long enough to ask Alice to get Emmett so they can finalize the contract.

I turn to Jasper. "So Jazz, we'll probably be back by midafternoon. Should we just meet you guys here?"

"Yeah, I think we can hide out relatively inconspicuously. We're good, bro."

"Okay, then. Shall we, Esme?" I ask my mom, offering her my arm as an escort.

"We shall, dear boy. We shall," she replies, hooking her arm in mine and smiling beautifully.

A/N: I checked to make sure that it is now possible to use wifi on a plane, and it is on certain carriers. Since this is a private jet, I'm assuming Edward can do whatever the hell he wants in terms of searching the Internet during a flight.

"Desiderata" is up for an Indie Award…if you feel it is worthy, I encourage you to vote from July 6-13 at: http://www [dot] theindietwificawards [dot]

(Obviously, you need to remove the [dot] and replace it with a real dot.)


	10. Chapter 9: Transitions, PT II

**DESIDERATA**

**Things I own: A 15YO son who is embarrassed as all get out that his mom is such a Twilight freak (he doesn't even know I write FF; that would be akin to death by mortification).**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

**CHAPTER NINE: TRANSITIONS, PT. II**

"_When two great forces collide, the victory will go to the one who knows how to yield."_

– _Ancient Taoist saying_

**RPOV**

I've been doing my best all morning to keep on top of things. If you let one thing slide for more than a couple of hours, it all turns to hell in a hand basket faster than you can say "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw." I've gotten enough fires doused for the time being that I can eke out a hole in my schedule to meet with that stupid Neanderthal from the Wonderland Café. When I see Emmett Brandon round the corner, though, he isn't what I expected him to be. I hate to admit to myself that he is damn fuckhot! He is tall and sturdy, with muscles literally on top of his muscles. Just the way I like it. His shirt fits him snugly but not tight, so you can see the muscle definition. His dark, curly hair is cropped close, like he is trying to keep it under control. There's just enough hair on top for me to lace my fingers in and pull it tightly. His flat front pants display his package perfectly, and I'm almost tempted to walk straight over to him and wrap my hands around his junk. I realize I've been standing here ogling Emmett for longer than is politely allowed. _Jesus, what is wrong with me? I don't think I've ever done that before._

Emmett Brandon has a shit-eating grin on his face. He walks straight over to me and grabs my hand, shaking it roughly.

"You must be Rosalie Hale. It is so nice to meet you. I had no idea what you would look like, but your voice was sexy as hell on the phone."

I still haven't said anything to him. When he mentions the word "phone," I remember our conversation, and what a fucking caveman he was. As much as I love to hear my phone voice is sexy, this asswipe needs to be put into his place. No one gets away with calling me Sweetcakes. This man is a walking litigator's dream. Putting a muzzle on him is the only way he'll ever dig himself out from his grave.

"Mr. Brandon, I will have you know that it is extremely inappropriate for you to imply my phone voice is 'sexy.' The only way I will go back to your office is if I have a guarantee that you will restrict your conversation to cover the sole topic of our contract with the Wonderland Café. Have I made myself clear?" I'm employing my Ice Queen voice; this guy needs to get the message delivered with zero ambiguity. Something tells me that I may even need to club him over the head in order to drive the point home.

"Oh, you're crystal clear, baby. Crystal clear."

I just shake my head and sigh. Might as well get this over with, because this r-tard will never get it. Never. Simply not possible.

"Well, lead me to your office then, _buddy_."

As I take a seat in Emmett's office, I situate the chair as far away from him as possible. He doesn't take the hint, and pulls his chair right next to mine. _Can anyone seriously be this dense? Does he not understand non-verbal communication? _

"Hey, Brandon—have you ever heard of the term, 'personal space'?"

"Yes, Rosalie, I have. Why do you ask?"

_No. He did not just say that. Jesus, just shoot me now and put me out of my misery._

"You're _in_ my personal space, and I don't like it one bit. Get. Away. Now."

"Aw, you don't need to be like that! I just wanted to go through all the details of the contract with you. I can't do that from over there, can I?"

I have to admit, his smile is killer. Although I pride myself on my cold, dead heart, his smile made it melt just a little bit.

"Okay, whatever. Let's just get this over with."

As we discuss the finer points of the agreement, I notice that Emmett keeps nudging his chair closer to mine. I didn't think he could physically get any closer, but he is sure as hell trying. He leans over on his arm, so that it touches mine. His face is so close to mine, I can hear his breathing pick up. I hear him swallow, hard, and watch his huge Adam's apple bob up and down. I think about how hot it would be to run my tongue over that spot. I start to wonder what kind of noise I could get out of him if I do that. I look into his bright blue eyes as he looks into mine. Neither one of us says a word, but we don't need to. The air is suddenly thick with sexual tension. Before I know it, I dive into Emmett's lips and he picks me up to slam me against his door. It feels like we're two piranhas locked in a death match. I'd never been kissed like this before. This guy is fucking sex on a stick. My entire body is instantly on fire, and the epicenter is located right in my pussy.

I push Emmett away from me long enough to rip his shirt off. Literally. Buttons fly across his office. I am rewarded with a view of the most sculpted chest on the planet. I greedily bend over and flick my tongue across his right nipple, while pinching the left one. Hard. An urgent hiss escapes from his mouth, which is my indication to keep the steamroller going. With the momentum we've created, there is no stopping what has already been unleashed. We both instinctively recognize that we're in this coupling until its conclusion; there is no turning back.

I want him like I've never wanted anything in my life. I seriously believe I will die if I don't have him inside me within 30 seconds. I know I've never felt like this about any other human being—the need to get him inside me is like an acute ache. One look into Emmett's clouded eyes is all the reassurance I need. We're both fumbling with the other's clothes at the same time, which only delays our getting naked even further. I quickly put my palm on his chest as a signal for him to stop. He looks at me with indignation, until he realizes that it is just so that I can get his fucking belt undone and his pants off, STAT. I quickly whip my panties off and throw them wherever they land. Then I get down to business and pull his pants down urgently, forcing me to gasp. That earns me the most beautifully wicked smile on the planet. Jesus, his cock is absolutely huge, and he is commando. This man was made for me in every imaginable way. I drop to my knees like I'm practicing my fire safety instructions from first grade: "Stop, drop, and roll." I sure as hell am not going to stop, and we'll get to the rolling in a minute. I grab the base of his hard cock with force and sink it into my mouth. The groan this earns me is the sexiest sound I've ever heard. As if I'm not already about to come, he starts talking dirty to me. _Oh, fuck me. My panties are going to explode. Oh, wait a minute—they already did!_

"Fuck, Rose, you have no idea how fucking hot it is to see your lips wrapped around my cock like that! I've never gotten better head, baby!"

I look up into his eyes as he's talking to me, and all I can think of is that I want him to fuck me silly. I release his rod with an audible "pop" and stand up to wrap my leg around his hip. He grabs my ass and he slides into me. He is so thick and hard, he fills me up instantly.

"Fuck, Emmett! Fuck me as hard as you can!"

"Don't need to tell me twice, baby. Hang on!"

With every thrust into me, there is a loud bang on the door. It sounds like someone is knocking to get in; I don't even care how loud it is or who can hear it. I just want to fuck the brains out of this hot man.

Emmett shifts his grip on me from my ass to my thighs, so that the angle of his thrusts changes. He starts hitting m G-spot repeatedly, and I'm ready to climax before I know it.

"Fuck…Em…I'm, I'm…_coming_!" I scream as I clench around him. It only takes him a few more thrusts to catch up to me. My entire body goes limp as the throbbing of his cock dies down. It isn't until he softens and slides out of me, gently setting my feet back on the ground, that I realize we didn't use protection.

"Oh my god! Fuck! Protection!" is all I can manage to say.

"Are you on the pill by any chance?" Emmett says reservedly.

"Yes, but what about STDs? Are you clean?"

Emmett laughs out loud. "Rosalie, this is Forks, Washington. How often do you think I screw around?"

"Well, it only takes once. How am I supposed to know you don't do this with every girl you meet?"

Emmett kisses me softly on the cheek. "Rose, I haven't been laid in forever. I'm clean—you don't have any worries with me. You?"

"When do you think I have time to have sex? My rabbit vibrator is my best friend, let me tell you!"

Emmett looks me directly in the eye. "What was that, anyhow? I've never done something like that before!" He's using his hand to gesture back and forth between us.

"Believe me, neither have I. But it was so fucking hot!"

"No kidding, babe, no kidding. So, you ready for us to sign that agreement?" We both laugh breathily.

Just then, there is a light tap on the door. "Emmett? Are you okay in there?" It's Alice.

My face must have turned white, because Emmett looks sick to his stomach.

"Yep, Alice, we're all good. Just finishing up a few details on the agreement."

"Okay. If you say so." I hear her walk away.

Emmett and I both let go of the breath we've been holding, not even aware that we're doing it. I giggle over the ridiculousness of the situation, and it dawns on me. I cannot even remember the last time I've laughed like that. Emmett gives me a huge, self-satisfied grin, and I think to myself, _Filming in Forks, Washington may just be the best thing that's ever happened to me!_

**APOV**

_It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, such a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Could you be my? Would you be my?_

_Yes, indeedy, welcome to Alice's neighborhood. Meet my newest neighbor of all, Mr. Jasper Whitlock. And what, Mr. Beautiful-Young-Charming-Intelligent-All around-Fuckawesome-Whitlock, are you doing this fine day? _

_Why, Miss Alice, I do believe I've taken a shining to your lovely little café establishment here. I'm just standing 'round watching you do your sexy little thang. That fine ass of yours is heavenly to watch, I must admit. _

"Hey, peanut! You out there?"

Bella's voice breaks through my blatant ogling of Jasper Whitlock. "Hmm, Bella? What? Wait, which shirt are you wearing? Oh yeah, the dark side one. You can come up front."

"Alice, I don't know what the hell is going on in your brother's office, but it sounds like Regan MacNeil is having a hissy fit in there!"

"Who? Uh, what? Bella?"

I hear a loud knocking sound coming from the back room. I excuse myself from Jasper and start to head towards the door, when I feel Jasper's hand grab my arm.

"Hey, darlin', do you think I could come with you? It is my sister who's back there, too, after all…"

"Oh, Jasper, of course! I totally forgot. I hope they aren't beating each other up!" I say, only half-kiddingly. Jasper chortles over that one, and the sound sends chills down my spine.

Jasper and I arrive together in front of Emmett's office, and, sure enough, the door is knocking, and looks like it might even break through the hinges. We all look back and forth at each other, knowing exactly what is causing the commotion, and it isn't Regan MacNeil. We also leave unspoken the thought that none of us wants to go there. That much is clear in our masks of horror.

All of a sudden, the knocking stops. I can hear Emmett breathing deeply, and my eyes go even wider. Since no one else seems capable of intervening, I decide to knock on the door. It's a classic move of mine—I'm five feet tall, why am I always the one who leaps into the unknown? Like I'm going to be able to fend off anything that is making Emmett breathe hard? I've always been extremely impulsive, however, and those thoughts don't occur to me until I'm already in motion. _Damn, why can't I ever slow down long enough to think things through first?_

I knock lightly on the door a few times.

"Emmett? Are you okay in there?"

I hear Emmett take a deep breath before responding. "Yep, Alice, we're all good. Just finishing up a few details on the agreement."

"Okay. If you say so." I use my arms to scoot Jasper and Bella away from the door and motion with my head that we should all go out front.

The minute we get out front, I scream and start to giggle.

"Oh. My. God. You guys, we totally just caught Emmett and Rose doing the deed!" Jasper has the funniest look on his face I've ever seen. It's half amusement, half revulsion.

"Is that possible? Didn't it seem like Rose was ready to rip his throat out before they went back there? I didn't think she had it in her!"

"Even though it's pretty squicky to think of my brother being back there doing _that_ while we have customers in the building, I'm completely blown away. Emmett hasn't hooked up with anyone for years, at least that I'm aware of…"

I look over at Bella to see what she makes of all this, and her arms are crossed over her chest. "Alice, I can't possibly bake anything under these conditions! Who knows when that will start up again!"

"Calm down, Bella! You know you're almost done for the day. So Em got himself a little afternoon nookie—you should be happy for him!! Just put on your ear buds and crank up your iPod. That never seems to be difficult for you to do under normal circumstances."

"Gross. I don't even think the Smashing Pumpkins could drown them out, Alice. You're the one who has to remind him to wash his hands when he comes out of there!"

Jasper is just laughing his head off, like he hasn't been this amused in years. I've been standing here, chit chatting away with him for over an hour, and I have to admit, he is one of the nicest and friendliest guys I've ever met. I feel instantly at ease with him, like we've known each other forever. I can't believe he is just standing here, talking to me. I mean, he's like a major movie star. Are they allowed to mingle with commoners? They are the closest thing we have to royalty here in America, after all.

Our insulated bubble is suddenly shattered, as if an opera diva hit a high C. Instead of hearing a lovely aria, however, we are greeted with the shrill squeals of Jessica and Lauren. I instantly determine that they've discovered Jasper Whitlock.

Jessica is jumping up and down, saying something that sounds like, "ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod! Lauuuuuurrrren! It's Jasper! Jasper Whitlock!"

Lauren is a bit more restrained than Jessica, but that isn't saying much. When added together, those two create enough energy to fuel their own power station.

"Jasper, Jasper, can we pleeeease get a pic with you?"

Jasper, being the complete gentleman that he is, poses for the photos: One with Jessica, and one with Lauren. They have the audacity to ask _me_ for a pen and paper for autographs. If they're going to be celebrity whores, they may as well come prepared. I give them my best frown and hand over two of my business cards and a pen. That way, at least Jasper's name will be associated with mine whenever they look back at his autograph.

I'm shocked when Jasper excuses himself from the company of Jessica and Lauren, and turns his attention back to me.

"You know, little Miss Alice, I'm probably monopolizing your time a bit too much here. I've never met anyone like you before; I think they broke the mold when they made you."

"I certainly hope so, because the mold was defective. I think all future versions of Alice came out a little taller than me."

"Alice, you're such a petite little thing, but that's what makes you who you are. It wouldn't fit at all if you were bigger. Character, temperament, and shape all have to fit together to make someone like you. I can't imagine you any other way."

I stand there for a minute, shocked. If I didn't know any better, I would say that Mr. Jasper Whitlock is standing right in front of me, giving me compliments. It's a good thing I named this the Wonderland Café, because I definitely fell down the rabbit hole this morning to end up in a world where Jasper Whitlock is worried about monopolizing my time and telling me that I'm special. I don't think I want to try to find my way back home; I really like it here.

"Thank you so much, Jasper. No one has ever said anything that nice to me before."

"Well, it's about time you hear that music more often, don't you agree?"

"Mmhmmm. Oh! Music! Tonight is karaoke night at Mill Creek Bar & Grill. Since Rose and Emmett seem to have gotten off to a good start, maybe you guys should come out with us tonight! It would be a chance to get to know us a little bit better, since we won't be at work anymore."

"I think that's an excellent idea, Alice. I'll just text Edward, so he and Esme can meet us when they are done with their meeting."

***********************************************************************

**EPOV**

Watching my mother in action is like watching a finely tuned Volvo. Engineering precision, perfectly shifts from one gear to the next, and positively flawless in beauty. I think my mom is one of the most beautiful, talented women alive. If I end up with someone half as amazing as she is, I will consider myself truly fortunate. Her only flaw appears to be a completely biased and overly inflated opinion of her son's merits.

"Sue, Sam, it has been an honor to meet with you today to discuss working together on our film. As I mentioned, our main objective is to pay tribute to the Quileute tribe and Native Americans. I assure you our intent is to treat your culture with dignity and respect, and to honestly represent some of the injustices that your people have experienced. We understand your position on waiting to sign a contract until you have spoken with your council. Should we simply shake on our verbal agreements and find a time to meet tomorrow to finalize everything?"

"Esme, we'll take your words into careful consideration in front of our entire council tonight. We cannot guarantee an outcome. But I feel that our ancestors will guide us to make the right decision. I'll call you tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, Sue. That's all I can ask of you. I truly appreciate your efforts to make this work."

My mom always knows what to say. I'm amazed at how gifted she is in the art of communication. It must stem from her innate love of all people; she isn't someone who harbors regrets or resentments.

We shake hands and make our way back to the town car. I open the door for Esme and step in behind her.

"Mom, you are a true professional. I think I just saw you cast a magic spell back there. How do you do that?" I ask her, smiling.

"Edward, I just treat people with the respect they deserve. Unless they prove to me otherwise, I simply believe in the inherent worth and dignity of the individual."

"I can honestly say I am extremely proud that you are my mom. You're an amazing human being."

Esme lifts her hand and places it lovingly on my cheek. "Well, that sentiment goes both ways, sweetheart. I will forever be grateful that from all the genetic possibilities out there, you are the son I was given. I feel very lucky to have both you and Carlisle. I guess the universe decided I'm the one who got to win the family lottery. I simply could not ask for more than I have."

I just smile back at her—what could I possibly say to top that?

As I settle down into my seat, both Esme and I pull out our phones and check messages. What the hell did I do before the iPhone was created? I simply cannot remember. I may as well have it soldered onto my palm since it is permanently attached there anyhow. _But then I wouldn't have a free hand for beating off._ Seriously, my mind is in the gutter approximately every three seconds. Have I always been this obsessed with sex? I'm as horny as the next guy, but I feel like my hormones have been in complete overdrive this week. My ongoing, epic shower wanks have done nothing to stem the tide; if anything, it has only intensified my need for relief. I begin to wonder if it is possible to become addicted to beating off. I decide it is best to shelf this topic before my cock reaches the blue balls stage of hardness. I'm sitting next to my mother, for christ's sake.

I notice a text from Jasper. Before I have time to open it, my internal threat level of worry returns.

_Dood karaoke 2nite? Girlz r goin. Let's dew eet. J_

I'm instantly at the internal threat level of worry, code RED. This is for two separate and distinct reasons:

Karaoke means: A) Singing, B) Singing in front of strangers, C) Copious amounts of alcohol. All bad things, in my book. I don't sing. I certainly don't sing in public. And if I drink, I will likely engage in A, B, and C. Not good.

Singing, copious amounts of alcohol, and girls means that Jasper is going to boink Alice. Again, not good.

_J-long mtg, want to stay in. u can go. – E_

Before I can even set my phone down, it buzzes with another text.

_E- u r a puss. Yes, u r goin. No choice. Meet us at WC. Thatz n order. - J_

I furrow my brow and madly text back to Jasper.

_WTF is WC?_

_Alice's. Rtard._

_ETA WC 15 min. Talk then. – E_

I turn my phone onto mute and shove it in my pocket. I have the very unpleasant feeling that things are suddenly out of my control.

***********************************************************************

**BPOV**

My ear buds are in, Billy Corgan and James Iha are screaming guitars at me, and I still can't get the door knocking out of my head. Just thinking about Emmett having sex in the office has made my brain all kinds of crazy, and I'm not exactly sure why that is. I fully own up to my inner pervert; I have acknowledged to myself that I am the world's horniest virgin. So what is it about Emmett getting some that has me so wigged out?

I can't fault him for hitting that piece of ass, because Rosalie Hale is stunningly gorgeous and hot. So, yeah, way to go Em. I can't be pissed that he had sex in his office, because I would probably do the same thing, given motive and opportunity. I don't want to envision Em having sex, because that is just wrong; he is practically my brother, so I don't even go there.

All of a sudden, from out of nowhere, an image pops into my head—in an instant, I picture myself being pounded into the door, and the one doing the pounding? None other than Mr. Edward Asshat Cullen. _Fuck!_ That's what has me so bothered—I'm imaging myself having sex with the world's #1 Independent Films Douche of the Universe. No wonder I'm all bothered; I will _not_, however, admit to being hot. My subconscious mind is apparently a bit of a jokester, popping those images of the Asshat into my conscious mind when I least suspect it. I'm really starting to get annoyed—my subconscious and conscious minds need to talk and formulate a strategy, because they are both driving me to distraction.

Fortunately, Alice comes to save me from myself. She dances back to my workstation, but this time I see her, so she doesn't scare the crap out of me like she usually does. Before speaking, she pulls my ear buds out so I can hear her; she's very thoughtful like that.

"Hey, Bells, Jasper and I just came up with the best idea!" She is getting close to doing the jumping bean thing again, but damn if that doesn't make her totally irresistible. "We're all going over to the Mill for karaoke tonight!"

"Define the meaning of 'we're all.'"

"Well, the Masen people and you, me, and Em."

"Ah, no, Alice. I'm not going. I just have to get up at 3 to come back here, and I don't feel like baking with a hangover tomorrow. Besides, if I'm not there, that will just mean you have no one to talk to except Jasper, so bonus points for that."

"Belllllla," she says in the most conniving voice imaginable. "I can't have any fun if you aren't there. I need your yin to yang me and keep me in check. I don't want to embarrass myself in front of them. And I need your snark to protect me against Lauren and Jessica, because you know those skanks will be there."

"Alice, there is no way you need any help from me. I don't call you Mighty Mouse for nothing!"

"I just cannot possibly enjoy myself unless you are there. Please, Bella, it would mean so much to me! Just come for one drink."

"Alice, you know one drink always turns into an infinite number. We've discussed this concept before. It never works."

"I'm so glad you said yes, Bella! Thank you!"

"Oh, so that's how it's going to be? You're doing the ignoring tactic, and pretending in that sweet little brain of yours that your evil plan is set in motion?" I sigh. I know better than to resist when she gets like this. "Okay, munchkin. One drink. One. No karaoke."

She clasps her little body to mine and her energy literally ricochets around the room. Dammit, she is such a cute little bugger. That's why I love her.

"Just let me put this last load into the dishwasher and I'll meet you out front."

***********************************************************************

Before I even know where I am and how I got there, I realize that I'm sitting at a table at the Mill with our newly formed, loosely cobbled together sort of Justice League. Except that I'm totally out of my league, but that goes without saying. Somehow, we all floated from the café to the Mill…it reminds me of the dust cloud that follows Pig Pen in the Peanuts cartoon. Except our Pig Pen is Alice, and she's very clean, but we still follow her because we can't help ourselves. To say that the girl is charismatic is an understatement. Wherever she leads, we are all inclined to follow.

I peruse my surroundings, and notice that Jasper is sitting next to Alice who is sitting next to Emmett who is sitting next to Rosalie who is sitting next to Esme who is sitting next to me. And between Jasper and me? Yep, Cullen. It's like the fucker did it just to spite me. I cross my arms and pretend he isn't there. Plus, as an added bonus, I'm next to Esme Cullen, and I'm determined to chat her up. She's bound to be extremely compelling. Plus, she isn't Edward. I can't go wrong.

I turn to talk to Esme, but before any words leave my mouth, the waitress arrives and sets a plastic cup in front of each of us. I groan. Someone ordered kamikaze shots for the table. Well, I did promise myself one drink, so it will just be a potent one. I can handle _one. _ I'm not that much of a lightweight. Alice grabs her cup and hoists it high above her head, shouting out "CHEERS!" Everyone else at the table follows suit, and we slam the shots. Even Esme, which is cooler than cool.

"So, Ms. Cullen, how did things go today?" The minute the words leave my mouth, I regret it. They probably can't talk about that stuff, they're probably industry secrets or something. I quickly clamp my hand over my mouth.

"Bella, first of all, if you all me Ms. Cullen, I'll have to resort to calling you Ms. Swan. I don't want to do that, so it's Esme, all right?" I nod my head in response. "And second, why did you put your hand over your mouth? You didn't say anything wrong."

"Well, I just figured I was prying, or you didn't want to have details get out to the general public or something like that. I don't really know anything about Hollywood life, so I'm not sure what are acceptable topics of conversation, and what's taboo. I just assumed I put my foot in it like I always do. No verbal filter, apparently."

"Bella, now if I was worried about you saying something to the tabloids, perhaps I would be more reserved. I don't think I have anything to worry about with you."

"Wow, thanks. That was very cool, the way you just handled that."

"Thank you for your vote of confidence, Bella. So tell me, I'm very curious, how does one get to become a baker with infamous buns in Forks, Washington?"

"How do you know about my buns?"

"My son and I were looking at your website this morning during our flight."

"You were?"

"Why do you sound so surprised by that?"

"Well, um, you're famous. You're coming into my town for one of your film projects. I can't imagine what kind of alternate universe exists where Esme Cullen would be looking at our website. It's just weird."

"Bella, I'm hardly famous. Edward and Jasper are the ones who gain most of the attention around here."

Suddenly, I remember that Edward is sitting next to me. I feel his gaze in my general direction, but choose to continue ignoring it.

"You never answered my question, Bella. How did you become a baker?"

"Well, it's a long story, but the synopsis is basically that I can't afford to go to college, my best friend and I wanted to do something together, and I've been baking cookies and treats for as long as I can remember. It was kind of my hobby to take recipes and combine them, or change them, and create something entirely new. When Emmett and Alice came up with the idea for the café, I was in like Flynn. That's the story."

"That's exactly what we do with our films. Take a story, add our own flair to it, and create something entirely new," I hear a smooth, velvety blanket coat my ears as Edward speaks. _If I were standing up right now, my knees would have just buckled._

_Hang on a tick, I don't remember inviting anyone to join my private conversation with Esme Cullen!_

"Mr. Cullen, it isn't like baking and filmmaking are even remotely connected. For example, I've never once walked down the red carpet because I created a stellar new tart recipe. My 'buns' are never splayed in the tabloids. Our lives and experiences have no relevance to one another's."

"Well, Bella, I think you aren't giving yourself enough credit for what you do. While the two activities may not be in similar hemispheres, you have to admit the pursuits and the goals are similar," Esme interjects.

"Would you care to admit that you create your art with a healthy dose of care and love?" Edward says, trying to squeeze back into the conversation. I look over at him, and his gaze is fixed, intense, and a little intimidating.

_Okay,_ I think. _I can take you on, Mr. Asshat._

"No, I wouldn't care to admit that. What I do isn't art. I love it, it is fun, it is extremely labor intensive, but it's just baking. It isn't like I'm giving birth to my progeny or anything like that."

"I think that could be construed as an artistic endeavor, Bella," Esme adds. "And if you love what you do, then you clearly care deeply about the product you are trying to create. That sounds like the same thing we try to do at Masen."

Before I can stop myself, I blurt out the truth. "No, if I have to be honest, writing is my preferred art form, and in writing I truly synthesize something new and unique. That's what I truly love."

_Shit. I didn't mean to get on about my writing. This is going to be fail, I just know it._

They both have startled looks on their faces. I feel compelled to explain.

"Um, what I mean to say is, uh, oh hell! My real aspiration in life is to be a writer. There. I said it. And don't think that I said it just because you two are here and I expect to join forces with you or anything like that! It's just a stupid dream that I have. It doesn't mean anything!"

"On the contrary, Bella, I find that very interesting. I have the sense that there is more than meets the eye with you. I'm seldom wrong in my intuition about people," Esme says with the gentlest, most inviting look that I've ever seen. I wish I knew what it is about her that makes me feel so comfortable.

Our conversation is interrupted by another round of kamikazes. Typically, I would give mine to someone else, but in light of my most recent admission, I desperately need the liquid courage. Alice leads us all in another round of, "CHEERS!"

Esme and I continue talking about Masen, how she got into her line of work, and then veer off into topics regarding life in general. She is by far the most interesting person I've ever met, and I know I love her. I wonder if this is because my own mom is such a miserable failure, that I'm glomming onto Esme, who happens to be the epitome of everything that is good and wise and nurturing. I'm hoping that my reaction is simply because she is a kickass individual and nothing more than that.

As I ponder that, I see Alice pulling Jasper up onto the stage to start off the karaoke. Jasper is a brave, brave soul—you wouldn't get me up there, even if you pulled out all my teeth sans Novocain. They start signing one of the cheesy duets from _High School Musical_. Wow, Jasper must actually like Alice—I can't imagine a grown man putting up with this level of shame otherwise. I officially love Jasper Whitlock now. Not _in_ _love_ love, but love his character and the fact that he is smitten with Alice. That much is very obvious. I happen to glance in Edward Cullen's general direction and he is glaring. _What's up his ass this time?_ I wonder.

Another round of kamikazes hit us, another chorus of "CHEERS!" and then it's Rosalie and Emmett's turn on stage. Emmett sings about as well as an out of tune piano, but he gives it all his heart. Rosalie has a beautiful singing voice, of course, since she is the epitome of female perfection. They are both drunk and smiley and appear to be having the time of their lives. I wonder if someone like Rosalie ever lets her hair down. I doubt it.

Rose and Em are followed onstage by Jessica and Lauren, who dedicate their song to Jasper. Alice looks like she is going to bite their heads off. Jasper looks like he is going to puke, and I'm pretty certain it isn't because he has drunk too much. He shakes his head and turns to make conversation with Edward, who has been sitting with his arms crossed, brows furrowed, and a permanent scowl on his face. The music is loud, but not at a level that drowns out Jasper's words.

"Edward, dude, lighten up. You should at least try to pretend as if you're enjoying yourself. You do need to worry about PR."

"Jasper, you know better than anyone on this earth how impossible it is for me to pretend to feel something which I do not. I hate feeling like I have to say something polite for conversational purposes. I'll leave that to you, and just observe rather than participate. Besides, the only woman of substance in this town has been on your arm all night."

"She is stunning, isn't she? I was immediately drawn to her. Her friend is pretty hot, too."

"I suppose she's all right, but she's been sitting by herself all night! I'm certainly not going to attempt a conversation that I have no desire of conducting with a woman who hasn't spoken to another man all evening. It isn't my job to make her feel attractive, and you're wasting your time trying to convince me otherwise."

I clearly overhear Edward and sit there staring at him. I can feel the heat of my blush on my cheeks. Although I didn't think it was possible, my opinion of him just sunk to a new record low. He may as well be the NYSE, that's about how highly I think of him. I do my best to hold back my tears, because I refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing how badly his words hurt me. That would give him a level of power over me I don't want him to have.

"Well, Edward, as usual, your narrow vision limits your options. I guess you really don't care about being single."

I stand up, deciding that now is my time to depart, before my ego can suffer any additional blows.

"Alice, I think I'm going to head out—it looks as though I've been officially snubbed." I turn and glare at Edward_._ "I'll see you tomorrow. At least one of these guys is amiable."

Jasper looks at me sadly and murmurs, "Touché."

"Thanks."

Esme stands up to leave with me. "I think I'm ready to go, too, Bella. Why don't I give you a ride home in our car?" She puts her arm around me, and I feel just a little bit better. As we turn to leave, she leans over to Edward.

"I raised you to be a gentleman, Edward Anthony Cullen, and you disappoint me. That was very badly done, buster. Very badly done!"

She turns her back on her son and puts her hand in the middle of my back. I can feel the tears starting to fall, and I just let it happen. I don't care who sees it anymore.

**A/N: I promised myself I would never beg, borrow, or steal for reviews, or resort to cheap tricks. I lied. I'm breaking down to offer teasers for every review. I'm a review whore; I admit it!**


	11. Chapter 10: Casting Spells

**DESIDERATA**

**Things I own: An enormous Rob Pr0n collection on my hard drive that seems to grow exponentially by the day. I blame AngryBadgerGirl and NaughtySparkle for leading me astray.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

**CHAPTER TEN: Casting Spells**

"_A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it back to me when my memory fails."_

_- Anonymous_

"_I raised you to be a gentleman, Edward Anthony Cullen, and you disappoint me. That was very badly done, buster. Very badly done!"_

_She turns her back on her son and puts her hand in the middle of my back. I can feel the tears starting to fall, and I just let it happen. I don't care who sees it anymore._

**BPOV**

Esme escorts me to their chauffeured town car and gets me settled inside before she says anything. She grabs a tissue from her purse and hands it to me. For some reason, the minute I see the Kleenex, I start to sob; it must be a Pavlovian response. Again, I'm being comforted by this wonderful woman whom I've known for less than 24 hours. There is something about her that is positively genuine and reassuring, so I allow myself to fall apart in front of her. Typically, that is Alice's role in my life; I'm shocked that Esme doesn't mind comforting someone she barely knows. The fact that it is her own asshole son who has caused me to fall apart may have something to do with it.

I realize the car isn't moving and do my best to calm down and try to choke out a sentence. Before I can do that, Esme simply says to me, "Bella, can you give the driver your address so I can see you home safely? It is the least I can do for you."

In between sobs, I manage to get out my address, and we pull away from the bar. I lean my head on Esme's shoulder and continue to cry myself out. Before I realize it, the car has arrived in my driveway. It is still hard for me to verbalize anything, but Esme takes care of that for me. "Bella, I'm very sorry about what happened. I won't speak on my son's behalf, but I'm sorry nonetheless. Will you be all right to get in by yourself?"

"I'll be fine, Esme. Thank you so much…I'm sorry I cried on you," I sniff.

"You should know by now that a mother's shoulder is structurally engineered to soak up tears and heartache, even if they are from someone else's child."

_Fuck, just when I thought I was getting this under control enough to scramble in the house with at least a shred of dignity left…_I start to cry again.

"Oh no, I just put my foot into something, didn't I?"

I'm doing the sobbing-hiccupping routine all over again, but I try to gasp out a reply. "E-hes-me, I d-d-don't h-have a m-mom. Sh-sh-she left me."

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry about everything. I can't believe I just made things so much worse when I was trying so hard to make it better! Please trust me on that!" Her voice is so soft and soothing, even in her anguish.

"I-i-it's okay. I j-just need t-t-to go t-t-to bed. G-goodnight. Thank you." I open the car door and make my way through the front door. I turn towards the car and give her a quick wave to let her know I'm okay.

I'm too tired to even get ready for bed. The only thing I have enough energy to do is grabbing my clothes for tomorrow and set them out. I look at the alarm to make sure it is set, slump into bed, and fall fast asleep.

***************************************************

The alarm breaks through my cloud of sleep. _Shit, I just want to go back to sleep._ Duty calls, so I roll out of bed and quickly dress myself. _Thank god I set my clothes out before I went to bed._

In no time at all, I'm out the door and on my way to the café. I'm so tired this morning; my movements are more a matter of muscle memory than of conscious effort. It's definitely a contemplative type of day, following the asshattery I experienced at the bar last night, so I select my Radiohead playlist, pop in my ear buds, and let Thom Yorke work through the angst on my behalf. I don't have the momentum yet to do it for myself. Maybe once I've had a pot or two of coffee I'll be ready for that.

Even though it is ridiculously early, dark outside, and I'm feeling a bit morose, I'm especially grateful this morning to have some time to myself before the rest of the world awakes. There is something to be said for being awake when everyone else is asleep. I almost feel like I'm the only person in the world who is in on a huge secret—I'm busy participating in life while everyone else sleeps theirs away. To be honest, it makes me feel a bit smug.

As upset as I was last night, I went through some kind of a transformation while I slept, and I no longer feel the acute sting of the Asshat's comments. Something happened to my sleeping brain that has given me a sense of clarity. In the end, I realize, Edward the Asstard Cullen's fine opinion of me doesn't matter. The way he feels about me, his comments about my desirability or appeal, none of it makes any difference. My worth as an individual didn't just change simply because of what he said. He cannot possibly say or do anything that has an impact on who I am as an individual, the things that are important to me, or the things I am able to accomplish. In short, he has no power over me; I refuse to give him that much importance in my life. Once the filming is over and Masen has left Forks, my life will be exactly what is always has been. Nothing will have changed, so it simply isn't worth the effort of wasting my breath to be upset about it.

Frankly, if I'm completely honest with myself, I feel a little sorry for Edward Cullen. He is clearly an intelligent (if somewhat socially retarded) individual. He is an outstanding director, and he has an interesting career and life. The world could be his oyster if he so chooses. Admittedly, he is beautiful. An ass, absolutely, but a beautiful ass. For all his gifts and abilities, however, I pity him. Really, what kind of a person goes around acting like he did last night? I mean, who am I, in the grand scheme of things, that he would even need to waste the effort of his breath to diss me like that in front of our friends? I'm just a baker from Forks, Washington. In fact, it is almost amusing that he would let himself get his feathers ruffled by someone like me.

I make a resolution at that very moment—Edward Cullen will never get the best of me again. He will not make me feel like a person unworthy of love or attention. I recall something I read about Eleanor Roosevelt, a kind of mantra of sorts she developed for herself to help her through some of her darker moments. She said, "No one can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission." _Rock on, Eleanor, you're absolutely right, as usual._ And you know what, Edward Cullen? You do _not _have my permission to make me feel bad about myself. So there, Fucktard.

********************************************************

**EPOV**

A shrill phone ringing jars me awake. I sit upright, and for a moment I have no idea where I am. Then I see the double bed next to the one I'm in, and realize I'm in a hotel room. Immediately following that realization, I have three swift thoughts:

- I think my head is going to fucking explode;

- I have to manage to be lucid enough today to do Jacob Black's screen test;

- Esme left the bar with Bella last night, and she is going to be pissed as hell when I see her this morning.

The phone rings again, and I pick it up. My voice croaks out a pathetic "Hello?"

"You have 45 minutes to get ready and meet me in the lobby. We are going to grab some coffee, and will head straight for the Quileute reservation after that. You need to make sure Jasper is ready to go, so he can be there to read for the screen test."

"Good morning to you too, mom."

"If I were you, I wouldn't make any assumptions about what kind of morning it is, Mister. I'll see you in 45 minutes." She hangs up without another word.

_What the hell just happened?_ I think to myself. What happened to make Esme turn into the White Witch? Then I remembered—_Bella_. Bella had overheard my stupid asshole comments to Jasper. I had been trying to convey a sense of disinterest in Bella, mainly in a feeble attempt to convince myself that she didn't mean anything to me. Almost like I was trying to talk myself out of being attracted to her, when everything in my body, particularly its reactions to her, was screaming the exact opposite. I know that it is imprudent for me to get to know her, that a relationship between us is utterly inconceivable, so I was trying to convince both her and myself that it could never work. I wanted her to think that I was the biggest douche in the universe. Instead, I made her feel shitty about herself and put my own mother on the offensive against me. _Fuck, I'm in deep shit now. Esme's on the war path._

I pick up my phone and call Jasper. It rolls over into voicemail. I leave him a message and send him a text. I hang up the iPhone and go over to his room. I pound on the door until he answers. When he opens the door, he has the pissiest look on his face I've ever seen. Jasper has been annoyed with me many, many times over the years, but he has a heart of gold and forgives my faults and sins readily. The look he is giving me at this very moment, however, does not make him appear to be ready to forgive me of anything. I mumble to him that we have about 45 minutes to get ready and meet Esme in the lobby before we head to the café for coffee and off to the reservation for our screen test. He just nods at me and slams the door in my face. _Yeah, good morning to you too, buddy._

I go back to my room and step into the shower. I feel too shitty to bother with a shower wank, but I'll probably regret that as the day wears on. I need to find myself some ibuprofen and get a huge caffeine infusion before I can begin to face this day. I dress quickly and find myself in the lobby waiting for Esme. Jasper stumbles in a few minutes later. We both sit there in a near comatose state. Mom walks through the lobby at a brisk pace and doesn't even stop to say good morning. She just nods her head towards me and we all three make our way out to the car. Esme leans over to Jasper, and I hear her tell him we're stopping for coffee before we head to the reservation. That puts a smile on his face as if he just won the lottery.

When we walk into the café, Esme's entire temperament changes. She has a beaming smile on her face, and gives Alice a very cheery "Good morning" greeting. Alice's gaze locks directly onto Jasper's face, and he gives her his most charming, beaming smile. _Shit, another 'moment.'_

Unexpectedly, Bella walks through the doors from the back room at that moment. She looks tired, but otherwise just fine. I glance at the shirt she is wearing (okay, so I was really just ogling her boobs), and read the wording: _Careful, or you'll end up in my novel._ I can't imagine she is wearing that message for my benefit, but I have to wonder about it, particularly since she shared her writing aspirations with Esme and me last night. Before I can say anything to her, Esme takes command.

"Good morning, Bella. I hope you slept all right last night. Alice, it is lovely to see you as well."

Bella smiles at my mom. "To be honest, I'm stinking tired, but that's the story of my life. I'm hanging in there, and we're closed every Monday, so I can sleep in tomorrow anyhow. Are you guys off to the airport?"

"Oh, no, we're actually finalizing our agreement with the Quileutes today, and Edward and Jasper are going to do a screen test with the young man we are considering for the lead role in our film."

"Oh really? It's someone from here?"

I can see where this conversation is headed, and I want to nip it in the bud immediately. The last thing we need is to be discussing the casting session with the locals. Bad move.

"We aren't really at liberty to discuss anything until the final casting decisions have been announced," I say tersely.

Everyone walks around me as if I'm not even there. Jasper is in front of Alice, chatting quietly while she makes his coffee. Esme walks over to Bella, changing the subject all together.

"Bella, what would you recommend from the pastry selection this morning? It all looks so good, I can't even decide."

"Umm, in the morning, as much as it is gonna sound cliché, you really should try one of my buns. I'm pretty proud of them, and they're still warm."

The image of Bella's naked buns, posed warmly in front of me, pops into my head. _She has every reason in the world to be proud of them_, I think to myself. I silently will my cock to behave itself rather than pop up to see what all the fuss is about.

"Why don't you package up three of them for us, please. I can't wait to try them!"

"I'm sure you can get much better in LA, but it's probably the best you'll do around here, anyway. So, I need to ask: Are you meeting with anyone from the Tribal Council this morning?" I grimace and open my mouth to speak, when Bella just puts her finger up in the air to shush me. She goes on to explain, "The only reason I ask is because they are nuts over my buns, and it would be a great gesture of goodwill if you came prepared with a peace offering. It would make them pleasantly surprised, I think. I know the members of the Council pretty well, because my dad's best friend, Billy Black, is one of them."

Esme smiles at Bella, as if she just shared the secrets of the universe with her. "Bella, you have no idea how much I appreciate your insight. I think that will be just the thing we need to sweeten and seal the deal. It was really nice of you to share that with us."

"No problem, Esme, really. It was the least I could do."

"Why don't you package up a dozen of them, then, and we'll take them over."

Esme pays for the order, and she and Jasper start heading out the door. I'm completely confused—no one even asked me for my coffee order.

"Umm, guys, do you think maybe I could get some coffee before you leave me?"

Esme gives me the _look_. "I think you need to ask for what you want in order for it to be given to you, Edward."

I chuckle humorlessly and turn to Alice, speaking in the smoothest tone I can manage. "Alice, could you please make your quadruple espresso for me?"

"Of course, Mr. Cullen. Coming right up."

As I wait for my order to be ready, I glance over at Bella. She is fussing with the pastry display case, so she isn't directing any attention towards me. I take that moment to watch her. Even though she must be extremely tired, her skin is still pale and beautiful. Her stunning brown hair is up in a ponytail, leaving her long, graceful neck exposed. Today's t-shirt is more fitted, closely hugging the curves underneath. Her rack is magnificent—jutting out as if they want to say, "Good morning, Edward. We just had to come out to say hello." I envision my hands speaking back to them in sign language, giving those tits the most spectacular "hello" in the history of mankind. I imagine what kind of bra she is wearing underneath her t-shirt, and I'm instantly regretting foregoing my morning shower wank. I'm hard as a rock. Bella chooses that exact moment to look up at me, and her face instantly flushes. _Jesus, that's all I need. Caught in the act of lewd behavior. _ Bella just looks at me, confused, shrugs her shoulders, shakes her head, and walks towards the doors to the café's kitchen. Alice hands me my drink, which I end up snatching from her in my haste to get the hell out of there and cut my losses while I still can.

***********************************************************************

**BPOV**

I'm wondering what the fuck just happened out there. I wandered out front to freshen my mug of coffee, and I saw Esme Cullen, Jasper Whitlock, and Edward Cullen standing in front of the register. Jasper was already deeply engaged in conversation with Alice, Esme appeared to be patiently waiting to order her coffee, and Edward looked like an asshole. Clearly, that's not a stretch for him. I'm surprised that I don't feel more upset, or embarrassed, to see him, after his comments last night. _Hmm, I guess taking away his permission to make me feel bad about myself actually worked. Cool!_

Esme was nice enough to say hello to me, even if her idiot son has a stick up his ass, and we make small talk about their plans for the day. I assumed that they were heading back to LA, but Esme informs me they still have to meet with the Quileute Council and do a screen test. Before I had a chance to think about what I was saying, I asked who was doing the screen test and got a wave of frostiness from Edward that would rival the Ice Age. _Whatever, dude, get over yourself. Seriously. You're kinda getting super annoying._ I mentioned to Esme that the Quileutes love my buns, and she takes me up on my idea to bring some along with them to the meeting. I directed my attention back to the pastry case, because the order was all screwed up since we had just sold all those buns. I was thinking about how to rearrange things to look orderly, when I sensed the need to look up. I caught Edward _staring_ at me. Yes, really, staring at me. I felt like maybe I had a booger on my cheek or something, and felt my face flush. I can't imagine why he was staring at me, apart from an extreme, nonsensical hatred of my person. I just looked at him, confused, then decided to head to the back. I wasn't even going to waste my time with him.

Not less than five minutes later, Alice dances back to see me. Thank god I don't have the ear buds in, or she would have scared the hell out of me.

"Bella, I have a confession to make."

"Alice, I'm not a priest. And you aren't Catholic. What's up?"

"I just made Edward Cullen four shots of _decaf_ espresso."

I laugh out loud at that and hold up my fist to bump together with hers. "Excellently played, Ms. Brandon! You sneaky little bitch! I honestly didn't know you had it in you!"

"I've never even considered it before, but I'm kind of like a mama bear when someone hurts my cub. I get all territorial. No one gets to hurt my Bella. _No one_."

"I never would have thought of it, either. Although I have had visions of poisoning his coffee on the set, I must admit."

"You have to promise not to do it until the end of the shoot. That way we can still get payment for most of the contract," she says in her magical little giggle. We both know she is kidding, but it is still funny as hell. She quickly shifts gear and says, "Bella, you are not going to try to tell me that Edward Cullen wasn't staring at you out there."

"Alice, you just used too many negatives in one sentence for that to make any sense. And no, I'm not going to tell you that Edward Cullen wasn't looking at me. I think. Wait; let's start over. Yes, Edward Cullen was giving me the stink eye just now. There, that clears things up."

"Stink eye? Are you kidding me? He was totally checking out your hooters, girl!"

"Alice, he was so not checking out my hooters."

"Was so."

"Was not."

"Was so."

"Alice, quit! He was not! I think he was trying to come up with another Oscar-worthy diss of me, but couldn't quite manage it until the caffeine hits his system."

"Yeah, what he said last night was pretty awful. I don't know why he did that, and neither did Jasper."

"Alice, it doesn't matter. We live in different worlds. It doesn't mean anything that he doesn't like me. It has no impact on who I am or what I do. Really. So, he is a socially retarded asswipe. Nothing new there."

"Bella, really…."

"No, Alice, I mean it. It's cool. And besides, I would rather talk about you and one Mr. Jasper Whitlock. What happened after I left last night?"

Alice does this little squee and dance at the same time. If she didn't have her shoes weighing her down, I would swear she'd be floating above the café right now.

"Oh Bella, he is everything that is perfect in a man—funny, enthusiastic, pleasant, and so kind. All night long, he was so at ease and wasn't even remotely pretentious, like I expected him to be. I can't believe we hung out together the entire time!"

"Alice, that is one of the main differences between us—you cannot believe when a cute guy pays attention to you, and I cannot believe when they don't. Honestly, you are the most adorable woman in Forks—how could Jasper have even noticed anyone else?"

"You always say that!"

"Because it is true! You know that I cannot avoid seeing what is wrong in everyone and everything, but you cannot see anything but goodness. I don't remember your ever saying a mean word about anyone in all the years we've known each other."

"You totally exaggerate my good qualities. I'm not that nice of a person. I'm a petite, hyper, anally retentive, five feet tall midget. What could I possibly offer someone like Jasper Whitlock?"

"Now let me guess…you guys made out like two teenagers in heat, didn't you?"

"Was it that obvious?"

"Let's just say you're glowing so brilliantly I'm wondering if you visited a nuclear power plant last night."

"Bella, I can't even tell you what an amazing kisser he is! I could have sworn I was going to spontaneously combust! And he did it right in front of everyone else at the bar, like he didn't care who saw us. As much as I loved kissing him, it was almost sweeter to see the looks on Jessica and Lauren's faces—to say they were pissed off is putting it mildly. It was so…_satisfying_…to finally get the better of those two!"

"I wish I could have seen it! I think I may be even happier than you are about that!"

"So, I have to ask Bella—what are you going to do about Edward Cullen? And the filming?"

"Alice, I'm not going to do a damn thing. My life is exactly the same as it was 48 hours ago. It will continue being the same 48 hours from now. Edward Cullen's presence in Forks doesn't change a thing."

We hear the front door chime out and Alice flits back to the front to greet our customer. I have a huge smile on my face, thinking about how happy Alice is over the time she spent with Jasper. She deserves this more than anyone I know, and I will do whatever it takes to make this work for her while Masen is filming in Forks. So what if we aren't Hollywood royalty? That doesn't mean Jasper can't fall for Alice. With the way she works her magic on those whom she loves, frankly, Jasper doesn't stand a chance.

I grab the tart dough from the mixer and bring it over to my workstation. My eyes drift over to my copy of _Desiderata_, and I glance over the third stanza.

_Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection._

That one makes me smile to myself. I find it humorous that a few hours ago, I resolved to do just that—to be myself, and not to let Edward Cullen's opinion of me alter my state of mind. He has no permission to make me feel bad about who I am. So yeah, I'm just gonna stick to that, Mr. Ehrmann—I'm going to be myself.

_Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass._

Hmm. I guess I'm not cynical about love, because I am encouraging Alice to pursue it full force. I happen to be disenchanted, but that doesn't matter. I'm not cynical about love in general, just about love in my own life. For now, I can deal with that. I know it is as perennial as the grass, but it also isn't for everyone. Especially when you are a snarky bitch who lives in a town with a population of 3,120 people. So, I think I am within reason to be cynical about love for myself. I believe in love in general. I think that's what Ehrmann is talking about. I think.

_Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. _

This totally reminds me of Esme, and all she did to rescue me last night. I would gracefully surrender anything to her; she is one of the most beautiful people on the planet, both inside and out. I'll take her on as a surrogate mother any day, especially when my own mother is so fail.

_Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. _

Oh my god, that's exactly what I was doing just this morning! In my internal rant about the Asshat's remarks to me, I was nurturing my inner strength! Cullen's diss of me last night was certainly a sudden misfortune, and I'm shielding myself by not giving him permission to upset me. I'm suddenly fascinated by how closely my life is a parallel of _Desiderata_ ever since the Masen players appeared in Forks. It's all just coincidence, of course, but fascinating nonetheless. I'm amazed at the lasting wisdom of Max Ehrmann, a man who wrote the _Desiderata of Happiness_ more than 60 years ago.

_But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness._

I really chuckle out loud when I read this line. _Fatigue_ and _loneliness_ are kind of the centerpiece of my life story. I've been fatigued continuously for the last four years. And seeing as I've never had a significant other before, being alone is my middle name. Bella Being Alone Cullen. _Cullen, WTF? I seriously need to get my subconscious mind in the program with the rest of my body. It keeps springing Edward Cullen on me at the most inopportune moments. I really need to let that part of my mind know its not okay to pop this shit on me whenever it wants to, dammit._

_**************************************************************************_

**EPOV**

As we ride to the Quileute reservation together, Esme's conversation with me is very abbreviated. I know she is ticked off with me, but I can hardly sit there and explain to her the reasons behind my actions towards Bella Swan. The only thing I can do is let her continue to think her only child is an asshole of huge proportions. As I am mulling this unsavory concept over in my head, I hear her breathe in deeply then sigh.

"Edward, do you remember our conversation in the car yesterday, following the meeting?"

"Of course, mom. I always listen to you and hear what you say."

"I'm afraid you didn't _hear_ what I said yesterday. Remember, I treat people with the respect they deserve, unless they prove to me that they don't deserve that kind of treatment."

"I know, mom. I guess my behavior last night doesn't earn your respect."

"No, Edward, it is more than that. This has more to do with Bella Swan than it does with you, although you are definitely in the doghouse with me for that little act. It's that Bella did nothing to earn that type of behavior from you. She has been kind, accepting, and helpful. As an individual, she has worth and dignity. Your words to her in the bar showed your complete lack of respect for her as a person. She deserved better than that from you. I know I raised you to treat women better than that. Simply because she is someone whose life is vastly different from our own doesn't mean she is any less of a person. You came across as arrogant and rude and hurtful, and those are not words I wish to use to describe my son. I think it behooves you to consider how you might possibly make amends with her; I expect nothing less from you. I would prefer that it happen before we leave tonight, rather than next month. Do I make myself clear, son?"

"Absolutely, mom. I'll do my best to figure it out. I'm sorry I embarrassed and disappointed you."

"This has nothing to do with me, Edward. I don't care about myself. This is all about Bella Swan. Understood?"

"Yes. Understood."

"Good. Now, help me take these buns in to the council, then you and Jasper can set up for your screen test."

I look up and realize we've arrived at La Push. We pull up to the Oceanside Resort, which is owned and operated by the Quileute Nation. Its conference rooms and meeting space are the ideal location for our screen test. Jasper and I schlep the buns and equipment inside and set it down in the meeting room.

There are five members of the tribal council; Sue Clearwater is the Council Chairperson. Sam Uley is the Vice-Chair, and Billy Black is the Council's Member-at-Large. The fact that we now know three of the five council members leaves me hopeful that Esme's negotiations with them will ultimately be successful. I approach Sue, and confirm where she would like us to set up for the screen test. I also need to meet Jacob Black.

"Good morning, Ms. Clearwater. I have the equipment here for Jacob Black's screen test, and I'm wondering where you would like me to get set up. Do you know, is Jacob here yet?"

"Here, let me show you where the room is. I don't think Jacob is here yet, but you could ask Billy. That's his dad. He's the one in the wheelchair."

"In fact, we were just talking about Mr. Black, Billy that is, this morning. We were at the Wonderland Café, and Bella Swan mentioned that he was a close family friend."

"Oh, you met Bella? She's a real looker, isn't she? She's close friends with both Jacob and my son, Seth."

"Oh, she knows Jacob Black? I suppose she would, since their fathers are close friends." I didn't like hearing that she was friends with Jacob Black. For some reason, it just rubbed me the wrong way. I know it isn't any of my business, but the feeling remained all the same.

"Yes, she and Jacob are very close. They've known each other all their lives."

"Well, I'll just get set up in here and then I'll find Billy and, hopefully, Jacob. Thanks for your assistance with everything, Sue."

Jasper came in to join me, munching on a bun. "Dude, these really are amazing. You should try one. Then you might not be such an ass to Bella all the time."

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers. "Jazz, I don't have time to get into that right now. I have no time to waste on Bella Swan. She's just a baker in Forks, Washington. She is of no consequence to what we're trying to get done here."

"Well, I've never seen anyone get under your skin like that before, Edward. You usually keep yourself so withdrawn from women. I'm just surprised that she has the ability to get you riled up enough to say something nasty."

"Jasper, I wasn't _nasty._ I wasn't complimentary, either, I admit, but I was decidedly not nasty."

"Well, all I'm sayin' is that I would be very, very pissed off with you if you ever talked like that to me. I'm surprised she even ventured out to the front of the café this morning, the way she walked off last night."

"Apparently my words weren't as harmful as you judge them to be."

"You know, whatever. There's more to this than you are spilling. I've never seen that particular look you were handing out last night…so please, just watch it. I really like Alice, and your being nasty to her best friend and business partner will really mess up my mojo."

"Jasper, as I already told you, we don't have time to discuss this right now. Suffice it to say, you and I need to have a little chat about Alice Brandon, and about filming in Forks. I think there's going to have to be some ground rules in place once filming starts."

"Oh go fuck yourself, Edward! You are not pulling that shit on me! I've never met anyone like Alice, and you will not dictate to me how and when I spend time with her. If you're going to be like that, you can fucking find yourself another actor to be in this film—because I will not stand for it. Do I make myself clear?"

I just give him an intense, disappointed look. "Crystal. Now let's find Jacob Black so we can do this fucking screen test and get the hell out of Forks."

"What makes you so anxious to get out of Forks?" A deep voice says from behind me. I turn around and face a very tall guy with long black hair. His hands are huge, and he's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. _Something tells me this is Jacob Black_.

"Jacob, I presume?"

"Yep, that's me."

I reach out my hand to shake his. He grabs it a bit warily, looking me over in the process.

"My name is Edward Cullen, and I will be the director for _The Noble Savage_. My casting director tells me you've never done any film work before, is that correct?" I motion for him to sit down as I pull out a chair.

"Nope, no film work."

_Wow, this guy is a regular chatterbox._

"Okay, then, what we need to do today is a screen test. It is basically a way for us to get you on film, reading some of the lines, so that we can see how you look and sound on tape. If you do well with the screen test, our next step would be to have you meet with the lead actress in the film, Ms. Tanya Denali; we would need to see what the chemistry is like between the two of you. If all that goes well, you could be the one guy we're looking for."

"Seems like a lot of work; what if I'm not the right guy? That's pretty wasteful."

"That may well be, but that's just how this industry works, Mr. Black. Now, I'd like to introduce you to Jasper Whitlock, who will be playing Ms. Denali's fiancé in the film. He will read some lines off-camera, and I'll be taping only you. Did you have a chance to memorize the lines we plan to run through for today?" Jasper nods at Jacob and shakes his hand.

"Yep, I memorized it."

"Okay then, just let me get the lights adjusted and the camera set up, and we'll be ready to roll."

Jasper helps me get the equipment ready, and the two of them run the lines while I tweak everything to be just right. We do one run through for practice, and then start the filming.

There are so many things to concentrate on in a screen test, but most of them just happen automatically for me now, since I've done this so many times. I watch the actor's poise and charisma through the camera. I look at the profile and body movement. I listen for vocal intonation and timbre. I do all these things simultaneously, without being consciously aware that I'm even doing it.

Jacob Black's film presence is just…dynamite. His read through is a bit rough, but nothing we can't resolve via an acting and vocal coach. His face is slightly angular, with a small divot in his chin, which picks up nicely on film. His eyes are dark and intense. As he speaks a variety of lines, he can look pleasant when smiling, and alarming when angry. He is tall and sinewy, with well-defined musculature. Physically, he fits the character to a tee. He also seems to have chemistry with Jasper, which he will need in the film when the two spar over Tanya's character. So, although my morning started out quite shitty, I'm feeling buoyed by this screen test. At least one piece of my puzzle is falling nicely into place.

I realize that both Jacob and Jasper are looking at me for some direction—they've finished the scene, yet the camera is still rolling. "Sorry, guys…just thinking through the scene. Let's run it again; Jacob, I want to see how intense you can be when you're angry. This scene with Jasper's character is an important one to the entire film, because you are working up to the fight sequence over Tanya Denali's character."

"Okay. I can do that."

They run it again, and this take is even better than the first. Now, instead of having Jasper read the lines off-camera, I decide to film a take where they are both on screen together, to see how they meld physically when sharing the same space. Again, Jacob just fits into everything I give him. He's definitely our _Noble Savage_.

"Okay, I think I've seen everything that I need to see. Mr. Black, I would like to invite you down to LA to complete another screen test with Ms. Denali. It would be best if we would try to do it sometime this week. Is that feasible?"

"Uh, I work in the shop all week, but I guess I could ask one of the guys to cover for me. How long will I need to be there?"

"A day, possibly overnight. I'll have my assistant Rosalie Hale give you a call to arrange things. Here's her business card. Can I get your contact information as well, so that I can ensure you two connect?" I hand Jacob a pen and my business card and he writes the information on the back.

"I noticed you guys brought some of Bella's buns for the Tribal Council. That was a smart idea."

"Ms. Swan actually suggested it. She said they really like her buns."

Jacob starts laughing at that. "Yeah, and I bet she blushed ten shades of red when you asked her for her buns, didn't she?"

"Yes, I believe she did. Thank you again, Mr. Black, for your time. We'll be in touch soon." I still feel uncomfortable with Jacob Black's familiarity with Bella. I know cognitively that it shouldn't bother me, but it does. That was all going have to become more tightly controlled before filming starts.

I start to pack up the equipment while Jasper steps aside and plays with his phone. I don't need to ask him who he's texting.

I meet up with Esme in the hallway, and she beams a beautiful smile at me. "It's all taken care of, Edward! The one thing they were holding out for was that we house the actors and crew at the Oceanside, since it is a tribal-owned business. I didn't think that would be a problem for us. The nice thing is that they have some cabins on the property, which you and the lead actors can use. They'll provide more privacy than the lodge rooms. And I have to admit; Bella's buns put a smile on everyone's face before I even opened my mouth. We owe her a lot of gratitude, Edward. She did sweeten the deal for us," she says pointedly at me.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, and I will apologize to Bella before we leave. Are you satisfied?"

"Yes, I'm satisfied. How was the screen test?"

With that, a smile lights up my face. "Mom, he was amazing. His look is just what I was expecting, or at least what I was hoping for. And he read really well, too. His timbre was just right. He and Jasper moved together nicely on film. I told him we'll get him down to LA this week so we can get him together with Tanya, but my guess is that they will click."

"I'm glad to hear everything is falling into place. Why don't you finish getting your gear packed up, and we'll head back to Forks. We need to get Rosalie."

"Oh shit, Rosalie! I totally forgot about her! She's gonna be so pissed!"

"I talked to her last night, Edward. She's fine. She knew we had the meetings today. We're meeting her at the café."

I sigh deeply, thinking about the fact that I have to appease my mother by apologizing to Bella when we get to the café. I'm not looking forward to that, because I know how much my body betrays me every time I see Bella Swan. I have to figure out what to say that could possibly make up for what an asshole I was to her, but still allows me to keep a comfortable wall between us. I have no fucking idea how I'm going to manage that, but I'm trusting that my brain will come up with something between now and then.

***********************************************************************

**A/N: **_**Desiderata**_** has been nominated for an Indie Award. The list of nommed stories is HUGE, so they are going to two rounds of voting. First round will run from July 8 – July 12. You can vote at:**

**http://theindietwificawards [dot] com/vote**** [dot] aspx**


	12. Chapter 11: Far from the Madding Crowd

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: The Rosalie/Emmett lemon in this chapter is just for Den20, by special request. I figured no one would complain if an extra lemon was thrown in the mix…;)**

**Things I own: An original "Frankie Say Relax" t-shirt. Seriously.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. Viagra is owned by Pfizer (and lots of men, too, apparently).**

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD…OR NOT**

"_What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." – Ralph Waldo Emerson_

**EmPOV**

I'm driving in to work, and I glance over at the amazing woman who is sitting in my passenger seat. I'm so emo, I feel like I may be turning into a chick. The past day has been the most incredible of my life. Rosalie Hale is looking out her window, so I can just see her profile. She is, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I reach over and grab her hand in mine. She gives me a wide smile, which I return.

As I think back over the last 24 hours, I remember how hot she sounded when I talked to her on the phone; when I actually saw her in person, I had an instant, harder-than-hell cock. Seriously, this woman is a walking woody inducer. Her bod is to die for—tall and thin, but still curvy in just the right places. She has fuckawesome long, blond hair that she wears up off her neck. It is severe but totally hot; kind of like a sexy librarian or secretary. When a chick looks that buttoned up, you just know she's going to be hot as hell in the sack—all her sexual energy is being repressed in that extreme look. And fuck me if I wasn't bound and determined to find out how buttoned up she really was.

I was as surprised as anyone when Rosalie actually picked up on my moves in the office. I'm not stupid, and neither is she—we could both feel the sexual energy sizzling between us. I just didn't think she would act upon it. When she jumped up and basically attacked me, it was like all my prayers had been answered simultaneously. I've had plenty of flings in the past, but nothing, nothing in the world, will ever compare to Rosalie Hale. It's like she was created just for me. Everything about her is _perfect._

When Alice asked us to join the rest of the group for karaoke, I knew I had to spend as much time with this hot babe as I could; of course I said yes! I remember singing with her on stage, laughing more than I had ever laughed in my life, and having a cock so fucking hard I truly thought it would cause permanent brain damage due to lack of blood flow to my head. I started to get worried that I'd have one of the epic 4 hour long erections they always warn you about in Viagra ads. Just when I was thinking my balls were literally turning blue, Rose leaned over, licked my ear, and purred, "Emmett, I need you alone. Right. Now."

You don't have to tell me more than once. I grabbed her arm and ushered her out of the bar before Alice and Jasper could see where we were headed. _Hell yes, I can be sneaky when I want to be. I've got skillz._ We walked to my car like the bar was on fire. Actually, we were on fire, and I needed to put it out NOW. Before Rose had a chance to open her door, I turned her towards me, a little more roughly than I had intended to. She took that as a sign and basically attacked, then bit, my lower lip. She drew blood, but I didn't fucking care. This babe was hotter than Hades, and I needed to get her home 10 minutes ago. I quickly opened the door while we were kissing, and she pulled me in with her as she sat down in the seat. With a groan, I got up and ran around to my side of the car. We made it to my house in 4.35 minutes, give or take a nanosecond or two. We quickly looked at each other once I stopped the car, smiled, and got out, running to my front door. I tried to unlock it as quickly as I could, which was definitely a challenge; Rose was all over me, my cock was distractingly hard, and I kept fumbling with the keys. She finally got so pissed from waiting those extra few seconds that she snatched the keys from me and deftly opened the door.

She grabbed the sleeve of my coat, shut the door behind me, and pulled my lips into hers. It felt like she had the energy and intensity of a Tasmanian devil, all of which she channeled into her kisses. She literally ripped my clothes off of my body, piece by piece, until all I had left was my socks. When I tried to do the same thing, She shoved me away from her. I started to complain, and she gave me a look that would stop Attila the Hun in his tracks; apparently, no one says _no_ to Rosalie Hale. I felt my arms drop instantly to my sides and waited for what she would do next. In the middle of all this heated activity, she daintily unzipped her dress, shimmied out of it, and revealed what was underneath. Oh my fucking god in heaven, I thought I was going to go blind when I saw what she had underneath. I didn't get a good look at her this morning, so I had no idea what she was packing. You could probably call it a thong, but it really just looked like a couple of pieces of thread. Her tits were barely covered by her bra. My eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. If this was considered underwear, why bother putting any on at all? As far as Rosalie is concerned, I loved the look either way. Naked, nearly naked, it's all fine by me.

Rosalie then did something that took me completely by surprise—she looked down at the ground, almost like she was bashful. How this hot-blooded, sexual minx of a woman could be even remotely bashful is beyond me. I grabbed her chin between my finger and thumb, pulling her eyes up to meet mine.

"Baby, you never need to look at the floor when we're together. You, Rosalie Hale, embody everything that is perfect in a woman. If I had a partner custom-designed to my perfect specifications, she would be you. Now let's go fuck each other silly, okay, beautiful?"

Rosalie replied with the sexiest smile I've ever seen. I scooped her up and virtually ran to my bedroom. I sat down on the bed and pulled her between my legs. She had other ideas. She quickly removed the thread that wasn't really covering anything, and the bra that wasn't covering anything, and tossed them aside. The she pushed me down on the bed and straddled my chest. She pried my mouth open with hers, our tongues battling each other for supremacy. She hooked her legs under mine, which brought her sweet pussy directly over my achingly hard cock. She rubbed herself over my length so I could feel her hot, wet, slick folds. I grabbed her ass, holding it steady, and thrust my entire rod in her at once. She hissed at the action. Rosalie Hale was no limp noodle fuck—she gave as good as she got. Her hips met mine, thrust for thrust, using her legs as leverage. I wanted to stay inside her forever; it was everything I had ever dreamed of. We were both so wound up that we came quickly. That was okay—I knew we'd be fucking all night long, anyhow.

I pull into the parking lot of the café with a smile on my face, reminding myself that we _did_ fuck all night long. As I open the back door, I knew one thing was certain: Rosalie Hale is the love of my life, and I can't wait to be inside her again.

**BPOV**

I'm still in back of the café finishing up my baking when Emmett and Rosalie slink in through the back door. Rose is in the same clothes she wore last night, and her hair is still wet. She doesn't strike me as a girl who would _ever_ be okay with walking around in public with her hair wet, so I'm instantly suspicious. As for Emmett, it's the slinking in through the door that raises my alarm; Em isn't a slinker. He couldn't slink if his life depended upon it. On top of all that, they both look guilty as hell. _Yep, conclusion holds firm. They were humping like bunnies all night long. _

In order to avoid a repeat of their office performance from yesterday, I scroll through my playlist and choose something LOUD to cover up any noise that might escape from Emmett's office today. I don't need to hear that shit. Muse seems like a good choice, so I select it and crank up the volume. Then I get back to work and pretend no one is here except for me.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and jump about ten feet straight up into the air. I pull my ear buds off and scream out, "Dammit, Alice, I asked you not to do that anymore! You always scare the shit out of me!" As I turn around to scowl at her, I see that it isn't her; it's _him_. The last person in the world that I want to see.

"Jesus, Cullen, why the hell would you sneak up on me like that?"

"Alice told me to come back here and get you myself."

_He doesn't get to blame this on Alice._ "What in god's name would you need _me_ for?"

"Is there somewhere we can go that's a little more private?"

"Mr. Cullen, there is no one else back here. This is about as private as it gets in Forks. In case you hadn't noticed, every conversation gets overheard in this town."

"I wish you would call me Edward," he sighs. "And I just wanted to make sure there would be no interruptions."

"Interruptions? What, like we're gonna sit back here and make out or something? What the hell is so important that we need to worry about interruptions?"

Edward pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs again. "Bella, I'd really like to apologize to you for what you think you overheard me saying last night."

"I think your meaning was very clear cut—it didn't really leave any room for misinterpretation."

"Well, _I_ know what I said, and I didn't mean it to sound as nasty as it might have. It is possible you may have jumped to conclusions."

"How is it possible to misunderstand what were very clear words? To paraphrase, 'The only good woman in town has been on your arm all night.' 'I'm not going to bother making conversation with a woman who hasn't spoken to another guy all night.' 'It isn't my job to make her feel attractive.' That's fucking blatant, _Edward_."

"You forget, _Bella_, that I was attempting to have a private conversation with my best friend, and we have an understanding of those words that might be different from yours. If I hadn't wounded your ego, you might have heard the true meaning behind what I said."

"Wait, you think that just because you said something that was unflattering, I misunderstood you? That it tainted my view of what you were actually saying? And who the hell has a private conversation at a table full of people in the middle of a bar? You are fucking unbelievable!"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to say!"

"I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, Mr. Cullen, but that is the lamest apology I've ever heard. In fact, if you hadn't uttered the word 'apology' earlier, I would assume you were merely continuing your conversation with Jasper from last night. You should probably cut your losses here and give up. I'm not buying whatever it is you are selling, mister." I make motions with my hands that imply he should scoot out from whence he came.

"I think your memory is a bit selective, Ms. Swan. If you recall, I also told Jasper how difficult it is for me to engage in meaningless small talk. That I would rather let him do the talking while I sit back and observe. You're making it very difficult for me to tell you that I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry that I did. It was unintentional."

"Mr. Cullen, if I cared enough about you as an individual, I might give an earnest effort to work this through with you. However, the fact of the matter is that I _don't._ I'm not someone who will ever matter in your eyes. To you, I'm nothing more than a stupid baker girl from a shithole little town who will never cross your path again once your project is complete. If you can be civil to me whenever we run into each other in the future, I will be civil to you. If you cannot, I may be forced to poison your coffee. The choice is yours."

The look on Edward Cullen's face was priceless. I'm pretty certain no one, except maybe Rosalie Hale, had ever spoken to him so directly before. I wish my hands hadn't been full of flour at the time, because I would've loved to take a picture of his face right then. Edward stood up straight, looked me coolly in the eye, and took a step back.

"Well, if that's how you really feel about things, I guess there is nothing more I can say. I will be civil to you, by the way, and I appreciate your willingness to be civil to me. I guess we'll be seeing each other around, then." He turned and walked towards the doors to the front of the café.

"Hey Edward, just remember what Eleanor Roosevelt had to say about people like you: 'Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.'" He merely shrugged his shoulders, turned around, and escaped through the doors.

******************************************************************

**EPOV**

_Fuck me. That went over as well as a bar joke at an AA meeting. Why can't I ever get things right when I talk to Bella Swan? She is determined to misunderstand everything I say or do. Why does that bother me so much? I really should just take her advice and see her as a 'baker girl from a shithole little town.'_

I walk out through the doors from the rear of the café and head straight for the town car. We have a few minutes before we need to leave for the airport, and I want to put as much distance between myself and Bella Swan as I possibly can. I will just wait for the others in the car; it is the least painful choice I have, which isn't saying much. As I expect, my mother is the first person to meet me in the car.

"So, that didn't go very well, I take it?"

"You could say that."

"What happened?"

"Mom, I have no idea what happened. I just can't seem to get things right with Bella Swan, for some reason."

"Why is that so important to you? I've never heard you talk about a woman the way you spoke about her in the bar. That's just not like you. What is it about her that makes you behave so out of character?"

"Don't you think I've been asking myself that same question? I have no idea why she drives me insane; I don't even know her. I've been on so many movie sets, I've worked with so many people, and no one—ever—has ever affected me like this. I don't even remotely understand why."

"Don't you really, Edward?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I think you are a very intelligent, sensitive young man, who is reserved and private and has a hard time opening up to others. A man who met a beautiful woman who doesn't fawn all over him, and he doesn't quite know what to make of her."

"That sounds pretty close to how I feel actually."

"I thought that it might. Perhaps you should start your soul searching from that point, hmm?"

I leaned over to give my mother a kiss. Damn if she doesn't know how to read me like an open book. I sigh deeply and look out the window, pondering just what Bella Swan really means to me.

***********************************************************************

By the time we land in LA, Rosalie has made all the arrangements for the screen test between Jacob Black and Tanya Denali. Apparently, Tanya's inner diva decided to make an appearance. She was whining about working with an unknown actor like Jacob Black, so I reminded her that there aren't any leading men in Hollywood at the moment who are Native American. Once she heard that this will give her top billing in all the publicity, the whining magically stopped. Rosalie can be a genius that way.

On Tuesday, Jacob Black arrives in Los Angeles. I assign Jasper to be his escort around the set and town, since Jacob will likely feel very lost in this crazy place. LA isn't for the innocent, naïve, or weak-hearted. Fortunately, the paps are not onto Jasper this particular morning, and he is able to pick up Jacob without delay. Since Tanya lives here, we don't need to make any special arrangements for her. Naturally, she shows up at the studio early, hoping to spend some quality time together with me. I want to send a message to her early on in this project: I am 100% off limits. I do not need, nor do I want, another scandal involving Tanya to break during filming. I'm already concerned about the Photoshopping that will be done to make Jacob and Tanya an item. Hell, they'll probably make Jacob and Jasper an item. I'll be thrown in the mix to ensure a love triangle. I'd laugh at the whole thing wasn't so pathetic. I don't even want a photo to be taken with the two of us standing in the same frame. I'm not sure if it is avoidable, but I will try as hard as hell to ensure that it doesn't happen. I let Tanya stew in my reception area until Jacob and Jasper arrive and the studio is set for the screen test. It's her own fucking fault for being early.

Jacob and Jasper finally arrive and save me from Tanya. We make introductions all around, and follow the same format as in LaPush, only Tanya is now in the mix. Jacob seems like an amiable kind of guy, and warms up to Tanya right away, which leaves me pleasantly surprised. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that she can be high maintenance, but Jacob just seems to go with the flow; her need to be the center of attention doesn't phase him a bit. This is actually perfect, because Tanya isn't the easiest actress to work with. I need someone who is unflappable, and Jacob seems to be my man. I feel very fortunate that he just fell into place.

After the screen test, we decide to grab a bite to eat with Jacob and have a chance to talk about our project timeline. Jasper starts asking Jacob questions about Forks. No surprise that the Wonderland Café comes up as a topic of conversation. My ears perk up when I hear Bella's name.

"Yeah, I guess Alice is making Bella take care of the catering for the shoot. She's not too happy about it, but with only three people running the show, Bella is really the only one who could handle it."

"So Alice won't be working on the set at all?"

"No man, not that I know of. She needs to hold down the fort back at the café. And Emmett doing either job would be a disaster."

_So Bella will be on set every day…shit, that isn't good. How the fuck will I be able to focus if she's there all the time?_

"So, Jacob, how long have you known Bella Swan?" I ask.

"We've known each other all of my life. Her dad and mine are best friends, so I spent as much time in Forks as she spent in LaPush."

_It sounds like they are closer than casual friends if you ask me…_

"Well, we don't spend much time together anymore, now that we're both out of high school anyway."

_That's a little better. I don't want to worry about them flirting on the set or anything…it could really screw up my filming schedule…_

Now it's Jasper's turn, apparently. "Do you know much about Alice?"

"Sure, Alice and Bella are best friends, have been since they were in kindergarten. They've been inseparable since Alice's folks died."

"Her family is dead? What happened?"

"Just her parents are dead—she still has her brother, Emmett, of course. When Bella and Alice were sixteen, Alice's parents were killed in an automobile accident. Drunk driver. It was a really huge deal. That's when the Brandons and the Swans became as inseparable as family. Charlie watches over Emmett and Alice, and Emmett watches over Alice and Bella. It's kinda like they had two broken families that they joined together to make one big one. They celebrate all their holidays together and everything."

"Wow. That's a lot to take on when you're only sixteen."

"Yeah, but having the café has really helped all three of them adjust and work things out in their lives, I think."

That totally piques my interest, and I can't help asking, "What would Bella have to work through?"

Jacob turns to me and gives me a quizzical look. "Why are you so interested in Bella?"

"I'm not interested in Bella. I'm just curious about what her issues would be, since her parents weren't the ones who died in the car crash."

"Well, that's a story for Bella to tell you herself. All I will say is that her mom left her when she was very young, and it hasn't exactly been easy for her. You know what small towns are like. Everyone knows everything."

I find myself fascinated by this new nugget of knowledge about Bella. While I appreciate that Jacob respects Bella's privacy, I sense that this is going to drive me nuts until I find out what exactly happened in her past. And if I didn't know any better, I get the sense that Jacob is sizing me up. It's probably just paranoia.

***********************************************************

**A/N: This chapter was kind of a bitch…it is more transitional than anything. I meant to include their arrival in Forks for filming, but it just kind of took on a life of its own. Up next will be the start of filming, and an epic battle of wits between Bella and Edward. **

**Remember, teasers come to those who review. Also, Indie Awards voting opens tomorrow at noon, 07/09/09. You can vote at:**

**http://theindietwificawards**** (dot) com/vote (dot) aspx**


	13. Chapter 12:It's Raining Men

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: Bella's apron brought to courtesy of heelstominivan, which she poached from **_**Queer as Folk.**_** The description of Edward Cullen's hands is extra good and long for my bb NaughtySparkle. Enjoy, Trin!!**

**Things I own: A personally autographed Playbill by Alan Rickman. It's Snape, dudes! SNAPE!!**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

**CHAPTER TWELVE: IT'S RAINING MEN**

"_The experience of making a movie is better and more important than the film itself."_

– _John Huston_

**BPOV**

It has been exactly three weeks since I promised Edward Cullen that I would poison his coffee if he wasn't civil to me the next time I saw him. In the meantime, I've been baking my ass off trying to get ready for Masen Masterworks' arrival. I've been making extra batches of everything, and then freezing half of what I make. Once it thaws, it is still just as good as the fresh stuff. We even rented a couple of extra freezers to store the surplus.

The logistical game plan during the shoot is that I will do my regular baking at my regular time. Once I'm done, Alice will have the coffee cart ready to go and I'll run to wherever it is Masen is shooting for the day. Emmett is going to play courier, so he will be bringing fresh goodies and coffee to the set, and bringing equipment and leftovers back to the café. Alice will actually be in charge of the cart in the evenings, so I can go home and get enough sleep to get back to work by three AM. It is going to be about three months of hell, but it means so much to the café's future success that there is no question of whether or not to do this. It is a good thing we are purveyors of all things caffeinated, because the three of us will really need access to no less than an IV drip of caffeine during the shooting schedule.

Tonight is Sunday night, which means that the café is closed for the next 36 hours. Sunday nights are movie or book night chez moi. At the moment, I'm too tired to read, so I rifle through my DVD collection. As I peruse what's available, my eyes happen to linger on my Masen Masterworks movies. This, of course, makes me think about Edward Cullen. Thinking of Edward Cullen reminds me of our last meeting and his so-called apology. I chuckle humorlessly to myself as I recall his word choice that day.

When I pulled Eleanor's quote on him at the end of our spat, I really feel like I got the best of that argument, and felt pretty smug with myself for thinking of it off the cuff. I have to admit, though, that it now feels like a very hollow victory. While there is no doubt in my mind that Edward Cullen is the world's biggest ass—a fucktard of the highest magnitude—there is something about him that leaves me unsettled. I can't put my finger on it, but it's definitely there. Even going back to the Desiderata has been of no help whatsoever in this matter. I just can't make sense of it all.

I pull out the DVD for _Jane Eyre_. Masen has done a lot of amazing period pieces, but I think this one is my favorite. It's such a good story, and their adaptation is a classic. I pop it in my DVD player, pull out my bag of strawberry Twizzlers, and settle into my comforter. I have no interruptions to worry about, just peace and quiet and Jane Eyre. Charlie knows that this is _my_ time, and he religiously leaves me alone to veg. I'm suddenly aware that I've never once viewed any of the special features on this DVD; I'm always way too impatient to get to the movie, and when the movie is over, I'm usually way too tired to do anything except sleep.

For shits and giggles, I decide to start with the special features this time. There are the usual trailers, bloopers, and director's running commentary that you can select to play over the movie in real time. There are also interviews with the cast and director. My curiosity is piqued—I have to admit I'm really interested to see what the hell Edward Cullen would have to say about one of his movies. I click on Edward's interview and watch.

When his image first appears, I feel like scoffing. He looks so serious and pretentious, which is exactly like the Edward Cullen I know. As I watch, however, there are other nuances I pick up that I've never noticed before. His voice is so smooth and deep, I almost feel like he could lull me into doing his evil bidding by simply whispering into my ear like the sweetest, most innocent melody. His hair is in complete disarray, like it always is, and I watch as he nervously runs his fingers through it every thirty seconds. Oh my god, it's almost like a nervous tic! This realization adds some depth to Edward Cullen's character that I never knew was there. You can completely sense his discomfort in talking in front of the camera. If I didn't know him to be such an asshole, I would almost feel a little sorry for him, he looks so uncomfortable. A quote from Mark Twain pops into my head: "The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself." Wow, that's actually something we both have in common, and that insight surprises me.

The next time he runs his fingers through his hair, I put the DVD on pause, so I can look at his hands. Edward Cullen has the longest, most elegant fingers in the history of man! I've never seen anything like them in my life. I press the slow-mo button, and he drags his hand down to the corners of his mouth, rubs it, and then rests his chin on his palm, with his fingers curled under his chin. I have no idea what has come over me, but I am having a complete tizzy attack over his fucking hands. Seriously, it has made me question being an atheist, because hands that beautiful had to be sculpted by god. It's just a hand, but my mind is imagining all kinds of wicked things he could do with that hand. I've never been so wound up about digits, but these make me want to get on my knees and pray.

When I restart the film at normal speed, I see that his face is completely animated, and full of passion for his craft. He very nearly has me allured. If I'm completely honest with myself, I would have to say that Edward Cullen is a very beautiful man. There is nothing in his features to dislike. Those brilliant green eyes that trapped me the very first time I saw them, his angular jaw, his perennial stubble, his gorgeously messy hair, his strong eyebrows—they are all appealing. If only he wasn't such a dork, and if only I was Hollywood royalty. Then maybe, just maybe, we could use one another for sex. If he never opened his mouth again, I would totally hit that. _Next stop on the Monorail? Fantasyland. Quit while you're still ahead, Bella..._

As I was drooling over Asshat Cullen, I didn't listen to a word he said, so I have to go back and start the interview all over again. This time, instead of focusing on what he looks like, I focus on what he is saying. And damn it all, he is really brilliant. His research on the era is impeccable. His attention to detail borders on Obsessive-Compulsive, not that there's anything wrong with that. If I never met him before, we could almost have a serious, intelligent, interesting conversation about film. The only problem is that I _have_ met him before, and I want to do nothing more than to never speak to him again.

******************************************************************

It's D-Day, the day the Masen Masterworks people arrive in Forks. Trucks have been arriving almost nonstop over the past week to deliver goods and equipment, and people are talking about the amount of air traffic in and out of the Forks Municipal Airport. To say the town is all aflutter would be putting it mildly. Of course, I don't know if either Jessica or Lauren has stopped their hyperventilating once in the past four weeks. I think the beautiful black roots in their washed-out blonde hair are standing on end at the prospect of so many single males arriving in Forks within one square mile of them. For three months. I shudder at how whorendous that whole scene is going to be.

Emmett calls Alice and me to the front of the café to let us know that Rosalie will be stopping by shortly to review our final plans for the catering. I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that I don't need to worry about the Asshat for at least another day. The look of disappointment on Alice's face makes me sad; I know she was hoping to see Jasper. _There will be plenty of time for that, little one,_ I think as I smile to myself.

"Emmett, if Rosalie is genuinely coming here to review our final plans, it's probably best if you avoid meeting in your office. Unless, of course, there are some really important, private details that only you two are privy to that need to be, um, _worked over_." I start to giggle at my own hilarity. I get a smile out of Alice, too.

Emmett just rolls his eyes at me. "Very funny, Bella. But I can kiss Rose anywhere I want to; I don't need my office for that."

"Um, please tell me in saying 'anywhere I want to,' you were talking about locations in the café, not locations on her body."

"The double entendre was completely intentional." I make a puking sound, but Emmett just laughs me off.

"So, before Rosalie gets here, Em, I'm thinking that we should review all our plans first, right?" I ask.

""I think we have it all squared away, Bells. You take care of thawing the day's goodies out when you get here, Alice comes in early to start brewing coffee, and you get all the stuff to the right location. It should fit just fine into the bed of your truck, and it isn't like we need to worry about damaging that old wreck. We work via text to coordinate getting the right stuff couriered back and forth, which I will handle. And Alice will come over with fresh coffee and goodies around 6:30. That pretty much covers it, right?"

"Sure, sounds good to me. We have all the extra cups and stuff ordered, right?"

"Yeah, Bella, I got the coffee cart all stocked up and ready to go for you."

"Then you're right, Em, I guess we are all set."

"No, wait…I have something I need to say, and please don't take it wrong, Bella."

"What has you looking so sad, mini-me? Just say it."

"Bella, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to seriously edit your t-shirt collection while Masen is in town. I just don't want to offend anyone."

"What? I can't do that! I mean, look at my shirt today, for example—it isn't that bad!" I say, when I know for a fact that it is, indeed, very bad.

"Somehow, I think normal people might be offended if they saw you with a shirt that says '_How did you get past my spam filter?'_"

"To be honest, I don't think I have anything normal to wear at all. I'm so used to being thrown in the back of the café, away from the finer folk, that I don't have anything else that's decent to wear in public."

"Well, then at least wear your least offensive things. I don't care if you have to wear the same shirt for a month straight, Bella. Okay, yes I do care; hygiene takes precedence over sensible clothing. But only just barely."

"I give you my solemn promise to try to be as appropriate as I am able, Princess Peach."

"Thank you, Bella, it means so much to me. I know it is asking a lot of you."

"You know that all you have to do is give me the _face_, and I'm making promises to sell my first born to the devil. Which, of course, is no risk at all, since we all know I'm going to end up an unmarried virgin who cares for your brood of twelve."

The front door bell chimes and Rosalie Hale walks through, impeccably dressed. Emmett's face beams when he sees her. Walking directly behind her are Jasper and Edward Cullen. I'm thinking of nicknaming him Edward Sullen while he is here; that can be my code name for him, and he will never even know. I grin to myself as my evil little plot unfolds. But why are they here, too? Certainly Rosalie is the only one who needs to negotiate anything with us. I'm beginning to get the feeling that Mr. Sullen is a micro-manager. _That's probably not the only thing about him that is micro…he is totally compensating for a small peen with his anally retentive, controlling behavior. You just know it…_Once again, I'm smiling to myself. God, I'm fricking hilarious. I need to start doing stand up comedy or something. Really.

Fortunately for me, Jasper and SullenBoy head straight for a table and sit down. SullenBoy takes out his laptop out of an overstuffed backpack and boots it up. Jasper gets up to order coffee, or perhaps it was just to go find Alice. With my friends paired up with their Masen Masterworks counterparts, I'm suddenly a passive observer of the action, which happens to be my preferred vantage point. So that I don't look completely obvious, I pretend to be reorganizing the pastry case, when, in actuality, it is just fine as is. How the fuck do you rearrange something that is already arranged? I'm not sure, but I intend to find out.

I'm so hyper-focused on my fake task that I don't notice someone standing in front of the pastry case at first. It isn't until my gaze shifts from the pastries to the crotch standing behind the pastries that I realize I'm staring at Edward Cullen's junk. I've been staring at his junk for probably at least one entire minute. And I realize that my previous assessment of him having a small peen is totally and completely untrue. His package is perfectly situated in his jeans, as if they were custom designed to showcase his stuff. If his bulge is that prominent, I can only imagine what it looks like uncovered. I catch myself wondering exactly that, and start to blush. I slowly stand up, to see Edward Cullen smirking at me; he saw exactly what just went down. _Fuck, I'm sooo busted!_

"Umm, can I help you?"

"Yes, it appears that everyone else in this café is otherwise occupied. I do believe I really need one of those 'Eat Me' things," Edward says with that smirk still plastered on his face.

_Oh god, still blushing. Say something, Bella…_

"That is what they're called, isn't it?" Mr. Smirky asks.

"Umm, yes, that is what they're called. It's, uh, from Alice in Wonderland, obviously, you know where Alice has the 'Eat Me' cookie and 'Drink Me' vial…" I'm babbling as I get a plate out and place the cookie on it.

"I am aware of the story's plot line, thank you."

Edward Asshat Cullen-Sullen is looking right at me with such intensity I have to catch my breath. Those are some seriously green eyes. His eyelashes are incredibly long—I never noticed that before. His eyebrows are so thick, it almost looks like they are furrowed, even though they aren't. I'm just like a deer caught in the headlights. Here I am, about to be run over by the Asshat, and all I can do is stare into his eyes. Fortunately, Alice notices this out of the corner of her eyes and comes over to save me. She clears her throat to break the stare down Edward and I are having.

"Can I ring that up for you, Mr. Cullen?" She says in the sweetest little voice. She almost sounds like a 6th grader. She sure as hell doesn't look much older than that, either.

"Yes, of course. Thank you." Edward glances over at me while Alice rings him up and catches me staring back at him. I quickly escape to the back, my hiding spot, to avoid any further embarrassment.

*****************************************************************

I make sure my truck is loaded up with everything I will need for the shoot and make my way over to LaPush. The first part of the shooting is going to take place near the Quileute Reservation. Since it is April, the weather is still on the cool side, so I make sure to have my gloves and coat handy, along with my rain gear. I refuse to be more miserable than I have to be; being on the set will be bad enough. Actually, I need to call myself out on my bullshit—it's going to be really interesting to see the process of filming a movie unfold in front of my eyes. I'm amazed at how organized the chaos of the setting is. The Oceanside has literally been taken over by the Masen people; the conference rooms look more like situation rooms in wartime. There are trailers on site for makeup, costuming, and the actors. Honestly, being in the middle of all this excitement is thrilling. I may actually end up enjoying all this, if Mr. Sullen keeps his distance and makes nice with me.

I slip my apron on over my coat, covering up today's t-shirt, which says "_Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion_." While that isn't too offensive, in my own opinion, I think Alice might get a little nervous about the apron. It says "_I keep the best snacks under my apron_." I'm pretty sue that most everyone will think my subversive statement is funny, even if it embarrasses Alice. I have to have some sort of balance in this, after all.

I made small signs ahead of time to describe the various goodies in our pastry selections. I read somewhere that Hollywood types are kind of hyper about ingredients and shit like that, so I include an ingredients list, too. You know, what has nuts, what uses butter, which are organic, etc. I refuse to include wording like _no animals were harmed in the making of this tart_ or _vegan-only option_. That's just pushing things a bit too far.

A silky smooth voice interrupts my train of thought. "So, that's where you've been hiding your buns."

"Excuse me?" I say, as I turn around to find the owner of that silky voice, even though I already know damn well who it belongs to. My face must be beet red at the moment, because I can feel the heat flushing on my cheeks.

"Well, it says all your best snacks are under your apron, so I presume that means it's where your buns are."

_Oh, so that's how it's going to be._ "Why no, Mr. Cullen, my buns are on display, right out here in the open. It would be a shame to hide them from everyone, don't you think?"

That gets him temporarily. It makes me grin. I notice that Edward carries a tattered Moleskine; it's as bruised and bloodied as mine is. _Well fuck me, I'm not the only Moleskine collector in town! _ I grab mine up to show it to him. He breaks out in a wide grin.

"They are the best notebooks in the world, aren't they?"

"You have no idea how many of them I have at home. I've used them for years!"

"I keep a set on every project, where I keep all my thoughts and notes. I have a closet full of these things."

"I can't even tell you what I like the most about them—I wouldn't know where to start. They're just so perfect! I love that the paper is lined with the square boxes instead of lines. They just seem easier to use. I love having the ribbon which holds my place."

"Personally, my favorite feature is the elastic binder that keeps the notebook securely shut. I tend to fill mine with bits of paper and other miscellaneous stuff, and I never have to worry about them falling out.

"It's what I use to collect quotes."

"You collect quotes?"

"Yeah, anything I read or hear that is really interesting. I can't help myself. I've been doing it since I was a little girl. I guess that's why I've always been more interested in observing than in participating."

Suddenly, I can't believe that I've given out so much information to Edward Cullen; I don't really want him to know anything about me. Strangely, though, I find myself pleasantly surprised that I could actually talk to him without the extreme level of frustration I usually feel. The moment of silence between us begins to get awkward, so I grab my Moleskine and set it with my other things behind the coffee cart.

"By the way, your buns really are delicious. I'd like to get my hands on them every day, if I could."

His words cause me to blush every shade gradient within the red spectrum.

"Wait, that didn't come out the way I meant it to. I really was talking about your baked buns, not your real buns. Not that there's anything wrong with your real buns, I just don't want you to think I'm after them."

His face looks horrified, and he simply grabs his Moleskine and leaves. I can't decide if that was a compliment or a slam. Does he like my real buns, or not? Why do I even care? I just shake my head at myself and go back about my business.

I hear a huge screaming squeal, and I'd recognize that noise anywhere. It's the Bobbsey Twins, AKA Lauren and Jessica. Despite the weather, they are scantily clad in mini skirts, fuck-me pumps, and low cut shirts. You can see the purple goosebumps all over their legs. _Figures, the harpies need to show up and get a leg up on the competition. _ They are each holding one end of a huge, hand made sign that reads, "_**FORKS WELCOME'S MASON MASTERWERKS.**_" I sigh, embarrassed for my town. It is too bad their brains aren't pre-equipped with spellcheck and grammarcheck. They continue to squee and jump up and down. _Three months of this shit? Really, Jessica and Lauren, could you not spare us the drama? _The only upside to their being here is that they are virtually ignored by everyone in the cast and crew, and are held back, far away from the action, by the Quileute security.

It looks like they are getting ready to film the first scene, and there is suddenly a dearth of people needing help at the coffee cart. I reach for my Moleskin, absent-mindedly opening it to the page where the marker is. I look down and see a sketch of a woman with long, wavy hair. She looks beautiful. The name "Bella" is doodled over and over again on the page. _What the fuck—I didn't put that in my Moleskine…_ I look at the cover, and it reads _Noble Savage Project Notebook #1—EAC_. Oh my god, I accidentally got Edward Cullen's workbook, and he has mine. What the hell is a drawing of a beautiful girl surrounded by my name doing in the Asshat's notebook?

**A/N: I realize that I promised epic showdown of Edward and Bella, but the arrival of Masen in Forks took longer than anticipated. I'm sorry to the nth degree. On a side note, I have most of the next chapter written, so the epic showdown will arrive SOON. I'm working night shifts for the next week, so I will try to do a post in the morning before I go to bed…**


	14. Chapter 13: Stormy Weather

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: The wording **_**"Taste Sensation"**_** to describe Bella's hot, tasty heine (sp??) is brought to you by fantabulous reader Ori1. Thanks for the suggestion! Those bunners are just for you! And to my deliciously delectable online wife, NaughtySparkle, I owe thanks for three of the movie references made in this chapter: **_**Garden State, Ghost World, **_**and**_** Rushmore.**_** You totes inspire me, bb!**

**Things I own: An obsession with three things, in no particular order: Twilight/FFn; Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson; and Alice in Wonderland. Actually, that's a load of crap. Rob Pattinson always comes first. KWIM?**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN: STORMY WEATHER**

"_Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind." – Shakespeare_

**EPOV**

All in all, the first week of shooting has gone about as well as can be expected. Tanya hasn't had any diva attacks, Jacob Black is getting up to speed quickly, and Jasper hasn't disappeared with Alice. The Quileutes have been doing a bang up job with security, and while the locals have shown up in force, they have been, for the most part, very supportive and respectful. None of the crap you see going down on movie sets in NYC or LA, for example, where the crowds are positively out of control. One more thing to be said for filming in the middle of Buttfuck, USA. _Sorry, Forks, but it is the naked truth._

In fact, the only problem that I've had involves Bella Swan. I see her everywhere; the Wonderland Café coffee cart is somehow ubiquitous on the set. We've only had a few direct conversations, but it is the distraction of seeing her that is driving me insane. I'm trying so hard to concentrate, and I've never had to do that before. Making a film is pretty routine for me at this point, and I love the process. Why, then, am I having such troubles with this particular film?

On the first day of shooting, I discovered that Bella and I both have a Moleskine fetish. I was totally, but pleasantly, surprised by this news. We were flirting a bit, and some sexual innuendos were tossed out. I suddenly got flustered, like I always seem to do in her presence, and grabbed what I thought was my notebook. It wasn't until that night, when I was alone in my room, that I discovered my mistake—I accidentally grabbed Bella's notebook rather than my own. I am instantly mortified, because I know what is in my notebook: Sketches and doodles of Bella.

_Fuck, how could I be so stupid?_

Now I have to figure out A) How to switch notebooks with Bella as though it is no big deal, and B) How to explain why I was sketching her in mine.

As long as I have her notebook in my possession, however, I can't help but look it over. I assume it will provide me with some insight into Bella Swan. I know that it is wrong to look through it, but I just can't seem to help myself. I want to find out what makes her tick, because I can't for the life of me figure her out otherwise. It is an amalgamation of quotes, political cartoons, song lyrics, newspaper clippings, and personal observations. To my fascination, I see quotes from many of our films in her notebook, including a few direct quotes of mine. Even the intertwined Masen Masterworks "MM" logo is sketched on one page. I'm shocked, to say the least; she often treats me like a pariah, as if she has no interest at all in me or my movies. Is it possible that she might be as interested in me as I am in her?

I find her notebook absolutely spellbinding, and read it for hours when I should be asleep, or at least reviewing tomorrow's logistics, instead. It is fascinating learn that Bella's innermost thoughts are so deep and intelligent; there is so much more to her than meets the eye. In looking at her, she appears to be all attitude and nonchalance. Internally, however, she appears sensitive, self-conscious, and rather private. How someone as snarky as Bella can be so different on the inside is a mystery to me. I wonder if I will ever fully grasp her temperament; her mind is now as alluring to me as her body. I feel bewitched. All I know for certain is that she is the only woman who's never fawned all over me. There's nothing that disturbs me, or provokes my ire, more than sycophants. It appears as though she has just as much disdain for people like that as do I.

I find myself laughing at certain entries in her Moleskine, thinking seriously about others, wondering where she found most of this information. It's quite incredible to me that someone would take the time to collect all these details, thoughts, and emotions for no other reason than simple interest. It's not as though she needs to collect these details for work. What would drive someone to do this? It is the answer to that question, I think, that has left me so intrigued with this woman.

To my utter shock, many of her entries are sexual in nature. When you see Bella Swan, she appears to be a tomboy—she's so different in appearance than most of the women in whom I've been interested. But she has this amazing dichotomy between feminine and masculine. She's so beautiful, so feminine by design, it's almost like she is using her witty t-shirts and jeans to ward off anyone who might otherwise be interested in her sexually. The combination of her smartass wit and clothing builds an impressive wall around her, but I see through all that now. No surprise to me, her notebook entries leave my cock achingly trapped within my jeans yet again. There is no end to the number of times a day that woman has me to sprouting wood; it's as if she is causing me to revert back to my adolescence. I certainly haven't whacked off this frequently since I was 17.

Every time I walk past the coffee cart and see the sign "Bella's Buns," the words _taste sensation _linger in my mind. I hunger to taste her sensational body. I imagine the noises she would make and how amazing it would be to hear her scream out my name as she cums. Sometimes I see her bent over, reaching for something behind the cart. At those moments, all I can think about is coming up behind her, bending over her, burying my nose behind her ear, wrapping my arm around her waist, and pulling her ass into my hard cock. Just the thought makes me shiver involuntarily. If she only knew the truth, her face would be ten shades of red. God, would I love to see that!

Bella Swan is a young woman who grew up in a small town, has a Chief of Police for a father, and lives a simple existence as a baker in Forks, Washington. Our spheres of influence couldn't be more different. I grew up in Chicago, the son of wealthy parents, attended private schools, and work in the film industry with some rather big names. Our lives up to this point couldn't be more dissimilar. I try to imagine Bella on my arm at a premiere, attending a publicity junket, or at a fundraising benefit. The scoffs I would receive in introducing her into such situations wouldn't be subtle, nor would they be unwarranted. As much as I would really love to see her next to me, my world isn't designed to readily accept someone like Bella Swan.

Now that I have thoroughly reviewed her notebook, I need to figure out a way to get it back to her. I don't want it to appear as though I have thoroughly rifled through it, even though I have. Would she have done the same with my notebook? I smile to myself, thinking how ironic it is that two people who are seemingly unable to communicate with each other can discover hidden secrets through notes jotted in private moments. I decide that the best course of action is to merely pretend it was all an innocent accident, which, of course, it was, and return her notebook to her as if I haven't seen a thing. Hopefully, she will play along with the ruse, and save us both the embarrassment of admitting to seeing each other's _privates_.

**************************

**APOV**

While I haven't been spending as much time on the Masen set as Bella this past week, I have talked to Jasper every time I've been there. I haven't learned a ton about him, but I almost feel like I don't need to. I've never had a connection with someone that is this strong—the force of his pull to me is undeniable. I'm nearly certain he feels it, too. I can't help but question myself, though, because he is a major movie star. In what universe could the two of us end up happily together? I'm very clearly denying what I see in front of me based on how it isn't possible, rather than how it might just be; I can't help myself.

On Sunday afternoon, I'm scheduled to take over from Bella on site. The café is closed tomorrow, so we are both planning on hanging out together at the cart. I haven't had much time to see her this week; we've been like two ships passing in the night. Plus, we want the chance to catch up on gossip, especially on what Lauren and Jessica have been up to, and with whom.

As I listen to the weather report Sunday morning, the forecast is for heavier rains than we typically get in April. I wonder how that might affect the shooting schedule, if at all. I text Bella with the update.

_**Hey bb…torrent rains 4cast. U heard? – A**_

_**Lovely. As per usual. See u at 3:00? – B**_

_**Yep. Need anything? – A**_

_**Margarita, aleve, jammies. Cullen gives me headache, I'm cold. – B**_

_**I'll bring aleve. Otherwise SOL, bb. – A**_

_**TY. C U l8tr. – B**_

I shake my head at Bella and laugh. She's even funny when she is texting. God, I love that girl.

I hear the familiar ring of our bell at the door to the café. I look up to see Jasper Whitlock walking towards me.

"And what, Miss Alice, is so funny this lovely day?"

"Why hello there, Mr. Whitlock," I smile back at him, shocked to find him standing in front of me. "My funny friend Bella is making me laugh. Like always."

"I would love to get to know her a little better, because my good friend seems to be a little interested in her. I could probably never get him to admit to that, though. Let's just keep that one a secret between ourselves for now, hmm?"

"Really? Mr. Cullen? I'm a little shocked, to be honest. I never got that impression from him."

"Like I told you the very day we met, Edward is a really private guy, but one of the best dudes I've ever known. He'll bend over backwards for a friend or family, and his integrity is flawless. But enough about Edward. Tell me something about yourself."

"There isn't really much to say. I'm a pretty simple kind of girl who lives a simple kind of life."

"Now, I really doubt that, Miss Alice. I imagine that underneath it all, you're really lovely. You are quite a fascinating woman."

"Are we quoting No Doubt lyrics today?" I giggle, as I recognize we just quoted two of their songs unintentionally. "I'm certainly not as fascinating as you are, Mr. Whitlock."

"Pssh. Don't buy into the publicity machine. I keep dirty socks on my floor and forget to re-stock my refrigerator, just like any other guy you meet."

"You know, I'll be coming to the set when I'm finished up here today. We should hang out together when you don't have any scenes to film."

"Actually, I happen to have the rest of the day off, unless Edward decides to bust my butt and change his shooting schedule. That sounds like a great way to spend the evening. Plus, it is raining cats and dogs outside, and sitting in front of a warm fire tonight sounds like just the right speed for me. What do you say?"

"I say whatever took you so long to ask?"

"Let me go get a few things arranged, and I'll meet you at the Oceanside later. Okay with you, sugar pie?"

"Sounds like a plan, _honey bear_," I say as I give him a little coy glance.

I watch Jasper Whitlock's fine ass as he walks out the door, wanting to take a big bite out of it. Or at least goose him as often as he'll let me…

***********************************************

**EPOV**

Rosalie arrives on the set around noon to give me the latest weather report. The rain that has been falling lightly all day is getting heavier, and, according to the latest report, is going to become torrential by this evening. I snatch the report from Rose's hands and read it for myself.

"Dammit, this blows to hell the plans I had for shooting tonight. Have you heard how long the rain is supposed to last?"

"Edward, it is the state of Washington, and the month of April. I'm fairly certain it will last for another 8 weeks."

"Very funny, Rose."

"I haven't heard the predictions, but they told me to tell you that when torrential rains hit, they've been known to wash out roads and houses."

"Shit, that screws up everything! I guess we'll have to just review the logistics and try to shoot some indoor scenes."

"Hey, I asked you why you had to film in the state of Washington, if you recall. I think you should have opted for CGI and done the entire project in LA."

"You know, for a Personal Assistant, you're awfully opinionated. Last time I checked, I was the director of this film."

"So sue me. Just do whatever it takes to get the hell out of Dodge, and fast. Can't you pay someone to make the rain stop? You are Edward Cullen, after all."

"Well gee, Rose, now that you put it that way, I'm sure I can arrange something. I'll get right on that."

"Whatever, Edward. I'm going back to my room to hibernate and hope this is all over by the time I pop my head out again."

*********************************************

**JPOV**

I'm trying to be very careful with Alice Brandon, taking things slowly, just getting to know her. This is all very new to me, wanting someone who was outside of the Hollywood scene. Somehow, though, I feel as though I've known Alice forever, and have the rest of my life in front of me to uncover every facet of her interesting mind. She is adorable, petite, funny, beautiful, and the biggest breath of fresh air I've ever met. My goal is to spend as much time as possible with her now, in order to spend the rest of my life with her later. Those words would typically scare the crap out of me, but for whatever reason, with Alice, it is like settling into the most comfortable blanket imaginable; why would I ever resist something like that?

From the looks of the weather, we are going to be on house arrest for at least the rest of the day. I intend to use that time to just be with Alice, and see where things go from there. I've never been so enchanted with another person before, and it is both thrilling and scary. I talked to the manager of the Oceanside, Billy Black, and had him hunt down my favorite bottles of wine. I have one behind my back when I approach Alice at the coffee cart.

"Miss Alice, I'm wondering if you would like to play hooky with me this afternoon."

"What do you mean? I need to be at our cart. I thought we weren't going to hang out until later tonight?"

"Actually, you don't have to be at your cart. It looks like we are going to be out of commission for awhile due to the rain." I pull the wine out from behind my back. "Could I interest you in sharing this incredible bottle of wine with me, my fair young maiden?" I bow down, grab her hand, and kiss it gently.

Alice's beautiful, perfect smile graces her face. "Why, I can't think of anything I'd like to do more. Let me coordinate things with Bella, and then you and I can get down to business."

"Now that's what I'm talking about! I'll be waiting for you right here, sugar."

***************************

**BPOV**

I'm feeling particularly snarky this morning, so I pull out one of my favorite t-shirts: _Sarcasm, just one more service I offer._ I figure, what the hell. This one shouldn't bother anyone in particular, any more than my other ones would. It seems relatively harmless.

I have the day off from baking duties tomorrow because it is a Monday, even though I still have to work the coffee cart. Alice and I plan to do it together; it will be nice to spend some time with her.

By noon, Alice texts me to let me know torrential rains are on their way, and that she will be by around 3:00 to relieve me of my duties. Then I can go home and get some much-needed R+R.

I bend over to put my cell phone back in the cart, when I hear a voice come up behind me.

"I think I've finally figured you out."

I quickly stand up and turn around to face none other than Edward Cullen. His eyes are cast downward, and if I didn't know any better, I would swear he was checking out my ass.

"Oh, really? Because I haven't figured me out, so I don't know how you could've done that after barely knowing me for a month."

"Well, I know you enough to recognize that, based on the shirt you are wearing on a given day, that's what you're feeling. It lets people know ahead of time whether or not to approach you."

_Fuck. How could he get that about me? He's such an arrogant asshat, did he actually pull his head out of his ass long enough to figure that out? I'm all astonishment!_

"So I guess you think you're pretty clever, hmm, Cullen? Looks like now I'll need to step up my game in order to foil any of your future attempts to understand me. I promise to rise at your every attempt to intimidate me."

"You have to know enough about me by now to know that there's nothing I love more than a good challenge."

"You know, try as I might, I simply can't figure you out—every time I think I've got you down, you turn around and surprise me. You, Mr. Cullen, are an utter enigma."

He bristles at my comment. "I can't help being private; it's just my nature. I don't think that's such a heinous crime. I just don't feel comfortable in announcing to the world how I feel about things. Unlike certain people I know, I don't wear my opinion on my sleeve, or, rather, on my shirt. You certainly have no qualms in being outspoken, no matter how little you know a person. I'm just not an extrovert."

"Hey, hang on a sec—just because I'm outspoken doesn't mean I'm extroverted! My comments don't necessarily reveal anything deeply personal. I suspect that I may be as internally-driven as you are, Cullen, I just happen to be a snark on top of everything. It helps to keep the wolves at bay."

"I guess I've never really looked at the matter from that perspective before. Being outspoken and extroverted aren't necessarily the same thing."

"Like I said."

"Well, regardless, I came over to tell you that we won't be needing your services any more today—apparently, we are being inundated with torrential rain this afternoon, which messes up the shooting schedule for the remainder of the day. We're packing up and heading back to the Oceanside. You're certainly welcome to join us there, if you'd like. I believe most of the cast and crew will be holing up at the River's Edge Restaurant."

"Are you referring to my sarcasm services or my coffee services?" I snort to myself. "Wait, are you asking me to hang out there? With you?"

"Actually, I mean to give you back your notebook; it appears as though we accidentally grabbed each other's Moleskines yesterday, and I want to have the chance to return it to you. I forgot it back in my room. Of course, it doesn't matter to me in the slightest what you decide to do tonight. The choice is always yours."

"Wow, don't knock yourself out there with enthusiasm. I don't want you to pass out as you're bending over backwards for me."

_Come to think of it, I wouldn't mind seeing you bend over. Just getting a long, hard glimpse of your hot ass would make my day. Not helping, Bella!_

"I just don't want you to feel compelled to do something you don't want to do, that's all."

"Umm, in case you haven't met me before, Mr. Cullen, my name is Bella Swan. I'm not

known for being suckered into doing things I don't particularly want to do. Sound familiar?"

"Are you providing me with the service of sarcasm right now? Just so I'm clear on this."

I had to grin at that. He is a complete and total asshat, but he can be clever sometimes, it's just usually when he isn't trying to be. And fuck me if he still isn't the most beautiful man I've ever laid my eyes on, damn him.

"Yes, that is exactly the service I just provided. Did you happen to fail reading my shirt today? Remember, that's your clue on how to approach me."

"I do seem to recall hearing that somewhere. Do you need any assistance getting the coffee cart loaded into your beast?"

"Hey, call me whatever names you want, but no slanderous names for my favorite possession."

"Look, are you coming to the Oceanside or not?"

"Just hold your horses, Kimosabe! Alice and Jasper are going to be here any minute, and

I'll get them to help me with this. Where should I meet you?"

"Just ask Billy Black when you get there where my cabin is located. I'll make sure your notebook is ready to go."

"You aren't thinking of trying any funny business, are you, mister?" Edward gets an appalled, shocked look on his face. "Relax, it's just that sarcasm thing again. You're going to have to get used to that, you know."

Edward Asshat Cullen-Sullen breaks into this sexy little sideways smirk, looks me directly in the eyes, and says, "You know, a sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility."

He walks away, giving me a fine view of that hot ass I was thinking about earlier. Fuck me if that isn't all I can think about for about 30 seconds straight.

*************************************

Jasper and Alice finally show up on scene, and help me get the coffee cart secured in my truck. We decide to place a tarp over it since we don't know how much rain we'll actually get. I let them know that I need to head to the Oceanside to get something from Edward, and they both look at each other, surprised. When I explain about the _Great Notebook Switcheroo of '09_, they both just nod their heads slowly up and down, as if to say, "Riiiight." _Fuckers._

I make my way over to the Oceanside, grateful that it isn't far, because the rain truly is torrential now. My truck can handle just about any kind of weather, she is sturdy as an ox, but when you can only go a maximum speed of 40 MPH without having the frame rattle and roll, it is a bit self-limiting. Add on top of that the fact that the roads are getting downright vicious to navigate, I'm so glad to just make it to the resort in one piece.

I'm directed towards Edward's cabin, and the door swings open before I even have a chance to knock. Edward motions for me to enter, and I do so a bit warily. He makes me pretty fricking nervous, to be honest, and being all alone with him in a secluded cabin? I'm not sure if I can be held responsible for any of my actions, particularly the amorous kind. I'm not sure what it is about torrential rain, but the horny virgin in me strikes with a vengeance.

_Shitfuckgoddamnasswipemotherfucker._ _He is so delectably tasty, I want a bite. I think that just about covers all the curse words in my personal lexicon._

As I step inside, he hands me my notebook. I remove my messenger bag from my shoulder and pull his notebook out. We do a kind of hand off where we're both holding the notebooks at the same time, almost like we don't trust the other person to give it back.

"Okay, on the count of three, let's let go. 1-2-3, NOW!"

I faked him out, he faked me out. We're left the same way as before we started: I'm still holding his notebook, he still has mine.

"Why didn't you let go?" he asks.

"I didn't think you were going to let go."

"This doesn't bode well for our mutual trust in one another, does it?"

"Ah, no, I guess it doesn't."

We try it again, this time with no fanfare, and successfully retain ownership of our proper notebooks. I start to giggle, and he gives me the sideways smirk again.

_I'm going to need to work on my resistance to that smirk. It kinda goes straight to my girlie parts whenever I see it._

"You know, the rain doesn't appear to be abating; are you sure it is safe to head back into Forks? It is quite a drive from here, and it's starting to get dark. I'd hate for you to get stranded in the middle of this, especially in that old heap you drive."

"Cullen, it is 14 miles to Forks; I'm sure I can make it in one piece. And quit with the knocking of my truck already! She has gotten me around the Olympic Peninsula for years, and isn't likely to conk out anytime soon!"

"Touchy, much? Too bad you don't have a Volvo. They're very reliable cars. It took awhile for Rose to hunt one down for me with the rental company, but she finally did, thank god. That woman can work miracles."

"Yeah, a stupid, shiny, silver Volvo would be _perfect_ for hauling around stuff for the café. In fact, the coffee cart would fit sooooo easily into the trunk. Now why didn't I think of that earlier? Clearly, a Volvo is a very useful car here in Forks." Edward Cullen has me completely exasperated once again. I wonder why I let him affect me like this.

"Edward, why do you dislike everything so much?"

He looks completely surprised by my question. "I don't know, Bella, why do you misunderstand everything?"

"You know, I think we should just call this a stalemate and leave it at that. I need to get home anyway."

Edward Cullen takes a few steps towards me, until he is close enough for me to see his intense green eyes clearly. "_Bella,_ I have no intention of letting you drive in this weather."

I take a step back to escape his gaze. "_Edward_, it isn't your decision."

Another step. "Don't be an idiot. It is way too hazardous out there to drive."

I find myself against the door; there is nowhere left to go. I feel like the cat being pursued by Pepe le Pew in Looney Toons. I want to escape from Edward Cullen, but there is no way out.

"I've been driving in Forks for five years now, and I know what I'm doing!"

I can see Edward's nostrils flare. His eyes are suddenly very dark, and his breathing picks up. His face is inching closer to mine, and I close my eyes to escape his intensity.

Suddenly, my phone rings. _Oh thank god, saved by the bell!_

Edward shakes his head, as if he's been hypnotized. I fumble around my bag for my phone.

"Yeah, pipsqueak, what do you need?"

"Bella—where are you?"

"I'm standing in Edward Cullen's cabin at the moment. I just got my notebook and I was planning to head home."

"No way, missy—it is way too rainy out there. Did you forget your coffee this morning, sweetie? You just aren't thinking very clearly--you know the roads might get washed out!"

"Alice, I really just want to get home and go to bed. I'll be fine."

"I was actually calling you to see if you want to hang out with Jasper and me for the night. Billy has an extra room available to give us, since Jacob can stay at home if he wants to. Please, Bella? It would mean so much to me if you could get to know Jasper a little bit better."

"Aw, Ali, no! Please!"

"Bellllla, am I your best friend in the world or not?"

"Yes. You are my best friend in the world. You know you just used your trump card, by the way. That's the last one for the year, and it is only April. Be sure you are choosing...wisely."

"Yesss!" I hear her squeal the good news to Jasper. "We're in cabin #14."

I hang up the phone to see Edward still staring at me, inches from my face. "Soo, I guess

I'm going to go hang out with Alice and…" I'm interrupted by Edward's phone ringing.

"Yes, Jasper?" His eyes are still on me as he answers his phone.

"Okay. I'll be there in a few." As he hangs up his phone, he says to me, "Well, Ms. Swan, it appears that you and I have a date with destiny, because I have also been invited to join Jasper and Alice."

_Holy fuck. Now what?_

********************************

We've been drinking for hours, and we're all well lit. Even Mr. Cullen-Sullen has lightened up a bit; he can actually be funny. Who knew?

As the night wears on, Alice and Jasper start having a more intimate conversation, which leaves me more or less alone with the Asshat. We get on the topic of movies, and oh man, does this guy need to be schooled. He thinks he knows _everything_ about movies. I'm wanting to prove to him that a little mousey girl from Forks, Washington can know just as much as a overly-educated, pompous, pretentious LA director.

"Edward Cullen, your ego is the size of Guam! It qualifies to have its own senator!"

"Swan, don't be ridiculous. I majored in film studies, I direct films, I work in the film

industry. Of course I know a lot about it! How could I possibly know less than you?"

Admittedly, I'm feeling no pain at this point, so my confidence level may be unguardedly high. I propose a quote-off. I know I can do this with my eyes closed. _Umm, I'm pretty sure I can do this with my eyes closed. Right?_

Of course, Mr. Smirky meets me head for head. "A quote-off? From famous movies, you mean? Pssh, no problem. Game on."

"Okay, so here's the rules. The first one who can't name the movie loses. Deal?"

"Deal. Except it has to verifiable."

"Who's gonna verify, Cullen? I'm just supposed to trust you?"

"Well, obviously that's going to cause you problems, so no, we'll use Google and my iPhone."

I eye him warily, making sure he isn't trying to pull a fast one. "Okay, deal. Let's shake on it."

Edward reaches out his hand, and we shake. We're looking each other directly in the eyes. Neither one of us is willing to let go of the other's hand. It starts to get a little awkward. Suddenly, Edward pulls away.

"Wait, what happens to the winner and loser?"

"Um, how about the loser is a loser?"

"Oh, very creative, Swan. I think we can come up with something more enticing than that."

"You sound really sure of yourself, Smirkyboy."

"What did you just call me?"

"You heard me, Smirkyboy."

"You're absolutely ridiculous, you know that, right?"

"Are you weasling out of the game because you're afraid the little baker girl is gonna pwn you?"

"Nice try, but no. I'm not going to lose. And we still haven't decided what the winner and loser get."

"Okay, Mr. Smug. How about the winner gets whatever they want?"

"What, like a million dollars? A nice, new, shiny, silver Volvo?"

"Nope. How about something real—like bragging rights?"

"I hardly need bragging rights from you, Bella," he smirks. _Dick._

"Oh, just you wait to be schooled, Cullen. You won't know what hit you."

"Bring it on, Swan. I'm waiting."

I rub my hands together and decide to start slowly. I've got some choice ones, but no need to bring out the big guns until later.

"Okay…'Sometimes I get them menstrual cramps real hard.'"

"Pshh. _Raising Arizona._ Umm, 'Honey, this sure is great coffee.'"

"Amateur. _Witness_. 'I feel an overwhelming sense of ickiness.'"

"That's not my problem!" The smug bastard laughs. "Swan, the 'ickiness' gives it away! _Clueless_. 'I can't believe you're not really retarded.'"

"Fuck you, asshole! I'm just as smart as you are!"

"Simmer down, Swan. That was the quote."

I blush deep, deep shades of red. "Oh, yeah, right. I knew that. Umm, _Garden State_?"

"Correct."

I sit there for a moment, trying to come up with a really good one. I want to get him back after his last quote, because I'm certain that he meant it as a dig. " 'After about five minutes of this movie, you're gonna wish you had ten beers,'" I smile, very self-satisfied.

"Trying to send me a message, Bella? It's _Ghost World_." I nod my head that he got it right.

" 'I guess you've gotta find something you love to do and then …do it for the rest of your life.' "

_I can picture it. It stars Jason Schwartzman. Bill Murray. Private school…_then it comes to me_. _ "Rushmore!"

"Very good, my young Padawan learner."

I roll my eyes. _Like he is some movie guru instilling his wisdom into my puny brain. _

I clap my hands and rub them together. This is getting good. I know _just_ the quote. " 'I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?' "

He scoffs. "I practically wrote the screenplay for that film, I've seen it so many times. _So _unimaginative, I'm a little disappointed in you, Bella. _The Princess Bride_. I have one that is sure to stump you. 'Tradition is the illusion of permanence.'"

_Shit. It's Woody Allen, but which one??? Think, Bella, think!_

"If I didn't know better, Miss Swan, I would say that face means you are STUMPED." He says, tapping his pointer finger on my temple. It leaves a tingly sensation and I can't think about anything else for a moment.

"Now just a minute…we never said there was a time limit. Just hold on to your ass, I'll get it. Do I at least get partial credit for knowing the director?"

"Oh my god, it's only been a couple of quotes and you're already crying wolf?"

"Absolutely not, asshole! Okay, _Deconstructing Harry_?"

"Yes, dammit!"

_Hehehe. Got him!_

"See, this little girl ain't such a pushover, now, is she? Uh, hang on, let me get a good one. 'The word itself makes men uncomfortable. Vagina.'"

"Oh, come on, you think throwing the word 'vagina' in there is going to make me balk? _The Big Lebowski_. All right, babycakes, 'The things you own end up owning you.'"

"Oh, right, and just because I'm a chick I've never watched _Fight Club_. You're so fucking predictable. Try this one on for size, limp noodle: 'You turned out to be all I was looking for—the missing piece in the big fucking puzzle.'"

Edward suddenly looks panicked, and I cannot imagine why. Does he not know this quote—seriously? "Edward, what's wrong?"

He shakes his head back and forth. "Oh, did you just throw a quote in there? You caught me off guard for a minute. I must be drunker than I thought."

"So, do you know the movie, or not?"

"Say it again, please." He swallows hard.

"I don't recall that repeats were part of the rules, but I'll give you a freebie this time." I clear my throat and crack my knuckles for dramatic emphasis. 'You turned out to be all I was looking for—the missing piece in the big fucking puzzle.'"

Edward pauses again. I notice that he is swallowing very hard.

_Oh my sweet jeebus, that Adam's apple. I just want to lick it. I notice the deep crevice between his collarbones is asking me to lick it, too. I want to nibble on those delicious collarbones. _

I return to reason and remember he hasn't answered me yet. I start to giggle uncontrollably.

"Swan, I haven't forfeited yet. Don't get all cocky, now."

He strokes his chin with those amazingly long, elegant fingers as he ponders the answer. "Oh yeah, _Chasing Amy_. 'When do you get to the point, when two people love each other, that enough is enough? The correct answer is _never_.'"

"_The Mexican_. 'Some day, you will find someone who will have a greater hold on your affections than I do. The most important journey of your life will be to find her.'"

"_Nicholas Nickleby. _I love Dickens. I've seen all those movies dozens of times! Okay, how about…'I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail.'"

"Duh_, Pulp Fiction._ I'd also like a Royale with Cheese. Goddamn, I love that movie."

We both crack up. I'm laughing so hard I start to snort. My snorting makes Edward laugh harder. He's wiping tears from his eyes.

As our laughter starts to die down, I notice that Jasper and Alice have made themselves scarce. I turn around and search the room. It is eerily quiet, and I suddenly hear the wind and rain outside. It sounds like a freight train, and I can't imagine how I didn't notice it before.

I whisper loudly to Edward, "Where do you think Alice and Jasper ran off to?"

Edward uses his head to gesture to the bedroom door, which is, apparently, closed. Our eyes meet each other's, and we start giggling again. I put my pointer finger over my mouth and grab his hand in mine. We slowly, dramatically, sneak over towards the closed door, like we're Scooby Doo and the gang, but I trip along the way and end up on top of Edward. My face is inches from his, and our crotches are somewhat embarrassingly and inconveniently tangled up together. I notice his hard on at once, and my eyes grow bigger. _Shit, the horny virgin has reappeared._ Edward props himself up on his elbows, causing me to inadvertently straddle his lap. His face is so close to mine, I can feel his breath on my lips. We're both starting to pant a little bit, and before I can catch what I'm doing, I start dry humping his rock hard cock. He groans out loud, which makes me realize what I'm doing. I quickly jump to my feet, completely flustered. Edward has this annoyingly adorable half-smile on his face, all full of smug confidence.

"What?" I ask, pretending like nothing just went down, even though I'm well aware that something _definitely_ went down. As in, down south. Of the border. As in, _oh my god, I just humped Edward Cullen!_

"You like me, Bella Swan! Admit it!"

I act like the man is crazy. "As if! I just happened to accidentally fall on your crotch—I certainly wasn't there by choice!"

Edward stands up, his peen still at full mast, but he's trying to hide it. It isn't something that can be easily stowed below deck, believe me.

"Oh come on, you practically fucked me right there on the floor! Admit it!"

I feel the blush come on fast and furiously. "I've never even had sex before, you ass!" My voice comes out smaller than I expected, cracking. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I turn away from him so he can't see.

His voice comes out softer this time. "What, Bella?"

I'm wiping off my tears with as much subtlety as I can manage. "Fuck you, Edward. Just because you're part of the flashy Hollywood scene doesn't mean you have the license to make fun of my lack of experience. I live in Forks, Washington, what did you expect?"

He swallows, and I ogle that luscious, tempting Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "You're a _virgin_?"

_Why is that so hard to believe? Do I seem like a small town skank or something?_ "Yeah, Edward, I'm a virgin. I've never had sex. Is that so weird?"

"Well, now that you ask, it is a little unusual for a 21 year old woman, I guess. But that isn't bad. It's just unexpected."

"Yeah, well if you grew up in Forks, you'd probably be a virgin, too. The thought of losing it just for the sake of losing it with some of the fucktards here never appealed to me."

"Wow, that's _impressive_. You held out."

"How do you know I ever got the chance, Edward?"

"Come on, Bella. You had to have been asked before. I refuse to believe you never had the opportunity."

"Edward, I never had the opportunity, believe me. Ever. Not once."

Edward Cullen then does something most unexpected. He grabs my chin, lifts my face, and leans in to kiss me. _Kiss me_! Like he's doing me a fucking favor!

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Bella, I was trying to kiss you. I didn't think you'd have a temper tantrum over it."

"What makes you think I want to kiss you? Just because I haven't messed around, I'm going to be grateful to you for taking pity on me?"

"What are you talking about? I just felt like kissing you. That's all! There isn't any other motivation at work here. Actually, I thought you might be excited by the prospect, given that you were humping the hell out of my junk a few seconds ago."

I stand there with my mouth open for at least a minute. Does he really think that I'm that desperate? Then it dawns on me: "Oh my god, I finally figured it out! You're just like Mr. Darcy! And I mean Mr. Darcy in the beginning of the book, not at the end. You know, the proud, ego-filled, asshat Mr. Darcy! That's totally you!" I'm running around in circles and laughing maniacally.

"Bella Swan, you are the most annoying, stubborn woman I have ever met in my life! You know, most women would be flattered to be kissed by me. I'm nothing like Mr. Darcy. Apparently, you've spent too much time in a dream world of your own creation while letting real life opportunities pass you by. The only reason you are a virgin, Miss Swan, is because you choose to be. God forbid you should ever let any man close enough to you that he would want to try!"

"Fuck you, Edward. Fuck you and your fancy life, your stupid silver Volvo, your trust fund, and your red carpet! You are by far the biggest asshole I've ever met in my life! Just get the hell away from me!" I'm swatting at his hands like a madwoman, and I run towards the nearest door. It's the bathroom, and I lock myself in to escape from Pepe le Pew once again.

I sink down to the floor, pull my knees up to my chest, and start to cry. Loud, bursting, hiccupping sobs. And I wish to god I had never met the asshole otherwise known as Edward Cullen.


	15. Chapter 14:Strange Things are Afoot

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: Thank you to all the readers who have put **_**Desiderata**_** on favorites lists and story alerts. It makes me squee out loud and causes my husband to question my sanity every time I get a notification. This chapter is shorter than I intended, because there is going to be an epic confrontation on the horizon…just so you are all prepared. I decided to save that little slice of goodness for chapter 15.**

**Things I own: A bad case of the Mondays. And it's Tuesday. That's not good.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. Or a ticket to Comic-Con. But I really, really want one. Will someone please promise to suck on RPattz fingers for me? :o(**

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN: STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE-K**

"_Burgundy makes you think of silly things; Bordeaux makes you talk about them; Champagne makes you do them." - Anonymous_

**BPOV**

I wake up on the cold bathroom floor of Jasper's cabin. I try to remember what the hell happened in order for me to be asleep on the floor, and notice my head pounding. My mouth feels like I swallowed cotton balls and that someone died in there. I groan as I make my way to stand—my head is actually pounding so hard it feels like it is going to explode any second. I look at myself in the mirror and, while I didn't think it was possible, I actually look worse than I feel. And I feel like shit. _Fuck my life._

I wash my face off with cold water and try to straighten out my hair a bit. Wondering what time it is, I open up my phone. _Shit. It's only 6:00._ I also see that I missed three of Charlie's calls and ten of Alice's. I have some text messages from her, too, so I open those.

**1:08**_**Bells, what happened? U won't open door.**_

**1:53**_**Pls, girl, lemme in.**_

**2:18**_**Edward won't talk, Jazz is worried. Pls let me know u r ok in there.**_

**3:10**_**ISABELLA MARIE SWAN OPEN THE DOOR OR TEXT ME STAT!!**_

**4:04**_**Edward is an ass. He feels bad. Pls, Bells?**_

**4:44**_**Am officially givin up. Just call when u wake up. Goin 2 sleep.**_

I feel really bad that I missed all those calls and texts, but there is no way I'm going to come out of this bathroom until Fuckward has vacated the premises. God, he is such an ass. I can't believe I got duped into spending the night with him last night.

I decide to call Charlie so that he won't be worried. I should have called him yesterday; he worries sick about me being on the road when the weather is bad. I dial his number.

"Hello?"

"Hey dad, it's Bella."

"Bella! God I was worried about you! Where in the heck are you, anyhow? You didn't call to tell me you weren't coming home!"

"Yeah, I know. Sorry about that. It got a little hectic on the set yesterday when things were cancelled because of the rain. I thought maybe Billy might have called you. Alice and I are staying in Jacob's room, and Jacob went to stay with Billy until this lets up."

"Oh, good. I'm so glad you didn't try driving home—highway 110 is partially washed out, so you won't be able to come home for a while."

"Really? Wow, that hasn't happened for years. Is it really that bad out there?"

"Yeah, and we're gonna be swamped trying to help out the State Patrol. Promise to keep your phone on so I can reach you, okay?"

"Sure thing, dad. Just take care of yourself."

"Always do, Bells. Always do."

"Love you, dad. Bye."

_Jesusfreakingchrist. I'm stuck here with Asshat and company for the foreseeable future._

My phone rings again. _Alice_. I groan.

"Yes, Alice."

"Bella Swan, why the hell haven't you called me?"

"Because I just woke up and needed to let Charlie know I was okay first. Parents trump best friends in the call notification hierarchy. Don't you know that by now?"

"Umm, just remember that my hierarchy doesn't include parents."

"Shit, I'm so sorry! That isn't what I meant. Fuck, I have the worst headache known to man. Drank way too much last night."

"Will you let me in now, please? So we can talk about it?"

_I need to know how much she knows about last night._

"What have you heard?"

"Nothing. Edward won't say a word. In fact, he stormed out of here around 4:00 to go back to his own cabin."

"So he isn't here right now?"

"That's right."

"Okay, I'm coming out then."

*****************

I open the bathroom door, and Alice flings herself on me as if I've been held hostage for the past three years. While I'm grateful for her enthusiasm, it doesn't help my head.

"Short stack, do you have any of that Aleve I asked for yesterday? I'm pretty sure my brain died."

"Oh, yeah, you know I'm always prepared for any kind of disaster," she says, rummaging around through her tote bag, which is nearly as big as she is.

"My head is betting on your being prepared, Girl Scout," I tell her, expressing my sincere appreciation for her OCD tendencies. "Just let me swallow this pill, get some water, and we can talk. Kay?"

_Note to self: Remember Desiderata. Remember Eleanor's advice. You're better than this, Bella. You CAN do this. You WILL do this. Repeat after me: Edward Cullen does NOT have permission to make me feel bad about myself. Edward Cullen does NOT have permission to make me feel bad about myself…_

After my self-talk diatribe, I sit down at the kitchen table with my glass of water. Alice sits across from me.

"You know, I think this story would best be told over some greasy eggs and bacon, with copious amounts of caffeine. What do you say?"

"Actually, breakfast sounds great. I'm just going to go let Jasper know we're heading over there. He can always meet us there later."

"Sounds like a plan." I run into the bathroom quickly to arrange my hair into a ponytail and make myself look at presentable as possible. One look in the mirror is enough to confirm that I have failed miserably at my task. I sigh deeply. _As good as it's gonna get._

Alice and I suit up to go out into the torrential rain. It hasn't let up for the past 18 hours. Having lived in Forks my entire life, I don't go anywhere without my rain gear and wellie boots. Naturally, Alice's get up is much more stylish than mine. In fact, I didn't really know rain gear could look stylish, but somehow Alice pulls it off. Like usual.

We're actually quiet as we make our way over to the River's Edge Restaurant. It sits on the Oceanside Resort property, on the banks of Quillayute River next to the marina, not far from where the river meets the ocean. It is a beautiful setting, but this morning, with the added rain, the river looks angry and brown. Usually, I love to watch the sea lions play in the river while I wait for my food, but none of them are in the wild waters today.

We walk into the restaurant and shake off our jackets. Even though it is 7:00 AM, the restaurant is busy for a Monday morning. With the rain and cancelled shooting schedule, there isn't much to do here besides eat or drink. Or both.

We slide into a booth and look over the menus. I'm totes a pancake kinda girl, so I go for the blueberry buttermilk, and some eggs. Alice always gets the greasy spoon plate. I have no idea where she puts all that food, because she can't weigh more than 90 pounds soaking wet. Just another reason she is so dang annoying.

"So, do we need to talk about what happened last night?"

"You know, I think I kind of blew it out of proportion because I was drunk. Now that I'm awake, and Edward isn't here, I'm okay."

"What did he do to make you lock yourself in a bathroom and sleep there?"

"It's a long story. Too much to drink, loose tongues saying things that shouldn't have been said. The usual."

"Somehow, I doubt that anything that happens between you and Edward Cullen is 'the usual.' You are aware that he likes you, right?"

I bellow out a laugh at that. "In the Twilight Zone, maybe! And even if he does like me, which he_ absolutely does not, _I can assure you, that doesn't mean his interest is returned."

"Oh come on, Bella! Wake up and smell the coffee, honey! I've never seen you look at someone the way you look at Edward Cullen. I think you need to take your blinders off and acknowledge how you feel."

"I willingly acknowledge how I feel—I hate him. Blinders off and all, I hate him. He is the most arrogant, self-righteous, snobby man I've ever met in my life. So what if he's also the most beautiful guy to ever walk the earth? No amount of beauty could ever override his ego!"

"What was it that broke the camel's back? What did he say?"

I might as well spill to Alice, because she's going to get the story out of me one way or another. I take in a deep breath as I begin. "Well, we kind of got into a movie quote-off."

Alice interrupts, "A what?"

"We each had to name a movie quote, and the other one had to figure out what movie it was from. He was so smug about the whole thing, and was getting a little pissy when I matched him quote for quote. Hmm, come to think of it, no victor was ever declared…oh yeah, because we were trying to sneak up on you and Jasper. I kind of tripped over my own two feet and ended up on top of Edward."

"This sounds promising, go on."

"Well, he accused me of wanting to fuck him right on the floor…"

"WHAT?!"

"I kind of dry humped his junk without realizing it…"

"BELLA SWAN!! You did NOT!"

"Shh, Alice, people are staring! Do you want to hear this story or not?"

Alice squirms in her seat, like a kindergartener sitting through Christmas Midnight Mass. "Ok, I'll behave," she says as she sits on her hands.

"Anyway, he said I wanted to fuck him, and I told him that wasn't possible, and it may have accidentally came out that I'm a virgin, and then he tried to give me a pity kiss, and I basically told him to fuck off."

"If I know you, Bella Swan, I know that you said a lot more than 'fuck off.' Details, girl. Spill."

"Well, it was more along the lines of accusing him of being just like Mr. Darcy in the beginning of Pride and Prejudice, and he followed up by saying that I have no one to blame except myself for the fact that I'm still a virgin, because I drive men away."

"He did not!"

"He did. And that's when I told him to fuck off, go to hell, and leave me alone."

"Wow. Just, wow."

"Yeah. I know."

I glance around the restaurant, and notice Jake is sitting with a group of people who I recognize from the set. They're laughing and pretty animated, so I'm not about to go over there to say hello, even though I feel like I should. I don't want him to think I am ignoring him.

Our waitress brings our breakfast, and I look up to see Jake standing right behind her.

"Hey Jake! I haven't even gotten a chance to catch up with you since the filming started! How's it all going?"

Once our food has been delivered, Jake slides up next to me in the booth, putting his arm across the top edge of the seat, just above my shoulders. "It's a wild world, that's for sure, Bells. I'm getting the hang of it, though. Pretty much just memorizing lines and learning where I'm supposed to stand. Most of what I do is physical stuff anyway. Canoeing, bow hunting, that kind of shit. They have a couple of the tribal members consulting them on our tribal customs and stuff. You know the star, Tanya? She's actually pretty cool once you get to know her. I think she does most of her antics just to piss off Edward. There is some bad blood between them."

I snort in response. "I'm surprised to hear that!" I muse, sarcasm thick in my voice. "He's such a sweet, easy going guy most of the time."

"Aw, come on, he's a good guy. A little snobby, yeah, but he's not so bad. He's just serious."

_WTF? Jake is defending the asshat? _"Sorry, but I beg to differ. Maybe if you are part of his inner sanctum, like one of his actors, he's okay, but to the commoners like us, he's a royal jerk."

Jake just shrugs his shoulders. "You gonna eat the rest of those pancakes? Mind if I have them?"

"Didn't you eat already?"

"Hey, I'm a growing boy! I need my sustenance!"

I slide my plate over to him, unable to stuff in another bite. "Have at it, Boy Wonder. By the way, Jake, you wouldn't happen to have an extra t-shirt in that backpack of yours, would you? Mine is getting a little stale right about now."

"You know me way too well—I always have one stashed with me somewhere. Usually so I can impress the chicks by going shirtless." He rifles through his backpack and finds a shirt for me. I roll my eyes at his comment.

"I'm gonna run and change shirts, Ali. I'll be right back."

I look at Jake's t-shirt before putting it on. It will look like a dress on me, but at least it is clean. It's dark blue and says, "Quileute Tribal School Killer Whales," featuring a picture of a killer whale drawn using the traditional Quileute tribal art form. On the back, it says simply "J. BLACK." I quickly get dressed and return to our table.

"Wow, that fits you perfectly, Swan!" Jake laughs as I approach the booth.

I slug him playfully in the arm. "It may be big, but it smells better than the shirt I was wearing, so no complaints from the peanut gallery."

During my conversation with Jake, I noticed in my peripheral vision that Alice was deviously texting away on her phone. I may not be a rocket scientist, but I'm fairly certain that she is probably talking to Jasper.

"What's the word on the street from Jazz?"

Alice startles at my sudden outburst and fumbles with the phone. "Oh! Jasper's on his way over, I was hoping he could just join us. You're okay with that, right?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"No reason. Just checking."

Alice is making me a little suspicious. This isn't the kind of thing she'd ever have to clear with me. Why is she doing so now? I don't have time to investigate that thought any further, because someone new has joined Jake at our table.

"Jacob Black, you never told me you were acquainted with the two most beautiful women at the Oceanside Resort. Care to make introductions?"

"Oh, sure, James. This is Bella Swan here, and Alice Brandon. Alice and Bella, this is James Masen. I've been friends with these two forever. They're in charge of the coffee cart on the set. Alice also owns a coffee shop in Forks called the "Wonderland Café. Bella is the one who is famous for her buns." Jake happens to leave the details of exactly what "Bella's Buns" are out of the conversation. I blush like a virgin bride. _Fucker. _

We both shake hands with James. He is a pretty hot guy with long blonde hair that he wears in a ponytail, crystal ice blue eyes, and a killer torso. It shows off under his skintight t-shirt. Then it hits me. His name is James _Masen_.

"James _Masen_? As in, Masen Masterworks, Masen?"

"Very astute, young lady. Yes, as in Masen Masterworks."

"So, are you one of the producers or something? I assume you are part of the family management?"

Before he can answer, I see Alice's face light up. I turn my head around to see Jasper and Edward Cullen approaching our table. Edward looks as though he just swallowed a lemon, whole. _Guess someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning._ He has dark circles under his eyes and looks like he could use an entire pot of coffee. Jasper grabs Alice's hand and encourages her to scoot out of the booth. James immediately slides into Alice's empty spot. Edward simply nods at James coolly. As his eyes scan my t-shirt, his brow furrows, and his eyes dart over to Jacob. The entire action lasts only a split second, and then his face returns to neutral.

"Good morning, Jacob, Isabella." He glances at Jasper, giving him an unspoken signal, and walks away.

"What the hell is his problem?" I sputter.

"I think he's probably feeling under the weather after last night. We're just going to grab some breakfast. Do you mind if I steal Miss Alice away from you?"

I smile broadly at Jasper. "Of course not, she's yours to take. I mean steal. Whatever." I decide to stop while I'm ahead, since my verbal diarrhea has started again. I wonder if they make Immodium for the brain.

James is the first to speak after Jasper and Edward leave.

"I'm sure you noticed that little slight, by the way. You seem like an intelligent girl."

"I was kind of wondering about that, but Edward Cullen is such an arrogant asstard it seemed rather typical of his behavior. Care to explain?"

"Well, let's just say we have a _history_."

"Go on, you can't just leave it at that!"

He smiles, amused with my impatience. "Well, I'm a distant relation. I was married to Kate Cullen, one of Edward Cullen's second cousins, so I married into the Masen/Cullen name; my family wasn't related closely enough to benefit from any of their wealth. After we were married, I starting doing work with Edward on each of his shoots; you're kind of expected to take part in the family business at any level if the names Masen or Cullen are part of your signature. You really don't have a choice. So they decided that I would be in training to become the Best Boy grip, which is basically someone who moves and sets up lighting. Not that I wanted to do that, but that's what was chosen on my behalf."

"You didn't have a choice about any of this? What, is it like the Mafia or something?"

James laughs. "Yeah, you could say that. Anyway, the whole family is made up of control freaks, Kate among them. I think we were probably doomed from the start. I don't know if Edward Cullen poisoned her against me or not, but a few years after we were married, she divorced me."

"So why are you still here? I mean, there is nothing to tie you to the Masens anymore, surely."

"Actually, there is. Part of our divorce settlement came in the form of a permanent employment agreement. Instead of giving me a cash payout, they guaranteed I would have work at Masen Masterworks for the rest of my life. I signed a contract with the devil in order to get Kate Cullen out of my life, so now I'm stuck on the Masen sets forever."

"Wow, I can't believe what I'm hearing. Edward Cullen sure doesn't hide his animosity for you, does he?"

"Yeah, it's no secret. The worst part of it is, I've never been promoted to Key Grip. I'm stuck being a Best Boy for the rest of my fucking life."

"Well, you could do something else with you life, couldn't you?"

"Why would I ever do that? I have a steady, guaranteed income from Masen."

"It just seems like you're really bitter about having to keep working for the family, is all. I just assumed you might want to try something else to get away from them."

"Let's just say that the Masens have golden handcuffs around my wrists. I can't really go anywhere else."

"Wow. Edward Cullen is a bigger asshole than I realized, and that is saying a lot."

********************

**EPOV**

_Isabella Swan will be the death of me. _

That's the first thought that enters my mind when I awaken. Fuck, this woman has clearly been sent from the depths of hell to torment my cock. I'm certain of that fact. Last night, we're sparring back and forth about movies, I see her completely animated and alive, and I've never wanted to kiss a woman more in my entire life. _What the hell is wrong with me? I cannot fall in love with Bella Swan!_ Well, maybe I can't fall in love, but my dick doesn't seem to be listening. The entire time we're arguing, half of my brain is occupied with worry that my cock is going to suddenly rip through my jeans, because it is that fucking hard. Her tits are right in front of me, and it is all I can do to keep myself from reaching over and palming them. I'm fairly certain that if I were to do that, I'd end up a very sorry man. It wasn't worth the split second of heaven to get the lifetime of wrath that would follow. Somehow, I manage to keep my dick in my pants and my hands off her tits, but it took the strength of Hercules, I swear. I don't know if I can hold out much longer.

We go from verbal sparring, to sneaking up on Jasper and Alice _because I really needed to stop that shit from getting more serious_, to falling and Bella humping my junk. God, I nearly came in my pants like a 14 year old, seeing her thrusting her hips and closing her eyes in ecstasy. I'm right there with her, and catch myself groaning. I have a hugeass grin on my face when she opens her eyes, forcing her to jump off my cock.

_No, dammit, my cock needs you! Have mercy on my poor, rock hard, throbbing cock, you evil harpy!_

Then, Bella Swan opens up with the biggest cliffhanger I've ever been witness to—she's a fucking _virgin?_ You've gotta be fucking kidding me! Oh, sweet jeezus, my cock is going to be hard for the next decade when it hears that. Both my cock and I are in complete agreement that we're more than willing to aid Ms. Bella Swan in trading in her v-card status. Any time. Like right now. I'm so freaking horny I can't even think straight, on top of all the booze I've consumed.

So, my next move may not have been my smoothest ever, but hey, I was drunk and incredibly horny, and the sexiest, doe-eyed brunette I have ever seen was standing immediately in front of me. I'm not a martyr, after all. I grab her chin and move to kiss her. And before I know it, Bella Swan is accusing me of being Mr. Darcy—the arrogant, asshole Mr. Darcy, and she's all pissed off that I'm giving her a sympathy kiss. _WTF?_

Being under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol AND lack of oxygen to my brain since all my blood flow has gone straight to my dick, I say something very bad to Bella Swan. Yeah, I essentially accuse her of being a cold fish, and blame her for her own virginal status. _Umm, to say that went over like a lead balloon is putting it mildly._ Once again, because of me, Bella has been reduced to tears. She escapes into the bathroom and locks herself in. _Fuck, Cullen! You did it again!_

After attempting to get her out of the bathroom myself, I have to break up Jasper and Alice for their assistance. We try for hours to coax her out of there. Around 4 AM, I can't keep my eyes open any longer, and assume it is for the best if I simply go back to my cabin. I fall into bed and dead asleep.

Around 7:00 AM, my phone alarm rings. When I open my eyes, it feels like someone snuck into my room and drove a stake into my skull. I get up to take some ibuprofen. I check my phone, and Jasper left me a text to meet at his cabin and go to breakfast. Food and coffee might do me some good.

We stumble over to the River's Edge restaurant, saying nothing. Jasper knows instinctively when I am in a shitty mood, and I'm definitely in a shitty mood this morning. He knows to leave well enough alone.

When we enter the restaurant, the first things I see, in this order, do not improve my mood:

Bella Swan is sitting next to Jacob Black;

Jacob Black's arm is around Bella Swan;

Bella Swan is laughing and smiling at Jacob Black;

Bella Swan is wearing a blue t-shirt (_oh fuck me now she's wearing blue!) _with the wording "J. BLACK" on the back of it;

James Masen is standing at Bella Swan's table and giving her his greasiest smile.

I register these five things instantly, and notice all the blood rush to my head. I feel my hands start to shake. And I feel Jasper's arm go straight to my chest, effectively stopping me in my tracks. _Thank god Jasper knows me so well_, I think to myself. I take a moment to breathe in and out deeply in order to dissipate my anger. It doesn't really work, but I don't have any other alternatives at this point. As we approach the table, I merely give that scum of the earth a nod; that's being generous, in my book. I say a terse hello to Bella and Jacob, because that's all I'm capable of doing. Jasper grabs Alice's hand and leads her to our table.

Fortunately, the two of them are in their own little world; I don't need Alice's perceptive nature probing this scene any further. I feel the intensity of my glare as I see James talking animatedly to Bella and Jacob. I know exactly what he is saying, the same old song and dance he's been yammering on about since he broke my cousin's heart. The fact that Aunt Elizabeth allowed him to have what amounts to lifetime guaranteed employment continues to eat at me to this day. It is the only reason I don't beat the shit out of him every time I see the worm. The way he ruined Kate's life in unconscionable. The fact that he profited from breaking her heart symbolizes all that is wrong with the judicial system in our country. I know that my Aunt simply wanted him to go away quietly, mainly to avoid a huge scandal in the tabloids, but still. It just feels like James Masen got away with blackmail. All my cousin got was a ticket as far away from him as possible; she ended up taking a fellowship to study in Iceland. The only benefit to having him on the set is so that I can keep an eye on him, and keep him away from my cousin.

*************************************

**BPOV**

My phone rings. I look down, and see that it's Charlie. I hold my finger up to silence James as I answer.

"Hey dad, what's up? You guys still swamped with calls? Have you had anything to eat?"

_Pause. A way too long pause. Shit._

"Um, Bells, I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. Renee is in town."

**End note: For god knows what reason, **_**Desiderata**_** has been nominated for a Shimmer Award—"Tale Award" category. Of course, this thrills me to bits and makes me do happy dances all over the living room. I would be most honored to have your vote. Voting is located at: ****http://shimmerawards**** (DOT) webs (DOT) com/vote (DOT) htm. Voting starts today.**


	16. Chapter 15: Down the Rabbit Hole

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: There are people in this world who are, at this very minute, watching RPattz and KStew appearances at Comic-Con. I am not one of them. Bitter, much? Oh, yeah. Definitely. Please read end notes as I have a couple of shout-outs for some of my readers—I didn't want to do a spoiler alert by putting them at the beginning.**

**Things I own: An Alice in Wonderland Italian charm bracelet watch, decorated with Cheshire Cat charms. (**_**For those interested: Oh yes, I am a HUGE geek. HUGE.)**_

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **_**Alice in Wonderland**_** belongs to Lewis Carroll.**

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN: DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE **

_ALICE: "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"_

_CHESHIRE CAT:"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to."_

_ALICE:"I don't much care where…"_

_CHESHIRE CAT:"The it doesn't matter which way you go."_

_ALICE:"…so long as I get SOMEWHERE."_

_CHESHIRE CAT:"Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk far enough."_

**BPOV**

My phone drops from my hands, and I'm only vaguely aware of this fact. It sounds like there is cotton in my ears, and I silently wonder if the cotton from my mouth this morning somehow migrated into my eardrums. I hear a tinny voice rising from the table, and look down at the direction of the noise. _Huh, that sounds like Charlie, if I didn't know better._ Slowly, another voice becomes clear to me above the din.

"Bella? Bells? You in there? Say something, you're scaring me! Dammit, Bella!" _Oh yeah, Jake is here…_

I sense that someone is shaking my shoulders.

"Move, Jacob! NOW!" _That must be Alice_.

"Hello? Who is this?" _That tinny voice answers the question. Sounds like the adults in a Peanuts cartoon._

"Oh thank god! Charlie, it's Alice. What is going on?" _Wah wah wah wah wah wah._

"Sweet baby jesus, you have got to be shitting me!" _Wha wha wha?_

"Well, she's rather catatonic at the moment, I think she needs to recover from the shock. How did you find out?" _The tinny voice drones on. I'm tired of listening to it._

"When? How the hell am I supposed to get her ready for that, Charlie?" _Alice is sighing; I don't want her to be sad._

"Can you grab Bella some more clothes, at least? T-shirts, jeans, underwear. It doesn't matter; just grab whatever is clean. I'll get her back to our room in the lodge. Yeah, within the hour. I got it."

"Jake, I need you to help me get Bella to your room. Renee is on her way here, now."

*****************************

**APOV**

_Fucking Renee Higginbotham and her idiotic, wickedly perfect timing! Fuck her. FUCK HER!_

I don't remember a time when I've been this angry with another individual since my mom and dad were killed.

I love Isabella Marie Swan as if she was my sister. She has been my best friend for

16 years. We have cried together, mourned the loss of parents together, and laughed together. We've shared the best of times and worst of times. We finally have a moment where our business, our love lives, and everything in the world seem to serendipitously arrive at this perfect juncture. And fucking Renee Higginbotham thought this was the perfect time to reconnect with her long lost daughter. The daughter she left behind for some asshole minor league baseball player when Bella was less than a year old. People in Forks _still _talk about it.

Renee seems to have an uncanny ability to sniff out the times when Bella is at her best; she has a penchant for turning up at the worst possible moment for my wonderful friend. Why the universe sees fit to allow Renee to waltz into town to ruin Bella's moment is beyond me. There can be no justice in the world if Renee is once again allowed to have free reign over Bella's well being. While I appreciate Charlie's forewarning of Renee's imminent arrival, it clearly was enough to send Bella into a tailspin. Sadly for her, this tailspin is occurring in a most public place, in a most public way.

Jasper and Edward follow me over to Bella, concerned about her emotional state. Jake scoops her up into his arms and ferries her off his lodge room. Edward and Jasper follow closely behind, and I cryptically try to explain what is going on.

"Bella's mother decided to arrive in town to see what all the fuss about the _Noble Savage_ is. She's never seen a movie being filmed, and wanted to take this opportunity to check things out. Against the advice of the Forks Chief of Police, she is in a taxi right now on her way to the Oceanside Resort."

Edward is the first to speak. "Why would that affect her in such a grave way?"

"I'd rather that Bella be the one to tell you the story, but she may not have time. Her mother left her very unceremoniously when she was less than a year old to run off with a minor league baseball player. Bella rarely hears from her, and when she does, it is only because Renee needs something from her."

Edward and Jasper both look sickened to learn this news.

Edward looks at me pleadingly. "Please, Alice, is there anything I can do to help? Anything at all?"

"Yes, you can ban her presence from any Masen film shoot or official activity."

"Of course. I'll go get things set in motion. Jasper, can you stay with Alice and Bella for me?"

"I wouldn't dream of going anywhere else right now."

I breathe a quick sigh of relief and we shut the door to Jake's room. Jake sits down on the bed with Bella in his lap. She is curled into the fetal position, with her arms wrapped tightly around her bent legs. He is gently stroking her hair, reminding her that everything will be fine. I curl up next to Jake on the bed.

"Bella, just remember that Renee doesn't matter. She hasn't mattered for nearly 21 years. She holds no power over you unless you allow her to."

I'm shocked when Bella turns to speak to me—she is usually incommunicado for at least 30 minutes when Renee pops up unannounced. It has been at least five years since the last time we saw her.

"NO! She cannot do this. I will not allow her to do this!" Bella shouts out.

"That's right, sweetheart. She isn't going to wreck anything, because we will not let her. Edward is having her banned from the sets, so you won't have to worry about running into her there."

"Wow, he's really doing that? Why?"

"Probably because he is just as stubborn as you are, and this is the only way he can show that he cares about you."

"Come on, Alice, Edward hates me. I thought we already established that."

Jasper interrupts me before I can rebut Bella's assertion. "I'm sorry, Ms. Swan, but you are mistaken. I'm pretty dang sure the man would fetch the stars and the moon for you if he could."

"Jasper, while I appreciate your trying to cheer me up in light of these crappy circumstances, let's not lose our grip on reality, all right?"

"Miss Bella, I hate to be blunt, but has anyone every told you that you are as stubborn as a mule?"

"I've heard that on occasion, yes."

"Well, I'm here to tell you that you need to lighten your load. Now, I know you are a smart cookie. Do you mind telling me how you can be so blind when it comes to love?"

"But, Edward Cullen doesn't even like me. He's always so mean to me."

"Is he really? Come on, girl, don't think about it with your head—feel it in your heart. Does he really dislike you? Is that what he says to you?"

*********************

**BPOV**

For once in my life, I'm not really sure how to respond to a question. Is it possible that Edward Cullen is interested in me? Is it possible that I'm interested in him? I ponder that for a moment. Clearly, he is the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on. I could look at him all day, have his image burned into my retina for life, and never get tired of ogling him. I can admit to that. But he's an asshat! He is so pretentious, egotistical, and snobby! As I remember our quote-off, I recall how fun it was, in that moment. He's smart and funny, actually really clever. I can't think of another time when a guy could meet me blow for blow, and I loved that while it was happening.

Right now, however, I need to focus on Renee, even though I would much rather think about Edward Cullen. While her arrival in Forks throws me for a loop for a few minutes, I regain my senses by the time Charlie shows up at the Oceanside. Thank god he's a cop, or otherwise he probably would never have made it to the lodge. I have no idea how Renee found a cab ride all the way out here, but naturally, luck seems to favor her odds.

When Charlie makes his way to Jake's room, I ask everyone to leave so that we can have time to talk privately. Of course, my gracious and kind friends do whatever they can to assist me. I don't feel like I deserve to be surrounded by such good people; I've never done anything extraordinary to merit such attention.

The expression on Charlie's face is enough to break me. He has such a look of agonized guilt, like this is all his fault, and that he can no longer bear the burden of bringing pain into my life in the form of my birth mother.

Charlie sits down next to me on the bed and put his arm around me. He takes in a very deep breath and sighs. "We were too young when we got married. Your mother simply charmed the socks off of me. She was so spirited, spontaneous, and fun. She always encouraged me to enjoy myself far too much. The direct result has been a life of challenges, trying to fix the gaping hole your mom left in our lives. I wish our fate could be different, that I had chosen someone else to be your mother, but there it is. You wouldn't exist if it weren't for that harebrained, immature, reckless woman, and I cannot bear to imagine my life without you. While I can never be sorry to have such a perfect daughter, I'm so sorry that you are trapped here because of my foolishness and lack of foresight in my youth."

I simply cannot allow my father to shoulder the blame for this burden any longer. The only one responsible for creating the gaping hole is Renee herself. I need to reassure my dad that he is forgiven, because there is truly nothing to forgive.

"Charlie, you know I don't blame _you_ for anything; the only one who fucked up here is Renee. You are not responsible for her idiotic ways."

"It doesn't matter, sweetheart. I will always blame myself for everything."

"Dad, you're a _good _man, but not a _perfect_ man. No one is. You've done the best you could for me, and for that, I'm grateful. Imagine what would have happened if Renee chose to stay. No, as difficult as things have been for you and me, I think we are far better off than we would ever have been had she stayed."

"The best I can hope for you is that you find a partner in life who is worthy of that great, big brain and heart of yours. Promise me you won't settle for anything less than you deserve, Bells. Promise me. It would kill me to see you repeat my mistakes."

"I promise, dad, but it's never going to happen. The gene pool is too small in Forks for me to find someone good here. I've already promised Alice that I'll be responsible for raising her brood, since I will never have any of my own."

"Don't you dare sell yourself short, young lady. I've never understood exactly why you do that. You are beautiful, lively, clever as hell, and smart as a whip. And while the relatively unsophisticated men of Forks, Washington may not value those traits, I'm pretty dang sure that once you leave here, there will be plenty of intelligent men who would love to share their lives with you."

"Dad, I'm not going anywhere. You know Alice and Emmett need me here."

"I don't think you should assume that the café will be here forever. You have to make other arrangements for your life beyond Forks. While I hate to push you away, you know it is what you need in order to live the life you are supposed to. The life you are _meant_ to live."

"I don't really know what to say to that. I guess I've never really given serious thought to anything else, it just doesn't feel right. I can't imagine not being here with my family."

"Kiddo, you need to imagine it. It has always been clear to me that you are capable of so much more than you've done for yourself. Just promise me you'll think about it, okay?"

"Sure, dad. For you. I promise."

"Thanks. Now, are you gonna be okay if I leave? It wasn't really a good idea for me to come all the way out here, but I had to talk this over with you before Renee arrives."

"Of course, dad, of course! I'll be just fine. I've got my friends around me. And you know that favorite quote of mine, 'Friends are family you choose for yourself.'"

"Then I guess you have the best family on the planet." Charlie says with a smile. He gives me a quick peck on the cheek and a manhug, which is more like a pat on the shoulder than a true hug. It's about the best Charlie is capable of doing; he's never been great with being demonstrative.

Much of the day has already been eaten away with gossip and revelations of Renee. I peek my head outside of our door and signal to my friends to return. I just want to hop in the shower at long last and wash the remains of my hangover away.

"Hey guys, I need to take a shower, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?"

Alice looks at me warily. "Don't you need to talk about Renee?"

"You know what, no. She doesn't even deserve to have me waste time thinking about her. So, she is coming to the Oceanside. So, she wants to be where all the action is. Let her. It isn't my name that is tarnished, after all, it is hers. Everyone knows I'm not the one who left—she is. She's the one who has the reputation that precedes her. I'm determined to go about my business like everyone else. I've finally realized that, to really grow up, it is critical to acknowledge who you _were_ as a part of who you _are_. The only thing that interests me now is who I am, and who I will be. There's simply nothing more to talk about."

"Who are you? Seriously, did Khan slip into your window last night and leave one of those mind-control brain bugs in your ear? Because the Bella I know should totally be freaking out right now!"

I giggle and snort at Alice's Star Trek reference. Sometimes I do actually rub off on her! "Nope, this is all me, Isabella Marie Swan. I'm 21 now, I'm not a little kid. So, I decided that Renee can't hurt me anymore. She doesn't matter enough to hurt me, so I refuse to let her. Now, if you don't mind, I want to shower and get rid of this hangover. You and Jasper can decide what we're going to do to fill our time for the rest of the day."

I rifle through the duffle that Charlie brought for me. I crack a ridiculously huge, giddy grin, when I see one of the t-shirts he selected: _Don't take life so seriously. It isn't permanent._ Oh my fucking god, it is perfect. Perhaps the universe has a sense of humor after all.

When I get out of the shower, there are four faces that turn and stare at me: Jake, Alice, Jasper, and Edward. "What?!" is all I can manage to say to them.

Alice is the first to speak up. "We were just trying to figure out what to do to kill time while waiting for the rain to let up."

"Have you come up with any good ideas?"

"Playing cards."

"That sounds like fun, actually. Will it be all of us?"

Jasper clears his throat. "Well, the more the merrier, right?"

"Right."

"So, where to, peeps?"

Before anyone can answer that, it occurs to me that I have seen neither Rosalie nor Emmett since the rain started.

"Hey guys, where the hell are Rosalie and Em hiding? I wonder if they'd like to play cards with us."

"Umm, they've been in Rosalie's cabin," Edward answers, delicately. Both Jasper and Alice make puking noises.

On that note, all five of us are braving the elements again, running over to Jasper's cabin. Although this was a scene of much unpleasantness less than 24 hours ago, Jasper's comments about Edward are still fresh in my mind. I decide to pull on my big girl panties and deal with it. I can be civil. Civil is acceptable.

Alice stops us all en route. "Hey, wait a minute guys! If we're playing cards, we're going to require boatloads of alcohol to go with it, right? Should we run to the Lonesome Creek grocery store to stock up?"

After a quick team vote, we all switch direction and head for the store. When we get there, we find out that we aren't the only ones with this clever idea; the store is full of familiar faces, all seeking the same thing—_booze_. We grab as many of the essentials as we can. For me, that always has to include strawberry Twizzlers. None of that red vine licorice crap that some people eat. We're out of there and over to Jasper's in no time.

The first argument comes when we decide what game to play. Most of the guys want to play poker, or Texas Hold 'Em, which I have no idea how to play, and neither does Alice. Charlie has always loved playing cards, and while he plays poker games all the time, my favorite card game of all is Hearts. We played it with Jake and Billy all the time when I was growing up. I haven't played it for years, but it is fun and lasts a long time, so I suggest it.

To my surprise, the first one to light up at my idea is Edward himself. Everyone else agrees readily, so Jasper runs to find his pack of cards. When he comes back, he gives us all a warning.

"Edward Cullen is a highly competitive card fiend. I recommend that everyone watch him _very_ closely. He may be quiet, but that is his ace in the hole."

Edward replies with mock indignation. "Jasper Whitlock, you're just jealous that you don't have any card smarts and have yet to win a game against me!"

Alice is the first to deal. With her tiny hands, she keeps fumbling as she deals, and we're all passing around the short jokes by the time she finishes. She is _not_ amused at our most excellent use of humor.

We are arranged in a circle on the floor. I have Edward on my left and Jake on my right. Alice is next to Jake, and Jasper is next to Edward. For the first round, we remove three cards from our pile and pass them to the person on our left. The idea, of course, is to give them the worst cards in your hand. I have two high hearts, the jack and the queen. I also have a high clubs, which is the first hand we lead off with, so I include the 10 of clubs in my gift pack to Edward. I smirk to myself at my insidious sneakery. Cullen looks over at me and smirks back. He knows which way is up. Jake nudges me when he passes me his cards. It's about what I gave to Edward, so I'm kind of at the same level where I started.

Jasper leads off the game, because he has the two of clubs. We all play our clubs, and Edward has to pull out his 10 of clubs that I gave him. I giggle, and he looks at me with the evil eye.

"Swan, acting all cavalier in this game will earn you enemies, you know. It isn't the type of game where you want to create enemies. That is, if you intend to win."

"Oh, game on Cullen. You're just pissy because I gave you some bad cards. It isn't as bad as it could have been, I assure you."

Because Edward had the high card, he ends up taking the pile of cards and the kitty. As he reviews the cards that were in the kitty, his face is completely neutral and stoic. I should have known his poker face is impeccable. That's going to make my plan for world dominance more challenging than I expected, but still possible. I'm going to have to be extra sneaky with Cullen next to me.

Edward leads the next hand, since he lost the opening round. We continue playing out all the cards, and Jasper turns out to be the big loser. Edward's only hearts came as a result of the ones I gave him, even though he had the kitty cards.

Of course, leave it to Edward Cullen to try to Shoot the Moon half way into the game. And fucking succeed. He is such a sly devil that we didn't even see it coming. While I would never bet against Alice, I would never trust Cullen at cards. He just slid in there, at the end of the round, and shot us all to hell. Sneaky little fucker.

We continue playing hands, and drinking while playing, and towards the end of the game, we're starting to get downright silly, although Edward keeps vacillating between silly and serious. He just can't let go completely.

"By the way, Cullen, did you not get the memo this morning that you aren't supposed to take life so seriously?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot to read the message on your shirt to know how approachable you are. Apparently, I must not be that bad, or you wouldn't have found your way sitting next to me." The fucker just gives me his signature, cocky smirk. It never fails to go straight to my girlie parts.

All of a sudden, Alice stands up, her cards fly all over the place, and her hands rest on her hips. "You, Smirky!" she says, pointing at Edward. "Wipe that grin off your face and leave Bella alone!" I start giggling at the thought of tiny little Alice scolding Edward, who is nearly at her eye level, even though he is still sitting and she is standing in front of him.

"Hey, Snarky! You can stop with all your smartass schtick, too. I'm sick and tired of you two bantering with each other. Either calm down and leave each other alone, or go fuck each other and get it over with!"

Everyone in the card game has a look of bewilderment on their faces. Jasper promptly gets up to chase after Alice.

Edward looks directly at me. "You have to admit, the nicknames do fit us. Alice is a clever little thing when she puts her mind to it."

I am still the shade of cranberries, my blush having started the minute Alice muttered the words "…fuck each other."

"Yeah, she is a nimble little minx when she wants to be. It's kind of like Bono and the Edge. Bono is so quick to answer in an interview that the Edge never gets a chance; when you actually hear him say something, it is usually profound and interesting. I'm usually so busy snarking off at everything, Alice can't get a word in edgewise."

"Just for the record, I'm not out to fuck you."

Suddenly, Jake makes his presence known. "Ew, can we please not talk about my childhood friend having sex? That is just wrong on so many levels. Dude, Bella is almost family, and that just borders on incest. I can't go there."

"No one said you had to stay, Jake." I give him a warning look.

"Look, just duke it out and get it out of your system. I'm done with this game."

I have no idea where Alice and Jasper went, but the fact that they didn't come back makes me think they are making up somewhere. More like making out somewhere, but still. It's all the same thing for those two.

I turn and look into Edward Cullen's eyes. They are more intense than usual. We're stuck staring at each other, kind of like a live feed that gets all wonky. I keep waiting for the feed to update, but it doesn't.

Without even thinking, I grab Edward's shirt and pull him to my lips. There is nothing delicate in my approach. It is all raw and passion and need. By this point, I'm listening to the Borg. I recognize that resistance to Edward is futile.

For the record, Edward Cullen, you may not be out to fuck me, but you sure as hell are not resisting my advances, either.

_Oh my fucking god, his lips are like liquid sex. If he could bottle that shit, he'd be even richer than he already is. Want. More. Cullen._

My thoughts are interrupted by a moan that escapes Edward's throat. I've never heard anything that sexy before in my life. I scramble up to my knees in front of him, still clinging onto his shirt. As I'm rearranging myself to get the maximum amount of Edward near me, I feel his tongue brush against my lip and I gasp. Yes, I motherfucking gasped. I'm such a freaking amateur it isn't funny. I feel his smirk blossom on my mouth.

I pull back from his face and say, "What?!"

Smirky is still present. "Nothing. I was just thinking, 'she doth protest too much.'"

Oh no you di'n't! Snarky comes back to play. "Yeah, well, you weren't protesting at all. Don't think I didn't hear that moan. You act all high-handed, but you liked it just as much as I did."

I see his spine stiffen, and Edward the Asshat has returned. "It was just a kiss, not a marriage proposal. Don't get carried away, Bella."

_Oh fuck no. You did NOT just say that._

I look down at Cullen-Sullen's crotch, and notice that someone has come back up to say hello. In a move that is probably one of the most colossal mistakes in the history of man, I take my pointer finger and poke it right into his gloriously hard peen. As I look at his crotch, I get sidetracked for a minute. I find myself wondering what it looks like when it really comes out to play. I find myself wanting to see what it looks like when it comes out to play. And then I regain my senses.

"Looks like I'm not the only one getting carried away, Cullen. Unless that massive hard on is intended for Jacob Black. I'd be happy to call him back in here, if you like." _Don't fuck with Bella Swan, Smirky. Snarky can be one nasty beyotch._

"You are the most frustrating woman in Christendom! You kissed me, remember?"

"Oh yes, I remember. Just don't plan on a repeat anytime in the next century. Your poor dick will just have to wonder what it's like to be in me, because it's never going to happen."

The look of shock on his face: _Priceless_.

*********************

**EPOV**

_Bella Swan will be the death of me._ Why do I feel like I utter that phrase a thousand times a day? The woman is going to drive me to drink, I swear. Oh, wait a minute. I AM drinking. _Fuck, this is worse than I thought._

Why do I go from having a blast with the most unique woman on the planet to feeling utter despair in a span of 30 seconds? Why do I care about her anyhow? Why does my cock stir whenever I even hear her fucking voice?

When Bella turned and gave me that ninja kiss, quick, stealthy, and deadly, I was shocked. It was the last thing I expected, especially after Alice's blanket statement that we needed to fuck each other. Of course, I've been rock hard from the moment I heard the words "…fuck each other." Because, try as I might to deny it, I have to finally admit to myself that I do, I truly, truly do, want to fuck Bella Swan senseless. Every time I see her, it's all I can think about. No matter what she says about my not fucking her, she's full of shit. Even if it is the last thing that I ever do, I _will _fuck Bella Swan. That will become my life's work.

When she went ninja on me earlier, it was the most surprising, and the most amazing, kiss I've ever experienced. It was almost like she was the socket and I was the cord, and when we plug into each other—_ZING!_—electricity. Magic. A once in a lifetime connection. All I want to do was pull her into my lap and never let her go. And dammit, I know she feels the same way, so why is she so intent on misunderstanding me? Can't she see what a struggle it is for someone like me to connect with someone like her? It isn't as simple as a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love him. I wish she could understand that much.

I need my piano. That's the only thing I can think of besides Bella Swan. I know there is a piano in the main lodge of the resort, and make it my job to hunt it down. Bella is still sitting in front of the cards, looking confused as I make my way to leave. While I'm en route to the lodge, I text Jasper that I'm going to find a piano. He knows that that means.

Whenever my mood is down, or I have something I need to work through, my piano is my instrument of release. Sitting at the keyboard is such a soothing action to me, it works out my tension and my angst in a way nothing else is able. Some guys play racquetball; I play the piano.

The lodge piano is, to be honest, a piece of crap. It is out of tune and impossible to play. That hardly matters, it is the action of playing, not the type of piano, that matters most right now. Within minutes, I'm concentrating on the music, and everything else in the universe goes away. Bella Swan and her wily, bewitching ways; torrential rain; filming delays. It all melts away for a few moments while I'm absorbed in the music. Just what I need.

***************************

**BPOV**

Edward just walked out and away from me after our kiss.

_OMG—I just poked Edward's peen a minute ago. What the hell was I thinking?_

How can a guy like that be so much fun one minute, then come up with the biggest piece of asshattery a split second later? I don't think I will ever understand that man. He accuses me of misunderstanding him all the time, when he is simply being mean to me.

I felt pretty proud of myself with my "you'll never fuck me" comment, but in retrospect, I'm feeling empty. I don't know what kind of mindfuck Edward Cullen is selling, but it is making all my responses confused. I've turned into a complete Emochick; I can't believe I'm getting so emotional about Edward's feelings. That just isn't like me, at all. I can't make sense of any of it.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I find myself following Edward when he abruptly leaves. He has his phone out, and I can see him texting away, so he doesn't even notice that I'm behind him. I watch as he goes into the lodge. By the time I reach the lobby, I just barely make out his form turning around a corner. I follow along, and hear a Chopin Mazurka playing in the background. _That's got to be him._

I enter the room where the music is floating out from, to see Edward seated at an out of tune upright piano. From the way the piano is positioned in the room, he can't really see me, but I can see part of his profile. Even with the poor quality of the piano, the mazurka he plays is stunning. His lips are pursed in concentration, his torso sways slightly as he leans in and out from the keyboard. If I thought his fingers were elegant when I shamefully watched them in slo-mo on my DVD, that's _nothing_ in comparison to watching them drift gracefully over the piano's keys. You can tell he really knows what he's doing, because he holds his wrists still and steady, only moving his fingers along the keys. With his long fingers, you can tell he was born to play the piano. While I hate spiders, his fingers work the keys with ease, invoking the image of a spider delicately moving across her web. Who the fuck knew that Edward's fingers could inspire me to appreciate spiders?

In this moment, with him quiet and focused on the music, there is another side to Edward Cullen that I become aware of. While he is serious and determined, I can also see a soulful side to him. Someone who creates such beauty in music and film simply cannot be a bad person; it just doesn't fit. Maybe I have been too hard on him.

As I watch his fingers obsessively, I picture myself in place of the keyboard. I imagine the things Edward Cullen could do with those fingers, moving gracefully along my skin. Suddenly, this vision creates a brilliant inspiration—Edward eating one of Bella's Buns and licking his sticky fingers clean. And me watching him lick his sticky fingers clean. Perhaps even me helping him lick his sticky finger clean. I simply cannot help myself; this wickedly beautiful man drives the horny virgin to the forefront every time I see him. There is no use denying it any longer.

I turn on my heels and run back to my truck in the pouring rain. I have a stash of buns hidden there, in the cart, and quickly grab one. I run back to the lodge, before I have a chance to chicken out when I actually think this thing through. As I bound into the room where Edward is still playing the piano, I realize that I am loud and panting and look like the dorkasaurus that I am. Holding a Bella's Bun. And grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I slowly walk over to him, with my hand stretched out in front of me, like I am giving him an offering. In all honesty, I do feel like I should be thanking the gods for creating this beautiful man for me to ogle, even if he is an asshole. He is the most beautiful asshole I will ever know.

Edward looks into my eyes, confused. When I reach the piano, I take a deep breath to steady myself before I say anything.

"Edward Cullen, I'm sorry if I misunderstand you all the time. I really don't mean to. Here is one of my buns. I'm giving it to you, so you can tell the world you've had your hands all over my buns. I want to watch you lick your sticky fingers, and know that it is my buns that made them sticky. You make me want to lick your sticky fingers. And, to be completely honest, I want your hands all over my buns."

This time it is Edward's turn to kiss me. He stands up very deliberately, takes the bun from me and sets it on the piano, then puts his hands on my cheeks and draws me in for a very, very deep kiss. If I thought the first kiss was magic, I was wrong. Our first kiss is more like a third grade magic show. This kiss, wow, this kiss is the fucking Sorcerer's Apprentice creating a flood of water that can never be stopped. It certainly leaves me wet enough to be considered an extra in that portion of _Fantasia_.

Edward breaks the kiss and whispers into my ear, "You fucking mesmerize my very soul, Bella Swan, did you know that?"

Of course, the fucking blush makes an appearance. His breath in my ear makes me shiver with antici-_pation_, just like Dr. Frankenfurter in _Rocky Horror._ I turn my head back to get me some more of that divine kiss. That's my answer to Edward's question. I'm so far gone, I can't even think straight when he is in my presence.

The next interruption I hear isn't Edward's lovely, silky voice caressing my ear. No, it is something all together different, and entirely unpleasant. The opposite of Edward's lovely voice.

"BABY GIRL!! I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU!!"

_Fuck my life. Renee._

I look Edward square in the eyes and mouth the word _sorry_. I turn around to see the woman who gave birth to me. The woman is now in her mid-40s, and life hasn't been kind to her. Well, to be honest, she hasn't been kind to anyone, and it has caught up with her. John Lennon, thank you for the term _instant karma_. Renee, it appears, has faced mucho instant karma. The sad thing is, she is trying so hard not to look like she is in her mid-40s. She has, rather unsuccessfully, attempted to make her dark brown hair a shade of peroxide blonde. She is wearing hip hugger jeans and a shirt that allows a sliver of her abdomen to show. Someone really needs to tell her that muffin tops and hip huggers do not mix well together. It isn't that she has a bad figure, it's just that things are starting to sag in a southerly direction, and not in a good way. They make mom jeans for a reason.

Renee has dark circles under her eyes, like she hasn't slept in a long time. Her eyeliner is smudged under her eyes, as is her mascara. I can see that she must have been attractive once, but now she just looks like some old skank who is trying way too hard. I didn't even notice she was with someone else until James peeks around from behind her. He has been holding her hand, and lets it go once he is standing by her side. _WTF?_ He's actually looking like he's a little smitten with her, and I feel like I may need to throw up in my mouth.

"Renee. I heard you were coming to town. Wow. It's been what, five years? Six? Since I saw you last time. What do you need now?"

She runs over to me, all giddy that I've acknowledged her presence. She tries to hug me, but I feel myself involuntarily tense my entire body at her touch. For some reason, she just doesn't understand I cringe at the thought of her touch; you think she might have clued in to that by now.

"Baby Girl, what makes you think I need anything besides seeing you? I just want to see how much you've grown. Look at how beautiful you are! Are you going to introduce me to this handsome young man you were just kissing? Is he your boyfriend? Come on girlfriend, dish!"

I roll my eyes at her openly. "Renee, this is Edward Cullen. Edward, this is Renee Higginbotham. There, done. Now you can leave."

"What kind of nonsense is this, Baby Girl? I just got here! Let's go get some food and drink ourselves silly so we can catch up."

"Renee, Edward Cullen is a very, very busy man. He doesn't have any spare time in his schedule to hang out with you, as much as I am sure he would like to. I also find it interesting that your nickname for me is Baby Girl, since that's how old I was when you left Charlie and me. As far as I'm concerned, this is about as caught up as I would like to be with you. I have nothing more to say."

I turned around and walked out the room, surprised to find Edward following me.

"Your mother was with James Masen."

"She isn't my mother. I don't have a mother."

"I don't like seeing them together."

"I don't like seeing her at all. What is it that you have against James, anyhow? He seems like a pretty decent guy. It isn't his fault that you Aunt duped him into his golden handcuffs."

Edward stops in the middle of the parking lot, rain pouring all over us. He grabs my shoulder to stop me, and I see his face is red and his hands are shaking.

"Is that what he told you? That he was _forced_ into this agreement with us? Yeah, that's all really convenient for him. Never mind the fact that he broke my cousin's heart and her soul. All he ever cared about was getting his hands on some of the Masen money he felt he was entitled to, but never had, because his family is too distantly related to be part of the family wealth. He used my cousin for money, and discarded her the moment she was no longer of use to him. Never mind that he is a good for nothing lazy ass who wouldn't be permitted to work on any other set because of his ridiculously poor work ethic. I'm sure he cried you a river, Ms. Swan, and you bought it hook, line and sinker, just because he is a pretty face with polite manners. While I may frustrate you because I tend to be rather frank, all he has to do is give you a beautiful smile and charming story, and you're all over him. It's pathetic."

"What the hell is up your ass? First of all, I was just face to face with the woman who gave birth to me, who I haven't seen for six years, who left me when I was a baby. That's kind of a traumatic experience, and that's where my thoughts are right now. Second, yes, James gave me a story this morning, but I'm also smart enough to know that there are two sides to every story. I was assuming that eventually your side would come out as well, so I was reserving any judgments until I heard more. Unlike you, I don't tend to write people off the second I meet them if they rub me the wrong way. And third, if this James character is as bad as you say he is, then it is no surprise to me that Renee has already latched onto him. That right there is enough to make me suspect he is up to no good. I wish I could have chosen my own mother; I wish my mom could be as wonderful as Esme. But she isn't, Edward, and I've had to deal with this shit my entire life. I'm sorry you hate James, I'm sorry that he ruined your cousin's life. But right now, my immediate problem is getting the hell away from Renee before she can do any more damage."

With that, I turned once again towards Jasper's cabin and made my way across the parking lot alone to get to my Alice, the one person in the world who can make everything right again.

**A/N: Alice's nicknames for Bella and Edward, Snarky and Smirky, belong to HaleWhitlock. She is the genius behind their creation, so I can't take credit for it, although I'd like to. Bella's Buns/sticky fingers belongs to Heelstominivan. Edward piano finger pr0n goes out to NaughtySparkle and ManiacalMuse, just 'cos they're into that kinda thing (but I'm not) ;).**


	17. Chapter 16: Stalemate

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to post this chapter. I've been obsessed with writing one-shots for contests. They're referenced in the end note if anyone is interested in reading them.**

**Beck's **_**Mutations**_** reference is especially for ManiacalMuse.**

**Things I own: A Cheshire Cat lawn ornament. I kid you not, it's sitting in my back yard right now.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

**A very special THANK YOU to NaughtySparkle and Heelstominivan for agreeing to read this through ahead of time, so I (hopefully) won't be making eyes bleed with typos or grammatical errors.**

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN: STALEMATE **

"_Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children." – George Bernard Shaw_

**BPOV**

As I make my way to Jasper's cabin, leaving Edward behind in the parking lot, angry tears start to fall down my cheeks. I'm pissed off that I'm crying. I know better than to react like this; Renee shouldn't have the ability to induce my tears anymore. It is no surprise that I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I need my music. I need my baking. I need my thinking time. I need to be alone. I need to process just what in the hell is happening to my life since Edward Cullen came to town and turned everything upside down.

I need Emmett, and he's been knocking boots with Rosalie for the past 48 hours straight. I need Alice, and she's been doing lord knows what with Jasper. All I have at this very moment is a fucked up triad of players, Edward, Renee and James, and I don't want any of them. I just want me. It reminds me of my favorite Gertrude Stein quote: "Let me listen to me and not to them." I feel boxed in, and I need a respite. _Right fucking now_.

I stop abruptly, a few feet away from Jasper's door. I remind myself that I can't find Alice to have her make my world right again, because she is undoubtedly with Jasper. She has finally found someone who can appreciate her for all her lovely eccentricities, and I have no right to interrupt that process. Since I went ahead and put on my big girl pants a while ago, I rapidly decide that I need to deal with this on my own. I turn around and walk towards my truck. Anyone who might be watching my progress over the past 5 minutes would likely conclude that I am schizophrenic, the way I keep zigzagging everywhere, muttering to myself.

My truck is the one place in the world where I can go and be completely alone. As I'm walking in its direction, it occurs to me that this is probably one of the main reasons Americans love their cars so much—it's like being ruler of your very own domain. No one can invade your privacy in a car, unless you invite them in. I decide that's definitely why I love my truck so dang much. I unlock the door and crawl inside, literally aching with the need to just unwind. I feel like I'm on a carnival ride, and all I want to do is scream out, "Stop the ride! Lemme off for a minute!" I wonder if it is possible to get off this ride called life, even for a little while. I sigh deeply when I realize how ridiculous that idea is, but I still wish it was true.

There are people in the world who become energized via human interactions, and those whose energy becomes drained because of it. I'm the kind of person who needs to simply back away from all the commotion and recharge my batteries frequently. That's why my lifestyle is so perfect—I have all that quiet time in the mornings to be alone with my thoughts and process life. I cannot mull things over in the midst of a sea of people, my mind just gets too rattled. That may be the explanation for my Bella's Bun sticky finger tirade with Edward not long ago. Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking? You don't just walk up to a casual acquaintance and spit that kind of shit out! I feel myself blush over the memory.

As I sit alone, I hear the rain pouring on the roof of my car. It is one of the most soothing sounds I know. When I was a little girl, I would snuggle into my bed at night and listen to the rain falling on the rooftop. Nestled in my bed, warm and dry, I always felt so safe. I knew that Charlie was in the room next to me, and that I would be protected no matter what happened. Whenever I hear the sound of rain, I immediately go back to that safe place. If only life was really that easy—just a matter of finding one's safe haven in the world. The older I get, the more I realize that figuring it all out is very hard work, and I'm not sure if it will ever happen for me. Despite my reliance upon _Desiderata_, my life feels like it is one big mess. I feel like I owe Max Ehrmann an apology for bringing shame to his beautiful words.

I rummage through my backpack and grab my iPod. _Shit, it needs to be charged soon_. I can never remember to do that often enough. I pop in my ear buds and scroll over to Beck. _Mutations_ really suits my mood. I briefly consider the Smiths' _Hatful of Hollow_, but I'm not feeling suicidal just yet. The Smiths can wait for their turn another day; Beck has the floor for the moment. I turn it on, crank up the volume, and sit back to absorb the music. My favorite thing about my iPod is that it feels like the music is literally flowing through my body—so crisp and clean. The music washes over me, and I lose myself in it.

My eyes open suddenly, and I notice it is very quiet. _Too_ quiet. All I can hear is silence. Then I realize why: The rain has stopped. Thank you baby jeebus, my life can go back to normal. I let out a huge sigh of relief. With that action, I become suddenly aware that my body feels like it was hit by a Mack truck, and my ears are in absolute pain. _Fuck me, I fell asleep with my ear buds in._ On top of that, my iPod is completely dead. Just fuck my life. Seriously.

My phone rings and jars me completely awake. _Charlie_.

"Hey sheriff, what's new?"

"_Well, the rain finally stopped for a while. They've been working on the roads to get them open. I'm wondering if you're going to try to come home today."_

"Yeah, actually, I am. Have you gotten any sleep at all? Have you eaten?"

"_Bells, just remember _I'm_ the parent here. I got a little shut-eye, but I need your coffee. I think I ate, but I can't remember."_

"Damn it, Charlie! We've talked about this before! You have to take better care of yourself! I'm well aware that saying you don't remember if you've eaten is CharlieSpeak for 'No, I haven't.'"

"_You catch me every time, don't you? Yeah, well, I can eat later. What time do you think you'll get back?"_

"Probably not until tonight. I need to wait for the roads to clear and get things tied up over here."

I'm waiting for Charlie to ask the one question he called to discuss. Typical Charlie fashion is that we'll have an entire conversation about nothing in general, and he'll sneak it in at the end. I decide to help him out a little bit.

"Oh, and dad? I did see Renee. She came and found me." I omit the information about her hanging with James. Charlie doesn't have to know that shit, it will just make him feel bad. He already has enough on his plate without that nasty little tidbit.

"_I figured she probably would. Are you okay?"_

"You know what? I really am. I told her off, and left her standing there. Plus, Jasper told me that Edward has banned Renee from the set and anything associated with the film, so there is one less thing to worry about."

"_Did he? I'm impressed; it was awfully nice of him to do that."_

"I know. His gesture really surprised me, because he can be kind of a jerk. I really didn't expect that from him."

"_Now play nice, daughter. He really deserves your respect for doing something like that. He sure didn't need to."_

"I know, dad, I know. I'm doing my best with that. Really. Listen, I need to go find Alice and things figured out. I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"_Yep, see you kiddo. Just promise to stay safe and drive carefully. Be sure to call if you need anything."_

"Of course, dad. Love you."

I lean over to take a peek at myself in the mirror, and abruptly regret the action. I look like death, minus the long robe. And the skeletal visage. And the skeletal body. Whatever. I fuss with my hair, and pull it back into a ponytail. It's the only feasible option for the moment. Before I run over to Jasper's cabin and interrupt anything, I send Alice a text to see if she is awake and available.

_**U awake yet? Rain is over. Txt me when u r.**_

I set my phone down on the car seat and wait for a response. My phone buzzes.

_**I'm up bb. Bfast?**_

_**YES! M-fing hungry.**_

_**Can J come?**_

_**Duh. Meet me there in a few, k?**_

_**K. ILY, bb.**_

_**U2.**_

I hop out of my car and trudge on over to the River's Edge to grab a table. We have logistics to figure out. Now that I have the perspective of time (about 7 hours), sleep (even though I feel like shit), and distance (I have no fucking idea where Edward Cullen might be at the moment), I think through the array of exchanges between Edward and I from yesterday. To say I feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland would be putting it mildly. I honestly feel as though I spent the day growing larger and shrinking back down over and over again. There was just no way I could make sense of any of it while it was happening. As Kierkegaard once said, "Life must be lived forwards, but it can only be understood backwards."

So, if I'm understanding this backwards, I recognize that:

I kissed Edward;

I poked Edward's massively hard peen;

I gave Edward a Bella's Bun and mumbled a bunch of nonsense about sticky fingers;

Edward kissed me;

A _Fantasia_-like flood occurred;

Renee and James broke up our kiss.

Hmm. Still doesn't help. I remain confused about the entire day's events. Why do Edward and I keep smirking and snarking at each other? Did the universe decide to assign us starring roles in each other's lives, destined to make us both miserable? How can I possibly be so attracted to him, yet despise him, all in the same breath?

I decide that I need to at least be honest with myself about the fact that he is undeniably attractive, and as a result, I am undeniably attracted to him. And his kisses, I get the shivers just remembering his kisses. How can I possibly kiss anyone else after a fucking zinger like that? His words replay in my mind, over and over: _You fucking mesmerize my very soul, Bella Swan, did you know that?_ What the hell am I supposed to do with that kind of information? Especially when my body starts reenacting the Sorcerer's Apprentice from _Fantasia_ every time I think about it? Having resigned myself to the fact that I was never, ever going to fall in love, I find my feelings for Edward to be annoyingly uncooperative with my original life plans.

I sigh deeply as I walk into the restaurant; I think I just need to regroup with Alice and move forward with our new logistical plans post-torrential rain. I order a cup of their nasty ass coffee, which just leaves me pining for Alice's delicious caffeinated nectar. Anything is better than the gut rot shit I'm drinking right now. It is so acidic I feel like it is eating a hole in my stomach already.

I see Alice and Jasper arriving, and wave at them to come join me. They both have sunny smiles on their faces despite the weather, so I don't need to guess what they've been up to. Alice appears to be imitating a glow worm, she is so ebullient. It's impossible not to absorb the waves of positive energy she is beaming forth. They slide in and giggle—_yes, giggle. Jasper is giggling like a first grade girl!_ I decide I must still be down the rabbit hole in Wonderland, because life just ain't normal when you hear Jasper Whitlock giggle like a little girl.

"Hey, small fry, you're sure in a good mood this morning."

"As they say, Bells, I'm feeling no pain." She turns and nuzzles into Jasper's chest.

"Well then, I'm glad I decided to sleep in my truck last night. I'm grateful to avoid any brain bleaching that may have been necessary if I had walked in on you two!" They both giggle again. _Seriously, this is just weird_.

We order our breakfast and make small talk. My mind is only half-occupied with the conversation as I look around the restaurant to gauge the scene. I'm surprised to see Jake has wandered in with—_OMG no fucking way!_—Tanya Denali. They look…cozy. _Note to self: remember to ask Jake what the hell is going on there._ As I'm checking out Jake, I see Edward walk in with a couple of familiar faces. I don't know who they are, but I recognize them from the set. I ask Jasper about this.

"Hey Jazz, who are those guys Edward just walked in with?"

"Oh, it's a couple of production people and the Assistant Director—he needs to get his logistics all re-configured because of the rain delays. Edward hates when things go awry, so I know he's been trying to get everything reorganized since the rain stopped last night."

"He sure doesn't waste any time, does he?"

"Edward is all about organization. I know the rain was driving him crazy."

I look over at Edward, and he looks all serious and determined again, like usual. He has his Moleskine open, and is jotting notes in it as he shakes his head at his Assistant Director. I find myself blushing over the memory of my likeness sketched in that very notebook. As I'm blushing and staring, Edward happens to look up at me. I quickly dart my eyes elsewhere, so it appears as though I was looking at something else, but let's face it—I was caught red-handed. I can feel my blush intensifying. I catch Edward walking towards our table in my peripheral vision, and feel the butterflies take up residence in my stomach. That same, intense, dual feeling of aching to see him, yet dreading it, appears as well.

"Morning, Jasper. Ladies." Edward states with his standard terseness, while sliding into the booth and settling in next to me.

"Hey dude. Did you get any sleep last night?"

Edward looks me in the eye before answering Jasper's question. "Not much. I'm trying to get reorganized, but things are still pretty fucked up due to the road being washed out."

"I talked to my dad this morning, and he mentioned that they've been working on it overnight. There shouldn't be a problem driving between here and Forks by later today."

My comments cause Edward to frown, and I cannot imagine why he is upset with what I've said. I thought he would be happy to get back on track.

"So you weren't planning to stay at the Ocean Side any longer?"

"Well, there is really no need to anymore, since the rain has stopped. I'm kind of anxious to get back home to my normal routine."

"Yes, I imagine you are quickly becoming bored with the requirements of a movie shoot."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I just want to sleep in my own bed and dress in clean clothes. What's wrong with that?"

Edward rolls his eyes at me. "You just seemed delighted to get away from all this so quickly."

I sigh. "Whatever, Edward. I just need to get back to the café so I can make up for the lost time I spent here. You seem to forget that I have other responsibilities to worry about."

Jasper and Alice both tense up and work furiously to defuse the situation. They nearly talk over one another trying to calm both of us down. Jasper is the first to get a word in edgewise. "Edward, I thought Eric had contingency plans drawn up for inclement weather—can't you just adopt those?"

Alice blurts out her piece the minute Jasper finishes. "Bella, you don't need to drive yourself that hard; it isn't like the weather is going to cause people to run to the café in droves. Emmett left a sign in the window informing people we'd be closed until the weather improves. It isn't like this is the first time we've experienced bad weather on the Olympic Peninsula, after all."

Before I can respond to either Alice or Jasper, something draws my attention—Renee stumbles into the restaurant with James, both looking freshly fucked. _Oh hell no, please god just make it go away!_ Fuck me, why, oh why did this woman give birth to me? Why couldn't I have a real mom, like Esme? Edward nudges me gently and gives me a look of silent sympathy. I give him a gentle smile. Our recent smirkiness and snarkiness is momentarily forgotten. It is clear that the four members of our table just took a silent team vote, and that vote is to ignore Renee and James.

The problem with trying to ignore Renee is that she is exceedingly difficult to ignore. She is loud, bordering on the point of obnoxious. The things I overhear her saying are mortifying.

_Oh, I know, can you believe my baby girl is working on the set of a big movie?_

_I walked in on her kissing the DIRECTOR!_ (Followed by extremely loud cackle)

_Yes, isn't it great that she's meeting all these rich and famous people? I'm trying to get her to introduce me to some of them! Who knows where that might lead?_

Seriously, how do I share any of this woman's DNA? It is exceedingly gratifying to know that I follow after my father, regardless of how embarrassing this woman is. I can at least take comfort in that. Although Renee has never been one to read social cues, she wisely avoids coming over to speak with me. She has an uncanny sense of self-preservation, for someone who seems to care so little about what other people think. She is a grade A piece of work.

I look over at Edward and it looks like he is going to be sick. I feel just as nauseated, to be honest. It does occur to me that with a mother like Renee, the likelihood of someone like Edward Cullen falling in love with me is slim. Who could ever put up with something like that? With the cruelty of the tabloids, life in the public eye, and a company profile to maintain, that I could envision this type of lifestyle is laughable. I need to be pragmatic about all of this, and set my sights back where they belong: Forks, Washington. I need to stop getting my hopes up about any kind of life besides that, because my mother is a major liability. God knows, she's affected my life in Forks enough; imagine what kind of tabloid fodder she could produce in LA.

Edward excuses himself, and it is clear to me he simply wants to escape from me and my ridiculous mother. He merely nods and walks back to his table. Alice reaches across the booth and squeezes my hand. In that one, small gesture, she communicates understanding of all that has been running through my mind. What more could one ask for in a best friend? She is everything to me, and at least I know I will never lose Alice's love and respect—I will always be able to count on her. She is my rock.

Our breakfast arrives and we discuss logistics over pancakes, eggs, and bacon. I let Alice know of my intention to head back to Forks, and she has decided to remain at the Oceanside until tomorrow morning. I plan to get back into my regular schedule tomorrow morning and open up the café, then head to the set. Jasper kindly volunteers to relay this information to Edward, saving me the trouble of having to speak with him following my mother's outburst. I take some comfort in that.

***************************

My alarm sounds off, and I roll out of bed. While I am as tired as usual, I am also grateful for a return to my routine. I'm such a creature of habit, and find my daily grind to be reassuring; at least I know what to expect day in and day out. It feels very appropriate to select the t-shirt that says, _Instant Human (Just Add Coffee) _this morning. Yes, Edward Cullen, that states exactly how approachable I am today.

As I get into my baking routine, I decide to crank up the soundtrack for _Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist_. It makes me happy, and since there is so little else that is going positively in my life right now, it's the perfect choice to bolster my mood artificially. I'm deliberately trying to keep my mind quiet and still; so much has happened in my life, particularly in the past 48 hours, I am in danger of becoming Queen of the Emos if I don't slow things down. I simply need to focus on being in the moment and forget the rest of the shit that is my life.

I go out front to grab some more coffee and notice that there is someone standing at the front door, banging loudly. I didn't hear them with my music cranked up; I never expect anyone to show up before our official hours of operation. I sigh to myself and walk over to the door so I can inform them we won't be open for several hours. When I get to the door, I recognize that the person standing in front of me is none other than Esme Cullen. She is standing next to a beautiful, impeccably tailored man. I quickly pull out my ear buds and unlock the door frantically.

"Oh my god, Esme, what are you doing here at…" I briefly look at the clock on the wall for reference. "5:15 AM?"

"Bella, we're so sorry to intrude. We're on our way to see Edward, and this is the only place around that sells good coffee, so we thought we would try to coerce you to let us in for coffee and your delicious buns."

I snort out loud at her, because of the way she emphasizes the word "buns." While she says it, she puts out her hands and gestures as though she is pinching someone's buns. Now this is they way a real mother should behave.

"For you, Esme, I would stay open 24 hours a day and wait on you hand and foot. By all means, come in. Please."

"I'd like to introduce you to my husband, Carlisle Cullen. Carlisle, this is the lovely young woman I told you about, Bella Swan." Carlisle beams a perfect smile at me and reaches out to shake my hand. I look at them in amazement, thinking they are the ideal parents. It also makes me give Edward a little more benefit of the doubt, begrudgingly. With parents like these, there has to be more than meets the eye with him. They are beautiful, intelligent, smart, and kind. It isn't possible that two such fine specimens of human perfection could have damaged offspring.

I walk them over to a table and excuse myself to grab some warm buns. I plate the baked goods and bring them out to my waiting customers.

"Here you go, these are actually still warm, so they are at their peak perfection. Please, enjoy them. I have to apologize that I can only get you brewed coffee, not espresso drinks. I'm afraid my expertise in the coffee area is limited. They don't usually let me out in public, after all."

"Bella, we so appreciate your letting us in! Honestly, we'll take whatever you are willing to give us at this point. Brewed coffee sounds heavenly!"

It suddenly dawns on me as unusual that Esme and Carlisle are in Forks this morning. I know they are very hands-off producers, trusting in Edward's judgment, based upon comments Esme made to me when we met, so I wonder to myself what brings them here.

"I'm kind of surprised to see you here this morning. What brings you back to Forks?"

"Well, the rain storm really messed up Edward's filming schedule, and there are naturally some cost overruns associated with these delays, so we had to fly in to help Edward get things reorganized and back on track financially. It doesn't make sense to have him worry about all the budget items; it is more important that his focus remain on his work. We're just here to support him towards that end."

"Ms. Swan, I have to say, these are the best buns I've ever had—I'm happy to report that Esme wasn't exaggerating in the least when she sang your praises to me. Our staff and crew are lucky to have your talent serving them during the shoot." I blush at Carlisle's compliment.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. That is such a nice thing to say."

"Please, for the record, call me Carlisle."

"Certainly, Carlisle. Let me go grab some coffee to go with your buns." I make the same gesture to Carlisle that Esme made to me earlier, the motion of pinching a pair of buns, and we all laugh together. I pour them both some coffee, then explain to them that I need to continue with my baking if I have any hope of being prepared to run the coffee cart this morning. They both graciously allow me to bow out, deciding to take their coffee and buns to go. I refuse to let them pay for any of it.

As they reach the front door, Esme turns to me and gives me a big hug, which I was hardly expecting—I am full of flour and lord knows what else. She whispers in my ear, "Just remember, you are a remarkable young woman, Bella Swan." I simply return her hug and thank her.

Carlisle puts a hand gently on my shoulder and gives me a beautiful, easy smile, saying, "It was such a pleasure to meet you, Bella. You _do_ have the best buns around." He gives me a half smile as he says that, and it is the spitting image of the same smirk Edward gives me all the time. _Well, it is no surprise who Edward's father is!_

I lock the door behind them and head back towards the kitchen. It is only then that I see a one hundred dollar bill sitting on the table where Carlisle and Esme had been just moments previously. I shake my head and sigh, deciding to figure out a way to get the money back to them in the future.

****************************

Chaos is the only thing raining on the set this morning. Although Edward Cullen had anticipated being well-prepared for filming today, the reality clearly does not meet with his expectations. My job is not to criticize, however, but to serve coffee and goodies, so I stick to what I know best. I'm slightly amused that things aren't going completely according to plan, because it is probably good for Edward to deal with real life every now and then.

Around 10:00 AM, there is a mad rush for the coffee cart; apparently, they are breaking in order to allow the camera crew to reposition the set up. I'm so busy serving goodies, I don't notice what's behind me. Suddenly, I hear someone smacking their lips, followed by a liquid velvet voice I have come to know so well, whispering in my ear.

"By the way, your buns _do_ have a tendency to make one's fingers incredibly sticky. I'm not even sure that licking it off will do the trick. Do you suppose you could give me a hand getting my fingers clean?" _Smirky has fully reappeared, Ladies and Gentlemen._

I feel my face flush red. I turn to see Edward's smirk in full bloom, and he starts laughing at my body's response. It takes me a beat or two before I'm able to answer him.

"If you recall, Mr. Cullen, I expressly told you that I wanted your hands all over my buns, and that I wanted to lick your sticky fingers. But when I told you that, we were all alone. I don't know if it is appropriate to engage in such behavior in front of your cast and crew." _Snarky tosses it right back at you, baby_.

"I'm certainly willing to take my chances if you are, Ms. Swan."

Before I have time to respond, I hear someone clearing their throat in front of me. _James._

"I'd be happy to help you with your buns, ma'am." I feel sick to my stomach looking at his lecherous stare.

"Thank you, James, but this kind gentleman has already volunteered to assist me, so I won't require your services today." _Take that, motherfucker._

Edward suddenly appears to be uncomfortable and excuses himself, leaving me alone with James.

"You know, you seem like a very smart girl, Isabella. I'm surprised that you're letting someone like Edward Cullen pull the wool over your eyes."

"I'm sorry? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you have to understand that he's going to pull up stakes and return back to his comfy little world once filming is complete. You're a nice little toy to play with in the meantime. It happens every time."

"What do you mean, 'it happens every time.'"

"Edward Cullen's on-set dalliances are world famous. Surely you heard about he and Tanya Denali on the last movie they did together."

"No, actually, I didn't."

"Oh, well, they had a tempestuous affair during their last movie, it was all over the papers. Once the movie was over, so was their affair, but Tanya seemed to think that Edward had committed to a long-term relationship. Edward conveniently did not recall those specific details. And it isn't as though Tanya was the first. Go do some research, you'll find out all about it." He gave me a very greasy grin at the end of his little "explanation."

I try very hard to tell myself that the source of this information is James. The same James I've seen hanging out with Renee. The same James who broke Kate Cullen's heart. The same James who complains about his golden handcuffs from Masen Masterworks. I find, however, that the little voice inside me that tries to convince me of James' wayward motivations is too small to make up for the enormous wall of doubt that he just planted in my brain. I shouldn't trust him, and I don't, really, except that what he's telling me makes so much sense. Once again, I'm merely a baker girl from Forks, Washington. I'm Plain Jane. I am a completely unremarkable person. What could someone like Edward Cullen possibly want with me? He's simply flirting for fun, because he can, because it is what he's used to doing. It would never make sense for someone like him to want someone like me.

I look up at James, and see a sense of satisfaction register on his face, as though he has just accomplished a noble deed. He turned someone against Edward Cullen, thus the victory is his. He just gives me a nod of his head, and walks away, leaving the world to collapse in on me.

**END NOTE: For all the pervs out there who just want some hot smut, here are the links to my contest entry one-shots:**

**Parkaward (Featuring uncut peen): http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5250127/1/The_GreenEyed_Monster_Comes_Out_to_Play**

**Tattward (Featuring REALLY graphic lemon, not for the weak hearted. Just sayin'):** **http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5260075/1/Underneath_it_A**

_**Just remember to replace the (dot) with a period when you copy it into your browser.**_


	18. Chapter 17: Perceptions and Perspectives

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: During the EPOV in this chapter, just remember that this is Edward's perspective; he isn't necessarily going to have the same recall that Bella does. Memory is a tricky thing, and no one remembers things **_**exactly**_** as they occur.**

**Things I own: A crazy dog and two crazy cats who think sitting on me and/or walking on my keyboard is somehow "helpful." It's not. Just sayin'.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

_**All my thanks and boobie motorboating to NaughtySparkle, who actually willingly reads/betas this story before I post it. If that doesn't qualify her for a Nobel Peace Prize, I'm not sure what will.**_

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: PERCEPTIONS AND PERSPECTIVES**

"_People hunt for the person who somehow gets us closer to the dream of who we hope to become." – Source Unknown_

**EPOV**

As Bella Swan walks away from me across the parking lot, I am stunned. I am in awe. I am mystified. I am bewitched. Quite simply, I've never experienced half of the emotions that have plagued my mind over the past 48 hours. Between the movie quote off, the card game, the kisses, the fondling, and Bella's Buns, I feel as though I've been struck on the side of the head with a baseball bat. I've always considered myself a man of reason, someone who is pragmatic, sensible, and intelligent. Now all I know for certain is that Bella has turned my brain to mush, my cock into stone, made my work impossibly difficult to focus upon, and has me frustrated to no end.

If I'm completely honest with myself, I have to admit that it is almost as if I am compelled love Bella against my will. _Wait, love? Seriously? _Truthfully, that's exactly how I feel—I have no control over the depth of my feelings for this beautiful vixen from Forks, Washington.

I have never before in my life experienced this many erections in a forty-eight hour period. _Erections_ is actually a misnomer; it is more like one big, long, painful, impossibly hard erection. Even my seventh grade crush on Victoria Volturi resulted in fewer hard ons than does Bella Swan. Despite knowing what my family, friends, and associates might think of a liaison with Bella, I still cannot quench my irrational, raging desire for her.

When I arrive at the restaurant, Bella is already here with Jasper and Alice. I need to get my schedule reworked with my Assistant Director, Eric Yorkie. As we are meeting, I can't help but look over at Bella from time to time—I feel a magnetic force pulling me constantly in her direction. I catch her staring back at me, and she immediately turns bright red. She quickly looks away when I notice, but it makes me realize that she feels something for me, too. For all her snarkiness, it may just be that Bella Swan is as intrigued by me as I am by her. I quickly walk over to her table, because I can't help myself; I just need to be near her for a while in order to set my world back on its axis.

When I sit down to talk to Bella, she immediately starts talking about leaving the Ocean Side and going home. Just when I feel like I'm making headway with her, she uproots herself and leaves? Why would she do that? I get the sense that she wants to get as far away from the movie set as possible, and probably because it involves me. I try to subtly convince her that it is worth it for her to stay, but in the middle of my diatribe, Bella's mother walks in with James in tow. I watch Bella physically shrink in size, as if she is hiding herself away from being seen. Although Renee's arrival goes unannounced by our table, we all pass a silent look to each other indicating our interest in ignoring the pair all together.

Renee and James look as though they've been fucking like bunnies since last we saw them. While Renee is not an unattractive woman, it is clear that she is worse for the wear of her years. Apparently, she is quite interested in being a cougar, because James is nearly young enough to be her son. I cannot begin to imagine why he is interested in her, but I'm certain there is an ulterior motive; James does nothing that isn't precisely calculated for his own gain. What this bedraggled, messed up woman has that he wants is the mystery of the day. My concern is that Bella will somehow be involved, and I wish with all my heart that she could be spared that pain.

As I'm pondering what James might have up his sleeve, my thoughts are interrupted by the loud, abrasive, outrageous comments Renee is spouting about Bella. While I would prefer to ignore the pair and focus on Bella, it is nearly impossible _not_ to overhear her—she is practically announcing it via megaphone to the entire restaurant. I feel sickened that Bella has to deal with such nonsense in her life. It is true that we cannot pick our parents, but it does give me pause to think about why this woman chose to be a mother. She has the words 'train wreck' written all over her. The pain she brings to Bella is completely intolerable, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Bella looks embarrassed beyond words, and I decide that I should let her deal with this drivel in private; I'm certain it is what she would probably prefer.

I walk over to Eric to see if he's made any progress on the logistical changes, and just as I sit down, my phone rings. _Esme._

"Hey, mom! What's up?"

"_Do I need an excuse to say hello to my son? And by 'son,' I mean that boy I gave birth to, whom I raised and nurtured, who calls me perhaps once or twice a year. Just so we're all clear on that."_

"Wow, isn't it a little early in the day to cut me a new one? What did I do now?"

"_Oh, you didn't do anything in particular. I like to give you a hard time. It is one of the job descriptions for 'mother.'"_

"Maybe you should send me that job description sometime, so I can be prepared."

"_You are such a good boy, Edward, you really are! I'm actually calling to let you know that Carlisle and I decided to come up to Forks to help you get some of the financials reorganized so that you can keep your filming on budget. Obviously there will be a lot of logistics to deal with in the next few days, and we want to support you as much as possible. We plan to arrive tomorrow morning."_

"Are you sure you guys have the time to do that? Doesn't dad need to be at the hospital?"

"_Edward, we just want you to concentrate on what you do best—don't worry about us. That's what parents are for, after all. Should we meet up with you at the Ocean Side when we arrive?"_

"Sure, that sounds fine. You guys can stay in my cabin. Just give me a call when you get here, okay?"

"_Sounds great. I can't wait to see you again! Oh, that reminds me—embarrassing your adolescent or young adult son is also on the 'mother' job description. Just so you know."_

"Thanks for the warning! Fly safely, I'll see you guys tomorrow. Love you."

"_Love you too, my sweet boy."_

******************************

As if my crazy desire for Bella Swan's hot buns isn't enough, I have so many headaches to deal with due to the rain delays. I should be focusing completely on getting my plans back on schedule, but I find I'm having difficulty thinking about anything aside from my craving for that woman. In talking it over with my mother, she insisted upon coming to Forks herself to get the schedule issues straightened out for me; too bad I can't have her take care of Bella Swan, too. This is a highly unusual move for her, as she is typically quite hands-off as a producer, but I am grateful for her presence. I know she will be able to help me set my world right. I don't deserve her, but am grateful to be her son nonetheless. As she hammered into my brain when I was younger, "A man of quality is not threatened by a woman of equality." Esme Cullen is indeed a force to be reckoned with, and she has made me eternally appreciative of women.

When my mother calls to inform me that they have arrived in Forks, and that she and my father had both seen Bella this morning, I was surprised to learn that they had gone out of their way to stop by the café. Her pretense of needing a "good cup of coffee" fell flat with me—I know my mother better than that. I suspect she had an ulterior motive in stopping to see Bella in particular, but I honestly have no idea as to what that motive might be. At least now both my parents have had the opportunity to meet Bella. I'm curious to hear what my father thinks of her.

I'm trying hard to refocus on the set, but my mind is partially distracted by Bella's presence when she arrives with her coffee cart. I can always tell when she is here, because a sort of electric hum buzzes in my ear. I can see her in the distance, and it's like her ass is a beacon lighting the way for my cock. I want to answer her body's siren song as it calls out to me, fold myself into her luscious curves from behind, and slip my fingers into her mouth for her to lick off the stickiness of one of her Buns. Jesus, I can't believe the extent of my perved-out thoughts—Bella Swan clearly has an unwholesome ability to make my mind switch gears from innocence to pervosity in less than two seconds flat. All I can think of is that she is a witch, and I'm instantly reminded of the scene from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_, where the villagers capture one of their own and dress her up as a witch: "She's a witch! _Burn her_!" If only I could throw her into the water to see if she'll float, I would know for certain whether or not she truly is a witch. But a wet Bella would just pop out her high beams, then all I will want to do is get my hands over her spectacular tits. _Fuck. Focus, Cullen, for fuck's sake!_

Sadly, due to my extreme lack of focus, the camera angles I planned are all off and I find myself requiring them to be moved and repositioned. During that break, I take the opportunity to grab one of Bella's figurative Buns while dreaming about grabbing her literal buns. Since she teased me once about wanting me to put my hands on her buns, and licking my sticky fingers, I take a moment to sneak up on her and tease her by whispering a little innuendo in her ear. She blushes the moment she hears my utterance, much to might delight. Much to my dismay, however, I find that James Masen has suddenly appeared in our midst, trying to steal my thunder. I loathe that individual more than anyone else on this planet—he is in every way my nemesis and I cannot even have the satisfaction of making his life a living hell due to my Aunt Elizabeth's agreement with him. Thus, I am forced to deal with him in a civil manner, when what I would really like to do is, at the very least, completely uncivil, quite possibly involving the removal of his testicles with a blunt, rusty instrument. To find him here, in front of Bella and I, trying to usurp my pathetic attempt at flirting, very nearly has me undone. Where the fuck are the _Karma Police_ when you need them? His Hitler hairdo is seriously making me feel ill! In an effort to avoid causing him significant bodily harm, I force myself to leave the scene of the crime and flirt with Bella another day. I do so most unwillingly; I will just have to wait for another opportunity with Bella.

Seeing James' self-satisfied grin as I walk away very nearly causes me to lose it. I cannot afford to do that in front of the cast and crew, and most importantly, in front of my parents. They have put an inordinate amount of trust in me as the director for their projects, and I refuse to get my hands dirty with people like James. They deserve better than that. I make my way over to the Ocean Side to catch up with my parents.

*****************************

I step into my cabin and I'm greeted with a warm hug from my mother. No matter how old I get, her hugs make me feel so warm and secure. I'll never get tired of them. My dad and I do the man-hug routine, but it is a comfortable embrace, not the stilted awkwardness that some men feel whenever they have to touch each other. Fortunately, there is no sense of homophobia running in the Cullen men's blood.

"Do you have a run down of everything you had to delay over the past few days?"

"Yeah, I ran over it with Eric yesterday." I hand my Moleskine over to my mom. "I have it all tallied on this page."

The notebook falls to the floor as I hand it to my mother. _Fuck my luck, Murphy's Law strikes again. Of course, it had to fall open to the drawing of Bella!_

My mother and I both reach for the notebook at the same time, and she sees what I so desperately wanted to hide from her. She snatches it away from me.

"Why do you have a drawing of Bella Swan in your executive notebook? And why is the drawing surrounded by doodles of her name?"

_Nothing escapes my mother's notice. Fucking NOTHING._ "I think you know why."

"Oh, yes, I have my suspicions, but I would very much like to hear it from your point of view."

"Do we really need to do this right now? Isn't it more important to get the film back on track?"

"I can certainly spare a few minutes, especially when it involves hearing about someone who has captured my finicky boy's attention. In fact, I could spare days to hear about that subject."

I'm taken by surprise when my father adds his opinion to the mix; he tends to take a back seat approach to my love life and private affairs, thank god. "If it is any help, son, I met Bella this morning and she is one of the loveliest and most charming creatures I've ever met. There is a real spark in her, I sensed it almost immediately. She didn't even need to say a word—the very way she moves around the room, her countenance, her energy, all speak to someone who is deep, intense, and interesting. It's the same read I got when I met your mother."

He hugs my mom from behind, kissing her neck and causing her to giggle. I used to roll my eyes at that sort of behavior, but now, in this moment, I see the extreme amount of love and devotion they share for each other. I have a sudden pang in my chest and recognize that I want to experience that love and devotion, too. And, for the first time, I admit to my conscious mind that I want to replace the image of my father and mother in that stolen moment with one of Bella and I.

I've been fighting my feelings for Bella from the very second I met her, and I simply need to wake up and smell her coffee. She's clearly the one for me. The fact that my father thinks so highly of her, having just met her, speaks volumes. My dad is the kind of person who is exceedingly kind to everyone, but to win his approval requires a character beyond reproach. He has essentially given me his approval, something I've never asked for before, and something he's never voluntarily offered. It is a tad disconcerting to realize that my parents are on board with Bella before I even acknowledged my true feelings for her myself, but I've been known to be pig-headed asshat before.

"Dad, I can't tell you how much it means to me that Bella meets with your approval. I've been struggling with the fact that she is so far removed from our way of life; that's probably the main thing that has been holding me back. But I need to let you both know that she can't stand me, so this may just end up being an episode of unrequited love."

"Oh come on, Edward! Have you looked at her when you are together? Neither of you can take your eyes off the other!"

"That's true, but in Bella's case, I'm fairly certain that she gazes upon me with complete disdain, not love. I've never met a more frustratingly annoying person in my life. We fight like cats and dogs! She misconstrues everything I say!"

"Sweetie, do you remember when you were in second grade and there was a girl who kept hitting you for no reason? I told you it was because she liked you, and you just couldn't understand why she would do such a thing? I'm convinced that you and Bella are hitting each other on the playground. You need to see this fighting for what it truly is—two stubborn individuals who can't admit that they are attracted to one another."

"As much as I would love to believe you, I can't. But that doesn't mean it is impossible to change her mind."

My mom leans forward to give me a big bear hug. "That's the spirit, honey. You've never backed away from a challenge before, so I would hate to see you do that now. She's worth fighting for. I'm certain of it."

"Thanks, mom. What would I ever do without you?"

"Probably wallow in your own mire," She giggles to herself. "Now, let's get these details straightened out and get you back on track, my dear."

**********************

After talking to my parents, I admit to myself that I need to do a better job with Bella. I'm also in the midst of filming a movie, so accomplishing that is much easier said than done. I suspect that my job has been made more difficult by James, because Bella has been avoiding me like the plague ever since he interrupted our flirtation. It isn't as though she runs away from me, but her body language freezes up whenever we are near one another. A series of days passes where we engage in a kind of fucked up dance where no one knows who's leading or whether or not we should even touch. I want so desperately to touch her; my entire body aches for her. I still want to fuck her silly. Sadly, I really have no idea how to get around this impasse, because she is throwing road blocks in my way at every turn.

On top of the Bella situation, and the chaos of logistics following the storm, I haven't paid a great deal of attention to either Jasper or Rosalie. They've both been available when I need them, of course, but they are also wildly distracted by Alice and Emmett. In fact, some days, I don't even see Rosalie on the set, and we end up communicating by phone or text. While she still gets all her work done with impeccable detail, it is disconcerting to not have her physically present on site. As for Jasper, I am more concerned about his wellbeing. He is such a sensitive soul, and his heart has been broken so many times. He tends falls so hard, and always for the wrong girl. While I have nothing against Alice per se, I just don't see how this can end well for him. We're going to go back to LA, leaving the shoot behind. Alice owns her own business, and her roots are clearly formed in Forks. She isn't _truly_ available to be with him in the long term, and I sense that he is overlooking this major detail. Whenever I am able, and we have a moment alone, I try to remind him of these facts. My concerns, however, fall on deaf ears. Jasper is oblivious, the most dangerous state of mind for him. He has fallen hard, and is incapable of listening to reason. I'm beginning to feel like I need to take matters into my own hands in order to avoid a very, very painful situation for my best friend.

************************

**JPOV**

The more I see of my darling little Alice, the more I need to see her. I'm trying to remember what my life was like before I met her, and I can't. It's like my life never really began until she arrived. The first minute I saw her, rounding a corner in her little café, I was struck by lightning, and recognized instantly that she was my other half. She completes me and things will never again be the same.

Before Alice, I tended to fall in love quite easily, and my heart has been broken more times than I can count. Now, however, I realize that I was just playacting at love; Alice is absolutely, positively the real deal. How can you possibly know what you've been missing until you've experienced true, profound love?

I've been trying to spend every spare minute I have with her. Between my film schedule and her café responsibilities, it has been a challenge to maneuver, but we've managed just fine. I'm amazed that such a tiny little thing can inspire such lust in me, but I have to admit she is 90 pounds of pure erotica. I simply can't keep my hands off of her. My only frustration with her is that she doesn't want to have sex yet, because she wants it to be special, meaningful, and committed. It is important to her not to rush into anything; she has explained it to me that, because I am an actor, she worries that everything will be over the minute we're done filming. I've tried to impress upon her how impossible that outcome is, because I cannot live without her in my life, but she is still resistant. In the meantime, I've realized that I can wait, if it is so important to her. I can take the time to prove my love to her. In the meantime, we have the hottest make out sessions on the planet. I'm convinced that when we actually do the deed, it is going to be monumental, one for the record books. We might even burst into flames, like the two lead characters in _Like Water for Chocolate._ I remind myself of this whenever I wake up with a painfully hard cock. Imagining my cock buried deep in Alice's hot pussy has been the subject of many shower wanks in the past few weeks. I just can't wait for the real thing.

I'm surprised when Edward sends me a text to meet him in his cabin one morning. Alice has just left to start her shift at the café, so I grab a cup of coffee and walk over to see what he wants. He has an almost serious scowl on his face, so I need to figure out what his deal is. I don't see that look very often, and I typically don't like what that look tells me.

"Thanks for coming over right away. I've been knee deep in shit for weeks now and I just feel like I am just starting to crawl out of it now that we are nearly finished shooting." He takes a deep breath in and out. Shit, this is _really_ bad.

He runs his hands through his hair, the biggest sign that he is nervous and uncomfortable. "Jazz, you know how shitty I am at beating around the bush, so I'm just going to be upfront with you. Truth is, I'm really worried about you and Alice. You know I've seen you fall hard before, and I am very worried about you getting your heart broken again. I hate to rain on your parade, I really do. I'm just not convinced that Alice is sincere in her regard for you. I suspect she may be attracted to the Jasper Whitlock, the actor, not to the real Jasper Hale."

As Edward's words sink in, I can feel my hands start to shake and my face flush red. My heart starts to pound in my chest. All I can think to myself is _Fuckyouedward fuckyouedward fuckyouedward! _How dare he fuck with my relationship! He doesn't even know Alice at all; how could he possibly reach this conclusion? I take a deep breath before I respond.

"Edward, you have been my best friend for years. You have been with me through every past break up and broken heart. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt here, because otherwise I would be attempting to break your nose right now. _Fuck. Off._ Alice is off limits. It doesn't matter what you say about her, I'm in love with her. I _can't_ live without her, and I _won't _live without her. It is as simple as that."

"Have you already told each other that you are in love?"

"Not in actual words, no, but it is implied in everything that we do."

"Are you sure of that? Are you certain of her feelings for you?"

"Of course I am! Why the hell would you even try to plant that seed of doubt?"

"When I see the two of you together, it doesn't appear as though she feels as strongly as you do. Jasper, you have to admit your track record on this isn't good. You've been hurt so many times in the past. It totally breaks my heart to see you go through the anguish of losing someone. I just can't stand by and do nothing. You're my best friend, and I owe it to you to tell you the truth, even if the truth is painful."

"You're wrong, dude. What we have is golden. We're solid. I can't imagine myself with anyone else."

"But Jasper, she hasn't even told you that she loves you! How can you be so sure of _her_ feelings for _you_?"

"I just feel it. I can't explain it."

"If you can't explain it, I'm afraid what that means."

"It just means that it is so special I can't put it in to words."

"I'm really not trying to be a dick, Jazz. You are, and always will be, my best friend. I only have your interest at heart. I just want to make sure you are absolutely certain of her feelings for you. Have you guys been humping like bunnies?"

"Jesus, Cullen, you really go straight for the throat sometimes! You know I don't normally kiss and tell, but no, we haven't slept together yet. That's just the best way to prove to you how special this is. I'm actually waiting until she is ready."

"You don't think that is her way of luring you in?"

"Fuck you! To even insinuate something like that is just fucking low."

"I'm just trying to give you some perspective, Jasper! God! I wouldn't even say any of this if it wasn't for your past history! I only have your best interest in mind. Look, you've been sequestered in this tiny town with Alice for weeks. I'm thinking that a little distance between the two of you might give you some perspective. Help you ensure that this is the real thing. If you two are truly solid, then you'll know. That's all I'm trying to say. To protect your own heart, it just makes sense, man. Plus, all your scenes are completed, so you really don't have to hang out here anymore. Maybe just head back to LA for a while to see if the distance helps or hurts."

I can barely squeak out a whisper in response to my friend, because the thought of leaving Alice is so fucking painful. "Jesus. This feels so real and tangible, I don't know if I'll make it without her."

"It's just important for you to know if she feels just as strongly as you do. When you know for sure, then you can act on that knowledge. Please, Jazz, for me. You're my best friend. I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

"I'll think it over, okay? That's the best I can do right now."

"Again, I am truly sorry if I hurt you in any way by bringing this up. All I want is for you to be truly happy."

"Without Alice, I'm sure that I will never be happy again." I turn and walk out my friend's door feeling beaten and numb.

*************************

**BPOV**

Another morning, another batch of Bella's Buns. It is officially my last morning to run to the Masen set. Because I feel emo and angsty, I chose a very apropos shirt for the occasion: _Don't make me use my librarian voice_. I have a feeling I might be inclined to use my librarian voice today, so I want to ensure that everyone is adequately prepared for that eventuality. Because I am feeling a little pissy, I crank up the soundtrack to _Hedwig and the Angry Inch_. Seriously, I think to myself, is there a better rant song than _Tear Me Down_? It's a fucking good one, no matter what. No one is going to get in my face this morning. To prove my point, I hack an innocent piece of bun dough in half, _just because I can._ HAHAHA! I'm ruthless! I start giggling out loud at myself. I'm such a freaking dork it isn't funny. Except that it _is_ funny.

Following James' snide comments about Edward Cullen and his historical on-set peccadilloes, I did some research. There was plenty to be found, but I had to discount nearly all of it due to the source of information. I'm not sure what James was trying to pull by telling me that shit, and I'm angry I allowed myself to be sucked in far enough to actually look that shit up. I really should know better than that. The only thing James accomplished was keeping me on the fence about my stance on the matter.

In fact, I've been around and around regarding my feelings towards Edward Cullen. I'm quite certain that I will never understand his motivations. He can be so sexy and flirty, yet also quite cold and aloof. There is an undeniable energy between us, and I've tried so hard to ignore it, but to no avail. I know that it is the last day of shooting, but I'm surprised to be upset by that information. I should be relieved that I won't be running ragged between the café and the sets any longer. I can get a little extra sleep. I won't have to be at Edward Cullen's beck and call. And if I'm completely honest with myself, that last bit of detail is what makes my stomach ache. I feel like I need to hurl, which is simply ridiculous. I've always known, from the very first day he showed up, that Edward Cullen was meant to be no more than a transient figure in my life. I need to pull up my big girl panties and deal. Seriously, all this emo shit is pissing me off. I should be able to let this roll off my back, so why is it sitting in my gut instead?

I'm singing loudly along with Hedwig to _The Origin of Love,_ which is one of the most fucking brilliant songs ever written about love, when I'm knocked to the floor. Before I even process what is happening, I feel arms wrap around me and my ear buds are yanked out. I open my eyes, only to find Alice occupying my lap, sobbing so hard she can barely breathe. I am instantly transported back to the moment I found out about her parent's death—she reacted exactly the same way. Could Emmett be dead, too? I mean, what could ever upset Alice to such an extreme? I wrap my arms tightly around my wonderful, loving, caring, capricious best friend, inadvertently rocking her back and forth.

"Alice, what is it? Who is it?" I pull away from her slightly to see her face.

She shakes her head furiously from side to side. "J-J-J-aaa-sper."

I feel myself tense at the mention. _What the fuck did he do to my girl?_

"N-n-n-o, Bella. H-he l-l-left."

"Jasper left? Without saying goodbye or anything?"

Instead of trying to choke out another response, she merely nods her head.

"Why, Alice? Why?"

She shakes her head back and forth, and my question brings about a new depth of tears. But she doesn't need to answer—I _know_ why.

_Edward Cullen, you are a dead motherfucker, wherever you are. NOBODY messes with my Alice, and you will pay, asshole._

**END NOTE: **

**A special thanks to everyone who has adopted my little story via story alerts, favorites, and author alerts. I do a happy dance in my living room every time I get a notification. Thanks also to those authors who read my story and pimp it via their own: ACullenWannabe, DariaChenowith, ManiacalMuse, and AgoodWITCH, who is promoting it to her FF Community "We All Have 'Issues' Don't We." To be embraced by readers is spectacular; to be embraced by other authors is nothing short of sublime. Truly, I am humbled.**

**You can check out the "We All Have 'Issues' Don't We" community at:**

http://www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/community/We_All_Have_Issues_Dont_We/72924/99/0/2/


	19. Chapter 18: Foot In Mouth Disease

**DESIDERATA**

**Things I own: A Jack Skellington headband that sometimes scares my patients. But I don't intentionally scare them. Honest. I'm not Nurse Ratched, after all.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

**I owe my eternal gratitude to NaughtySparkle, as always, for agreeing to beta this chapter. Surprisingly, I have yet to scare her off…**

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE**

"_The modern woman…prides herself on thinking, taking action, working, creating, on the same terms as men; instead of seeking to disparage them, she declares herself their equal." – Simone de Beauvoir_

**BPOV**

As my little Alice collapses on top of me, explaining the story of Jasper's disappearance,

I am literally shaking with rage. I feel as if Edward Cullen's dagger has been plunged straight through my soul instead of Alice's, her pain is so acute and palpable.

I need to find Edward Cullen. I don't care where he is, or who sees or hears me. I've never been so angry in all my life, not even at the fuckhead woman who gave birth to me. He is about to lose a testicle or two, even if I have to rip it off with my own teeth. I am furious with him for meddling with Alice and Jasper's happiness. The only thing that keeps me from hunting him down and choking him to death is the fact that I am too short to get the proper leverage needed to reach his neck with the appropriate amount of force. It would be like denying the law of physics, and we all know Scotty told Captain Kirk that was impossible.

I can't even begin to imagine what Emmett will have to say about all of this. He is, after all, sleeping with the enemy. Rosalie Hale may be Jasper's sister, but she is also Edward's assistant. As such, she is privy to all of Edward's fuckery. If she helped Edward send Jasper away, she can kiss her perfectly shaped ass goodbye. Emmett has personally guarded over Alice from the moment she was born, bearing extra responsibility for her safety and happiness when their parents died. Once I finish with chewing off Edward's balls, Emmett will make mincemeat out of the remaining portion of his otherwise beautiful body. Edward Cullen isn't going to know what hit him.

Emmett won't be in for several hours, however, and god only knows where he and Rosalie are at the moment. Clearly, Alice is in no shape to take care of the café. I can't leave her by herself, so Masen Masterworks will simply have to live with a lack of coffee and goodies on the last day of their shoot. I'll have to forego killing Edward for a few more hours, until Emmett arrives and can watch over Alice.

Alice has pretty much cried herself into oblivion, so I bring her in the back and set up the portable cot. She looks as though she has been up the entire night crying, and she's thoroughly exhausted. I get her settled and make my way to the front of the café. In theory, I know how to make the espresso drinks; in practice, not so much. I'll simply have to wing it and hope people order the brewed coffee once they see me behind the register. I keep myself busy by setting up the pastry case and futzing around, but I can't slow down the thoughts in my head.

_Why is Edward Cullen so threatened by Alice and Jasper's relationship that he needed to send Jasper away? _

_What harm could my tiny best friend possibly cause in his life? _

_What is it, exactly, that makes Edward such a master level fucktard? _

_Once again, his actions leave me positively bewildered; what could possibly motivate him to behave like such an ignoramus?_

I am jarred back to reality by the tinkling of our front bell. The sight that greets me is the biggest shock of all: _Edward Motherfucking Smirky Cullen-Sullen!_ What in fuck's sake is he doing here when he has a fucking movie to film? He walks quickly over to the register, standing right in front of me. I immediately open my mouth to speak when he has the audacity to cover my mouth with his goddamned beautiful fingers. Their sheer beauty and spellbinding ways cause me to lose my focus for a few seconds, giving him the perfect window of opportunity he needs to talk to me. His face is a picture of utter agony and torture.

"Please, Bella, just give me a minute to get this out."

"Wh…"

"_Please_. I have struggled for months now, trying to deny and repress my true feelings for you, Bella Swan, and I simply can't do it for another moment. I need to confess to you how much I respect and appreciate your character. I suspect I may even be in love with you. I'm fully aware of how unorthodox a relationship between the two of us would be, and what the professional ramifications might be for me personally, but I'm prepared to take you on regardless. I consider myself to be a pragmatic, logical man, but my insane attraction to you defies all logic and good judgment. From the moment I laid eyes on you, you're the only woman I can think about. I can't sleep, I can't focus on my film project, all I can do is wonder when I'll be able to see you again. Despite every rational argument my mind has considered, I am still passionately attracted to you. Will you please consider running away to LA with me? Tell me that I'm someone you could imagine yourself falling in love with, I'm begging you. It is the only way I will be able to stay sane."

I stand there for a moment, in the middle of the café, staring at Edward Cullen with my mouth gaping open. I open and close my mouth several times, but find myself speechless. For possibly the first time in my life.

_Did I really just hear that diatribe? Could he possibly be serious? He _suspects_ he may even be in love with me??_

I take several deep, cleansing breaths before I begin.

"At times like these, I prefer to use one of my quotes to express myself optimally, but unfortunately this occasion is without precedent, so I'm forced to shoot from the hip. It is beyond me how you managed, as you put it, to fall in love with me despite what the 'professional ramifications might be for you personally.' I certainly did nothing to encourage you to fall in love with me. I'm not even certain whether you are trying to compliment me or mock me. Your so-called 'insane attraction to me defies all logic and good judgment.' Hello? Is that supposed to be romantic, and sweep me off my feet? You'll have to do some homework on your approach, Smirky." I realize that I'm jabbing my finger into the center of his chest for emphasis. "You are my polar opposite and the antithesis of an ideal companion for me. Not if you were the last man on earth could I _ever _consider you as a partner. I will _never_ run away with you, anywhere. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to prepare to work for _real_ people who truly need my assistance. Thank you sir, and have a nice day!"

I am so angry, my shaking hand reaches down and grabs my mega-sized cup of iced coffee, and I promptly toss it in his face. If I had more control over my mind at that point, I would have laughed at the surprised reaction my impulsivity generates, but my mind is completely blank due to my fury.

_Fucking waste of perfectly good caffeine. I just hope it leaves permanent stains._

I'm furrowing my brow at Edward Cullen and still shaking when I see him reach for some napkins to wipe the coffee off of his face.

_Shit, I really did make a mess. But he so fucking deserved it. Asshat._

"Wait, is that it? That's all you have to say to me? You aren't even going to consider my proposition? Really, Ms. Swan, don't go to too much trouble to sugar coat your answer. I just poured out my heart to you, and all you're going to do is jump up and down on top of it?"

"Oh, you _did not _just say that! Please tell me you did not just say that!! Talk about not sugar coating an answer, Mr. Cullen! Do you seriously not even recognize what you just said? You just told me that you 'suspect' you love me, despite all logic and good judgment, and despite every rational argument, you are still passionately attracted to me!

You have given me every imaginable reason in the world to stomp your heart to bits! And on top of all that, as if that wasn't enough, you are the man responsible for breaking my best friend's heart, and destroying every ounce of happiness she has struggled for years to attain! It was you alone who ruined a beautiful relationship between my most cherished friend and yours. Her fulfillment means everything to me, and I have never seen her in such a perfect match. For that reason alone, I despise you and your haughty, pretentious ego. You pretend to be removed emotionally and remain passionately unattached, but it is merely your polite way of being rude."

"Yes, I fully accept responsibility for removing Jasper from Alice's reach. I felt like she was nothing more than an opportunist and thought her emotions towards Jasper weren't strong enough to warrant his unique attention. Like you, my best friend's happiness means everything to me. I was simply trying to protect him from being hurt. Any slight to you was completely unintentional; I ask only that you forgive me. As for the two of us, it is blatantly clear how you feel about me. I'm sorry to have made you upset and assure you I will no longer bother you. Goodbye, Ms. Swan. You won't be seeing me again."

With that, Edward Cullen turns and starts walking out of the café. He pauses for a moment at the door, and looks at me over his shoulder. "I beg you to remember that Oscar Wilde always said, 'quotation is a serviceable substitution for wit.'"

Before he could exit completely, I yelled after him, "Well Ludwig Wittgenstein said 'the limits of my language are the limits of my universe.' So I guess your universe comprises 3 square feet of space!"

The door slams, the bell tinkles, and angry tears fall down my face as the Biggest Douche in the Universe walks away from me forever.

*****************************************

**EmPOV**

As I walk into the café, I'm surprised to see Bella standing at the espresso machine. Crying. I can't help myself—I automatically go into Papa Bear mode. It doesn't matter who: Bella, Alice, either one with tears in their eyes goes straight to my gut. I rush to her side and scoop her into my arms.

"Bella, girl, what is it? What could possibly make my tough girl cry?"

"Emmett, I really don't think you want to know. It's bad. It's very, very bad."

"Hey, what have I told you before: There is nothing that happens that we can't solve together. Right? So tell me about it, okay?"

I notice Bella's hands shaking as she wipes the evidence of tears from her cheek. She tries so hard to be above it all, but that girl has a sensitive soul. Very few people know that about her.

"God, I don't even know where to start. Shit, it's all Cullen's fault, that's all that matters."

"Girl, I can't make it better if I don't know what it is, right?"

Suddenly, the tears start to pour from her eyes in earnest, just as words start to pour out of her mouth. "Well, Edward made Jasper leave Alice without saying goodbye, then Alice came here and she was broken, just plain broken, she now she's asleep in the back. Then I had to wait for you, because Alice couldn't run the café in her condition, and I wanted to find Cullen and rip him a new asshole, and then he was here, and then, and then…" she pauses for a moment to take a big, hitched breath, "he came here and tried to tell me he didn't want to like me but he has to, or can't help it, or some shit like that, and Emmett what did I ever do to deserve to be treated like that?"

Her words start to trail off, just as her gasps start to increase, and I give her the space she needs to dissolve for a minute. As she is taking her time to recuperate on my shoulder, I try to piece together what she just told me.

_Edward made Jasper leave Alice_. Rose mentioned something to me last night about Jasper heading back to LA, but it sounded like that had been planned for some time; I guess I need to get that clarified from her perspective. The "without saying goodbye" part bothers me. Alice is sad, but safe for the moment, so that's cool for now.

_Edward likes Bella but he doesn't want to? What the fuck does that mean?_ Once again, Rose will be able to decipher Cullenspeak better than anyone. Looks like my next task is to call Rose.

"Hey kiddo, I need to go make some phone calls to figure out what's going on here, okay? Are you gonna be all right if I leave you for a few minutes?"

Her tears have slowed down, and she wipes her eyes, so I give her shoulders a slight squeeze to let her know I'm leaving.

"I'll be in the back if you need anything, ok?"

I turn around and go back to my office, hitting Rose's speed dial as I walk.

"_Didn't I just see you 30 minutes ago, handsome?"_

"Yes you did, gorgeous, but we've got a problem of epic proportions on our hands."

Her tone instantly changes. "_What do you mean by 'problem?'"_

"When I walked into the café this morning, Bella was at the front counter, shaking and crying, and Alice was conked out in the back room after crying herself to sleep over Jasper. Do you happen to know anything about either of these issues?"

"_Fuck! Em, I'm so sorry, this just has Edward written all over it. Jasper left for LA this morning, just like I told you. I'm assuming Alice is just upset because he left, and I hate to say it, but that is to be expected. I think she was rather attached to him while he was here. As for Bella, let's be honest here: All Edward has to do is open his mouth and there are issues between the two of them. Who knows what the fuck he said this time? Probably nothing. I can investigate this with him, though, and get back to you."_

"I do have to tell you, it isn't exactly easy to make Bella cry, so I'm sure there is more to it than the average crap those two get into. So if you can try to see what he's up to, that would be great. You know I have to take care of all my girls, right?"

"_I know, baby. When you gonna come take care of me?"_

"Babe! We just went at it like an hour ago!"

"_Yes, and...?"_

"And you're a horny bitch and I love it! Lemme know what you find out, and I'll try to get more details, too. Talk to you in a few, babe!"

**************************************

**EPOV**

_Shit! That didn't go at all like I planned. How do I manage to fuck every last thing up? It all made so much sense to me when Jazz and I were talking last night. What just happened?_

I'm driving the Volvo back to the Ocean Side, where I left my parents when I drove in to find Bella this morning. I just know my mom is going to be so disappointed in me. I thought I was going to be returning with Bella, and that somehow we'd all be heading for LA together; instead, Bella essentially told me to fuck off and leave her alone and never speak to her again. I meant it when I said she tore my heart out and jumped on it. That is literally how I feel, like I have a fucking chest wound that can never be healed. I guess I had no real idea of just how much I cared for her until she shut me out.

I play back her words in my mind, unable to stop the flow of images:

_You are my polar opposite and the antithesis of an ideal companion for me. Not if you were the last man on earth could I ever consider you as a partner. I will never run away with you, anywhere._

I start to feel physically ill, so I pull over and hurl my guts out. My head is pounding. I honestly have no idea what the hell I'm going to do. Bella Swan has bewitched me, and I cannot even think without her near me. The idea of going on without seeing her, ever again, is positively devastating. I'm not used to feeling so out of control, or so swayed by my emotions. I breathe deeply, in and out, trying to ebb the flood of feelings. I simply need to get my ass back into my car, drive back to my cabin, and be with my parents. They are the only ones who can help me now. My best friend is practically suicidal and unavailable, and god knows Rose won't be any help at all in a matter like this; if anything, she will make me feel worse by adding fuel to the fire. No, if there is one person in the world who can help me set things right, it is Esme.

I abruptly open the door to my cabin to hear my mother gasp.

"Edward? What happened? Why is your shirt full of coffee?" _She knows at once something is terribly wrong. I must look pretty shitty._

"Mom, I don't even know where to begin," I hear my voice crack, but it feels like someone else is talking. The whole ordeal seems to be happening to someone else.

"Why don't you start at the beginning? What happened when you told Bella how you feel?"

"That's just it. I don't know what happened! It all took place so quickly, and you know how she gets when she misunderstands things, an…"

"Okay, you need to step back a minute, dear. I'm sorry to interrupt, but you have a history of not necessarily stating things clearly when you are with Bella, wouldn't you agree?"

"Well, she just seems to misunderstand whatever it is I'm saying. I mean it one way, but she interprets it another."

"Is it possible that you sometimes you might not be completely clear? You know how hard it is for you when you get nervous; I sense that some of that might be happening when you talk to Bella, sweetheart."

"Well, all I know for certain is that she felt like I insulted her, and she said she would never want to be with me, even if I was the last man on earth. God, mom, what am I going to do? I am a grown man, and I feel like a little kid whose favorite toy just got stolen. I've never felt like this about anyone, and I'm lost. I don't know what to do with myself."

"Sweetie, this isn't something that will be decided today. You both need some time to settle down and get your feelings in check. I'm fairly certain that we can drum up a plan to help things along in the long run. Please, just let it go for the moment. You have a day of shooting ahead of you, and months of work once we get back to LA. I promise, we'll get this figured out, okay?"

Whatever it is that worries me, or upsets me, the sound of my mother's soothing voice of reason can always make things seem so much better. For some odd reason, I believe her that things are going to be all right. I have to trust in that and then move forward. She's right; I do have a day of shooting. I now know that Bella won't be around, so at least I won't have that to distract me. Once I get back to LA, away from seeing Bella all the time, things will get better.

_They certainly can't get any fucking worse than they are right now…_

My cabin door bursts open. "Edward Cullen! Do you mind telling me what the hell you did to Bella Swan this morning?!"

_Shit, I guess things just got worse…_

**END NOTE: Our lovely Ninapolitan coaxed another Parkaward o/s entry out of me, **_**The British Invasion**_**. If you're interested, here you go:**

**http://www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5312338/1/The_British_Invasion**


	20. Chapter 19: SNAFU

**DESIDERATA**

**Things I own: A Macbook that is permanently affixed to my hands, as if it is my second child.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **_**Desiderata**_** belongs to Max Ehrmann.**

_**Thank you to my bb NaughtySparkle for reading my shit every time. She deserves a freaking medal. Just sayin'.**_

**CHAPTER NINETEEN: SNAFU (SITUATION NORMAL ALL FUCKED UP)**

"_The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either." – Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest_

**EPOV**

"Edward Cullen! Do you mind telling me what the hell you did to Bella Swan this morning?!" Rosalie is glaring at me, a few feet in front of my face.

"Oh god, not you too!"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I've had the shittiest day of my life, and it isn't even 9:00 yet. Please, just leave me alone. I need to go get this shoot wrapped up so I can get the hell out of Forks."

"If this only had an impact on you, Edward, I would gladly let it slide. But you are screwing with my mojo, buster, and I need to know why."

I pinch the bridge of my nose, with the realization that Rosalie isn't one to let things just slide. I get by with the minimum amount of detail possible.

"I went to the Wonderland Café this morning to ask Bella to come back to LA with me, and it didn't go over so well. In fact, I was told that she would never consider going anywhere with me, and she never wants to see me again. That pretty much sums things up."

"What in god's name did you say to her?"

"It doesn't matter. All that matters is finishing this shoot and heading back to our normal lives."

Rose sighs deeply, then goes silent for a moment, looking hard at my expression. "Look, I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way you expected. I'm just as anxious to get home as you are. But there's one thing you need to understand—our lives are never going to go back to normal again. Normal has changed."

I hear Rosalie's phone chirp while she's speaking. She opens it and reads a text message. She shows the screen to me, silent.

_**btw if Cullen hurts b or a again, nutsack is MINE. Make sure he knows. **_

I sigh deeply to myself. Fuck me, it just keeps getting worse. Even when I'm certain it is already as bad as it gets.

"You know, it probably wasn't the best idea to encourage Jasper to leave without saying goodbye to Alice. I never thought I'd hear myself say those words, but everything in our world is so different now. Forks has changed everything."

"I didn't tell him not to say goodbye, Rose. That's his doing. He told me that his heart was broken, and he simply couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to Alice, that it would be too painful to see her again, and he'd never be able to leave if he saw her. I figured he was just being melodramatic—you know how emo he can get."

"Wow, I didn't think he had it in him. He must really be heartbroken to act like that. Shit, now I have to deal with a limp noodle Jazz once we get back. I don't know if I have the patience for that right now, I've got my own shit to deal with."

"That 'shit to deal with' includes keeping Emmett away from my nutsack, Ms. Personal Assistant. I'm rather keen on keeping it intact. Can you deal with that while I get over to the shoot?"

"Like I'm going to say no, even though I want to. I think you need to find a new Personal Assistant."

"Rose, I am _so_ not in the mood to deal with that today. Can it wait until we get home, please? I can't handle one more issue on my plate today."

"Yeah, I'll deal. Just go make magic or whatever it is you do. I'll pick up the pieces."

*********************

**EmPOV**

"_Well, I think I have the story down to a point where it is understandable…"_

"I'm listening…"

"_I guess Edward was trying to tell Bella that he's in love with her, but his approach was a little untraditional. He really is a social retard. I'm sure I mentioned that to you once or twice. And he didn't tell Jasper to leave without saying goodbye, I guess my brother dreamed that doozie up all on his own. He said he was too heartbroken to say goodbye in person."_

"Yeah, well he didn't say goodbye in a letter or anything, either. Is he socially retarded, too?"

"_Emmett, that _is_ my brother you're talking about! You might be unhappy with how he handled things, but he really is a good guy. He doesn't do anything without a reason. He's had his heart broken so many times, I've lost count. I need to talk to him to get the real story. I think he really is in love with Alice, though. For what it's worth."_

"When you talk to him, would you please ask him to contact Alice, though? The kid deserves an explanation, at the very least."

"_I don't know how long it will take to track him down, but I will try, OK? How is Alice doing?"_

"Well, she's still comatose on a cot in the back room, but I have the feeling this is going to be a long recovery for her. I've only seen her like this once before, when our parents died. It really takes a lot to get my girl down. And I've _never_ seen Bella like this, so Cullen must have delivered some high-class fuckery."

"_Well, I don't think I've ever seen Edward so upset in my life, so it looks like all four of them are equally miserable, if that's any consolation."_

"Baby, you never did tell me what _we're_ going to do now. You know how much it kills me to think of you hopping on that plane, too. The whole long distance thing leaves a bad feeling in my gut."

"_Em, you know I can't leave Edward, I told you that. And I certainly can't live in Forks. Are you sure you can't come down to LA?"_

"Rose, I can't leave my girls, they need me. It's been like that since my folks died."

"_It sucks to be needed. Can we run away and leave it all behind?"_

"No, we're big kids now. We gotta behave. I guess we'll just have to make it work, somehow. I'm gonna miss you like crazy, baby. You know that, right?"

I hear her heave a big sigh, and it tears at my heart. _"I know. Let's both think hard to come up with an alternative. I don't know how long I'll be able to last. Once I know my schedule when we get back to LA, I'll arrange a weekend trip soon. I have to run. I'll call or text you before the plane takes off."_

"Can I at least see you tonight, before you go?"

"_I don't think I can. Things are going to be crazy until we leave. Sorry. See you later."_

"Bye, baby."

****************

**BPOV**

Edward Cullen is gone from my life, at least I have one thing to be thankful for. My little Alice is still asleep in the back room; having been up crying all night long, she's exhausted. God knows what Emmett is doing. Exactly how we're going to make this all work and get back to normal again, I have no idea. All I know is that I'll do whatever it takes to bring Alice back to life again.

Before Masen Masterworks came to town, our lives were well defined and normal. I knew what to expect day in and day out. Things were easier and simpler. Today, our normal now includes the sphere of people from an entirely different world who have somehow become intertwined in our lives. Since Smirky and Snarky were born, things will never be the same again. I want so badly to close my eyes and travel back in time to the way things used to be. For each of our sakes.

I make my way back to the office; I need to arrange for Emmett to get Alice home and put into bed. When I see him, he looks like a beaten man. I've never seen him wear such a morose expression before.

"Em? You okay?"

"Oh hey, Bells. I just got off the phone with Rosalie. It doesn't look like Edward or Jasper are faring so well, either."

"I sincerely hope Edward isn't faring well. He is an infuriating asshat!"

"She says that he's in love with you. He really did mean to bring you into his LA life, no matter how much of a social retard he is. He meant well."

"You know, there is nothing he could say that would entice me to run off with him. We just aren't meant to be together."

"Have you ever thought of subtracting his words from the feelings? I've seen him look at you, and he always looks completely pussywhipped. What is it about him that makes your claws come out? You're not usually like that."

"Come on, I've always been snarky! It's just that he seems so full of himself, and I have no toleration for that. He assumes that I'd want to be with him, like he's doing me a favor. I want to be with someone who allows me to be his equal. When there isn't mutual respect, how can there be love?"

"I have to say, respect is a two-way street. Have you ever considered giving him some slack because he has such a hard time talking to you? You can be kind of intimidating, you know."

"Yeah, I'm about as intimidating as Bambi!" I snort.

"Come on, Bella, get real! I love you like my sister, but I'm going to be completely straight with you here. You don't fool me at all. The t-shirts, the earbuds, the snarkiness. It's all to keep people away. I've always known that, but I let you be, because I love you and know it's what you need to feel safe. You surround yourself with a fortress to keep anyone from breaking your heart. Your mom really did a number on you when she left—I understand that, I really do. But you aren't a little girl anymore, and you can't keep blaming your mom for all your problems with guys. Some day, you need to tear down that wall, or you'll end up alone. What I want more than anything, for both of my girls, is to see you happy and in love. With all the sadness we've endured in our lives, we all deserve this bit of happiness. Who would ever think that we'd all find happiness in the same place, you know?"

I'm staring at my friend, and it slowly dawns on me that Emmett's words are the absolute truth. I'm trying so hard not to let anyone else break my heart, because my mom shattered it and it has never been fully pieced back together. I think that Edward is trying to fill in the missing pieces, and I've been working so hard not to let him close enough to even try. Then my tears start in earnest. The kind of tears that are so hard, you can't even breathe properly. The kind that cause your hands to shake. The kind that involve your entire body. There is a stray thought in the back of my mind that tells me I've never cried more frequently in my life than I have since Edward Cullen has been in town.

I feel huge, bear-like paws surround me. I allow myself to fall apart amidst the warmth of Emmett's arms. He just holds me tightly, kisses the top of my head, and strokes my hair. It's the most comforting thing anyone has ever done for me. Emmett is the kindest person I know; he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. I feel really lucky to have him as my big brother.

I'm not sure how long I've been crying in Emmett's arms, but he slowly moves into a standing position and places me back in his chair.

"Fuck this shit! We've worked our asses off for the last three months. Alice's Wonderland Café and Mad Tea Party is officially closed for business today! We're all going home to eat ice cream, put on our jammies, and watch movies!"

"Uh, Em, did you all of a sudden sprout a vadge, because it sounds to me like you wanna have a girlie slumber party."

"I unofficially have two sisters, so what am I gonna do? Make you guys drink beer and watch the game with Charlie and me? Yeah, that'd go over really well!"

"Why don't I get things cleaned up and freeze what I've made, while you get Alice and bring her home. I'll meet you guys there when I'm done."

"Sounds like a plan. Need me to pick up ice cream?"

"No, just get Alice home. I'll pick some up on my way."

*********************

I lock up the café and make my way out to my truck on the side of our building. As I open the door, I see a silver Volvo make a slow drive by in front of the café. I can't make out the driver, but I know who it is. I feel a sudden, unexpected twinge in my heart. I wonder if it stems from the missing piece. I thought I would feel ecstatic seeing Smirky Cullen-Sullen leave. I thought my life would return to normal. I was entirely wrong—all I feel is empty. I was never before aware of the missing piece of my heart, but now I feel it so acutely that it stings. The stupid, shiny, silver Volvo suddenly speeds up and darts out of town. Out of my life.

By the time I get to Alice and Emmett's house, Alice is already in bed. Emmett explains that she refuses to get up and join us, she just wants to wallow. I'm highly concerned, because Alice has never wallowed in her life, not even when her parents died. I'm not sure what to do. It seems pointless to gorge myself on ice cream all alone, because Emmett says he isn't hungry. I put the ice cream in their freezer and head home to do some wallowing of my own.

**********************

The alarm. 3:00 AM. Fuck my life, times ten. Roll out of bed. Pull on shirt, which reads: _You read my shirt. That's enough social interaction for the day._ That sums it up right there. Trip on the way to front door. Drive to work. Open café door. Brew coffee. Start my buns. Fuck my life, times ten. Etcetera.

To say I'm on automatic pilot is an understatement. We all are, Em, Alice, and me. I don't think I've seen Alice smile since Jasper left. In fact, I'm pretty sure she's trying to channel her inner emo, because she will only wear Vamp nail polish and dark lipstick. Emmett tries to keep a cheery attitude around both of us, but I notice that when he smiles, it never reaches his eyes. He's faking it, like the rest of us. I think the fact that he is trying so hard breaks my heart more than if he didn't try at all.

I pour myself a gallon of coffee and head back to my workstation. As I add the hot water to the yeast for the buns, I set a timer so that I don't forget how long it has been rising. My mind is so scattered these days, if I fail to set a timer, I will invariably forget what I'm doing and get lost in my thoughts. I hear the _ding_ of the timer go off, then I have to remember what I set it for. Nope, the oven is off. Nothing on the stove. Oh yeah, the yeast. I pour it into the mixing bowl and add the butter and sugar. Again, I set the timer. I catch myself staring off into space, thinking about Edward Cullen again. For whatever reason, I can't seem to get him to leave my daily thoughts. I always see that flash of green from his eyes, and my mind just stays there. When I come back into the here and now, I see _Desiderata_ in front of me. Oh, Max, I don't even deserve to read your wise words; I've fucked it all up to the point of no return. I read the last stanza, the one I never got to work through in all the time Masen was in town. I was just too fucking busy.

"_Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle to yourself._

Gentle to myself. Now there's a concept! Perhaps I've been too gentle with myself, because I was mean to everyone else. But okay, I'll try to work on that one. Really.

_You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars and you have a right to be here. _

I have a right to be here. Do you hear that, Renee? No matter how much you fucked up, no matter how selfish you have been, I have a _right_ to be here. I need to just remind myself of that daily. No matter what anyone says to me, I have a right to be here. Hell, I should make that my new mantra: _Ihavearighttobehere, Ihavearighttobehere, Ihavearighttobehere._

_And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. _

Okay, I was doing fine until I got here. I'm sorry, but there is no fucking way the universe is unfolding as it should. Alice and Emmett are withdrawn and unhappy, our entire universe sucks right now. Nothing in the world is clear right now. Am I just supposed to trust that things will work out for the best? Because I really don't trust in anything anymore. I've been beaten over the head one too many times. I have no faith left. I'm sorry, universe, I am truly sorry. I don't think I can have faith in you these days. I hear myself sigh heavily, and feel the tears start to well up in my eyes.

_Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul._

Be at peace, keep peace in my soul. Even more than trusting in the universe, I am _so_ not at peace. My life and my mind are full of noisy confusion. My world makes no sense at all anymore. I'm not even at peace when I sleep, because I dream about Edward Cullen every night. I go to sleep exhausted, I wake up exhausted, only to go through the motions again, day after day. Our lives are joyless. Concepts like faith and peace are mutually exclusive with my life in the present moment. I feel tears starting to pool in my eyes.

_With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world._

_Be cheerful. Strive to be happy._

I'm now crying in earnest, because I know that my life is just sham, drudgery, and full of broken dreams. The world isn't beautiful to me anymore. I don't know if I will ever be cheerful or happy again.

I want to be. Happy. Peaceful. Trusting. I feel myself slump down to the floor, crying like I did the day Emmett took me into his arms when Edward Cullen left. _I want to be happy. I want to be in love. I want to go to bed at night at peace with the world and myself._

I hear the timer go off again, and switch instantly back into autopilot. I can't be trusted on manual these days. I lose myself in the steady flow of rolling cinnamon bun dough and try to close my mind to the sad reality of my existence these days.

**********************

**EPOV**

I drive slowly by Alice's Wonderland Café and Mad Tea Party for the last time. It has been a source of intense happiness and sorrow, so I just need to bid it goodbye for the last time. I wonder if I secretly wanted one last look at Bella, but the shop appears to be closed. I speed off to the airport and my awaiting jet.

Finally back in LA, I wake up in my own bed, surprisingly unrefreshed. I am determined to overcome my feelings for Bella Swan. Being in my own room after enduring months of cold rain is amazing, but it renders me with little joy. I feel like someone just changed the film of my life, and it went from being in Technicolor to black and white. Everything is muted in gray tones. I don't want to get out of bed, but I know it is day number one of post-production, and there is tons of work to be done. In some ways, the real work to be done on the film lays ahead of me. I used to get so energized for this part of the filming process, but now it seems joyless. I wonder if I will ever regain my love of making a movie.

I recognize intellectually that I need to overcome my feelings for Bella; I know that my love is unrequited. However, without her in my life, my heart just feels empty and useless. Everything about my career now reminds me of Forks, Washington. The entire process of making a movie is now infused with the essence of Bella Swan, and I can't get away from it, no matter how hard I try.

I usually find so much peace in the editing process—I love being able to glean all the gems from the shit. The detail work, piecing things together precisely, is something I can lose myself in for days on end. This time, however, I find that the editing process simply fills my head full of images of Bella. When I see a particular scene, I remember where Bella was with the coffee cart. I can clearly see the times she bent over, showing off her luscious ass. I can remember how she'd casually pull her incredible brown waves into a ponytail, or how she would suddenly let it down and shake it out over her shoulders. I see the happy, carefree smile on her pouty lips as she hands out cups of coffee or her buns. _My buns. They should be MY BUNS._ Fuck. This movie is never going to get edited. Not only that, I'm going to have a raging boner that lasts for months because of the constant reminders of her presence.

I'm absentmindedly watching some of the footage, when I realize that in a couple of Jacob Black's scenes, the lighting is all fucked up. _James!_ That asstard can't get it right to save his fucking life! I quickly walk down the hallway to my mother's office.

"Mom, James fucked up the lighting _again_! Why in god's name do we have to put up with his childish antics? Can we _please_ fire him?"

"How bad is it?"

"Bad enough that I can't use the footage for several key scenes."

"Is it something we can recreate in the studio?"

"Yeah, we could probably make that work."

"Well then, I guess you need to get Jacob Black here as soon as possible."

"I'll get Rose on it. But I'm still not finished with James—he has to be on his way out mom; I'm serious. I think you and Aunt Elizabeth need to arrange some kind of a payout deal, because I can't have him working on another film with me again; he ends up costing us double, because we pay his salary _and _pay for his mistakes. He has to go. I mean it."

I walk down the hallway to the editing room, calling Rose as I walk.

"James fucked up the lighting again, so we need to get Jacob Black and Tanya together to re-shoot a few scenes. Set it up for as soon as possible."


	21. Chapter 20: Home Field Advantage

**DESIDERATA**

**Things I own: An Edward Cullen action figure who stands next to my Jane Austen action figure. If I'm not careful, they always end up making out. H00rs.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

**The reference to "naughty heels" in lieu of using "fuck-me pumps" is a dedication to my girls NaughtySparkle and Heelstominivan. Cheers, ladies.**

_**Again, not to beat a dead horse, but I owe NaughtySparkle kudos galore for reading my stuff to make it worthy of reading. And she even did it while feeling sicker than a dog. Truly, I don't deserve you, bb!!**_

**CHAPTER TWENTY: THE HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE**

"_In Hollywood, the sizzle is always better than the steak." – Barry Hirsch_

**BPOV**

Today, I need happy music. I've been morose for weeks, and I've had enough. I pop in my earbuds and bring up my Arcade Fire playlist. Not only is it happy music, it is a great beat to work to. I get lost in my world of baking, and ease into my zone. As it always seems to do when I am in my thoughtful place, my mind turns towards Edward Cullen. You'd think he never left Forks the way I focus upon him daily. I rerun my internal feed of Edward's bumbling declaration of love frequently. How can one man possibly say such amazing things, like _You fucking mesmerize my very soul, Bella Swan, did you know that?_ only to say later, _I consider myself to be a pragmatic, logical man, but my insane attraction to you defies all logic and good judgment_?

Edward Smirky Cullen-Sullen has said so many horrible and wonderful things to me, it's hard to keep everything straight. I feel like I'm getting a case of Bipolar whiplash as I recall our conversations—it's all here, there, and everywhere. With Arcade Fire acting as the Smirky soundtrack, images of that beautiful man start flooding my brain. I miss watching his beautiful hands and fingers at work, the way they looked when he struck a pensive mood, resting on his chin, or combing through his hair. I miss his permanently furrowed brow, which acts as the perfect frame for his clear, intense, magnetic eyes. I miss watching his luscious ass, the way his jeans so perfectly hang over his rear. In fact, they hang perfectly over his package, too. The second button on his fly would always peek out a little bit, and it was all I could do to keep myself from going up to him and pulling his fly open. If I didn't know any better, I could swear it was calling out to me, teasingly. I remember his enticing laugh, and how insanely smart and funny he is. I sigh deeply, and finally admit to myself that, in his absence, Edward Cullen is surprisingly improved.

I still have my earbuds in when I hop out front to load up the pastry case for the day. I have those gross food service vinyl gloves on as I line up my buns on the shelf. Someone slams their hand on the counter by the till, which shocks me back into the real world. I look up, momentarily annoyed by the interruption, until I see that the hand belongs to none other than Jacob Black. God, I haven't seen him since Masen left town, and he brings an instant smile to my face. I set my sheet of buns aside and run out from behind the counter to greet him.

As I approach, Jake holds out his hands in front of him. I stop abruptly, confused.

"Bella, take one look at yourself, girl! You're full of flour, frosting, and other shit. Does it look like I want to become a Bella's Bun?" He laughs at his inane humor.

"Fine, suit yourself. My hot bod will remain all mine, then."

"Nice shirt today, Bells." He reads it out loud: "_The beatings will continue until morale improves_. That sounds a little kinky."

I roll my eyes at him. "Whatever, Jake. Morale totally needs to improve around here, so I thought I would do my best to remind everyone of that fact. Do you want to grab a cup of coffee and chat in back while I work? I'd love to take a second to catch up with you."

"Sure, sure. Sounds good."

Jake walks behind the counter and grabs his coffee while I head to the back.

"So, I bet life is pretty calm these days without the excitement of being a movie star. That had to have been a real rush."

"It was all right. I was a little surprised at how easy it all was. I guess there is going to be a premiere here in Forks, which I'll have to attend, and then the premieres around the world, too."

"Oh my god, Jake, are you serious? You get to go to London, Paris, Berlin, Tokyo?"

"Yeah, I guess. Plus, this is coming out at the end of the year, so there are going to be award shows to do, too. I could really do without all of that, but it is part of the show, and I am supposed to be there."

I'm silent for a moment as I take all of that in. Filming a movie is actually a rather tedious process; it's very slow moving, with cameras and lights to set up, costumes and make up to be touched up, seemingly nonstop. Actors sometimes end up waiting for hours for the scene to be set up just right. This process continues for weeks, until all the filming is complete. Once the film is ready for distribution, the circus really begins. There are TV and print interviews, premieres, and press junkets.

If _The Noble Savage_ is well received, which is usually the case for Masen Masterworks pieces, my old buddy Jake could wind up in Cannes. He could be at the SAGs, the Golden Globes, or the Oscars. In my puny brain, I never wrapped my head around all the glam that comes with marketing a movie. I just thought about the end product, the DVD version I end up watching at home.

That realization plants another, bigger concept in my head—Edward knows all this. He understands inherently how different his world is from my own. He anticipated bringing me to these shindigs, the parties, and the awards. He asked me to come back to LA with him anyway, knowing that I'm a snarky, reserved, plain, private girl. I'm someone who bakes buns for a living, in a town with a population of 3,275 inhabitants. I'm unrefined. I'm a tomboy. I swear enough to make a sailor blush. Yet despite all of this, he was prepared to stand by my side and bring me to his public functions, in front of all the beautiful, perfect Hollywood women. This stunningly handsome man, who is chased non-stop by actresses and fans alike, was willing to forego all that perfect beauty to be with me. And what did I do? I threw it all away. I forced it back into his face. _I fucking crushed his feelings._ Oh god, I fucked up. I fucked up so badly, there is no way to make this right. I suddenly feel like I've been punched in the stomach, and I double over.

"Bella? Are you okay? You look like you're going to be sick!"

I have my hands resting on my knees in an attempt to brace myself and avoid dropping to the ground. I'm breathing a little too quickly and getting lightheaded. _What the hell did I do?_

"Yeah, I just gotta breathe for a minute. Sorry, Jake."

I hear the telltale giggle from the song "Hungry Like the Wolf," Jake's signature ring tone, burst forth out of thin air. I try not to eavesdrop as he answers, but I can't help hearing Jacob's side of the conversation.

"Yep, this is Jake."

"What?"

"When? Are you sure it needs to happen?"

"Tomorrow! How long will it take?"

"Um, okay, I guess. So, Tanya will be there, too?"

"All right, then. I'll see you tomorrow."

Jake hangs up and gives the phone a perplexed look.

"Huh. Looks like I'm going to fly to LA tomorrow on the Masen jet for a re-shoot. A couple of the scenes got botched."

"Wow, LA, Jake! I'm so jealous! I would give my eyeteeth to go with you! I've never been anywhere except Seattle."

Jake ponders my comment for a second. "I have a crazy idea—come with me! You can hang out, see the sights, take it all in for a weekend. I mean, my flight and hotel are covered, so you could just stay with me! We'd have a total blast, Bells, you gotta admit!"

I'm beaming from ear to ear, not able to wipe the silly grin off of my face. "I'd love to go, but are you sure it's okay? I'd only be able to go for the weekend, because I can't leave Em and Alice for that long. I don't have that much stuff made ahead in the freezer." I start mentally scouring the logistical tactics required to make something like this work. "I've never really taken a vacation since we've owned the café, and the idea of a weekend off sounds incredible. Is there any way for you to call Masen to see if it's okay that I tag along?"

"Sure, I'll call Rose. Gimme just a sec."

I don't even hear Jake talking in the background; my mind goes straight to Edward Cullen. What would I do if I saw him again? I assumed he would be out of my life forever, but now it's possible I might see him. I don't know that I would even have the nerve to speak to him again after everything that has passed between us. That realization makes me more than a little sad.

_What the hell do you expect, Bella? You've been so hard on him, do you think he's actually sitting around pining for you? You told him you never wanted to see him again, so that's what will likely happen if you end up in his territory. You better prepare yourself for that eventuality._

"Bella, you're never going to believe this—Rosalie is actually coming up here for the weekend, so the jet was just going to ferry back and forth between Forks and LA anyways. It will work perfectly, and they're totally okay with your coming down."

Once again, I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. _I'm going to see him!_

"Wow, I don't even know what to say! Thanks for thinking of it, I need this so badly, you have no idea."

"Well, you better tell Emmett and Alice right away. The plane will leave around 9:00 AM tomorrow."

"Okay, where am I supposed to meet you?"

"They're sending a town car for me. I'll just have them swing by your house in the morning."

I jump up and give Jake a huge bear hug, but it looks more like a rabbit hugging a wolf. Jacob is huge standing next to me. I can barely get my arms around him. He gives me a chaste peck on my cheek, finishes his coffee, and is on his way. I go out front to break the news to Alice; in my excitement, I forgot how much this will hurt her, knowing I might possibly see Jasper while I'm in LA. An opportunity like this only happens once in a lifetime, though, and I simply cannot pass it up.

I walk up next to my tiny friend, who is staring at her Vamp nail polish, expressionless. It cuts into my heart every time I see her without any trace of emotion. It makes her nearly unrecognizable.

"Hey, pipsqueak. I've been asked to go to LA with Jake for the weekend, because he needs to do a re-shoot for Masen. If I go, do you think you and Em will be okay without me? You know I've never traveled anywhere, and this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me. Please, Ali? It would mean the world to me."

I see her eyes perk up minutely. "Oh! Maybe you'll see…never mind. Of course you can go, Bella. I would never ask you to stay behind." Her face has fallen again. I'm certain she was thinking of Jasper.

I hug Alice tightly as I jump up and down. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I almost sing out. I give her a big peck on the cheek. "You have _no_ idea how much this means to me!"

"Well, at least one of the three of us will be happy for a day or two. I'll consider it a vicarious experience for me and Em."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, Rosalie is going to be here for the weekend. She's flying in on the Masen jet, which will then bring Jake down to LA. Then she'll fly back when the jet returns me home. Jake will need to stay longer than the weekend, but I obviously cannot."

"That's good news for Emmett. He'll be in seventh heaven." I can tell Alice is trying to sound hopeful, but her voice is just…flat.

I nearly whisper to Alice, "If I see Jasper there, I'll let him know how you feel. If you want me to, that is." I see her eyebrows perk up, but that's all. She heaves a big, heavy sigh that expresses the weight she is bearing on her tiny shoulders.

"No, Bella, I need to get on with my own life. Jasper was obviously just a fling. I'll be fine."

"No you fucking won't, Alice! You have to stop pretending that he didn't mean anything to you, because it is crystal clear to everyone else that you were BOTH in love!"

Before I can finish my thought, Alice interrupts me. "No, we weren't. At the time, it seemed so clear to me that he was in love, but it was just my mind believing what it wanted to. I'll be fine, eventually. It just takes time."

"I'm sure he was in love with you, I could see it in his eyes."

"Enough! He's a professional actor, Bella. He is paid to be good at faking things. Obviously, this was one of those things. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Just leave it at that."

I hug my friend again, and give her a small kiss on the top of her head.

**************************

I have my backpack all set for my weekend in LA. Alice stopped by after work last night to help me choose a few outfits that would be suitable for the trip. Her conclusion was that nothing I have is appropriate for wearing anywhere, but that is an argument we have regularly. She grumbled under her breath about having to work with such ridiculous constraints, but got the job done. Sometimes I wonder why she opened a café at all; her ability to see clothing combinations from the most disparate pieces available always amazes me. That is her true, god-given talent.

Of course, I had a three-hour lecture from Charlie about the dangers of Los Angeles. He was worried about my being caught up in the cross fire of gang activity, or getting raped, or mugged, or in a car accident. He gave me a can of mace to carry with me on my keychain, gave me his signature manhug, and told me to enjoy myself. I know it is hard for him, but he is coming to terms with the fact that I am an adult now. I really love my dad, but he can be a pain in the neck when his inner police chief comes out.

I spent the night dreaming about being married. The strange part is, I have no idea to whom I was married in the dream. I couldn't see his face. Curiously, I didn't _want_ to see his face. I had the worst sense of malaise and felt utterly trapped. I kept thinking to myself, "Where is Edward? Shouldn't he be here? When will he come save me?"

I wake up and realize, finally and clearly, that I'm living the wrong life. For whatever reason, I've been unable or unwilling to see or imagine a life with Edward. It wasn't until I dreamed the wrong life that I recognized the correct one. I need to get out of the rut where I do not go past "GO," do not collect $200, and do not get out of jail for free. In short, I need a massive do over. Now. If it is at all possible.

If you told me a year ago that Masen Masterworks would arrive in Forks to film a movie, that Alice would meet the man of her dreams, and that I would fall in love with Edward Cullen, I would have asked Charlie to bring over the drug-sniffing dogs, because you would have been smoking crack. This kind of thing just doesn't happen to me. After my dream, however, I realize that it _could_ happen to me, if only I allow it. And fuck me, I'm going to try to allow it as much as I possibly can.

I hear the doorbell ring, while I'm zoning out on the couch, just waiting. The sudden noise makes me jump up nervously. The chauffeur offers to take my ratty backpack with a slight grimace on his face, as I lock the front door behind me. My phone buzzes as I step into the limo. I open it to find a text message from Alice.

_**ILY, will miss u for 3 days. Paint the town red 4 me, k? U deserve this. U rly do - A**_

I text her back quickly.

_**ILY2, silly. I'll miss u crazy. B thinkin of u. – B**_

I turn to beam a smile at Jake. I feel like a little kid at Christmas time, giddy with anticipation. I see the same kind of smile on his face, too. Clearly, we don't get out much. Rosalie is still in the limo when it picks me up, so our next stop is Alice and Emmett's house. Rose spends the entire ride furiously texting on her phone. She doesn't even say a word to me, she just nods in my direction without looking up to see me. She either can't stand me, or can't be bothered with me. I just sit there quietly, watching the vivid green forests of Forks pass by.

When we get to Emmett's place, Rosalie turns to Jacob and says, "Edward isn't going to be at Masen when you arrive in town, so just make sure you listen to what Eric Yorkie wants; he's the Assistant Director. Tanya is going to be there, too, and it might not be a bad idea for you be seen going out together, you know, to hype interest in the movie. You'll be staying at Chateau Marmont, and there are always paps there, so just watch out. Be seen, but don't be seen too much. You know what I mean?"

She then turned to address me. "Like I said, Edward won't be around, so you two won't have to worry about duking it out at Masen. He isn't coming back until Monday. And speaking of Monday, I need to get back to LA as early as I can, so you may have a very early wake up call. I'm sorry about that, but it is the only way I could swing getting you down to LA for the weekend, too. Don't be late!" With that, she launched out the door, following the chauffeur who was hauling her suitcase to the front door. Rose is only about half way to the door when I see it swing open and watch Emmett charge down the steps. I'm all astonishment when Rose squeals out loud and runs to meet Emmett. She jumps into his arms, hooks her legs around his waist, and dives into a deep kiss. I'm slightly mortified to be the witness of this passion, but I'm thrilled for Emmett. He has been missing Rose terribly over the past few weeks, and from all signs, she missed him just as much. I simply hope to myself that they don't rub their relationship in Alice's face all weekend. That would make her even more upset than she already is.

******************************

When I step onto Masen's jet, my mouth drops open. In front of me are eight leather seats that look extremely comfortable, yet elegant. The two seats in the far back have worktables in front of them. Since I plan to read the whole way to LA, I seat myself there. Jake decides to sit next to me. We spend most of the flight in companionable silence. It dawns on me that I've never flown anywhere in my life, but my first plane trip is in a private jet, speeding to LA. That thought makes me giggle.

When Alice selected my wardrobe for this weekend, she made me promise to wear a cute, deep blue peasant top that she recently bought for me. She always complains that I can't dress myself, and is forever buying things for me online. God knows, we rarely have any time to go out shopping ourselves, thank goodness. Typically, I would complain to no end about her insisting on choosing my wardrobe, but since I'm going to be in LA, the world capital of narcissism, I have gladly deferred to her on this occasion. My view on dressing up is simple: If you don't have anything you wish to showcase, why bother? Let's be honest, I have absolutely nothing to showcase, but I need to at least be presentable. I suddenly feel very self-conscious. I did take the extra time to fix my hair and put on a minimal amount of makeup, however, so I shouldn't cause anyone to scream out loud when they see me.

I am in awe of the view from the jet, especially as we approach LA. The city is _huge_. It is just another reminder of how different my world is from Edward Cullen's. How could I ever exist in a place like this? I would be chewed up and spit out in 30 seconds flat. I'm thrilled to be visiting, though; I feel confident that I can probably survive a visit.

When we land, we see a limo waiting for us near the plane's hangar. Jake and I hop aboard, and it whisks us away from the airport. Again, I am marveling at the sights in front of me as we speed by. I'm amazed at once by a myriad of things: The enormous amount of people everywhere; the traffic; the noise; the brilliant sunlight; the busyness of life. I am positively in shock and awe. My mouth was literally dangling open for more than half an hour.

I am utterly surprised when our final destination is in view: Masen Masterworks' studio and offices. _I thought I was going straight to the hotel?_ I remember Rosalie saying that Edward is out of town this weekend, for which I am eternally grateful, but it still feels so wrong to be at the studios. I'm the last person who belongs here. Apparently, however, I have no choice in the matter. The limo deposits us at the front door and promptly leaves.

We walk through the entrance into the lobby and reception area. The offices are very modern, with clean lines, tons of natural lighting, and muted tones. It is all at once hip, posh, and classy. I can totally envision Edward in this environment. It just reminds me so much of him. We walk up to the receptionist, but I'm kind of hiding behind Jake, since I don't belong here. Sooner or later, someone will figure that out, and make me go outside to wait. I'm sure of that.

A very kind looking older woman looks up from her desk and gives Jake a warm smile.

"Oh, are you Mr. Black? We've been expecting you! My name is Mrs. Cope, I'm the Masen Masterworks receptionist. If you need anything, anything at all, just let me know. Mr. Yorkie is in one of the back studios. I'll have his assistant come out to meet you."

Fortunately for me, Jake is huge, and I can hide quite easily behind him. Mrs. Cope doesn't even see me. That is, until the stupid dork steps aside and brings me into plain view.

"Mrs. Cope, this is my friend, Bella Swan. She worked on the film with me when we were in Forks. We were thinking she could just head to our hotel…do you think you could arrange for that?"

"Of course, Mr. Black. I'd be happy to help Ms. Swan."

I finally find my voice. "It's Bella, actually. Just Bella."

Mrs. Cope gives me a funny look that I don't quite understand. She stands up and asks, "Would you care for a tour of the studios, Ms. Swan? It may be a while before we can get you to the hotel. I just need to let Ms. Cullen know you're here."

"I wouldn't want to bother anyone..." I begin.

"Oh, I'm happy to show you around. It won't be any bother."

In the meantime, Eric Yorkie's assistant comes and gets Jake. He gives my hand a quick squeeze, and suddenly, I'm on my own. I have to admit, I'm dying to see the studios. It is the chance to see the other side of making movies, and I can hardly wait to see it all. Knowing that Edward isn't anywhere near the premises helps me to relax a little bit and take in the view. Mrs. Cope shows me around the offices, explaining everyone's role at Masen. In the hallway outside of Edward's office, there are huge framed photographs of the Masen family. Esme is there, and she looks twenty years younger than she really is. Her kindness is evident on every feature of her face. Seeing her next to Edward, you can make out the physical characteristics they share. On the other side of Edward is Carlisle, who is as breathtakingly handsome as his son, but in a different way. He looks so dignified. I would trust that man with my life, he looks so earnest and competent.

"Oh, I see you have found the pictures of our staff. Mr. Cullen is certainly handsome, isn't he? I've known him since he was a child."

"But you look to be about the same age…"

Mrs. Cope titters. "No, I'm referring to Mr. _Edward_ Cullen, not Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

I blush at my mistake. "What was he like, as a child?" I ask, my curiosity getting the better part of me.

"You know, Edward was always a pretty serious child, but he was happy and very creative. Extremely intelligent and very focused, even as a youngster. He has always had the highest integrity, going out of his way to help the kids who had no one to defend them. That's how he met Jasper Whitlock, you know."

"Um, no, actually, I had no idea. Wow."

"People complain about Edward sometimes because he can be so stiff. He really does have a heart of gold once you get to know him. He is especially good to the people who work for him. He never once made me feel like I was unimportant because I'm not a heavy hitter. So many people you run into in Hollywood won't even give you the time of day if you are unimportant or imperfect. Edward Cullen has _never_ been like that."

I'm positively surprised by Mrs. Cope's revelation. That is certainly a side of Edward Cullen that I've never experienced. I always got the impression that the underlings were unimportant to him, but now I'm not so sure. This woman has known him all of his life, and has nothing but praise for him. Clearly, she knows him far better than I do. Is it possible that Edward's social awkwardness just makes it hard for him to create a good first impression? Could the behaviors I chalked up to being a snob actually be due to nervousness instead? It's almost like I'm looking at the situation through a different pair of lenses. What used to be blurry now looks crystal clear. I fucking misjudged him! This new perspective falls over me like a lead curtain, and I'm instantly sorry for my past behavior. I truly have been too hard on him. He really has a heart of gold and I never once allowed myself a deep enough look to see it. _I fucked up. Big time. My own closed mind made me biased from the start._

Mrs. Cope finishes the tour, so I've seen the entire production area and the offices. I'm about to ask for a cab to the hotel, when the front door chimes. When I glance over, I see Esme Cullen walk in, looking perfectly poised and beautiful, and apparently trying to cover up her laughter. A moment later, I understand what the laughter is for. Edward is behind her, soaking wet and looking quite ornery.

_OH. MY. GOD. There are no words for a wet Edward Cullen._

I stand there, gawking like an idiot at Edward. He's dripping water all over the floor. His fuckhot sexhair is in its usual disarray, except little droplets are falling from his messy, sopping wet bangs, onto his cheeks. His white button down shirt is clinging to his chest, beautifully profiling his physique. His wet dress pants are clinging to his legs. I'm positive he hired a fluffer to come by and outline his junk, because his package is perfectly poised and just waiting to be opened. I swear to myself that I'm not exaggerating.

Esme breaks the uncomfortable silence and my unfortunate ogling incident.

"Oh my goodness, Bella! What on earth are you doing here? It's so lovely to see you, dear!"

"I, umm, I'm, well, I…I came to LA for the weekend with Jacob. He invited me. Rosalie is in Forks for the weekend, so I'm here…" I blush profusely while I babble.

As I'm babbling, Edward starts walking over to me. I can't concentrate on the conversation AND look at him at the same time. It's just dangerous to attempt both at once.

"Edward, I'm _so_ sorry to be here. I was assured that you would be gone for the weekend, otherwise I would never have come. I just need to get a cab and then I'll be gone. Really, I'm just so sorry."

"Bella, please stay here for five minutes. I'll be right back."

"But…"

"_Please._ I beg you, just five minutes. All right?"

"Uh, sure. Okay."

Edward quickly runs in the direction of his office.

Esme now walks over to me and grabs me in a deep embrace. "I didn't think I'd get the chance to see you again, Bella Swan. I can't tell you how delightful it is to walk in here and see your beautiful face! It is such a pleasant surprise!"

"Well, Jake asked if I wanted to come with him, because I've never left the state of Washington before, and Rosalie was in Forks for the weekend, so she said it would be okay if I tagged along with him. You don't mind, do you?"

"Mind? Don't be silly. I'm thrilled to have you here! Did you get the tour?"

"Yes, Mrs. Cope showed me all around. It's very impressive. I had no idea what the production end of filmmaking was like. It's fascinating."

Just then, Edward is walking swiftly back towards us, pulling a shirt over his head as he moves along. As I watch the shirt slip over his chest and trunk, I'm silently willing it to fly back off. Despite my best efforts, the shirt remains on. His hair appears to be toweled dry, too. Well, that will at least help me keep my focus a little more easily.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I just left you standing here. Thank god my Mother could keep you company. I inadvertently got caught in the sprinkler system. Have you had the chance to be escorted around the property? Would you like to have a tour?"

"Um, Mrs. Cope showed me around already. Edward, I'm really sorry to barge in on you like this. I was assured you'd be gone, so I wouldn't be intruding. Really, I feel terrible about it. If you could just call a cab for me, I'll get out of your way."

It is Esme who addresses my concern. "Bella, we only just changed our plans to keep us in town this weekend. Please, don't worry about being here. Since this is your first visit to Los Angeles, we can hardly have you run back to your hotel and hide yourself away! We were going to go out to dinner tonight with Jacob and Tanya, and we'd absolutely love to have you join us."

"That's awfully generous of you, Esme, but I can't possibly accept."

"Why not?"

"Well, I'm just tagging along here; I don't really belong. I was planning to walk around Hollywood and see the sights."

Edward is gazing intensely at my face. It feels like he is looking straight into my soul. He speaks to me in a much softer, gentler voice, still laced with that liquid sex tone of his. "We could always give you a personal tour via limo tonight after dinner. Will you please accept our invitation? _Please_?"

How could I possibly say no to those intense eyes, the liquid sex, the hot chest, or the package that I want so badly to open? It takes a far stronger person than me to turn him down.

"I'd love to join you," I reply, with a small smile, which fades instantly when I remember. "Oh no, wait, I can't."

"Why not?" Edward asks, frowning.

"All I have is my clothes from Forks. I'm sure I don't have anything even halfway acceptable to be seen in public with you."

Once again, Esme answers. "We do have a supply of clothing here, you know. We are a movie studio, after all. I'll get our stylist Laurent to set you up. How often do you get to paint the town red in Los Angeles? We'll make this a trip worth remembering for you. I promise."

"I just don't feel like I can accept. I'm not even supposed to be here."

"Bella Swan, you are exactly where you need to be. I don't want to hear another word about it, are we clear?"

I look at Edward, who has a huge grin on his face. "It really isn't possible to say no to your mom, is it?" I say, giggling.

"You've no idea," Edward replies with a smirk.

"Okay, then, I guess I'm your captive for the weekend. Do what you will."

Esme claps her hands together in delight. I see her nod silently to Edward, and he offers me his elbow. "May I escort you to the costume area, young lady?"

I smile and shake my head. "Do your worst. I have ceded all control at this point."

Under his breath, so that Esme doesn't hear, Edward whispers to me, "You really shouldn't have said that." The tone of his voice, along with his intense scrutiny, sends shivers down my spine.

**********************************

Laurent, Masen's stylist, takes one look at me and mutters something about my being a "winter," and then takes my measurements. He brings back a series of dresses in vivid jewel tones. I've never been much of a girlie-girl, but these dresses are absolutely exquisite. I feel a bit like Cinderella; I fully recognize the corny reference, but I can't help seeing how alike we are—scooped up out of obscurity, dressed to the nines, pursued by a beautiful prince. This is the stuff of pure fairy tales. It cannot possibly be my life. Less than 24 hours ago, I was covered in flour at a bakery in Forks, Washington. Now? I'm clothed in a beautiful deep blue dress. It is strapless with a rose-shaped pucker over the right breast, slightly askew from center. It falls into three soft tiers, above the knee. The Laurent tells me it was something like, "Marchesa." Obviously, that doesn't mean anything to me, but he goes on and on about the Hollywood starlets who wear Marchesa: Anne Hathaway, Sienna Miller, Jessica Alba. Again, means nothing to me except that it is a striking dress that I shouldn't even be allowed to touch, and now I'm fucking wearing it. A pair of naughty heels along with sex kitten waves in my hair and make up complete my look. Typically, I would be making a stink to high heaven, but I really want to at least look a tad like I fit in here. I don't know how Laurent does it, but he makes me look…remotely attractive. In fact, I don't even recognize the image staring back at me from the mirror.

Esme stops in to see how things are progressing, and I hear her gasp.

"What? What is it?" I say, looking around at what may have alarmed her.

"Oh my god, Bella, you are stunning!"

"Oh, yeah, Laurent found a great dress, didn't he? It is really beautiful."

"The dress is fine, but you, you are what is truly dazzling. I can't wait for Edward and Jacob to get a look at you," she says, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the lobby.

The boys are standing there, waiting for me, apparently, and Tanya has her arms crossed. Her body language screams _I'm far too important to be kept waiting for you._ I have to agree with her.

Jake speaks first. "Wow, Bells, you actually clean up really good! Who knew there was a girl underneath all those layers of snark?"

I whack him on the shoulder for that.

Edward walks up to me, and once again, I gape at him. He is wearing a charcoal gray suit with a cobalt blue shirt, and he is pure and utter schmex. I notice how we're color coordinated, and I have hard time believing that it is a random occurrence. He places his hand on the small of my back, and directs me towards the front doors. As we're walking, he whispers to me, "I hope we can put our past differences aside for the evening, Bella. Will you allow me to escort you wherever we go tonight? I promise to be on my best behavior."

I have a lump in my throat that makes it hard to swallow or breathe. I simply look into his eyes and nod my head in response.

I notice that Jake has his arm around Tanya, and make a mental note to revisit that with him later.

Carlisle appears out of thin air, and together, the six of us pile into the limo. Edward opens a bottle of champagne and pours glasses for everyone. Before we have a chance to drink, he makes a toast in my honor. "To Bella Swan and her inaugural visit to Los Angeles: May it be the first of many." If I'm not mistaken, Edward winks at me afterwards. We all clink our glasses and drink.

I remind myself that I'm a lightweight, and I need to be careful, because I don't get out much. Plus, I'm drinking champagne on an empty stomach. The last thing I need to do is get bombed off my ass in front of Esme and Carlisle, and throw up in someone's lap.

I'm leaning back in my seat, sitting closely to Edward, sipping my champagne, and watching the lights of the city whirl by. I catch a glimpse of Edward, and notice that he's staring at me. He doesn't appear to be angry, but aside from that, I'm not quite sure what he is feeling. I mean, I barged in on the party in a big way, showing up at his studio, after the dreadful fight we had nearly four weeks ago. But the Edward sitting next to me seems so different than the one I knew in Forks. He is definitely more relaxed and comfortable in his skin. It's like he is in his true element, and I decide that I like this Edward I'm seeing. I give him a small smile, and he gives one back to me.

We arrive at the restaurant, NINETHIRTY, a new LA hot spot. Once again, Edward offers me his arm to escort me into the restaurant. I'm unprepared to have photographers on the sidewalk taking pictures of us, but apparently this sort of thing is commonplace here. The paparazzi hang out by the popular clubs and restaurants, taking pics of anyone with important Hollywood connections. That someone would snap a picture of me, on Edward's arm, is laughable. No one even knows who the hell I am, and they never will. I smirk to myself thinking that I could be referred to as the "Mystery Woman" seen on Edward Cullen's arm at NINETHIRTY. Edward sees my smirk and gives me one in return. I merely shake my head and laugh. Too hard to explain.

No one even talks to the hostess, she merely grabs some menus and says, "Right this way, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen." We follow her to our table, which looks to be the best in the house. It is dazzling and elegant. When I look up, I notice that Jasper is sitting at the table by himself. When our eyes meet, a huge smile breaks over his face, and he jumps up to hug me.

"Oh my god, Bella! I never expected to see you here tonight!"

I hug him tightly. "You have no idea how good it is to see you, Jasper. Are you doing okay?"

His smile fades at that question. "Truthfully?" he whispers. "No, I'm not. But that isn't important right now. Tell me about what is new with you, and Forks."

We move to sit down, and I am in between Edward and Jasper. I know what Jasper is asking me; not about Forks, but about a specific resident in Forks. I glance over at Edward to see his expression, and he has been watching my reaction to Jasper. With a silent nod, he acknowledges so many things at once: His tacit approval of my talking to Jasper about Alice; his approval of his friend's attraction to her; and the knowledge that he was complicit in separating the two. At least I think that is what his nod is telling me, so I decide to boldly move forward.

"Forks hasn't changed in the past forty years, Jasper!" I answer with exasperation. "Except for three lives there that have been touched by three lives here," I finish, softly. Jasper suddenly gets a little gleam in his eye.

"How is she?" He states, plainly.

"I'll be honest with you—she isn't recognizable. It's like someone removed the part of her brain that processes emotions. She has become suddenly very flat."

Jasper winces at the mental image. "I'll never forgive myself for what I did to her. I really won't. I have to admit that I've been feeling just as flat. It's like I woke up on the moon—desolate, meek, and barren. Alice is like the sunshine to me. Do you think she would ever let me talk to her again?"

"I'm not sure, Jasper, but you can always try," he listens and nods his head.

Edward breaks into the conversation, handing me a menu, and describing some of his favorite items. I've never been to such a fancy restaurant, and I feel very intimidated. It's almost as if Edward senses this, and he goes out of his way to make me feel comfortable since I am so far out of my element.

"Do you do this kind of thing a lot?" I ask him.

"What kind of thing? Go out to eat?"

"Well, yeah, that, and the limo, and the photographers. Don't you find it overwhelming?"

"That's what I was trying to tell you at various times when we were in Forks. My world and yours are such different places. Yes, I am very used to this sort of thing, but that doesn't mean I'm always _comfortable_ with it. I don't think I will ever feel calm about having my picture taken everywhere I go around LA. But when it affords me the chance to escort the most beautiful woman of my acquaintance around town, to wine and dine her, this sort of lifestyle can be very amenable to that." He gives me his signature smirk, and I realize that Smirky has come out to play.

"You know, pulling out the smirk puts me at a very distinct disadvantage. It's hardly fair that you dazzle everyone in your path."

"Dazzle? Hardly. I'll have you know I frequently go out without anyone beautiful on my arm. I just got lucky tonight."

Snarky picks that one right up. "You haven't gotten lucky yet, mister, so don't count your eggs before they hatch."

I got him. He stammers, "Oh, I'm so sorry, that isn't what I was implying…"

Now it's my turn to grin. "I know, Edward, I'm only kidding. It's just that you set that nugget in my lap, how could I ignore it?!"

He leans over and gently tucks my hair behind my ear. Whispering, he tells me, "There are other nuggets I would desperately love to set in your lap. Make no mistake about that."

The feeling of his hot breath in my ear, along with the words he murmurs, gives me the shivers. To add insult to injury, he moves his nose to where his mouth had been just moments before, and continues to breathe in and out. I lean away from him, watching his amused expression at how easily he turned me into his captive.

We continue to steal glances at each other throughout dinner. Edward is attentive, warm, and funny. He's everything I never expected him to be, and absolutely everything I need. He looks at me with an intensity that is almost scary, yet I'm so turned on by it I feel like I'm going to explode. He leans over with an uncharacteristic boldness and says, very quietly, "I can't fucking wait to taste you all over my lips. I can't wait until I'm finally buried deep inside you. I want nothing more than to see your eyes looking into mine as I make you cum."

How the hell do you respond to something like that? The hot words, uttered with his hot breath, gang up on me. I'm completely his. All I can do is whimper. Who is this hot and seductive man, and what did he do with Edward Cullen? The question is rhetorical, of course, because I don't want an answer. I just want to keep listening to his sexy words spoken with the sexiest voice I've ever heard. I'm completely and utterly under his spell.

Esme says from across the table, "Bella, dear, are you all right? You look so flushed!" Her remarking on my blush only makes matters worse. I'm now likely an impressive shade of scarlet.

"It must be all the champagne. It always makes my cheeks turn pink," I answer lamely.

Edward pounces on that statement. "Oh really? I could've sworn—mmmph!"

I quickly dive in to kiss him, to keep him from saying what he was going to say. On an impulse, the only thing I could think of was kissing him. Well, that's not completely true; kissing him is something that's been on my mind ever since I saw him dripping wet on the floor at Masen Studios. Honestly, I was dripping wet on the floor only moments after ogling him in that state. So while there may be myriad other things to do to keep Edward quiet, the most appealing choice is the kiss.

When our lips touch, the flush from my cheeks spreads all over my body. His lips are so soft I melt right into them. He tastes like red wine and he smells incredible. I'm so dizzy, the room seems to be spinning. Even though the kiss began as a means to shut him up, it deepens into something much stronger than that almost at once. Edward's beautiful hands cup my cheeks while his tongue lightly darts in and out of my mouth. I suck his upper lip into my mouth, causing him to release a moan. I've always been appalled by public displays of affection in the past. It just seems wrong to be so open about something that is so private—an extremely intimate moment that should be kept for the two individuals sharing it. Somehow, when Edward kisses me, I forget all about everyone else. It's just me, Edward, and the kiss. That is, until I hear Jake clearing his throat. _Oh fuck, we _aren't_ all alone!_

"Nice, Bella. Let the guy up for a minute so he can breathe, why don't you? Or, at the very least, get yourselves a room."

My crimson friend returns to my cheeks with a vengeance. I open my mouth to speak, but Edward beats me to the punch. "Does anyone feel like going dancing? I think it would be a blast to show Bella and Jake how we roll in LA."

I hear Tanya scream at the top of her lungs. If I didn't know better, I would think she was being accosted. And not in a good way.

"OH! Yes, yes, yes, let's go! C'mon Jake, it'll be so much fun!"

Jake just shrugs in reply and says, "Sure, why not?"

Edward grabs my hand under the table and gives it a squeeze. Looking directly into my eyes, he says, "I hope that's okay—I'm not ready for the night to be over yet."

I nod and smile at him. "I'm just grateful you were able to get them off the subject of our kiss for a minute. I so did not want to go there with Jake, if you know what I mean."

Jasper quietly interrupts. "I think I'm going to head on home, if that's okay with you, Edward. I'm bushed."

Edward gives his friend a sad look and pats him on the back. "Of course, dude. We'll catch up tomorrow. Drive safely." Jasper gives him a sad smile and walks away from us.

We all stand up and make our way towards the exit. I'm thrilled to learn that Carlisle and Esme will be joining us tonight as well. I'm so happy in this moment, walking arm in arm next to this incredibly handsome man, enjoying the company of his delightful and kind parents, and my friend by my side, seemingly lost in love himself. I've never seen Jake make googly eyes before, but he and Tanya are having one awesome love connection, from the looks of it.

Sitting next to him in the limo, Edward smiles beautifully at me, just a lovely, genuine smile. He places his palm on one of my cheeks and pulls me in for a quick kiss. He pulls his face away from me slightly, but starts stroking my cheek with his thumb. "I never want to forget that kiss, or any of your kisses. I'd love the chance to get even more."

Perhaps I was feeling bolder because of the alcohol, but my filter is definitely damaged. Now it's my turn to whisper in Edward's ear. "Are you sure that's all you want?"

Edward's smile suddenly turns darker, more intense. "You have no idea all I want to do to you. I'm afraid I'll scare you off if admit to all the ways I want to have you."

His look, combined with his voice, combined with my imagination, collide in that moment and conspire to make me dripping wet. Feeling bold, I slide my hand on Edward's leg, moving it to the inside of his thigh, and I give it a little squeeze. Then I look directly into his eyes and tell him, "It doesn't scare me, it just makes me so incredibly wet." I glance down into his lap and notice his hands are balled into fists. Now it is my turn to smirk, seeing the effect that I have on him.

"Bella, where we're going, there are lots of dark little corners to get lost in. You better be careful, because you never know what you'll find waiting for you."

**********************************

**EPOV**

When someone mesmerizes your soul, you aren't supposed to obsess about the details. When you meet the person who is destined to be your soul mate, you have to accept that fate. If you don't, you will always wind up miserable and unfulfilled. The bottom line is that it is no accident that Bella and I met—the planets aligned in just the right way, and the universe clearly meant for us to be together. I can't possibly fight this. So she is a baker from a small town in Washington, and I'm a director in LA. It doesn't matter, ultimately. For once in my life, I am going with my gut instinct—I refuse to overthink this for another moment longer.

Seeing Bella at the Masen Studios is like a gift, and I instantly determine that destiny is giving me a second chance to win her heart. How else could she possibly be standing in front of me under any other circumstances? I refuse to lose her again—I'm fucking re-writing the script.

When Bella sheepishly stepped out from Laurent's studio earlier, I felt my knees buckle. I've never had such a strong physical reaction to a woman before, but she fucking blows me away. She looks every bit the young Hollywood ingénue, and her hair cascades around her shoulders in sexy waves. My cock, naturally, stands up to salute in appreciation of her beauty. _Fuck, I'm going to be hard all goddamned night long._

I'm not sure if it is the champagne, the fact that she is away from her element, or simply the awe of being in LA, but the Bella next to me all night is a completely different creature from the snarkmeister I knew in Forks. She is extremely flirty with me tonight, and I can't keep my hands off of her. Her scent wafts over me every time I lean in to whisper in her ear. If I thought I was in love with her in Forks, it is nothing compared to this. I simply cannot keep my hands off of her.

Not ready for the evening to be over following our dinner, we head to one of my favorite clubs, Les Deux. My favorite part of the bar is that they show foreign films and vintage fashion shows on the walls. I love the New Wave era of European film, and there is always one featured whenever we happen to go there. I have a sense that Bella will love it, too.

Our party sits down at a round table near the bar, and we order a round of drinks. Fortunately, the music is rather loud, so I need to lean in to Bella whenever we say something, and she does likewise. I find an excuse to do this frequently, and before long, I notice that Bella is leaning on my shoulder without pulling away. I merely have to turn my head a notch, and she's right there for me. I'm enveloped in her scent, and I'm hard as hell. God, I want her so badly. If I didn't know better, I would say she wants me to, the way she keeps rubbing her thighs together. She's driving me fucking crazy.

Suddenly, Jake appears, grabs Bella's arm, and yanks her onto the dance floor. I'm pissed as hell to not have her leaning on my shoulder anymore, but watching her dance with abandon from my vantage point has its benefits. Her arms are lifted above her head, and she shimmies her hips so seductively. The best part about all this? She has no fucking idea how sexy she is. She thinks she just a girl, dancing and having fun. She's actually the hottest girl I've ever known, and she appears to be gyrating out there for me alone.

_Me. Mine. Bella Swan is MINE_.

Where the fuck did that come from? I'm not a possessive guy, but the thought of anyone else lusting after her, of anyone else kissing her, makes me want to run out there and sling her over my shoulder, just to make it perfectly clear that she came here with me, and she'll be leaving here with me. In fact, I need to go relieve Jake of his best friend duties. I turn to Tanya, and tell her to come with me and take Jake off my hands. Her look isn't any more pleased than mine is, so she comes along willingly.

As I make my way towards Bella, she spots me when I'm about half way there. I'm staring at nothing but her, but I see her look around. How can she think that I could possibly be looking at anyone besides her? Does she truly have no idea how fucking hot she is? All I want to do is grab her, wrap her legs around my waist, and fuck her senseless. I see her swallow hard when I'm almost there. Good, you should be nervous, Swan. Because now you're all mine.

I reach her and promptly place my hands on either side of her waist, saying only "Bella." I sink into her throat and kiss her there. She carefully bends her head further to the side, giving me better access to her neck. I pull myself up close to her, so she can feel how much I want her.

She catches me by surprise when she slides her small hands over my ass, giving my cheeks a squeeze and pulling me in closer to her. She turns her head to meet mine, and we sink into a deep kiss. The beat of the loud bass is pounding through the room, and it is the exact rhythm I would choose to thrust into Bella if she were underneath me at the moment. I grab her hands and pull her away from the dance floor, towards one of the dark corners I mentioned earlier. I back her into the wall and place my palms on either side of her head. We pick up where we left off, except that now Bella has her leg entwined around one of my hips, and her fingers are snaked into my hair. I practically growl at her, I'm so fucking turned on. I've never been a shy guy sexually, but it is taking all my effort not to rip her clothes off of her. And the best part of all? She's just as into as I am.

I'm feeling bold, so I ask her, "Do you mind coming back to my place so we can talk where it isn't so noisy?"

She smirks at me. "Okay, Romeo, I see right through your thinly veiled plot to have your evil way with me."

_Shit. I came on too strong and now her snark is back._

"Bella, I truly do want to talk. And make out. It's just awfully, umm, _public_ here."

Her face instantly turns concerned, and she drops her leg from my hip immediately. "Oh my god, Edward, I totally forgot about the paparazzi! Fuck, I'm so sorry! Will everything be okay?"

Her worried face is so adorable I have to kiss it. "It's fine, but it isn't going to take long for them to figure out who is making out in this corner. Either that, or some fan will start filming us on their fucking iPhone."

"Of course we can go back to your place. I'd like that, actually." She looks up and gives me a shy smile.

"Let's find everybody and let them know what we're up to. We can grab a cab over to my place."

I grab her hand and she follows me back to the bar, where my mom and dad are leaning into each other's shoulders. Once again, when I look at them, I see Bella and me in a few years' time. That's what I want, and I'm determined to get it this time.

I lean over to my parents and fill them in on our plans. My Mom gives me a knowing smile, but makes no comment. My Dad, being a guy, winks at me. I glance over at Bella to find that she is beet red. Oh yeah, she saw that. _Shit._

I call a cab from inside the bar, and we wait together for it to arrive. I'm simply holding her in a hug, with my lips resting on top of her head. The cab calls my cell phone to let me know that they've arrived, and I quickly prep Bella for the onslaught.

"The paps are gonna be out there, and you'll see a sea of lights flashing as we get into the cab. Just hold my hand and we'll run for it, okay?"

She looks a bit stunned, but nods her head. When we slam the cab door behind us, the fuckers are still peering in the window, trying to take more pictures. I hate to indoctrinate her with such a rude awakening, but I have no choice; this is my life now.

The cab speeds away and I take a moment to tell Bella something that has been weighing heavily on my soul since I got back to LA.

"There's been something I've been meaning to tell you since I saw you this morning. Edith Wharton said, 'There are two ways of spreading the light: To be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.' Bella, you've always been the candle; I will never be more than the mirror that reflects your beautiful, pure light. No matter what happens, I just want you to know that."

She grabs my face and kisses me passionately in reply. "I need to tell you something, too: This scares me, more than you will ever know, but I can't fight it. I've never really done this before, let myself go, but I have to, or it will drive me crazy. I can't deny how I feel, even though it would feel so much safer if I could."

I kiss her back, more gently. "Then don't. I need your light, Bella."

We arrive at my house. I pay our fare and we quickly move to the front door; you never know what paps might be hanging around with a telephoto lens. Now that we're here, I'm trying to remember what condition I left the house in this morning. I have a housekeeper, of course, but there still the possibility I left dirty clothes or porn lying around. After a quick mental summary, I remember that everything looks just fine.

I open the door and usher Bella in. As I shut the door, I feel Bella's small hands on my ass, and I can't turn around fast enough. I've been impossibly hard for hours, and I need to have her in my arms. The second our lips meet, my body feels lit up like a Christmas tree. Bella is suddenly a wild animal, attacking me like her prey. She hops up and hooks her legs around my hips, never breaking from our kiss. I turn around and lean into the door, grinding my hard cock into her. If ever she questioned my attraction for her, I've eliminated any doubts just now. And if I had any doubts about her attraction to me, her reaching behind me to grab my ass and use it as leverage to grind herself into me erased all that in my mind.

She breaks from our kiss, panting, but still grinding away. Looking me square in the eyes, she takes a deep breath, and asks me, "Is it bad for me to admit that I want you so badly it makes me feel desperate?"

Returning the intensity of her gaze, I answer, "Not unless it's bad for me to admit that I've been waiting for someone exactly like you my entire life."

The look of relief on her face is immediate and gratifying.

We're still connected at the hips, but just resting our foreheads against each other and panting. I feel Bella start to unwind her legs from around my waist. _What is this fuckery? Don't leave!_

She instantly addresses what must be a pathetically panicked look on my face. "I just wanted to get a glass of water. I'm kind of out of breath."

"Oh, I'm willing and able to do that, just so long as I can come back to where we left off."

"If you thought you were going to get away from me, you've got another thing coming. Water, then get your ass right back to where it was. Pronto."

"Yes, ma'am!"

As I'm in my kitchen, I hear Bella's phone ringing. I don't hear what she's saying, just that she is talking to someone. When I quickly return to the other room, Bella is white as a ghost, and she absently drops the phone from her grasp. She looks straight at me, shaking her head slowly back and forth.

"Bella? What?"

"I…can't. I, um, I…fuck, Edward, this is really horrible…"

"It's okay, shh, we'll fix it. Just tell me what's going on."

"Get your laptop out. The _OK_ magazine website."

_Shit. I know this is not going to be good._

_**LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER: LOVE ON THE NOBLE SAVAGE SET!!**_

_**Cougar and her cub prey upon the Masen Masterworks family fortune!!**_

Pics from Bella and me entering NINETHIRTY and an older pic of James and Renee are directly below the heading. I don't need to read this crap any further to know it's a blatant untruth.

_James! What the fuck is he up to now?_

"Bella, I need to do a couple of things really quick. Here, why don't you sit down and drink your water. Give me a minute, okay?"

She just nods and sits down, looking like she got punched in the gut. I know exactly how she feels.

I send out texts to Esme and Rosalie. This shit has to get fixed, _now_. It's all my fault that things got so out of control, I should have figured out that's what James was up to all along. And I have no doubts it's all about money. Why the fuck did he have to pull Bella into all this—she doesn't deserve this shit.

I glance over at Bella, and see the tears fall from her eyes. She lifts up a shaky hand to wipe them off of her cheeks. I silently promise her, _I'll make this right, Bella. _

I sit down next to her on the couch, without touching, and wait for the calls to come in.

**END NOTE:**

**For link to see Bella's night on the town dress, go to my profile page.**

**One reader, belami, requested that I include a list of all Bella's t-shirts to date. Here it is:**

_Some days it isn't even worth chewing through the restraints_

_Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but the duties are largely ceremonial_

_We're All Mad Here—You'll Fit Right In_

_I have a positive attitude (but it may be a false positive)_

_Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies_

_How did you get past my spam filter?_

_Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion_

_I keep the best snacks under my apron_ (on apron, not t-shirt)

_Sarcasm, just one more service I offer_

_Quileute Tribal School Killer Whales_ (includes lettering J. BLACK)

_Don't take life so seriously. It isn't permanent_

_Instant Human (Just Add Coffee)_

_Don't make me use my librarian voice_

_You read my shirt. That's enough social interaction for the day_

_The beatings will continue until morale improves_


	22. Chapter 21: Let Lips Do What Hands Do

**DESIDERATA**

**Things I own: T-Shirt adorned by my second favorite cartoon character of all time: Trent Lane from **_**Daria**_**.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer.**

_**NaughtySparkle, keeper of all things pervy and good, once again gets my complete respect and adoration for reading every chappie I manage to put out. (Heheh, I said "put out!"). Seriously, she bailed me out when I was having major issues on which direction to go. More than once.**_

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: LET LIPS DO WHAT HANDS DO**

"_The achievements which society rewards are won at the cost of a diminution of personality. Many—far too many—aspects of life which should have been experienced lie in the lumber room among dusty memories." – Carl Jung_

**APOV**

With Bella and Jake in LA and Emmett wrapped up in Rosalie for the weekend, I'm here alone with my thoughts. Lately, that's a scary place to be. I feel myself being sucked into corners of my mind that are best left closed or buried, but it is impossible for me to avoid these places and thoughts now. So many of them return to Jasper. I really try to stamp out the images, but they seem to flood my brain. Sometimes, when I hear the bell on the café door, I look up, expecting to see him in front of me, only to be disappointed. I keep trying to convince myself that you can't fall in love with someone so quickly, that it had to simply be that I was wrapped up in the glitz of making a movie, but I know in my heart it is much more than that.

I've been really good this past week; I haven't gone to the Masen or websites once. But I'm alone tonight, my friends are all off in pursuit of relationships, and the glass of wine I just drank causes me to cave in to my weakness. Although I removed the bookmark to from my Internet browser, when I start to type the address in, a prompt pops up. Before I know it, Jasper's beautiful blue eyes are staring back at me. It makes my heart melt every time I see it. I surf around his site to see if anything new has been posted, but it hasn't. For shits and giggles, I Google his name and _Noble Savage_ to see what comes up. If I thought Jasper's image made my heart skip a beat, the headline that pops up from my Google search makes it positively stop beating all together.

_**LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER: LOVE ON THE NOBLE SAVAGE SET!!**_

_**Cougar and her cub prey upon the Masen Masterworks family fortune!!**_

The hell?? I quickly click on the link and read the bullshit article. Apparently, rumor has it that Bella and Renee teamed up together to snag Masen men, in order to weasel their way into the family fortune. _Goddamn it, Renee, you've gone too far this time!_

I hate to interrupt Bella while she is on vacation in LA, but I have no choice; she has to know about this idiocy as soon as possible. LA is the worst place in the world for her to be when a story like this hits, especially if she is anywhere near Edward.

"_Hey Ali, what's up?"_

"I need you to take a deep breath, okay? I saw an article online that states you and Renee are teaming up to scam the Masen family fortune."

I hear her gasp. "_What?!_"

"I know, sweetie. Go look at the OK Magazine website. It's all outlined there."

"_Oh my god! Edward! What the hell will he think?_"

"Do you care, Bella?"

"_Of course I care! I'm standing in his living room right now, and we were just making out!_"

Oh sweet jesus. Under any other circumstance, I would be squealing and running around like a crazy woman, but this is no ordinary situation. Why, why, why does it always have to be like this? Can't anything ever be straightforward and simple??

"I think you need to come clean to him and show him the article. He's probably seen enough of Renee's antics to understand it has nothing to do with you."

Bella doesn't have time to respond; I hear Edward's voice in the background, and then her phone audibly drops to the floor. I need to get to Emmett and Rosalie, so that damage control efforts can begin. I quickly dial Em's number. _Fuck! Straight to voice mail_. I send him an urgent text, asking him to call me, telling him it's an emergency. I don't know that I've ever used the word "emergency" with him before, so hopefully he will grasp how serious this is. My phone buzzes almost instantly.

"_What is it?"_ There is no trace of anger in my brother's voice, only concern.

"You need to let Rosalie know of a situation that has developed with Masen. A story was leaked to OK Magazine that says Bella and Renee are trying to scam them out of their family fortune."

"_You have got to be kidding me! What the fuck?"_

"I know, but it's true. I just called Bella to tell her, but I thought Rosalie would want to know right away because of Edward."

I hear some clunking sounds, and then Rosalie's voice. _"What happened?"_

"Go to the OK Magazine website. There is an article leaked about Bella and Renee that says they're trying to scam the Masen family fortune together."

"_Fucking James! He is constantly pulling crap out of a hat, but this is the worst so far! Thanks for letting us know, Alice. I have to call Edward."_

"Well, I already called Bella before I talked to you, and apparently she's with Edward, so he already knows."

"_Oh, she's with Edward? Huh. I guess I need to check my texts…I didn't know Edward and Esme came back to town. Jesus, I can't even leave for a second without something blowing up!"_

"Well, just tell Em that I'll be here, and will try to keep the cell and land lines open. Let me know if I can do anything, okay?"

"_Thanks, Alice. I really appreciate it."_

"Of course, any time. Talk to you soon."

****************************

**BPOV**

_Jesus fucking Christ, will that woman ever stop fucking with my life?_

Why is it that every time I get close to attaining a moment of love or happiness in my life, Renee shows up to rain on my parade? Her timing is impeccably bad. I'm convinced that can't be an accident. It's one thing for her to screw up my life, but when it affects other people, it has to stop. And dammit, once and for all, she _is _going to stop, if it takes every last ounce of my energy. I refuse to deal with her fuckery any more.

In the meantime, though, there is Edward, who is sitting next to me, but may as well be standing across the room. He is clearly going out of his way not to touch me, and he hasn't said a word since he left text messages for Esme and Rosalie. He is probably trying to deduce a way to get me the hell out of his house and his life. He is probably eternally grateful this broke now, before he had the chance to smex it up with me. I feel like a piece of rotten meat.

Edward sighs deeply then pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. I decide to give him the easy way out.

"Look, Edward, I should probably leave. If you can call me a cab, I'll just go back to the hotel. I'm sure you're going to have your hands full with damage control," I say, quietly. "I don't want to be a nuisance."

Edward looks up, as if he has been deep in thought. "What? Why do you want to go back to the hotel?"

"Well, I just assumed, after reading the press leak…"

"Do you think I'm angry about that? Or even surprised?"

"Did you expect it?! How could you _not_ be surprised?"

"Bella, this kind of shit happens nonstop! 90% of the time, the story is completely inaccurate! Plus, I happen to know that you had nothing to do with this."

"How would you know that?"

"Because this is par for the course with James Masen. It's got his signature all over it."

"I don't understand."

"Okay, remember back when I explained to you about James, and how he broke my cousin's heart?"

"Yes. Of course."

"Well, James has been trying to get his hands on what he believes to be his share of the Masen family fortune for years. He will stop at nothing. _Nothing_. He knows how much I abhor the spotlight, and this isn't the first time he has used the press against me. Against us. We've never been able to prove anything in the past. I have no doubt he wants to use this to blackmail me into a settlement, so that I will pay him to rescind what he's already said. I won't fucking touch that with a ten foot pole. He's crossed the line this time, and as far as I am concerned, this was a declaration of war."

I look at Edward's face, which has become beet red with anger. Before I have a chance to consider what I'm doing, I cup my palms on his cheeks and slowly turn him to face me.

"Edward, I'm so sorry about all this, and that my name, as well as Renee's, is being used against you. Please know I had nothing to do with this, and I am just as sickened as you are by the whole thing. I wish there was something I could do, I feel so completely lost and helpless."

He kisses me gently on the forehead, when suddenly his phone buzzes.

"Hey, Mom. Have you seen it?...come on, you know it has to be James…I'm telling you, this is the last straw, he can't get away with this shit anymore!...I refuse to keep paying him off while he continues to screw with our family!" He pauses to listen to Esme.

"She's right here. I asked her to stay. I don't want the press to even come close to her."

"Okay, about five minutes? See you soon. No matter what, I love you, Mom."

He hangs up, and checks the text he got from Rose. He busily responds to her. His phone buzzes again.

"I need to take this one in the other room. I hope you don't mind."

"No, of course not. I'll just sit here and wait for Esme?"

He nods silently, walking away while talking on his phone.

My head is swimming with all that transpired in the last ten minutes. I'm thoroughly disgusted to be in the middle of this Bog of Eternal Stench (although the image of David Bowie from _Labyrinth_ that pops into my head with that thought is momentarily pleasing). I'm completely sickened by the fact that Renee is stupid enough to be played so easily by James. Hell, she may even be in it for the money as well. I honestly have no clue how I can be genetically related to her, we are so strikingly different. I am grateful for the fact that she left Charlie and me so soon after I was born, because my life has been infinitely better than it otherwise would have been had she chosen to stay. That much is a given.

As I'm thinking all of this over, I'm absentmindedly looking over the things on Edward's dining room table. It looks like he uses it as an impromptu desk. I happen to see a tattered copy of the _Noble Savage_ script, and my curiosity gets the better of me. I pull out a chair and crack open the cover.

I've never read a screenplay before, and it's so different from what I expected. Half the content is devoted to directions, the other half is dialogue. While I know vaguely what the story is about, I never got a chance to read the whole thing, so I dig in, not thinking about whether or not I should. The thought doesn't even enter my mind.

I'm absolutely fascinated. I'm drawn into the story, because I know the characters personally—I can see Jasper's face acting out the lines. I can see Jake running through the forest. I remember Tanya's temper tantrum over the rainy scene. I am surprised, however, at some of the dialogue; it just doesn't seem to flow in a way you would expect. Some of the language is a little stilted. I can see Edward's notes, in his elegant script, jotted all over the pages, and it is incredible to see a peek into the Edward the Director's mind. He has scribbled over so much of the dialogue, it's clear he's unhappy with it. It makes my fingers itch for a red pen.

There's a pad of paper sitting on the table, so I grab a pen and start writing out the dialogue, including some of Edward's changes along with my own. I need something to keep my mind off of Renee's epic fuckery, and I simply can't help myself. I'm obsessed with getting the writing perfect; it's my favorite thing to do, aside from writing down my quotes.

I'm steeped so far into the script that I don't even hear Edward's approach.

"What are you doing, Bella?"

I instantly scream in response, throwing the pad of paper into the air.

"Oh, god, Edward! You scared the crap out of me! You can't sneak up on me when I concentrating on something!" I say, as he chuckles at my response. "I was just reading the _Noble Savage_ script…it was sitting out on the table, and I've never read a script before, so I couldn't help myself."

"Scripts can be awfully boring to read; I can't believe you picked it up just for fun."

"What? I'm a dialogue junkie, you should know that after reading my Moleskine."

"How did you know I read your Moleskine?"

"Edward, a lot of the clippings in there were out of place."

"I guess I'm not very sneaky. I'm sorry if that made you angry."

"Well, I did the same thing with yours, so I guess it's only fair. There's nothing wrong in being curious about someone else. If it had been private, I wouldn't have left it out in the open, so it isn't like you could cause any harm."

Edward let out a deep breath. "I'm so glad you aren't going to yell at me for that."

"I guess that's the kind of thing I've always done to you in the past, isn't it?"

"Well, sort of. But I've been just as bad, of course."

We hear keys at the front door, and Esme walks in with Carlisle, still clad in their outfits from dinner.

"We got here as fast as we could. Thank god we were already on our way home. Have you heard from Rosalie?"

"Yes, I'm going to send up the jet to get her."

"That's good thinking. She's going to be running her tail off trying to get this under control." She turns to me and says, "Bella? How are you doing with all of this? I'm sorry you had to learn about the business the quick and hard way, but that's the rule of law here in Hollywood."

I open and close my mouth several times, not even knowing how to begin. The fact that Carlisle and Esme are both here, supporting me, when anyone else would have probably thrown me out and not given me a second chance just leaves me floored. They are extraordinary people.

"I'm incredibly sorry about all of this. You remember, back in Forks, when I explained to you that I really don't have a mother for all intents and purposes? I'd hate to say I'm shocked and surprised by these headlines, but sadly, I'm not. When it comes to Renee, I've learned to expect the unexpected. I swear to you, I had nothing to do with all of this; I just want you to know that."

Edward steps towards me and takes my hand gently. "Mom, I already explained to her that this is one of James' signature moves."

"Edward is right. This time, however, he's gone too far, and involved you and your m…I mean, Renee. This goes beyond simply leaking an unsavory tidbit. This is grounds for libel. Because of that, we can't let it go this time." She walks in front of us and grabs our free hands. "Here is my plan: We're going to slap an injunction on James Masen to cease and desist any more dealings with the media on this matter. We will work with our legal team to file the injunction and a libel suit. And then we'll have to do something that I hate to even consider, but I believe it is time for us to get James in every manner available to us—I'm going to ask Kate to agree to an interview about her marriage to James."

"Mom, she'll never agree to it! She's only now starting to recover from that relationship! Plus, you've always said that makes us no better than him, to stoop to his level and copy his tactics. What about the whole issue of our integrity?"

"Well, that's what we thought in the past, but James has stepped it up a notch too far, involving people outside of Masen in his imbroglio. And Kate will understand, not wanting Bella to have to deal with the same kind of crap that she did during her marriage. I think it is really important to discredit James as much as possible now, so that the control is ceded to our court in the matter of public opinion."

Carlisle hugs Esme from behind. "You, my dear, are the most brilliant tactician I know. That's why I can never resist you!"

Without missing a beat, she put her arms over Carlisle's and relaxes into him, while continuing her planning. "I hate to tell you this, Bella, but I am going to recommend that you stay in LA for longer than you anticipated. Until all the shit clears—pardon my expression—it is important for you to hang out with us. I hope you aren't too disappointed."

"Well, I'm not sure what Alice and Emmett will do about the café, but what can we do? If I need to stay, I need to stay. That sums it up right there. I'll be happy to pay for my own hotel, though. I don't want you to feel like you need to take care of me because of Renee's stupidity."

"I appreciate the offer, dear, but there is no way we are going to allow that. By staying with us, I meant staying in close proximity to us, because your public appearances will need to be controlled and planned. There is a right way and a wrong way to handle this type of thing, and it is imperative that we handle it properly, for your sake. I was actually thinking of just having you stay at Edward's house, since he has so much extra room here. That way, we'll always know where you are, and there is no chance for hotel clerks to be bought off for tips about your whereabouts."

"Here? But, Edward…umm, I'm not sure if…uh, is that really a good idea?"

"Well, I was going to suggest the same thing, since I have a guest suite, so you'll have your own space and bathroom. Unless you feel completely uncomfortable with that, I suppose you could stay with my Mom and Dad…"

"Oh honey, I'd love to offer our guest suite, but it is being redone, remember?"

"It is?" I see Esme trade looks with Edward, but I'm not sure what that is supposed to mean. "Oh, yeah, I totally forgot you started that project while I was in Forks. So I guess that leaves you here, Bella. I promise we'll make you as comfortable here as possible. Is it a deal?"

I can hardly wipe the smile from my face. "Of course it's a deal! Although I haven't seen all of it yet, it's the swankiest house I've ever seen."

Edward chuckles at my comment. "Did I just hear you use the word 'swanky?' Last time I checked, it was 2009, not 1950!"

I slap Edward's shoulder with a loud _THWACK!_ "It's a good thing I packed everything in my backpack, so we don't have to go anywhere to get my stuff."

"Bella, what is this?" I see that Esme has discovered the script I was rewriting.

"That? Oh, it's nothing. I was waiting while Edward had to take a call and started reading the _Noble Savage_ script. I tried reworking the dialogue a little bit, just for fun. It doesn't mean anything. I do that kind of stuff all the time. I can't seem to help myself."

I watch Edward and Esme exchange meaningful glances. "I know, Mom, I know."

"You know what? What are you talking about?"

"Edward's biggest complaint with directing is that he can never get the script into the exact shape he wants. He's kind of a micromanager in some respects, but he's the director, so if that's what he wants to do, he get to do it. What I see here, what you've done with reworking the dialogue? It's extremely good, and Edward agrees with me. Have you ever considered doing any freelance scripting work? We almost always have more than one person honing the script throughout the filming process."

"Are you kidding me? I have no credentials whatsoever! I was just absentmindedly playing around. That isn't even some of my best work. In fact, it was all spur of the moment."

"That's what makes it so good, sweetheart. The fact that you weren't even trying, and didn't mean to have anyone else see it. I can only imagine how good you would be if you put your mind to it."

I stand there for a minute, with my mouth gaping open, not really knowing how to respond. Esme just encouraged me to pursue my lifelong dream, being a writer. How is one supposed to act when that happens?

"Wow. Thank you, just…thank you. I don't know what else to say!"

"I have a great idea of what you can say," Edward says to me. "You can say, 'I would love to look over some of Edward's scripts while I'm holed up in his house for a few days,'" he smirks.

"I would love that more than you can imagine," I say softly.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me, Bella. Seriously. I feel like I struck gold by accidentally tripping over a rock."

"You're comparing me to a rock?" I ask, and Edward gives me a furrowed brow. "I'm kidding! I know enough about you now to know that you didn't mean it literally."

"Well, I guess we have our game plan under way, so we can probably head back home for the night. Rosalie should be back early tomorrow morning, so we can all meet here once she arrives. I'll bring the bagels, okay?" Esme leans in to give her son a big kiss.

Carlisle takes the opportunity to give me a hug now that his arms are free. "Thank you, Bella, for making my son so happy. I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you," he whispers in my ear. I can feel my face flush.

"Thank you, Carlisle. I appreciate it."

Carlisle moves to hug Edward, and Esme embraces me in a big hug, kissing my cheek. "Hang in there, Bella. Things will only improve. Trust me." I heave a big sigh; this is how all mothers should behave.

Edward and I walk his parents to the front door, and he locks it behind them, activating his alarm system. He looks at me with dark eyes.

"It's pretty late, I guess I should show you where the guest quarters are."

I clear my throat nervously. "Umm, yeah, that sounds good. I am kind of tired."

He takes my hand gently, leading me down the hallway. I follow Edward, but he turns to face me just outside of what I assume is the guest room.

"All this…things are happening so fast. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable here, even though it is my house. I promise, you don't need to worry about my taking advantage of you while you're my guest. I wouldn't dream of making you uncomfortable."

"Thank you, Edward. You've been nothing but kind and polite since I've been intruding in your life. I appreciate all the trouble you've gone through on my behalf. I'm really sorry that everything happened the way it did, but I really enjoyed seeing your studios and going to dinner with you."

"Where you're concerned, it's never 'trouble,' Bella. I would hope that you are clear on that, at the very least. You're always welcome here. I'd like you to make yourself at home."

"There was a time when I never thought such nice things would be uttered from your mouth. I like hearing it."

"Good, because I like saying it. I'll say it as much as you want. May I give you a kiss goodnight, at least?"

"Of course."

Edward leans in, forcing me back into the wall. He places his hands on either side of my face and brushes his lips lightly across mine. I instantly open mine to accept him, but he draws back, hesitant. I wrap my hands around the back of his head and pull him into me; if I'm getting a goodnight kiss, I want it to be one for the record books. This action appears to be all the go-ahead he needs. His second kiss is chock full of passion, biting, and tongue moving against tongue. I hear a whimper in the background, and I realize that it is me. Jesus, this man can kiss! I'm immediately drawn to the movie _Pretty in Pink_, when Andie is asked if Blaine has "strong lips." When asked what that means, her friend tells her it means you can feel it in your knees. Andie admits to feeling it everywhere. I'm definitely agreeing with Andie right now. Every fucking nerve ending in my body has been stimulated; I feel like a sparkler that has been lit. If Edward keeps this up, I may just explode like the Fourth of July.

And just when it starts to get good, he pulls away. _He pulls away? What did I do wrong?_

"I think, under the circumstances, we should probably go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day."

"Oh, okay then. Um, goodnight, Edward."

He gently kisses my forehead. "Goodnight, my Bella."

I step into my room, shut the door, and jump up and down, screaming silently. I abruptly hear a knock on the door. _Oh my god, he didn't hear that, did he??_

I open it, and Edward hands me some towels. "I just want to make sure there are fresh towels in there. Goodnight again."

I swallow hard. I'm never going to make it through the night, knowing that he's sleeping under the same roof as me. I quickly get ready for bed, and settle in for the night. I should be exhausted; it's been the longest day in the world, one massive rollercoaster ride, but my head is swimming with thoughts. I keep replaying his ferocity when we finally got into the house, and he pressed me into his door. God, his hard cock felt amazing between my legs, I don't know that I've ever wanted anything more in my life. I know I'm the horniest virgin on the planet, but still…then I recall what he whispered to me at dinner: _I can't fucking wait to taste you all over my lips. I can't wait until I'm finally buried deep inside you. I want nothing more than to see your eyes looking into mine as I make you cum._

Just thinking of those words leaves me soaking wet. I have to relieve myself if I'm ever going to fall asleep tonight. I slide my hand under my boy shorts and slide my finger over my wet lips. I pull the moisture over my clit, circling slowly, and my hips start to buck at once. I'm even hornier than I realized. A moan escapes my lips, and I'm momentarily mortified. _Oh my god, what if he hears me getting off??_ I stop my movement and listen for any sound, but I am met with silence. I start moving again, circling more feverishly, and I whisper, "Edward." I hear a slight knock on the door, and I gasp out loud, sitting up immediately.

Edward peeks his head through the door. "Bella? Are you okay?"

"Jesus, you scared the crap out of me!" I scream.

"I'm sorry, I thought I heard you calling for me."

"No, I don't think I said anything. I'm just having trouble falling asleep."

"Do you want me to stay with you until you do?"

I think about that for a minute. Fall asleep with Edward Cullen? Yes, that would definitely work. "If you don't mind, that would be really nice. I'm kind of wound up because of everything that happened today."

"Believe it or not, I know exactly how you feel."

I pat my hand on the bed so he knows he safe to come sit by me. "Ever since I can remember, I've hated sleeping alone. It makes me feel so vulnerable. When I was a little girl, I would always sneak into my dad's room whenever there was a thunderstorm. Somehow, being in his big bed, snuggled under his covers, I always felt safe."

Edward is sitting up in bed, while I'm under the covers. That's just not right. "Edward, come under the covers with me. That's what I need to feel safe." _Okay, I'm a lying sack of shit, I just want to cuddle with Edward Cullen. So sue me._

He tentatively climbs in with me, and I rest my head on his chest. He has on pajama pants and a v-neck t-shirt and he smells divine. He circles his arms around me, so we're totally snuggled up together. I might have weaseled my leg between his, just to get myself more comfortable, of course. I may have even started to subtly rub my foot over Edward's muscular calf. It's possible that I shifted the weight from one hip to the other, to more firmly secure me over Edward. Those actions definitely bring me closer to the main event, and, oh my god, Edward has one hell of a hard on. Feeling it brush against my hip causes a slight moan to escape from my lips, completely inadvertently of course.

Edward lets out a deep sigh and mumbles under his breath, "Jesus, Bella!"

Innocently, I reply, "What, Edward? Are you all right?"

"No, I am definitely _not _all right! You are practically gyrating all over me!"

"So, you don't want me to do that, then?"

"Fuck, _of course_ I want you to do it! I wouldn't mind if you did it 24 hours a day! But if you think I'm going to get any sleep at all, you are sorely mistaken."

"What made you think I was interested in sleeping?"

"Well, the fact that you asked me to come into your bed so you could feel safe and fall asleep, that's what made me think you were interested in sleeping."

"Oh, that."

"Yes, that."

"Apparently, I'm too wound up to even feel safe with you under the covers with me. In fact, I feel anything but safe. I feel _dangerous._ And Edward? Your cock is really hard. Can I touch it?" _I have no idea where this is coming from, but I'm going with it._

He isn't answering me, he just takes my hand and places it on his cock, keeping his tightly on top of mine. We start sliding my hand up and down over his length. Jesusgod, he is so fucking hard! I am getting wet just thinking about it. He still says nothing, but I can hear his breath become deeper, faster. My legs are still wrapped around his thigh, and without realizing it, I've been humping it. We moan simultaneously, totally caught up in the moment. Suddenly, Edward pulls my leg over his, so I am straddling him in bed. He pulls my face to meet his, and we kiss. In the meantime, I'm sliding myself up and down his hard cock, riding him hard; the thin covering of our clothing lets me feel his heat. He starts to thrust in time with me, placing his hands on either side of my hips to guide me along. He is staring straight into my eyes so intensely, I try to look away, but he tells me sternly, "Bella, look into my eyes. I still want to see the look on your face when you cum for me." All I can do is whimper.

We're staring at each other, riding along, and I feel the telltale tension start to cascade. It's the moment where you know that the orgasm is coming, but you're not quite sure exactly when it will hit. It's a foregone conclusion. But the sweet anticipation as you build up, waiting for it, waiting for it, until _BAM!_ The tingle floods your entire body for that moment, and nothing else exists. Just the ecstasy of feeling completely alive. I scream his name out loud and sense the rhythmic thrusting of my hips over his. As I start to come back into myself, Edward arches his back, yelling "Fuck!" at the top of his lungs, followed by a chorus of "Bella, Bella, my Bella…" I feel his wet, hot cum underneath me as I see the look of pure satisfaction on his face. I lean over to give him a deep kiss, and we're both panting from our exertion.

I lay myself out over his body, and snuggle my face into the groove between his neck and his shoulder. I hear him say softly, "Bella, that was amazing."

I whisper back to him with a hidden smile on my face, "I'm pretty sure I'll be able to sleep now."

He moves to leave the bed, and I tighten my arms around him. "No, please don't go!"

I feel a kiss on the top of my head. "I just need to clean up, love. Then I'll be back."

"Can I go with you?"

He looks at me, darkly. "Bella, I don't think I would accomplish anything if you come with me."

I grin, but give in. I snuggle into the covers to wait for him. I must have dozed off a bit, because I feel him slide in next to me, pulling me close to him. I inhale deeply, and his scent permeates my immediate vicinity. I nuzzle into his shoulder and fall asleep.


	23. Chapter 22: Spooning Leads to Forking

**DESIDERATA**

**Things I own: A copy of **_**Pride and Prejudice and Zombies**_** that I haven't read yet. **

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. And, sadly, my Twilight Lion/Lamb keychain bit the dust this week. I buried it and am in an official mourning period. Please be gentle with me, I'm in a very delicate state of mind. ******

_**Special thanks for NaughtySparkle. As always. I trust your judgment implicitly.**_

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: SPOONING LEADS TO FORKING**

"_May you grow old on the same pillow." – Armenian blessing_

**JPOV**

To say I am surprised to get a call from Edward is an understatement. I haven't spoken to him much since he got back in town. I've been a mopey, miserable ass, and no one even wants me around. I've been avoiding Rose's calls, just because I want to keep reality at bay as long as possible.

My life as I used to understand it is gone. The things I used to derive joy from no longer exist. My world seems bland and feels empty. I never imagined that another person could infuse such zest into my life. I feel like I'm living in the Arctic Circle: When Alice is present, I experience 24 hours of sunshine; back in LA, I have 24 hours of darkness. I fucking need my light back.

Almost from the moment I got back to LA, I've been mulling over the ways in which I can win over my Alice. I know it is a near impossibility, since I left her cold and alone in Forks. But my time in LA hasn't lessened my need to have her in my life; if anything, it has solidified just how deeply I am attached to her. My biggest problem is that I cannot do anything to erase running away from Forks with my tail between my legs. All I know is that I'm miserable, and lost, and need my compass back.

I've been pondering my options all day when Edward's call comes through. At first, I assume he wants to go out, to try to forget all the heartache we both suffered during the film. He called me not long after his embarrassing gaffe with Bella, so I understand acutely that we are both forlorn men. But Edward calls to tell me about James, of all people. He's excited and talking way too fast, but he explains that Rose needs to come back to LA pronto, to cover the PR nightmare that James created. The jet will be leaving first thing in the morning to retrieve her. Bella, however, will be staying in LA for the time being, because of the fiasco. Then Edward does something most uncharacteristic, and I find myself still questioning whether or not I heard him correctly: He asks me if I am still in love with Alice.

"Of course I am. I don't try to be such a moody, morose fucker for no reason, you know," I essentially growl at him.

"Then you need to go to her, Jasper, and win her back. If she is truly the woman you love, you owe it to yourself to discover where this is meant to go. Get your ass on that plane tomorrow, and go get Alice."

"Wait…who are you, exactly, and what have you done to my best friend Edward?"

"Ha ha, Jazz, that's hilarious. Having spent the day with Bella, after believing I would never have the chance to see her again, I realized how wrong I've been about things all along. For whatever reason, fate has chosen these two women for us, and I don't think we will be sane or whole again without them by our sides. This is one situation where you have to throw the fucking rule book away and trust your gut. As much as that advice scares the crap out of me, I know it is the only way for me to get Bella and for you to win back Alice. We need to stop over thinking things and just go for it."

"Edward, I can't thank you enough for this, you know. Life without Alice has been extremely lackluster."

"I know. Believe me, I know. I'm going to be busy controlling the Masen front with Rosalie and Esme, so just text me the details once you have her back."

"That's a pretty big assumption, you know. I don't know if I can do it."

"Of course you can! You are the most charming SOB in the state of California! Get to it! I'll talk to you sometime tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, man. By the way, thanks. I owe you for this."

"The only thing I want is to see you two together. Understood?"

"Yep. Thanks, dude."

"No thanks needed. Talk to you later."

_What. The. FUCK?_

I feel like I'm in the _Star Trek_ episode where there is a parallel universe, and each character's evil twin lives in the other universe. It's the only way I can make sense of what I just heard. Edward is telling me I have no choice but to go pursue Alice? And he is wooing Bella in a grand "do over" scheme? Sometimes, you just have to go with what you're given. If that means I get to try to win over Alice, I'm fucking going for it.

The minute I put my mind to work on a plan for how to suck up to Alice, the idea pops into my head, and it is fucking golden. If she doesn't buy it, which, admittedly, she might not, it won't be for my lack of trying. I need to get to the store now in order to get all the supplies I need for Alice's surprise.

I can hardly sleep I'm so anxious about tomorrow. My stomach feels like it's in my throat, and I started to question myself about how willing Alice will be to see me. I finally fall asleep, but wake up frequently. If I know I have a specific wake up call, I always end up waking up multiple times to check the clock; tonight is no different. I give up around 5:00 and drag myself to the shower.

I load all my supplies into a bag and make my way to the car. I'm driving myself to the airport this morning. The flight is uneventful, but my nerves are on edge throughout the entire time. When we land, Rose is waiting on the tarmac with Emmett; I already explained to her what my intentions are as far as Alice is concerned. She secured a promise from Emmett that he would: A) Drive me to see Alice, and B) Wait until he sees Alice's reaction to my apology to decide whether or not to kill me. I think that is probably about the best deal I can secure under the circumstances, so I go with it.

Rose approaches me before walking up onto the plane.

"How's Edward?"

"To be honest, he's never sounded better than when I spoke to him yesterday."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, he's got it bad."

"Huh. Well, when we talked about James, he was certainly full of vigor and passion. I just assumed it was being fueled by anger."

"Oh, the anger is definitely there, and I think it's even stronger because Bella is involved this time. Please tell me you'll be able to nail him, Rose. I've had it with that asshole."

"Esme and Edward have a good plan. It's gonna be a bitch to get everything squared away, but it will all work out."

"That's what I like to hear. You did remind Emmett not to kill me until after I talk to Alice, right?"

She gives me a little peck on the cheek. "Of course, silly. But fuck this one up, and we'll both come after you," she says, looking me straight in the eye.

I give her a hug and turn to face the enemy.

I give him a nod. "Emmett."

He nods back, never breaking eye contact. "Jasper."

With that, we get into his car and start to drive to Forks.

"You know, I fully expect you to make this right…I've _never_ seen my sister look like this. And, if you don't, your ass is mine. Do we have an understanding?"

"Absolutely. I will cut off my own hand before I will ever hurt Alice again. You have my solemn promise there."

"Yeah, well your hand won't be the only body part missing if you do. Just keep that in mind," he tells me gruffly.

We spend the rest of the ride in silence. To say that my time with Emmett is uncomfortable would be generous.

Emmett pulls up behind the café and parks in his spot. I was originally planning to go in by the front door, so I start heading in that direction.

"What, you're already running?"

"No, what I need to do, it must be done from the front of the building. You'll see why."

"Whatever, dude. Just get it done. I'll be waiting in back."

I sling my duffel bag over my shoulder and walk around to the front of the building. Standing at the outside corner, where no one in the café can see me, I change my shirt and get everything ready to go.

**APOV**

I hear the telltale jingle of the front door, and look up out of habit. What I see is instantly confusing. I shake my head back and forth, not able to compute the vision.

I gasp out loud and drop the coffee cup I was holding. "_Jasper!_"

Everyone in the café is looking at Jasper Whitlock, including me. Before I can say another word, he holds an iPod cradled between a set of portable speakers about his head, and the song _In Your Eyes_ by Peter Gabriel booms out to every nook and cranny in the building.

With his arms above his head, I can see the toned outline of his biceps and shoulders. He is wearing a t-shirt that says, "_I'M SO SORRY, ALICE_!" He just stands there, making a fool of himself in front of everyone, until the last lines of the song fade away. He then lowers the iPod, turns it off, and approaches me at the counter. My customers are all standing now, surrounding the front counter, to get a glimpse of this beautiful actor making a fool of himself, just for my benefit.

He hands me the iPod, and says, simply, "I'm so sorry, Alice."

I look at it to see what music he has loaded. There are a total of ten playlists: _I'MSOSORRYALICE 1, I'MSOSORRYALICE 2, I'MSOSORRYALICE 3, I'MSOSORRYALICE 4, I'MSOSORRYALICE 5, ILOVEYOUALICE 1, ILOVEYOUALICE 2, ILOVEYOUALICE 3, ILOVEYOUALICE 4, ILOVEYOUALICE 5. _

When I select the first playlist, it is the song _In Your Eyes_, listed ten times.

The second playlist includes all songs with the words "sorry" in them. And so on, and so on.

I look up at Jasper, with tears in my eyes. "Why?"

"I'll explain everything, but I'm not finished yet. May I continue, my dear Alice?"

"Of course. Please."

He reaches down into his bag, and pulls out his first prop: A jar of peanut butter and a jar of grape jelly.

"Alice Brandon, we go together like peanut butter and jelly. The saltiness of one isn't complete without the sweetness of the other."

"Alice Brandon, we go together like Oreo cookies and double stuff filling. While you can eat the filling on its own, the taste is never complete unless you eat the cookie and filling together," he explains, setting the cookie in front of me.

"Alice Brandon, we are as natural together as salt and pepper. Food tastes bland and off when one of the two is missing," He sets the salt and pepper shakers down. Just to emphasize his point, he chose a ceramic set of salt and pepper shakers that fit together in a hug when they aren't in use.

"Alice Brandon, we are like chips and dip: One scoops up the other, provides a delicious taste, and they both improve each other when mixed together. As an ensemble, they work so much better than as solo enterprises." He opens a jar of salsa and a bag of tortilla chips, and scoops one up for me to eat.

"Alice Brandon, you are the tonic to my gin. The perfect complement to make things taste just right." He sets a mini bottle of Bombay gin and single serve bottle of tonic water in front of me.

"Alice Brandon, you are the kisses to my hugs. I want nothing more than to be smothered in your hugs and kisses for the rest of my life." With that, Jasper set a bag of Hershey's Kisses and a separate bag of Hershey's Hugs in front of me. He unwraps a kiss and feeds it to me. I close my eyes and let the chocolate melt on my tongue, and I hear him whisper the word, "exquisite."

Jasper grasps my hand and motions for me to come around to his side of the counter. I sprint over to him, and find him on one knee, his arms outstretched for me. I leap onto his lap.

"Alice Brandon, I have never been sorrier than the day I left you here alone. Will you please forgive me for being the world's biggest idiot? Will you please allow me to tell you that without you, my life doesn't make any sense? Please let me say that I love you, unequivocally, without bounds, and I will never, ever knowingly hurt you again?"

I look deeply into his lake blue eyes and can see the tears forming there. _He really thinks I might say no?!_ That doubt ends here and now.

"Jasper, you broke my heart when you left, because I know you are the only man I will ever love. Once you were gone, I understood that all my life, I'd been waiting for you to arrive. I'm sorry you felt the need to leave, but it brought you back to me in such a way that we both know you will never leave me again. How can I possibly eat my peanut butter without jelly for the rest of my life? There's just no question that I forgive you." I feel tears staining my cheeks, and feel Jasper's huge hand gently wiping them away.

He seems so timid around me, so I make sure he understands exactly where we are on the page—I throw my arms around him and give him the most passionate kiss I've ever bestowed upon anyone. He returns it with equal enthusiasm and I feel so giddy I start kicking my feet; I simply cannot contain my nervous energy any longer.

I'm not sure how long I've been alone in that bubble with Jasper, but it suddenly dawns on me that I hear applause. I break from the kiss to open my eyes, and see everyone in the café standing at attention and clapping with broad smiles on their faces. I hop off of Jasper's lap and pull him to his feet.

In a fit of inspiration, I announce, "Alice's Wonderland Café and Mad Tea Party is now officially closed for the remainder of the day!" and work to shepherd everyone out of the building.

**JPOV**

My little firestorm tornado makes her announcement, grabs my hand, and leads me to the back room. She taps her little hand on the office door, then swings it open abruptly.

"Emmett, it is time for you to go home for the day."

Poor Emmett looks like he's been slapped.

"What the fuck are you talking about, arm rest?" He says, leaning on her head to prove his point.

"I'm talking about the fact that the café is now officially closed, so I need to lock up. And I need you to not be here anymore. Savvy?"

You can see the light click on. "OH. Right. Give me two minutes, pipsqueak, okay??"

Alice slams the door shut to let Emmett finish. She gives me a look that causes me to swallow hard. Although we haven't had sex yet, there is something about her that has always made me suspect that she's a hellion in the sack. The look she just gave me? _Fuck me, I'm in so much trouble. Thank you, Jesus!!_

She whispers to me, "_Condom?_"

_Oh no, fuck no, not now! Why didn't I fucking think of that?_ I slowly shake my head with a huge pout on my face. She points a finger in my face, apparently to indicate, "Just a second," and tears off to the front of the café. I follow more slowly, trying to see what she is up to.

I turn the corner to see my petite Alice digging through a bag that is the size of Texas. Things are spilled everywhere: Clothing, cosmetics, wallets, shoes, you name it. _Really? You can fit all that in a purse?_

Alice unzips a bag, dumping out the contents. She squeals, jumping up to her feet. "YES! YES! YES!" she screams.

"Alice, what…"

She turns and launches herself into my arms, shoving the contents held between her tiny fist into my face. _Condoms._

I squeeze her as tightly as I can and whisper to her, "That's just one of the many reasons I love you, sugar!"

We hear Emmett clumping loudly behind us, and I set Alice down. She skitters over to Emmett, walking behind him as he makes his way for the door. When he reaches his destination, he turns to Alice and hugs her. I can see him whisper something in her ear, and watch as she nods her head with a huge smile on her face. As he opens the door, he turns to me and shouts out, "Looks like you won yourself a reprieve, Whitlock. But you are far from being off the hook. Do we have an understanding?"

I nod my head. "Yes!" I shout back.

I see Alice clearly shut the door behind Emmett, then lower the blinds. I hear a _click_, and my cock springs to attention. I grab the condoms and make my way to Alice, meeting in the middle of the room. She's so tiny, I have to bend way down to meet her. Instead, I simply grasp her ass and pull her up to me, wrapping her legs around my waist. Meanwhile, she has wrapped her arms around my neck and is devouring my lips. There is so much pent up sexual energy between us, it's like we cannot get closely enough quickly enough.

"Jasper, I've been aching to have you inside me since the first time I saw you, but I wanted to make sure it was special for our first time. But now that you're finally here in front of me again, I just want to ride you like a wild mustang. Can you do that for me?"

I take a long look at her, nodding with glazed eyes. "Yes. Frequently. With pleasure."

"Good boy." She digs her heels into me as if I am a stallion. "To the back, horse!"

Her back is to the swinging door, and she's still wrapped tightly around me. I'm trying to navigate with a tiny woman clinging to me, who is kissing me with great enthusiasm, and my hands are still wrapped around her tight little ass. I can barely see in front of me. I keep walking until Alice's bottom collides with a solid surface. Before I set her down, I test it for sturdiness. Seems fine.

I carefully unwind Alice's legs from my waist without breaking our kiss. I slip my hands underneath her shirt to feel her soft, smooth skin. _Heaven._ I snake up to her round breasts and skim my palms over their surface, feeling her nipples salute my advances. _Oh, that just adds fuel to the fire_. I feel my cock twitch, eager to get the show on the road. This isn't something to be rushed, however, so he'll just have to be patient while I worship Alice slowly and painfully.

I whip off her shirt, and she unhooks her bra in mere seconds. Instantly, my mouth is on one of her nipples, stroking, biting, nibbling. Not wanting her other breast to feel lonely, of course, I switch back and forth, moving hands, mouth, lips, tongue in a flurry of activity. Alice arches her back to make her tits more accessible, moaning loudly. As I lick and kiss her cleavage, I get a glimpse of her navel, her flat belly, and the thong straps that are peeking out from above her skirt. My cock answers her call with a jump. _Jesus, I want to fuck her. She is the sexiest woman I've ever seen. _

I should have known that making out with Alice would be far from an ordinary experience. Just as I ponder the myriad ways I want to pound into her, she slips off her shoes, pulls off her socks, and ever so carefully snakes one leg up my chest, so her foot is behind my neck. Then she repeats the action with her other leg. She lies back on the table, legs still behind my neck, pulling me down with her. About half way there, she releases me abruptly, spreading her beautiful legs widely, as if she's doing the splits. That move elicits a huge groan that escapes from my chest. I can see a tiny triangular patch that just barely covers her pussy. That enticing scent of arousal that is all pure Alice hits me like a ton of bricks, and I can't hold back any longer; I _must_ have her. She makes me feel animalistic and base. Alice is just like a fucking witch who casts a spell, coaxing this rougher side of me out; I have no idea I am capable of these sorts of feelings.

I quickly remove my t-shirt and unbutton my jeans to provide some momentary relief for my poor, trapped, aching cock. Alice is practically waving her sweet little pussy in front of me. I hitch up her skirt, grab the sides of her thong, and in one quick motion, pull it off and toss it aside. What I see in front of me is so appealing it takes my breath away.

Alice's pussy is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. It's slick and pink and inviting. It's as compact as she is. She is waxed bare. It calls to me like a siren song. This is where I truly belong. Buried inside Alice for the rest of my life.

"Alice," I whisper. "Your pussy is so beautiful, just like the rest of you. I can smell you from here. You're so wet, all I want to do is fuck you with my fingers, then with my tongue, and finally with my cock. I want to earn every single scream you're going to give me. I want you to be so lost in ecstasy that you can't even remember your name. And fuck yes, you are going to ride me harder than you've ever ridden in your life."

I hear her whimper in response, and a grin grows on my face. _Bingo._

Using my thumbs, I carefully open her, spreading her lips gently to see what she's hiding underneath. _Fuck! She's practically dripping she's so wet_! I use my forefinger and dip inside, gathering moisture and working it into every crevice of her sweet pussy. I end up at her clit, paying extra special attention to that area, making sure it is adequately lubricated. Ever so slowly, I run my thumb around her clit, teasing her with agonizingly slow progress. I pull up the hood, pinching it between my thumb and forefinger, and Alice arches into me in response. I haven't even touched her, really, and it is already like playing an instrument. I'm thrilled at the prospect of having a lifetime to learn how to coax this music out of her, but it still won't be enough. She is clearly a sexual dynamo.

"Please Jasper, I can't wait," she says, gasping for breath.

"Sugar, I haven't even started yet. You're just going to have to slow down and enjoy the ride. I'm not in any hurry; are you?" She answers with a groan.

I return my attention to the main event, bend over, and lightly take her clit between my teeth. I run my tongue back and forth over her sensitive skin, as it rests in my teeth, which causes Alice to buck feverishly. I taunt her further by sliding first one finger, then two, into her hot little twat. I work my fingers in and out, picking up speed gradually. I curve them up behind her pubic bone, gently palpating to find the spot I'm looking for. I happen upon the spongy skin where her G spot is located, and start pressing my fingers on that area. I move my fingertips in a small circle, while I continue to play with her clit in my mouth. She's fucking loving every second of it, getting worked up into a frenzy. Her cunt is so hot and swollen, it's just begging to for relief; I can actually feel the telltale changes taking place inside of her as her walls start to close in around me. She stills for a moment, then screams my name as she pulses and clamps down over my fingers. I quickly move my mouth down to her opening, licking up all that she has to surrender to me. I let her come down as we both work to catch our breath.

"Jesus H. Christ, Jasper Whitlock, you have the most brilliant sex skills on the planet! I have never cum like that before in my life!" she says, breathily. She is positively glowing, her chest flush from her recent orgasm.

"I'm sorry, sweet pea, but I have so much more planned for you," I grin back at her.

"But Jasper, I haven't even touched you yet! This isn't a one-way street for me, you know. Prepare to meet your match," she purrs at me, winking. My heart skips a beat as she teases me, because I sense I'm in for the ride of a lifetime.

Alice has recovered slightly from her orgasm, and she hops down from Bella's workstation. _Note to self: Remember to sterilize the work surfaces when we're done, and make sure Bella doesn't know what went down here!_

I feel her little fingers wrap around my belt loops, and she pulls my groin flush with her own. I can feel the heat radiating off of her as she wraps her legs around me and settles over my cock, with just my boxer briefs resting between us. As much as I just want to drive it home this very instant; this isn't about me—this is my penance for running away.

Suddenly, my body is driven backwards, until I crash into a wall. Before I have time to even take stock of what is occurring, Alice has yanked my jeans down and has my cock held tightly in her hot little hand. I start to protest, but I am roundly _shushed_, and I gaze down to see her rosebud lips moving up and down the length of my dick. I groan loudly and weave my fingers into her hair, guiding her along my rod. _Who needs fucking yoga, when Alice can deliver her own personal brand of nirvana?_ I surrender at once to the blissful feeling.

Watching her lips and fist move in tandem is more than I can stand. All it takes is one small moan from her, and it's over. I come hard, and Alice licks up every last drop. I can't wait to show her my appreciation, so I grab her in an attempt to plant a huge kiss on her lips. In my haste, we knock over a bowl of icing for Bella's Buns. Curiously, much of it lands on Alice's breasts and stomach.

"Oh, Alice, that's simply awful," I say, with a teasing smile in my voice. I dive for the icing and start to lick it off. Alice grabs my chin and licks frosting off of me, and before we know it, we've created a disaster area in the back room.

Alice looks at me with an evil grin and says, "We are _definitely not_ going to tell Bella about any of this!" she giggles.

Before I can catch her, she drizzles icing all over my cock. "Hmm, it looks like we need the clean up crew!"

"If I'm not mistaken, I think the clean up crew recently did a superb job in that general area very recently. Are you sure there are still after effects?"

"Let me put it to you this way: If you want your cock near my coocher any time in the near future, it needs to be cleaned and prepped for service. That's all I'm saying."

"Well then, by all means, don't let me distract you from the task at hand."

I watch as Alice's tongue darts in and out of her mouth, methodically licking my cock clean. That is all it takes for me to be rock hard and ready once again, and the smile on Alice's face as she sees me responding to her is all the go ahead I need for round two.

I start to search for the condoms, not remembering where I set them, and see them lying on Bella's work station. _Come to think of it, the work station is just the right height_. I pick up Alice easily and pop her down right next to the condoms. She grabs one and tears off the wrapper. She gives my cock a hard squeeze, followed by a couple of pumps up and down my length, and then rolls the condom onto me. She scoots to the very edge of the table, knees bent on either side of her bottom. She's leaning back slightly onto the palms of her hands, and she just looks so ready to take me. I cannot fucking resist her a second longer.

I ask, quickly, "Are you ready for his baby?"

"Hell yes! Fuck me, Jasper. _NOW_." _Don't need to ask twice_.

I slide the head of my cock up and down her slit before I enter her. With one hand on her hip and another at the base of my cock, I slide into her slowly, wanting to savor the moment I first connect with her.

The feeling of sinking my cock into a woman's pussy, that initial moment of impact, is always the most divine moment of sex apart from an orgasm. But entering Alice? That's essentially like discovering a new galaxy. Everything I ever believed to be true about sex has been wiped clean. There is nothing else like fucking Alice, and I know I'll never be able to fuck another woman again. She's so tight and limber, I can move her any way I choose and her tiny body accommodates me. Every time my thrust takes me out of her sweet pussy, I can't wait to sink back inside her once again.

I feel her place her hands on my waist, and in an effort that is oddly coordinated, she pulls one of her legs up and hooks it over the crook in my elbow. Then she does the same thing with her other leg. We don't need to even talk about what we're doing—I just somehow inherently understand what it is she wants from me. I nod at her slightly to let her know I get it, and she pulls herself in closer to me. We use the leverage that she created to allow me to thrust even more deeply, and we both moan contentedly, appreciating the effect. Again, we don't need to say a word, our eyes are locked on one another, and we're both completely present in this moment together.

I recognize vaguely that my hips are smashing into the table with such force that it creates a loud banging sound against the wall. The movement causes a metal shelf to sway back and forth, and metal bowls start to fall onto the floor. I'm not really paying much attention to the movement or the noise; I'm too preoccupied with watching Alice's breasts bouncing up and down in time with my thrusts. It isn't until I see those same breasts covered in chocolate and lemon that it dawns on me we're spilling Bella's creations all over Alice as a result of our movement. I lean forward and lick the lemon from her nipple, and hear her scream out an orgasm. Feeling her clench around my cock forces me to cum, hard and fast.

As we both lean into each other, contented and catching our breath, I realize that I've never felt so closely connected to another human being before. It's almost as if Alice's energy pervades my soul, allowing this electric bond to form between us. She's magic, and I'm happily trapped in whatever spell she has cast upon me. She's the first to speak.

"It looks like we have a little mess to clean up here."

As I scan the back room, I acknowledge that she is quite right—it looks like the place has been ransacked. We both start to laugh at the mess our antics created.

"You know, I wouldn't mind making an even bigger mess…."

"God, I am totally gross and sticky. We're going to need a shower."

Hmm. She's right. That part hadn't occurred to me. What the hell to do? I guess I can put on my clothes over the stickiness, but I don't want to make Alice do that; her clothes always look so nice. Apparently, she can sense my hesitation.

"We have a shower in the back room, Jasper. We can just use that."

I scoop her up by her ass, and she wraps her legs around me, grabbing the condoms as we walk past. As she gives me directions, I carry her to the storage room. I set her down so she can start the shower. She moves to step inside, grabbing my hand so I follow.

I let her face the water stream directly, while I stand behind her. As she stands under the stream, I wrap my arms around her waist and hold her tightly. I dip my head into the space between her neck and her shoulder, lightly running the tip of my nose along her collarbone. I feel her reach back to hold the nape of my neck and hear her sign contentedly.

I whisper into her ear, "Do you mind if I wash you?" I grab a washcloth and the soap, presuming that she will be fine with the idea.

"Only if I get to do the same to you." I love her interest in making everything between us reciprocal.

When we're connected in this way, both physically and spiritually, it's nearly impossible to tease out where she begins and I end—it's almost as if our psyches are circular, co-mingling, designed to be together. When Alice is in front of me, the whole world dissolves—the only thing that matters is that she is close enough for me to hold, to worship, to enjoy. All I know is that I need Alice, and she needs me, and somehow, somewhere, our destinies are the same. There is no choice, only necessity. Instantly, I realize that all of my life, I've merely been waiting for her. That's why I had no luck in love before she arrived; deep in my heart, I knew I was meant to be in love, I just didn't know it was Alice I was waiting for. The minute I saw her, serving coffee in the café, I knew. I just knew she was the key to unlocking my soul.

I wash her body gently, trying to display every ounce of reverence I feel for her through my movements. I try to memorize every curve of her beautiful form. I want to catalogue each and every sound I draw out of her with my touch. When it is her turn to wash me, the second her hand touches my skin, I'm instantly hard. All she has to do is look up at me with her golden hazel eyes, and I need her. Without a word, she grabs a condom and rolls it on. I grab her hips and lift her up the shower wall. I lean over to kiss her as I slip effortlessly into her. This time, we take it slowly, but the passion underneath the movements is just as strong and intense as the first coupling. I bury myself inside her over and over, barely moving my cock. I cannot stand the thought of leaving her for a single moment. We move silently, slowly in tandem, lost in the feeling of our movement, and our orgasms are a slow, smoldering burst, together.

I look at her beautiful, divine, contented face, and I can't help myself. I have to say what is on the tip of my tongue. "Alice, I don't want to frighten you, but I know, with absolute conviction, that I love you."

She places her lovely hand on my cheek, and tells me, "I know, Jasper. I've been waiting my entire life for you. I just know it's you."

I turn off the spray and grab a towel to gently dry her off. We dress silently, and Alice declares that we are simply going to leave things as they are and go home together. I will never argue over the option of spending more time with Alice, as opposed to less.

The house is dark and quiet when we arrive. I nearly ask where Emmett is, but I realize it doesn't matter—the only thing I truly care about has me wrapped around her little finger. Holding my hand, she leads me to her bedroom. Without words, she turns to undress me, and I do the same thing to her. She pulls back the covers of the bed and tugs my hand to indicate she wants me to join her. I slide in behind her, snaking my arm around her waist and nuzzling her collarbone. She turns her head back and gives me a deep kiss.

"Grow old with me," I whisper.

"The best is yet to be," she whispers back to me.

I fall asleep quickly, feeling as though, for the first time, I'm finally home.

**END NOTE: I apologize profusely for this taking so long to post. I've been working on o/s for two contests, 80sward and For the Love of Jasper. Thanks for your patience as I write and work nights. Sometimes the two are mutually exclusive!**

**Up next: EPIC smex fest for Edward and Bella!!**


	24. Chapter 23: The Iceman Cumeth

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: This chapter was initially meant to be one, but it's getting a bit unwieldy in length. Thus, I split it in two, which essentially means you're going to get two lemons in a row. I didn't think I'd have many complaints over that. Plus, it means I get to post now, rather than in another week.**

**Things I own: Two French coffee presses, the one and two cup sizes. The French press coffee in this chapter is a nod to MsKathy, my fellow caffeinaholic comrade.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

_**My love and thanks to NaughtySparkle for reading and always being receptive to my crazy ass ideas. ILY, bb.**_

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: THE ICEMAN CUMETH**

"_Education is not the filling of a pail, but a lighting of a fire." – William Butler Yeats_

**BPOV**

The first thing I notice as I climb out of the fogginess of sleep is Edward. I've never awoken next to someone else before. Waking up with Edward is like nothing in this world; he is impossibly beautiful, even with bed head and morning breath. It should be a crime to look this good while asleep.

I try to process the entire package in front of me: Fuckhot naked torso, complete with chest hair to nuzzle in; a scent like nothing I've ever taken in before, so uniquely Edward, and something I want to smell every day for the rest of my life; the slow rise and fall of his chest underneath me, as he breathes deeply in sleep; the outline of his musculature, even when in a relaxed state. I decide to wake up and ogle him at my leisure, really taking all of him in. I don't know that I've ever had the chance to just look at him, in all his perfection, until now.

His eyes, when he's sleeping, are perfectly relaxed. It makes me recall how furrowed his poor brow always is when he is awake. He must carry the weight of the world on those brows, and I instantly feel remorseful; I likely contributed a great deal to those furrows, and I'm not proud of that fact. Otherwise, his brows, are deep and pensive, and impossibly thick, which lends a certain intensity to his look. Although he is an intense man, I wonder if his brows don't make him appear even more intimidating than he is otherwise. His lips, slightly apart while he sleeps, are sublime. His bottom lip is full, and focusing upon it reminds me of all the luscious things he did with it last night. I think I need to suck on it, between my lips, perhaps even bite down on it a little bit—it is the perfect size for that. His top lip is thinner, and almost looks like a watercolor bird flying far away on the horizon. You know, the kind where the silhouette looks like a fluid, flowing line, one you can imagine flying off into the sunset? That's exactly what it looks like. The thought occurs to me that it isn't farfetched to compare Edward to artwork, because he is a study in classic male beauty. I haven't found a single feature on his body that is less than perfect. It's as if the universe rifled through my brain and created the perfect male for me, who happens to be Edward Cullen.

I shift my focus to the shape of his face, and enjoy the scruff gracing it. I want to run my fingers over it, but I also do not want to wake him up just yet. His jaw line, including his chin, is strong and angular. It reminds me of a Greco-Roman statue. I'm thrilled to have unfettered access and a front row seat to enjoy Edward Cullen's profile. Who knows if I'll ever get the opportunity to see him this closely again? That thought brings a sour pang to my stomach; I realize that all I really want is to wake up on his chest for the rest of my life, and to be able to take in that face every morning. Even if it is just a quick gaze followed by a sigh every morning, because we're so busy, I want that view. That realization takes me by surprise. It makes me understand that I am completely under Edward's spell, and there is no way around it. I don't think I could deny him anymore, even if I wanted to. I'm his, completely.

I roll off of him a bit, in order to take in the rest of his physique. Without a shirt, I can assess his muscular arms and shoulders, his chest, and his abs. Even in their relaxed state, they are the stuff of legends. I think back to the Greco-Roman statue comparison, and honestly? Most of what I've seen pales in comparison to Edward Cullen. He is, for all intents and purposes, the perfect male specimen. The clincher in all of this? He professed his love to me, and I turned him away because I felt he was too pretentious and egotistical. What in the name of God was I thinking?? This man is bloody perfect and I wanted to cast him aside? He's brilliant, witty, beautiful, richer than Croesus, has a superb family, and still I was willing to let go of all this?

_Okay, Bella Swan, that nonsense fucking ends immediately_.

I can no longer keep away from this lovely man. I want him, God, do I want him, in every shape and form. I want him to be the first man to make love to me. No matter what happens, I want to be able to say, when I'm 90, I lost my virginity to Edward Cullen, and it was worth every second. Given a choice, I would always choose to have Edward Cullen to deflower me. That thought causes me to snort, which causes Edward to wake up.

_Damn! I wasn't done checking out his hot bod! I haven't even gotten to the junk yet!_

Edward's eyes flutter as he breaks into consciousness. If I thought his eyes were angelic when they are closed, their vivid green color when opened puts the rest of it to shame. Jesus, his eyes are mesmerizing! And, I notice, they are looking at me with the force of a laser beam.

_Fuck. Me._

"Bella?" He asks, quizzically.

I swallow hard. "Yes?"

"Is something wrong?"

"Why would you think something is wrong?"

"You're staring at me. And you're awake."

"Well, I happen to be appraising the real estate, and it seems mighty fine from this perspective."

"Oh, does it now?"

"Yes, in fact, I was just thinking that I wouldn't mind establishing residency in this very locale. As long as the chest comes with the deal. That's not negotiable."

"I'm pretty sure that could be arranged. The seller is anxious to appease the buyer. He said he'll do anything to accommodate the buyer's particular…whims."

"Well, then, you'd best tell the seller that the buyer is extremely interested in taking the package for a test run."

"Is that so?" The smirk that blooms on his face is stunning and spectacular.

"Yes, indeed, it is."

Edward's cell phone rings. The ring tone is "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. It starts with the lyrics, _Mama, just killed a man_.

_WTF?_

"What's up, Mom?"

I grin to myself. That's actually pretty clever. Something I would do. I like it.

Edward sits up in bed. "Outside? Are you sure?"

I can't help but listen to the conversation, as I take in Edward's furrowed brow and low, angry voice.

"Fuck. How soon will Rose be here?"

"Well, why don't you text her and you two can work on it together. Yes, Mom, of course I promise. No, we won't." Suddenly, Edward blushes. _"Mom!_ Yeah, okay. I'll check in with you later." He shakes his head as he ends the call.

"Apparently, half the paparazzi in the world are located outside my front gate. I was planning to take you to the Waffle for breakfast, but word from Esme is that we have to be sequestered here until she and Rose get things straightened out. We won't be able to leave, and they won't be able to come here. It will only add fuel to the fire. I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Why are you sorry? We are not going to let those assholes get to us. We are going to have an awesome day, all to ourselves!"

"You know what? That's exactly the attitude we both need today. We're simply going to enjoy it, no matter what. I have an idea. I'll be right back."

Edward grabs his phone and dashes out of my bedroom. He returns a few minutes later with that crooked half-smirk on his face.

_Oh, my Smirky has returned. I never thought I would actually enjoy his smirkiness, but it's really growing on me…_

"So, what evil plots did you just hatch?"

"Bella, why so suspicious? Do I look like the kind of guy who would hatch evil plans?"

"Well, that incredible smirk of yours is downright sinful. I will give you that much."

"All right, I'll simply cancel those plans. We don't have to…"

"Now wait just a minute! I didn't say you had to _cancel_ them. I simply want to know what the plans _are_."

Edward chuckles. "As if I'm going to give away the surprise. Do you mind staying in bed for a little bit longer?"

I eye him warily. "Why? What did you have in mind?"

His grin disappears, replaced with a look of absolute hunger. _Sexual _hunger. "I don't think you want to know."

"Oh, I'm fairly certain that I do. In fact, I think you need to be in this spot right here in order to give me all the gory details," I say, patting my hand on the empty spot next to me.

Before I can even process what has happened, Edward is not only next to me on the bed, he has lunged over to me, pinned me down with my arms above my head, straddling my waist. His lips hover mere centimeters from mine.

"Okay, I'll tell you."

A pause. I await his answer, still silent. I'm starting to get uncomfortable with the intensity of his gaze on me.

"Yes?" I say, trying to prompt him into action.

"Oh Bella, you really have no idea, do you? If your body keeps taunting me like that, I'm not going to be able to control myself around you."

"What? I'm just lying here!"

"Yes, that is, technically, correct. However, you happen to be 'just lying here' clad in nothing more than a pair of skimpy lace boy shorts and a tank. I mean, look at you! Jesus, your nipples are even hard! Do you have any idea how badly I want you?"

"You keep saying stuff like that, Edward, but I'm right here! I'm a captive audience! Remember, when you told me at the restaurant how you couldn't wait to be buried deep inside me? I want that. I want you. I want that experience. _Now._"

"I couldn't possibly do that while we're sorting through this whole James affair. Things are bad enough for you as it is!"

"What makes you think losing my virginity to you could ever possibly be mixed together with all that negative bullshit? I can't imagine anything more positive that could come from all of this. I want you, Edward Cullen, so badly. I really, truly want to know what it feels like to have you deep inside me. I dream about it. I need it, so much. Please, Edward? _Please_?"

A chime sounds overhead. We've been talking so intimately and intensely that we both jump at the sound. Edward's face brightens, then darkens again.

"Your surprise is here, but don't think we aren't going to revisit this little denouement. Immediately, following your surprise," he warns. He grabs my hands to pull me up to a stand. "Come on, let's get you fed."

We walk out towards the kitchen, and Edward pulls a t-shirt over his head as we're walking.

"You, my dear, are positively, absolutely, scandalously underdressed. You should be seen by no one other than me. Please go wait in the kitchen, I'll be right there," he says, planting a kiss on my cheek. As I turn he gives my ass a slap, and I squeal. I can hear him snickering behind me.

"Don't think I won't get you for that one, Cullen!"

I make my way to the kitchen, wondering what Edward has planned. I allow my mind to wander to the thought of having sex with him. It makes my insides all jumbled and my girlie bits start to go nuts just thinking about it. I don't have time to think about anything else, because Edward arrives with a series of boxes and bags in his hands.

"Bella Swan, I am about to introduce you to what is otherwise known as breakfast nirvana, The Waffle. It is West Hollywood's finest new breakfast eatery, where movie deals are made daily. Since _we _couldn't go to The Waffle, it has come to _us_. Now, if you would be so good as to grab a stool at the breakfast bar, your meal will be served."

I watch as Edward takes out plates and cups, napkins and silverware, dishing up the various goodies he ordered. He gets a pot of French press coffee going and everything smells just heavenly.

"I should probably let you know, breakfast is my favorite meal of the day."

"I hope that the woman who has buns named after herself would love eating breakfast! So, let me tell you what we have here. This one here, with nuts, is the baked-in pecan waffle. It MUST be eaten with butter and pure maple syrup for the perfect taste sensation. This one is a chocolate chip waffle, topped with chocolate ganache. And the last one is a blueberry waffle with blueberry sauce and lemon curd. It reminded me of you, because you make those delicious little tarts with lemon curd in them. "

I sit there for a moment, dumbly, with my mouth hanging open. This is all so thoughtful and sweet; I never expected this. Well, I never expected to spend the night at Edward Cullen's house, in Edward Cullen's bed, but still. All the rest is icing on the cake.

"This looks so amazing, Edward. I can't believe you went to all this trouble for me. All I really need is a bowl of cereal and huge amounts of coffee."

"You're a guest in my house, and I intend to treat you as such. Now shut up and eat."

I take a bite of the pecan waffle, and it is heavenly. The pecans have been roasted ahead of time, so their flavor is keen and strong. Delicious. I moan.

"If you're going to moan like that, you won't have any time to finish your breakfast, because I will attack you. You're walking a very thin line as it is, Swan, and I'm doing my utmost to contain myself for a few minutes," he says, he voice low and serious.

I swallow hard. "How do you know that wasn't intentional?"

"Bella, I'm warning you…"

I don't answer him, I simply spear another bite. The blueberry is next. I can't decide which one I like better, they are both so good. "Mmmmmm, sooo good," I purr in the sexiest voice I can muster.

I'm not certain, but I think I hear Edward growl.

_Yes, please!_

I know _exactly_ what I'm doing to Edward, so I push it one step further. I take my finger, run it through the chocolate ganache, and put it into my mouth. I suck my finger all the way in, then retract it with a loud "_pop!_" I start swirling my tongue around my finger, and Edward gets this look of complete focus and he stares intently at my mouth. I decide to repeat the process for added effect. He grabs my hand just as it's about to reach my mouth and pulls it into his own instead. It feels so warm and soft, but he grazes his teeth across my finger as he pulls it out. While this should feel the same way it did when I had my finger in my own mouth, in his, the experience is positively electrifying. I don't have any idea what he's going to do to me, and it makes this simple feat so arousing.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you weren't interested in eating breakfast this morning."

"Who said I was? I think we were on the right track before we got interrupted."

"We can get back to that. It isn't like we're going anywhere…I have all day to torture you if I so choose, you know."

I scoot my stool as close to Edward's as possible, and hook my legs over his, so we are facing each other.

"Well, if that's how it's going to be, let the torture begin."

I spear a chunk of waffle and hold it over my mouth, so that a drop of chocolate drips near my mouth. I look over to see Edward swallow hard. I make a move to wipe it off, but he stops me.

"_Don't. Touch. It._"

He snakes his incredible tongue out from his mouth and licks up the errant drop. I whimper, which causes him to smirk.

_I really can't believe I used to hate the smirk. It's so fucking sexy._

I grab another bite of waffle, but this time, it is a drop of maple syrup that falls perilously close to my cleavage. Edward is on it like a hawk. I honestly don't know which is more arousing: Watching his tongue dart out of his mouth, or feeling his wet warmth on my skin. The effect of watching and feeling both actions forces out a low moan from me. He grins again.

"Edward, you haven't had anything to eat yet. We can't forget about you!"

I cut up a piece and bring it to his mouth. He opens widely and wraps his lips around the fork. I never knew eating waffles could be erotic, but I'm pretty sure that Edward could make anything look erotic. He swallows, and I can't help myself. I lean over to kiss his syrupy lips.

"Mmm, so sweet," I murmur.

"I could say the same thing." I feel him smile against my lips, and I smile against his in return.

"Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Because I asked you to. It'll be well worth it, I promise."

"You didn't use the magic word."

"I did earlier, and look where it got me!"

"It got you in the kitchen, eating the most erotic breakfast in the history of mankind, with a man who really just wants to fuck you senseless."

The image his words plant in my brain is so hot—Edward fucking me on the counter with waffles flying everywhere. My face flushes.

"Why are you blushing? Did I embarrass you?"

"Hardly. I embarrassed myself. Got a little carried away with imagery there for a minute."

"Oh? I'd like to hear about that."

"Nope. That one stays planted right where it is."

"Okay, then feed me some more waffles."

"Wait, you were going to close your eyes for me."

"Bella, we're back where we started, you know. I still haven't heard the magic word."

"Oh, for fuck's sake. PLEASE!"

He smirks away and chuckles at me. And then, finally, closes his eyes.

I trace over his lips with maple syrup and notice his breath start to hitch.

_Oh Edward, I'm just getting started…_

I lean over him and start to trace his lips with the tip of my tongue. He startles when my tongue first touches him, but almost immediately opens his lips to give me better access.

_That's right, sweetie. Play nice._

Just to make sure I got every little speck of syrup off of his lips, I suck his bottom lip into my mouth, causing him to release the hottest moan I've ever heard. I'm so fucking wet I'm afraid I'm going to slide right off his stool and into his lap.

_Not such a bad idea!_

I didn't notice that Edward had taken his finger and dipped it in something sticky until he brought it up to my lips to smear it on me. We repeat the process we just completed, only in reverse. Now it's my turn to moan.

"God, you're so beautiful, Bella. Your hair is slightly messy, you've got those little boy shorts on, that tank. You have no idea the effect you have on me, do you? You are _so_ innocently sexy."

"Innocently sexy? What does that mean?" I ask, giggling.

"Well, you look like this little sex kitten, ready to hop in to bed, yet I know you're a virgin. It's like you're sexy, but you don't know it. That is a huge turn on."

"All I have to do is look at you and that's a huge turn on."

"I think it's pretty safe to admit we are both turned on. Right?"

It's getting hard to talk. I nod.

"And what do you suppose we should do about it?"

"You're the pro here, what are you asking me for?"

"You're the guest. I was trying to be polite."

"Okay, then. I need to take a shower."

His face sinks with disappointment. I need to clarify.

" I mean, let's take a shower. Together. We're both all sticky, after all."

His face brightens instantly.

"That's a spectacular idea! Why didn't I think of that?"

He grabs my hand and away we go. He takes us to his master bathroom, which is nearly as big as Charlie's house in Forks. It seems like every bathroom gadget known to man can be found here. His shower has no doors or curtain—you simply walk your way into it. It is decorated with stone tiles, and the floor is heated. There is a large bench near the stream of water.

While we're waiting for the water to heat up, I see a funny looking pod thing in the corner of the bathroom. It looks kind of like the thing they used as Spock's casket in Star Trek.

"Edward, this isn't all just some sick plan to lure me into your Trekker pod so you can do the Genesis experiment on me, right?" I say, pointing at it.

"Bella, I can safely say no one has ever called that a Trekker pod before. It's actually a floating pool. You dissolve enough Epsom salt in the water to create a buoyancy similar to the Dead Sea. The water is nice and warm. You basically put on ear plugs, set the timer for however long you want to be in there, and float away."

"I'd worry about falling asleep in there. Knowing me, I'd drown myself."

"The water is only ten inches deep. And there's a headrest."

"Huh. Well, I guess you fancy LA-types have all the latest and greatest gadgets."

"My mom actually found it for me. I have a really hard time relaxing, and she felt it would be helpful for me when I get really stressed out."

"Your mom is one of the coolest people I've ever met. You're really lucky to have her, you know."

"Yeah, she is great. I hear so many people say they could never work with their parents, but I've never felt that way before. They're really decent people who do good work. Nearly everyone in my life happens to be an amazing individual. I don't have a wide circle of friends, but the ones I have are very solid. I would trust any of them with my life."

"You have to know that I have a quote for that…'Friends, like books, should be few and well chosen.'"

"That's a great one. Who said it?"

"Samuel Paterson, if I'm not mistaken. I'm pretty sure the shower must be warm by now. Did you want to go first?" I didn't want to assume that we'd be showering together, even though that's what I suggested. I suddenly got nervous about it.

"But I thought…we were going to…do it together?"

"Well, I…I've never been naked in front of anyone before. I feel a little nervous."

"Would it help the situation at all if I told you that I can't fucking wait to see you naked? It's something I've imagined from nearly the first minute I saw you."

Edward walks towards me, with that same intense/focused look he had on earlier. My heart starts to pound in my chest and I feel the butterflies flitting around in my stomach. As he reaches me, he slides his body right into mine, and gives me one of his famous passionate kisses. One of his hands is behind my head, the other one on my ass. He pulls it in towards him, and I can feel how hard his erection is. He grabs my hand and places it on his cock.

He speaks in a low, sultry voice. "Bella, I want you to feel exactly what it is you do to me. I am this hard nearly all the time I'm with you. Hell, I'm this hard from just imagining your naked body in front of me. Don't you want to find out what you'll do to me when you're actually naked?"

I squeeze his cock and let out a small whimper. It is all I can do to whisper out, "Yes" to him in reply.

He places both of his hands underneath my tank top, coming in contact with the skin on my lower back. I jump just a little, because the feeling is so intense. With his fingers on my back and his thumbs along my sides, he slides his hands up, slowly removing my shirt in the process. He tosses it aside and cups his palms around my breasts.

"So beautiful," he murmurs. I blush in response.

Because I have no idea what I'm doing, I follow his lead, removing his shirt in the same fashion. I run my fingers through his chest hair, and he lets out a slight moan, which encourages me to go a bit further. My thumbs circle his nipples, and then he lets out a much more audible moan.

He becomes more impatient, and tugs at my boy shorts, and we both work to yank them off. The second I'm naked, I work on getting his pajama bottoms off, but his erection gets caught in the waistband. I keep tugging, and his cock springs free, slapping him on the stomach.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry!"

"Maybe just try to be a little less enthusiastic next time, okay? Not that there's anything wrong with enthusiasm! A little moderation would be perfect."

He grabs my hand, leading me into the shower. It's warm and steamy, which is exactly how I feel on the inside right now as well.

"Is it all right if I take a big, long, hard look at you, now that I have you in front of me, naked and inviting?"

I couldn't possibly utter a word right now if I wanted to, so I simply nod my head.

He starts with a chaste kiss to my lips. He moves his hands from my cheeks, down my neck. He skims across my collarbone, and once again holds my breasts. I've always felt self-conscious about them, recalling the torturous communal showers from PE class, and feel myself curl up my shoulders.

He speaks to me in a quiet voice, "Hey, what are you doing? Are you trying to hide these phenomenal breasts from me?"

I blush. "I've never felt like they were phenomenal. In fact, I've always been embarrassed by them."

He shakes his head silently. "Really? These beauties, right here, you've been embarrassed by _these_? Bella, I see breasts all the time in my line of work. Tits of all sizes and proportions. Please believe me, yours are nearly perfect, and they're totally natural. I mean look," he demonstrates by cupping both of them simultaneously, "they're just the right size! And, more importantly, your nipples are spectacular. The color, the shape…they just make me want to dive in and kiss and suck them all day long!"

I giggle at the image of Edward walking behind me with his hands on my boobs as I go through my day.

His hands shift to my behind. "Your ass, oh I don't think you really want to know what I've thought about your ass. Every time I saw you bend over on the set, I wanted to run straight for you and fuck you from behind. God, it's positively delectable. Made just for squeezing, I'm sure of it. The fact is that your tits and your ass fit so perfectly into my hands, and that can't be a mere coincidence. The only logical conclusion is that it is made for me to play with and squeeze to death."

"It doesn't surprise me that you leap to that conclusion. I don't suppose this has any influence on your opinion at all, does it?" I say, as I squeeze the base of his cock, then slide my fist up and down his length. I earn a deep, long groan from that.

"Absolutely none. And I believe, Ms. Swan, we were cataloging your assets here, not mine."

Edward drops down on his knees, so his mouth is right next to my pussy.

"Oh, Jesus, I can smell you from here!" My knees give out when he says that. Of course he is there to catch me. He swivels me around and sets me down on the built in bench. His mouth is still mere inches away. He spreads my thighs, then spreads my lips. "You're so wet…_fuck_!" He drags his finger through my wetness, bringing it up to his mouth. Watching him suck my wetness off of his fingers is probably the most erotic thing I've ever seen in my life. I can't help but let out a loud moan at the sight. It causes Mr. Smirky to appear.

_Damn, that fucking smirk alone makes me wet!_

He places his hands on my knees and looks me directly in the eyes.

"I'm sitting here in front of you, and I have to confess—you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. You're natural, and wonderfully curvy, and it's like you've been custom built to meet my specifications. You are the whole package, and I could look at you naked, all day, every day, and still never get tired of seeing your exquisite body. Please believe me when I say that you are amazing."

"I have something I need to admit to you. The most I've ever done sexually is had someone feel up my boobs. I've wanted to have sex for so long now, but I just never found the right person. When I see the way you look at me, and touch me, you make me feel so special. I decided that I really want to lose my virginity to you. I guess I'm trying to tell you that I'm not very good at this sex stuff, but I really want to be. I want to learn how to give you pleasure as much as I want to receive pleasure from you. You could have your choice of anyone in the world, but I'm the one who captured your attention. I want to deserve that attention, and I can only do that if you teach me how. Do you mind doing that? Teaching me?"

He leans in and gives me a slow, deep kiss. "I would like nothing more. Your body is like a fucking treasure map, and I need to be buried deep within you to discover all your secrets."

I whimper. How the hell else do you react when someone says that to you?

He smirks. "I'll take that as a yes."

I nod enthusiastically, pulling his lips towards mine. Although I've kissed Edward now multiple times, each time is different. His lips can do marvelous things, and the same can be said for his tongue and his teeth. His mouth tastes incredible, and that surprises me. I guess I rather expected it to taste like breath, which isn't necessarily appealing, but I find that I'm totally wrong there. His breath smells so quintessentially Edward, all the time, no matter what he has been eating or drinking. Right now, there is a slight lingering taste of maple mixed in with Edward, and it is delicious. I don't think I will ever tire of feeling his soft velvety tongue move against mine.

His lips part from mouth, and work back towards my ear, causing me to momentarily pout. Until he reaches my ear, that is. The feeling of his tongue over my ear causes me to shiver. He asks me if I'm cold, but I am incapable of responding to him. When he nibbles on my earlobe, it's all over. I gasp and arch my back involuntarily, and I can feel his lips forming a grin.

"I take it that your ear enjoys my attention," he whispers in a sultry voice.

I whisper back, incapable of speaking any louder. "I've never had someone touch my ear before, and I find it incredibly…arousing."

I feel his hot breath at the same moment I hear it, and the combination travels straight south, right to my cooter. He doesn't let up, he continues to lavish the same fuckhot attention to the rest of my body. He skims his nose up and down my neck, and over my collar bones. He snakes out his tongue along my cleavage, then works his way over to my breast. As he grabs my boobs, his tongue goes to town on my nipple.

"Bella, I know I already said this, but your nipples are sublime. They're so pink, and round, they almost look dainty. But they're so responsive to my attention, look how they're puckered up just for me! It's a shame that you have to cover them up most of the time."

He starts to run his tongue down my belly, stopping to lick my navel. I can say with complete honesty that I had no idea the navel was an erogenous zone. I've never put much thought into it, of course, until Edward lit in on fire with his stupendous mouth. Lord, the oral skills on this boy just don't stop. I feel like I'm a stick of dynamite, and he lit my fuse, and we're both watching the fuse burn down closer, and closer, and closer, all the way to the end. I'm working my way up to a massive explosion, and it's going to require everyone to duck and cover.

While I soak up and appreciate all the attention Edward is giving me, I suddenly realize that he's been moving south. As in, a beeline for my cooch. As in, he's nearly there. This thought paralyzes me momentarily, because I'm equal parts mortified and excited about the prospect of receiving cunnilingus for the first time. I have no idea what to expect, and I'm worried that I won't do it right. Or that I'll taste bad. True, he did taste me earlier and seemed anything but repelled. Most of all, I'm worried that I will love it. If I love it, I'll end up having to beg for it, because it can't be much fun for the guy. Apparently, my worries are becoming obvious, because Edward breaks through into my thoughts.

"What's wrong, baby? You just tensed up on me…did I do something you didn't like?"

I can literally feel my cheeks heating up in embarrassment. As much as I would like to go hide myself away and not deal with any of this, I can't do that to Edward. If we're going to make something of our attraction to one another, we owe it to ourselves to be honest and open. So I am.

"Remember how I told you this is all new to me?"

"Yes, of course I do."

"Well, I'm half petrified, half excited about you going down on me. See, I have no idea what to expect, and I'm so worried that you'll be disappointed in me somehow. I don't know if I will taste any good and I don't want to turn you off. But most of all, in all honesty, I'm afraid that I will like it."

"Afraid that you'll like it? Why is that something to be afraid of?"

I feel the burn in my cheeks intensify. "Because then I'll want it all the time, and it will be embarrassing to have to ask you to go down on me."

His answering smile is beautiful and reassuring. He cups my face in his hands, looking straight into my eyes. "I've already told you this once, but I will repeat it as much as you need me to in order to make it sink in: Your body is impeccable, Bella. Just looking at your naked form is a privilege. Your pussy is so beautiful and perfect to me. I can't wait to sink my mouth into you. Don't you remember what I said last night? I meant every word of it. _I can't fucking wait to taste you all over my lips_. Right now, being this close to you, enveloped in that amazing scent, it's taking all my willpower to keep from diving right into you. I already know you taste wonderful. Will you please simply relax and let me explore your body?"

I answer him softly. "Yes, of course."

He replies by gently kissing the area just above my pubic bone. With his long, slender fingers, he runs along my slit, carefully opening my pussy for him to see. When he looks at it, I hear him utter a deep moan, which goes straight to my clit.

_Jesus, do I want you!!_

"If only you could see what I see, Bella, you'd know that your pussy is a fucking work of art. You should never be less than proud of it. As much as I want to play with your tits all day long, I think my real Achilles Heel will be your pussy. One look at that, it will be my downfall every single time. The way it is so responsive to my touch, you get so wet, so ready for me, it drives me nuts."

He carefully slides one finger inside me, and with his tongue, traces a path up to my clit. My clit and I are old friends; we have to be if you are a horny virgin with no one around to help alleviate the tension. No amount of self-pleasure could ever equal the moment his mouth touches my flesh. I've never felt anything that even approaches the feel of Edward's lips and tongue on my cunt. The minute his warm, soft mouth touches me, I've achieve nirvana. The sensation is unreal, and my legs are starting to clench around Edward's head. I'm trying so hard not to hurt him, while focusing on getting off, but getting off wins every time. I just have to let go and hope that I don't kill Edward with my legs' vice grip.

I realize that I'm breathing really loudly, mixing some moans and whimpers in there, too, but it feels too fucking good to be embarrassed. At the very least, Edward knows he's on the right track. I just know there is no better feeling in the world, and I'm perfectly okay with Edward giving me cunnilingus forever.

_Pleaseohpleaseohplease…don'tmotherfuckingstop…shitshitshitfeelssofuckinggood_!!!

I'm intimately aware of what it takes to make me cum. I know exactly what the build up feels like. I know what to expect. Or, at least I did before Edward laid his hands on my body. Now, I just feel like lighter fluid, and Edward is my match. I'm highly combustible. And sometimes, even the lighter fluid fumes can burst into fire. I'm nearly certain that Edward just lit my fumes, because when my orgasm arrives on the scene, it comes from out of nowhere, and suddenly I'm the fucking _Towering Inferno._ All I know for certain is that I am screaming at the top of my lungs, and panting like I just ran a marathon. Then, Edward does the unthinkable—I'm coming down from my orgasm, trying to slow down my breathing, and he takes his finger, which coated in me, and licks it clean.

_Fuck. Me._

"Oh, I will Bella, mark my words. I just thought we'd take our time getting there, since we have all day."

"I said that out loud?"

"Well, there were actually quite a few things you just said out loud. But, yes, you did say fuck me."

I flush in embarrassment. "You can hardly blame me for being enthusiastic; I didn't know it was possible to feel that way. It was incredible. Amazing. Indescribable."

"I'm so glad you enjoyed it, because I'd like to repeat that action frequently."

"I will never complain when you want to, just so you know."

"Perfect. I'm glad to hear that."

"Okay, so now it's your turn, except you need to help me figure out what to do." I grab his cock at the base and slowly slide my fist up and down his length. "These things don't come with instruction manuals, do they?"

That earns me a laugh. "No, they don't, but it's really not complicated technology. The principles are fairly simple. Tight fist, plenty of lube, that's pretty much all you need."

"I just need you to tell me what feels good, and what you like, so I can learn _you_. I don't care about anyone else's penis. I just want to make yours happy."

"You see, that right there—you utter something completely sinful and hot, and it comes out of that innocent looking face! It just kills me. You're sexy and innocent all at the same time!"

I take in his cock by the base and examine it closely. Since I've never seen one up close and personal before, I want to get a good look. While I don't really have a basis for comparison, I have to admit that, no surprise, Edward's penis is a thing of beauty. Again, it just puts those fucking statues to shame. He's thick enough to the point I can't get my hand all the way around it. It seems to be pretty long, too. It's a beautiful shade of deep red and starts to turn purplish as I stroke it. It's so soft and smooth, deliciously warm; I really didn't expect that at all. It's all wet at the tip, so I run my fingertip over it just to see what it feels like. It's surprisingly similar to my own wetness—again, something unexpected. In the meantime, all my investigating is starting to drive Edward to distraction. He's making some pretty loud moans and groans, which only serves to make me press onward. His penis is absolutely fascinating.

I start to experiment with different touches, surprised to learn how easy it is to affect a cock. So many things I do make it jump, which also elicits a grunt or moan out of Edward. I run my fingers lightly over his balls, and they move! They fucking move! Like they are some living, breathing organism that is capable of sentient thought. That idea makes me snort—yeah, the only thing balls are capable of thinking is how to get off. I'm not going to kid myself here.

"Bella, while I'm grateful for your singular attention to my swollen cock, I don't think I can take much more. If you could perhaps focus your attention to the stroking department, that might be helpful."

I grin at him. "I might be able to do that." He looks at me, confused.

_Oh, just wait until you see me pull a rabbit out of my hat, Edward Cullen!_

Grabbing the base of his cock hard, I stick out my tongue and run it over the tip. That earns me another jump. As a follow-up, since he apparently liked the first move, I put my entire mouth over the head. Edward delivers a deep groan. I remove my mouth, and circle my tongue around the head, then along the bottom of the head. His hips thrust. Now I want to try to go down as far as I can. I'm worried that I'm going to hit my gag reflex, and I'm pretty sure no guy wants his cock to make people hurl. Lucky for me, I have a really weak gag reflex, so I should do fairly well with this little task. That's when he starts the talking.

"Bella, you have no idea how fucking hot it is to see your lips wrapped around me. Watching my cock slide in and out of your beautiful mouth is seriously the most amazing thing I've ever seen. You know what would work even better? If you use your hand to slide along the base of me, while the rest of me is in your mouth. Yes, fuck baby…just like that…goddamn, so hot…Jesus…I'm gonna cum…"

I remove him from my mouth, not so much because the idea of him cumming in my mouth grosses me out, but because I've never seen a guy ejaculate before, and I really want to. He starts in my mouth, and ends up shooting over my chest. A couple streams even shoot over my shoulder. Holy hell, that's amazing—I had no idea penises could shoot that far! Watching him lose it, his eyes closed in bliss, with his hips thrusting with every spasm, is by far the hottest thing I've ever witnessed in my life. His hands are still wrapped in my hair, and he loosens his grip as he slowly comes back to me.

"Jesus, that was fucking intense. There's just no way you haven't done that before. You are so fucking primo, baby."

I blush at his compliment. "No, I simply pay attention to your responses. Your body was telling me what to do."

"God, I can't imagine how incredible it will feel to be inside you, Bella, but I'm going to need some time to recuperate. Let's finish showering, then I have a few things planned to keep our minds off of sex. At least for a few minutes, anyhow." He smirks at me.

I sit down on his lap, straddled and facing him, and give him a passionate kiss. He groans.

"I can taste myself on your tongue! You keep getting hotter by the minute! Okay, okay, we need to stop now, or we never will. Come on." He grabs my hand and we walk directly into the stream of water.

I reach out to grab his shampoo, but he stops me. "Can I do it?"

"Absolutely."

I watch one beautiful hand squirt the shampoo into the other. Just the thought of those amazing fingers massaging my scalp has me wishing that we could fast forward to having sex. While I'm incredibly nervous about the experience, I also cannot wait.

"I'm going to rinse your hair now."

I lean into the stream of water, and feel his fingers on me again, rinsing out all the suds. He moves me slightly out of the stream and puts the conditioner in for me.

"While I wait for the conditioner to work its magic, let me do yours, okay?"

He bends over, placing his head near my breasts.

_That dirty perv! He just wanted to leer at the girls!_

"I meant I was going to wash your hair Edward, not give you the chance to ogle my chest."

"What, is it my fault they are so conveniently located to where I happened to bend down? Would you rather I close my eyes and grimace?" He follows that with placing his hands on my tits, and giving them a little massage.

"Remember once upon a time, someone had this great idea that perhaps we should focus on something besides sex for a while? I'm thinking that massaging my tits doesn't fall into the 'something else' category."

"You know I can't help myself! They're so beautiful, and they're right in front of me, just begging to be manhandled. I simply can't not touch."

I continue to laugh while finishing his shampoo. "Enough, Romeo. Go rinse out your hair." Before complying with my request, he takes a nipple into his mouth and gives it a little nibble. My nipples are instantly hard.

I push Edward back into the shower stream, giving him a slap on the butt. I stand next to him, rinsing my hair, too.

"I think it is best if we wash ourselves off rather than each other," I add. "We certainly aren't making much progress in getting out of the shower at this rate."

Edward chuckles. "I hate to admit it, because I'm having so much fun, but I think you're right."

He gives me a quick peck on the cheek and hands me a washcloth. While we aren't touching each other, both of us are staring intently at the other's body, and I'm certainly just as hot and bothered as I was before. I turn around, so that my back is facing him.

"Bella, why did you turn away?" He asks, his voice sounding so disappointed.

"Because if I stood there and looked at your naked body for another second, I was going to jump on you and have you take me right there," I say over my shoulder. Just the thought of him fucking me in the shower makes my girlie bits tingle.

I feel Edward come up behind me, his cock already hard. "But when you turn away from me, all I can see is that luscious ass of yours, and that has me wanting to jump you and take you from behind right now." I can feel hot breath in my ear and lean back into his hard cock.

"We have ourselves a quandary, it appears. Either way, we both want to fuck like bunnies. What are we going to do?"

He sighs loudly. "We're going to finish our showers and _try_ to focus on something else for a while."

I finish rinsing off my body and step away from the shower. "If you insist."

He turns the water off and stands next to me, both of us toweling ourselves, not trusting ourselves to do it for one another.

"Edward, why are we waiting again?"

"Because, what I have planned for you, I need to make sure I have plenty of energy stored up. I'm going to have you in every imaginable way tonight, and I want both of us to be ready."

**END NOTE: The Waffle is a real restaurant in LA, one of the hot new places to have breakfast. It is incredibly expensive, but oh, so yummy!**


	25. Chapter 24: Opening Night

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: YES, Bella and Edward do the deed in this chapter. It's the one you've been waiting for.**

**Things I own: Soon, I will own a brand new Cullen Crest key ring to replace my broken Twilight key ring, once it arrives in the mail. Yes, I am a dork to be excited by this. You've read 23 chapters of my ramblings so far, you should know this by now. Just saying.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

_**Special thanks to my bb NaughtySparkle. She has earned dibs on Smirkypeen. **_

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: OPENING NIGHT**

"_The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely, aware." – Henry Miller_

**BPOV**

Once we are dry, I make my way to the guest room in order to get dressed. Edward follows me.

"Um, I thought we were getting dressed and not thinking about sex for a while, Edward."

"We are. But I thought I could watch you get dressed. I don't really want to leave you."

His earnestness makes me smile. He is positively irresistible. "I can assure you, there is absolutely nothing exciting about my getting dressed. I'm not even going to wear anything remotely enticing."

"Let me point something out to you, Ms. Swan. Men are visual creatures. The mere act of seeing you naked, then putting on your bra and panties, then covering those up with whatever else you happen to put on, is _very_ enticing. The entire time you are putting things on, my mind will envision how you look taking them off. No matter what, we can always envision nudity. Just knowing what the panties you are wearing underneath your clothes will keep me hard all day."

"But I thought the point was _not_ to think about sex today."

"It is not humanly possible for me not to think about sex whenever you are in my presence, so I'm not even going to try. However, I do have a few business-related items to attend to. Once those tasks have been accomplished, I'm going to sex you up so hard, we'll end up in the Guinness Book of World Records."

I stand there, dumbstruck, staring at Edward. I notice my breath hitch as I breathe in audibly. "You can't just say things like that to me and expect me to carry on as if nothing has happened! Don't you understand that everything you say, every way you look at me, is just another aspect of foreplay? I won't make it through the next hour at the rate you're going."

As I stand there, exasperated, covered in nothing but my towel, I see the smirk come out. He fucking smirks at me!

"Guilty as charged, but feeling no remorse whatsoever," he laughs.

"You know, two can play this game. I can make your life very difficult if I want to."

The smirk is instantly gone. The intense/focus thing with his eyes returns. "Why don't you get dressed, Bella?"

"Oh, I'll get dressed, all right," I say with smugness.

I drop my towel to the floor, standing naked in front of Edward. Knowing how much it makes him horned out to see me from behind, I bend over to grab my backpack. I'm not certain, but I believe I hear a combined growl/moan/groan noise come from Edward's mouth. I smile to myself with satisfaction.

I dig through my backpack to pull out some clothes. Had I known I would be conducting a virginal seduction scene, I would have come prepared. However, a seduction had been the furthest thing from my mind when I packed my things, so I end up pulling out some jeans and a t-shirt. Still, I plan to make Edward suffer all day; it's now part of the plan.

I walk over to the bed, where Edward is sitting, clad only with a towel around his waist. Seeing his naked chest is very distracting; I stop what I'm doing to drink him in. It is only when I hear his chuckle that I pop back into the moment, slightly embarrassed for being caught. Suddenly, I get inspired.

_I'm going to do a striptease in reverse!_

I grab the panties, which are nothing fancy, but that is irrelevant. In my hands, on my body, they are sexy to Edward—and _that _is relevant. I twirl them around on my finger for added effect, then start to put them on. I point my toe, carefully stepping through the leg opening. I repeat the process with my other foot. Bent over, I hook my thumbs around the sides of my underwear and very, very slowly slide them up my legs. As they move past my knees, I start to shimmy my hips in an effort to help get them on. Of course, this action is completely unnecessary, but it serves to drive Edward to distraction, making it completely necessary in my book. As I reach my hips with the top of the elastic, I bend my legs, followed by a thrust of my hips, as I finish sliding them on. I glance at Edward, who appears to be drooling, and his eyes are glazed over.

_Step number one in Seduction of Edward process: Check!_

I grab my bra, sliding my arms into the straps with exaggeration. I place my breasts in the cups, and turn around so that my back is facing Edward. I wiggle my shoulders and my hips as I fasten the bra, as though the movements make it possible for me to get it fastened. Again, completely unnecessary movements, but they certainly add to the effect on Edward. _Perfect._

_Step number two in Seduction of Edward process: Check!_

I turn around to face him again, this time adjusting my breasts in the cups, so they are properly situated within the bra. I reach my arms over my head to stretch, as though I've just awoken from a nap. I peek over at Edward, and the glazed eyes haven't left. The jeans are next. I slide my legs into them, one at a time, again shimmying my hips to get them all the way on. I jut out my hips as I fasten the zipper very slowly, then move for the button.

_Step number three in Seduction of Edward process: Check!_

The t-shirt is the last item of clothing to put on. It is difficult to make slipping on a t-shirt sexy, but I do my best, putting it on one sleeve at a time. When I slide it over my head, I make a big commotion of getting my hair freed, bending my head down and flinging my hair over my head. I fluff it up with my hands, swinging it from side to side to release its fragrance. I notice Edward adjusting himself through his towel and know that my routine is working.

_Final step in Seduction of Edward process: Check!_

"What is on your shirt today?"

"This? Oh, it's the chemical formula for caffeine. I wear this shirt to work all the time. Alice bought it for me."

"That's very clever. I have to admit, however, I'm a bit confused over how to approach you today."

"I don't understand."

"Remember when I told you, back in Forks, that I figured out how to approach you every day by reading your t-shirts?"

"Oh my God, yes, I totally forgot about that!!" I laugh. "Hmm, I guess the caffeine molecule just means you need to work hard on keeping me awake today. Do you think you can do that?"

"I'm _very_ confident you won't be getting any sleep today. Or tonight. So prepare yourself."

I swallow hard. Just hearing Edward's liquid sex voice spill out the words _confident_, _no sleep, _and _prepare yourself_ leave my girlie bits as slippery as a wet eel.

_I'm so not going to make it through this day._

Edward stands up from the bed and his towel falls to the floor. Not being able to stop myself, my eyes go right for the package. Hard or soft, it is a treasure to behold. _So beautiful and perfect_. He bends over to grab our towels and chuckles at me.

_I'm so busted!_

"Oh come on, you can't expect me to avert my gaze when you put your naked body on display! That would just be cruel!"

"I just had to get you back for what was the most erotic method of getting dressed I've ever witnessed."

I go for complete innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I was simply putting on my clothes, Edward. I can't help it if your pervtastic mind goes to naughty places."

"Riiiiight. Dry that one out, you can fertilize the lawn, Ferris."

"Whatever." He smirks at me and takes my hand, leading me out of the guest room, and into his own room.

I stand in the doorway, taking in the room. His bedroom is quintessential Edward. Masculine, with clean lines, dark colors, and classy furnishings. The floor is dark cherry. He has floor to ceiling bookshelves that are filled with books and artwork. In between the bookshelves is a gas fireplace with a black leather recliner off to the side.

He has a king size bed that looks über comfortable. It is a sleigh style, in a lighter cherry finish that complements the flooring. The sheeting, which appears to be Egyptian cotton, is navy blue with a white trim border and some type of crest embroidered in the middle of the duvet cover, the pillows, and the shams.

He has a flat screen TV that is housed on an artist's easel, complete with a small ledge for the remote controls and a bottom shelf for the DVD player and Tivo. It is on wheels, so he can relocate it between the bed and the recliner. There is a wooden valet stand near his closet door, where a suit is hanging. It occurs to me that I've never seen him dressed in a suit, but I know he would be positively irresistible in one. I make myself a promise to see him dressed in one, even though the very sight of him dressed like that will make me want him to be undressed, STAT. One can hardly blame me—the only thing more beautiful than Edward in clothes, any clothes, is Edward without clothes. It's just a simple law of nature.

Unable to contain myself any longer, I make a mad dash for his bed, and fling myself onto it. I come down with a _thud!_

_What the fuck?_

"I see you discovered my Tempur-Pedic mattress!" He says, laughing at me.

"What in God's name is a Tempur-Pedic mattress? And why would you sleep on something so hard?"

"It is a memory foam mattress. As you lie on it, your body heat softens the mattress, and it conforms to your shape. They developed it for the astronauts to use in space. It's incredibly comfortable, but not for jumping on."

As I lie back, I see at once what he means. The bed starts to absorb me, in a most freaky-cool way. It is incredibly comfortable. So much so, I don't ever want to get up. I roll over onto my stomach, lifting my upper body onto my elbows. I grab one of his pillows, which are made of the same foam as the bed. It is then that I notice the crest on his pillows is the Cullen family crest, custom embroidered onto the sheets and pillows. _How cool is that_?

Edward walks into his closet to pull out some clothes. He comes out fully dressed.

"Well, that's not fair."

"What?"

"You got to watch me get dressed, but all I got to see was your closet door!"

"How about I make it up to you later and let you get me undressed, instead?"

I act as though I'm calculating complex equations. "Hmm. That's really a tough one, but I guess I'll agree to the conditions."

"That's perfect. And in the meantime, let's get you off of my bed."

"Nope, I decided I'm going to stay on this bed permanently. It is too comfortable for me to leave it."

"Bella, I _need you off that bed_," he says darkly.

I sit up, alarmed by his tone. "Why? What did I do?"

He pinches the bridge of his nose. "It isn't a matter of something you have done. It is a matter of me, seeing you on my bed, and imagining all the sordid things I want to do to you in that bed. And believe me, I can assure you that once I get you in there, I'll make certain you never want to leave it."

The lust lacing his proclamation is evident, and goes straight to my girlie bits. As much as I want to stay, I heed his warning and scoot myself off with a big sigh. He walks over and wraps his arms around me.

"I promise I'll make it worth your while later, Bella."

I take a deep breath in, my face buried in his chest, surrounded by the incredible smell of Edward. I'm convinced that I could live the rest of my life within the confines of Edward's bedroom. He has books, a comfortable reading chair, plenty of space, and the most comfortable bed in the world. And best of all? It's Edward's room, so he'll be there with me.

"Let's head to my office. I have something in there I want to show you."

"Lead the way, tour guide."

We walk down the hallway, and into a huge suite. His office is exactly as I imagined it would be. It is covered with floor to ceiling bookshelves, which are buried in more books, media, and artwork. His desk is an architect's drafting desk, and he has this futuristic looking, webbed office chair. He has a series of inboxes, all wooden, on the sides of the drafting table. While the office looks well used, it is completely neat and orderly. I can easily imagine him sitting at the desk, running his hands through his hair while he concentrates. There is a computer workstation behind the drafting table, so all he needs to do is swivel his chair to work there. It is a huge iMac, of course, and puts my little Macbook to shame. The screen is nearly as large as some TVs I've seen.

There is a reading corner in his office, too, just like in his bedroom. A huge, comfortable leather chair sits there, with a coffee table and side table. A pedestal lamp hangs over the wooden chair. There is a huge carpet runner that travels the length of his office, which is a series of old French print advertising, like Taittanger champagne and Orangina. It is an amazing workspace.

As I'm absorbing the room and its contents, Edward is rifling around in one of the inboxes. He grabs something that is bound with a simple pale blue cover.

"Aha! Found it."

"Found what?"

"The first draft of my next movie."

"Oh my God, seriously? Can I ask you what it will be?"

"We're doing a remake of Jane Austen's _Persuasion_."

My mouth falls open. "You've got to be shitting me."

"Absolutely not. You know Masen specializes in period pieces, and we've been meaning to do an Austen for some time now. It seems like whenever we get a good idea, someone ends up remaking the movie before we do. I happen to really love this book, because it is so clear that Anne and Captain Wentworth are destined for one another, but they both have to work so hard to persuade the other one to fall in love with them again. It is very subtle and nuanced."

"I absolutely _love_ the book. It's always been one of my secret favorites."

"Why secret?"

"Well, because it isn't nearly as popular as _Pride and Prejduice_ or _Sense and Sensibility_. Perhaps because it is so understated, it gets overlooked. If ever I were to be reincarnated as a Jane Austen novel, I would be _Persuasion_. Most definitely."

"Well, I've never heard of a case of a human reincarnated as an inanimate object, so I'll take your word for it. At any rate, I'm not at all happy with this draft, and I was wondering if you would mind taking a look at it for me. I sense that you will be able to craft it into something I can really use. That's always been a struggle for me, finding someone who can give me a script that meets my needs as a director."

"Seriously? You trust me with reworking your script? I mean, Edward, that is just…_huge_. I don't have any writing qualifications. I've never been to college."

"Bella, you have more sense in five brain cells than many people have in their entire heads. Of course I trust you with it! I'm not the kind of person who says or does things without thinking them through beforehand. You should know me well enough by now to know that my trust is hard to win; I'm not prone to flattery."

"True, very true. I guess I'm still a little shocked that I was able to win your trust at all. That does mean a lot to me. I'm honored that you feel I'm worthy of your trust. Especially after everything we've been through with Renee." The word _Renee_ hangs heavily from my tongue. It's just like swallowing a bitter pill.

"I t is so clear that that woman has had no influence over your life. You are very much your father's daughter, and I have seen you are a person with complete moral integrity."

"I would be honored to read through the script, Edward," I say, quietly.

"I have to do some other Masen-related work. Do you mind sitting in here to work with me?"

"I've been eyeing that leather chair every since I walked into your office. It just screams out 'come read on me!'"

"Well then, you'd better satisfy its whims, right?"

"I will need a pencil and a red pen, please."

He leans over his desk and grabs the pen and pencil.

"Here you are, my lady," he replies, giving me a mock bow.

I curtsy back to him, giggling. "Thank you, kind sir. I am most appreciative."

I pull out my iPod and pop in my ear buds. I can't work without music. Since I'm going to be reading, however, I have to select an instrumental piece. Lyrics interfere too much when I'm concentrating on words. I choose Bach's _Goldberg Variations_ by Glenn Gould. Gould is almost mathematical in his precision, and it is excellent music to think by.

I sit down in the chair, tucking my feet underneath me. I have a habit of clicking my pen absentmindedly while I read; I used to get yelled at by the Forks librarian all the time for being too loud. Of course, with the music on, I cannot hear anything else. I shift my position frequently to get comfortable. It's almost as if I a have a series of positions, like in yoga: Feet underneath me, to the right; feet underneath me, to the left; cross-legged; one foot underneath me, with the other one bent up at the knee; my back leaning against one arm with my legs dangling over the other arm.

Edward is correct; this script isn't very well done. They have failed to capture the magical essence between Anne and Captain Wentworth. I find myself absorbed in the world of Anne Elliot, making mad scribbles and edits all over the document. I'm so engrossed with the reading and the music, I fail to take notice of anything else. I keep going until I need a bathroom break. Actually, I keep going longer than that, because I find it extremely annoying to have to stop what I'm doing just to trod over to the bathroom. I keep reading, as the pain in my bladder keeps building. Finally, I can't hold it any longer, so I pop out one of my ear buds. I look up at Edward, and find his eyes locked with mine. He is leaning back in his chair, legs propped up on his desk, hands in praying position underneath his chin, with his eyes straight on me. Despite the immediate need to pee my face off, his gaze zaps me like a bolt of lightening. It is absolutely that intense and smoldering. I catch my breath.

"Uh, I really need to pee—where is the nearest bathroom?"

"I believe you may recall a shower you once took at my house, Ms. Swan? Those are the nearest facilities."

I feel my face flush with the memory of what occurred in that very same bathroom.

"Okay, then, I'll be right back."

I walk down the hallway, my heart pounding.

_Fuck, I cannot do this for another minute. I cannot wait. How can I possibly wait with those eyes looking at me like that?_

I get to my business, trying to control my breathing in the interim.

_You've waited 21 years to lose your virginity, Bella Swan. You can wait a few more hours. Even if Edward Cullen is looking at you like you are a tasty dinner._

I make my way back to the office. Edward is talking on his phone, so I try to be very quiet. His back is away from the doorway, and he is working on his Mac while talking on the phone. One thing I've noticed about Edward that I absolutely love is that he never uses those stupid Bluetooth devices for his phone. I got so sick of those in the café, because you would think someone was talking to you, or placing an order, when they were really just talking into their headset. It was so annoying. Plus, like I want to hear their phone conversation? I just assumed since he is a big Hollywood director, he would like on one of those stupid things, but thank God he doesn't.

I get back in my chair, pop in the ear buds, and settle down to work. I'm making tons of edits, trying to get this thing whipped into shape. After shifting through all my Bella-Swan-chair-yoga positions, I move to the floor in front of the chair. I lay down on my back, in front of the chair, and set my legs on the seat.

The first thing I notice is that my ear hurts. _WTF?_ Oh dear Lord, I fell asleep. I turned over on my side, which is why my ear hurts—the ear bud isn't a comfortable pillow. I'm lying on my hands, and I've drooled all over myself. I also rolled over on top of the script.

_I wonder why Edward didn't wake me up…_

I sit up quickly, wiping the drool off with my hand. I look around, and Edward is nowhere to be seen. I pull out my ear buds and stand up. I hear the piano off in the distance; Edward must be practicing. In my bare feet, I walk quietly over to his piano studio, just off of the living room. The piano is positioned so that Edward's back is towards the doorway, so he can't see my approach. He's playing Bach. From memory. There is no sheet music at all on his piano. I watch him playing, discovering another side of him. His hands move so smoothly over the keys, quick yet precise. The muscles of his forearms contract and expand with the movement of his fingers, and it is a portrait in elegance. Those impossibly long fingers kill me. I'm instantly jealous of the keyboard. I _so_ want that to be me. I need that to be me.

_I want to be played by Edward Cullen._

I must have made some kind of noise, because Edward stops playing and quickly turns to face me.

"You startled me—I'm not used to having anyone else in the house."

"I'm sorry I interrupted you. I heard the piano and wanted to hear it up close."

"Well, you fell asleep in the office, and I didn't want to disturb you, so I thought I would come practice. It's a good tension reliever for me."

"Oh? You're tense? What's the matter?"

"You know very well that I'm tense…I couldn't concentrate for one minute with you in my office! Every time you shifted your body, I was reminded of your presence. It was agonizing, because all I wanted to do was come attack you, right there on the chair."

"You know I wouldn't have complained."

"That's not the point. We should both be able to work in each other's presence, you know? But I swear, even the smell of you is a distraction."

"I smell? Why didn't you say something?"

"I mean, your scent. Its aroma is intoxicating. And then you keep shifting positions in that chair, and all I could think of was being underneath you, doing all kinds of nasty things to you. It made me incredibly tense."

"Edward, why are you fighting this so hard? Let's give in to all this lust bubbling just underneath the surface. We're adults, we're attracted to each other; why hold back?"

"Because, like I said earlier, I have plans for you."

"Well, speed those plans up a bit."

Edward checks his watch, then smiles. "It just so happens that the plans are set to start any minute. Come with me."

He grabs my hand, and we walk towards the kitchen. My stomach growls loudly.

"I thought you might be getting hungry. We're waiting for dinner to arrive."

He opens the refrigerator and removes a bottle of champagne. He places it, and two champagne flutes, in front of me. I watch as he removes the foil wrapper and unscrews the metal clasp that secures the cork to the bottle. Wrapping a towel over the top of the bottle, he works the cork out and I hear the telltale _pop!_ of a champagne bottle being opened. He pours it into the two flutes and hands one to me. He lifts his to make a toast.

"To the most important task of deflowering Bella Swan."

I giggle at that. "That has to be the strangest champagne toast ever," I respond, clinking my glass to his.

As I sip the champagne, I taste the dry, smooth bubbles, letting it coat my mouth. I've only had champagne a few times in my life, but never any that tastes this good. I close my eyes to savor it on my tongue. I pass the glass in front of my nose, taking in its luxurious scent.

"This is incredible. I've never tasted anything this good before."

"In my line of work, one drinks a lot of champagne. While most industry types drink Moët et Chandon, or Cristal, I prefer Veuve Clicquot. I always have a bottle chilling, because you never know when you might need it."

I hear the doorbell chime, and Edward excuses himself for a minute. He returns with a picnic basket.

"What is that for?"

"Really, Bella, I hardly think this needs an introduction—it is a picnic basket."

"I know _what_ it is, I just don't know _why_ it is."

"I'm treating you to a picnic dinner. Indoors. Since we are trapped here indefinitely."

"I've never been on a picnic before, inside or out. This is going to be fun!"

"Why don't you grab the champagne, and follow me."

We make our way back to Edward's room. There is a huge blanket and large pillows spread out on the floor near the fireplace. He gestures for me to sit, so I grab one of the pillows and make myself comfortable.

Edward sets down the basket, then plops himself on top of a pillow across from me. He opens the basket and starts unloading its contents. The very first thing he removes is a small grill-type appliance. I have no idea what it could be used for. Edward gets an extension cord and plugs the grill into it. He makes sure it is resting on the floor, not the blanket. He sets out plates and utensils, then pulls out wrapped plates filled with ham, sliced cheese, grapes, sliced apples, boiled new potatoes, and slices of hearty French bread.

"Edward, what kind of picnic is this? I've never seen something like that grill thing before."

"It's called _raclette_. It originates from the French Alps, where it is eaten by the French and the Swiss. It's similar to fondue, which the French and Swiss have fought over for centuries. Both claim it originated in their country. Raclette suffers from the same dispute. Basically, you place the meat or vegetable on top of the grill, then put some sliced cheese in the little tray underneath. You melt the cheese until it is bubbly, grill the meat or vegetable until it is warm, then pour the melted cheese on top. It goes beautifully with the champagne, and it is a very hands-on meal that we can cook together. I thought it would be fun."

"It's incredible! I can't believe how creative and romantic this all is! No one has ever treated me so well. This is perfect, Edward, just perfect." I lean over and give him a kiss.

Edward makes the kiss deeper, and I moan into his mouth. That causes him to pull back. "I want to finish eating before we get to all that, otherwise we'll never eat."

"True. It is far too easy to get sidetracked with you!"

"Come on, the grill is ready. Load up your tray and get grilling."

As the food cooks, it smells incredible. Edward is positively thrilled that I'm so excited about the picnic. It's fun to see him acting like an adolescent on his first date.

I pour the melted cheese over my food, and use a fondue fork to bring it to my mouth. The cheese is stringy, so when I bite into it, the cheese keeps stretching. Edward's is doing the same thing. The sight of the string of cheese on the side of his mouth does me in. Apparently, the same goes for him, because he has that gaga intense/focus look on his face.

"This meal is dangerously erotic, you know…" I start.

He doesn't answer; he licks the cheese off of me with his wicked good tongue. His unexpected movement makes me gasp. He pulls back with a smirk.

"You planned this, didn't you? You knew how dangerous this meal was going to be! You conniving perv!" I tell him, giggling uncontrollably.

"Of course I did, Bella. You should know by now that everything I do is planned and orchestrated. The raclette is merely a pawn in my seduction."

The way the word _seduction_ rolls off of his tongue goes straight south to my nether regions.

_If just his words make me wet, I'm in deep trouble tonight. Bring it on, Cullen, bring it on!_

"So what do you have in there for dessert? Or do I even want to know?"

"Chocolate fondue," he says, with practiced ease.

My mind instantly goes to very bad, naughty places with the images of chocolate-covered Edward.

"Oh," I say, trying to mimic the same sense of ease while blazing like a bonfire on the inside. Edward merely smiles, seeing right through me.

We finish eating our raclette, talking about movies, working at Masen, our childhoods. I continue to be amazed that we can talk about absolutely nothing and still be engrossed in each other. I guess that's what makes people soul mates. They just belong together, and everything they do is natural and unforced. I marvel at how comfortable I am, sequestered with Edward in his house. It's like I've always been here, and I can envision myself here forever. I know that we've barely started dating, we haven't even had sex yet, but I recognize, deep within my soul, that this is no simple dalliance. Edward and I are connected on a level that most people never approach. It's like our souls recognized each other, and we were destined to meet at the Wonderland Café. Smirky and Snarky are merely the masks we used to hide from the public and, initially, each other. Once the masks came off, and we could see into the depths of each other, we knew. This love is one for the record books. I completely understand Romeo and Juliet now. I know why Darcy and Elizabeth had to fall in love. Once you see it from their perspectives, it all makes sense.

I clean up our dishes while Edward gets the fondue ready. It is on a small platter, surrounded by bananas, apples, grapes, pound cake, angel food cake, and homemade marshmallows. While we're waiting for it to heat up, Edward pours the last of the champagne into the flutes. Suffice it to say, the champagne has gone straight to my head.

I get on all fours and lean over Edward. I whisper in his ear, "I feel the need to tell you that I'm more than a little buzzed."

He turns his head slightly so that he can whisper back, "That was the plan all along."

I pull away from him so I can see his face.

_Yep. The smirk. I should have known._

"So, your plan is to get me drunk, seduce me, then take advantage of me?" I ask, in mock outrage.

"Pretty much. And the plan appears to be working just fine so far."

"Can I warn you now that my filter is totally malfunctioning at the moment? I'm kind of feeling like saying anything that pops into my head. That's probably not such a good idea."

"I think I'd be very interested to hear what you have to tell me."

"I have an idea!!"

"Yes?"

"We're going to play strip fondue!"

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"I just made it up—strip fondue. Every time a piece of fondue falls anywhere outside your mouth, an item of clothing must be removed."

"Okay, I like the sound of that."

"You first."

Edward skewers a banana with his fondue fork and dips it in the chocolate. He brings it carefully to his lips, sticks out his oh-so-talented tongue, and closes his lips around the fork. He licks off the excess chocolate from his lips, as I watch with envy.

_I wish I could be the one licking those lips._

"Edward 1, Bella 0. Your turn."

"Are you trying to psych me out? Because you should know up front, I have _skillz_."

"I'm sure you do. Go on."

I stab my fork into an unsuspecting piece of pound cake. I carefully dip it in the chocolate, and pull it up to my lips. I pop it into my mouth, quickly. Except that there is nothing on the end of my fork. Alarmed, I glance around to find my pound cake sitting in the chocolate.

_Oh, shit. My bad._

"Hmm, it appears that you have lost your first piece of fondue. Strip, baby."

"Shoot, I'm not wearing any socks. Why didn't I wear socks today?"

Edward gives me his intense, hungry look. "I would have told you that socks don't count, anyhow."

I peel off my shirt. No need to show off my girlie bits yet.

"Your turn Mr. Smirky."

Edward laughs and goes for the angel food cake.

"Hey, that's off limits to you!"

"Why?"

"Because you are so far from being an angel it isn't funny! You are an evil tempter!"

He quickly dunks the cake and pulls it into his mouth. "Score, Edward 2, Bella 0."

"Wrong-o, Mary Lou! Look at the blanket!" I say, pointing at the chocolate.

"What? That's just a drop of chocolate! That doesn't count!"

"Hey, you dropped it, you need to take responsibility for it!"

"Bella, you are so bending the rules here—it the dunked item that counts, not the sauce!"

"Oh, quit your whining, little girl. Shirt off, please!"

"No way. I have on socks."

"Oh come on! You were just telling me that socks don't count."

"On women, socks don't count. On men, they do."

I start cracking up, because he is trying to look so innocent, and I'm not buying it in the least. I start to chant and clap at the same time, "OFF! OFF! OFF! OFF!"

Edward sighs and takes off his shirt.

"Wait, wait, you might as well take off the socks, too, since they don't count. If I have to be barefoot, so do you."

He shakes his head as he removes the socks. I hop to my feet and start doing a little victory dance, albeit it a tad prematurely.

"Bella, you need to sit down if we're going to finish the game. Your girls are bouncing all around, minimally clad, and I cannot be held responsible if I suddenly attack you. It's your fault for flaunting them for all to see."

I giggle at his words. "_Flaunting for all to see_? Is there someone else here I don't know about, Edward?"

He grabs my hands and pulls me back down to the blanket. I feel his lips on mine, and they practically scorch me. He pulls away abruptly.

"It's your turn, Ms Swan."

"You know, I've always been very partial to bananas," I recite, as I poke my fork into a chunk of banana. "I especially like the long, thick ones best. When they are just past green, so they're still really nice and firm. I love to sink my teeth into them. Mmmm, just the thought of a nice, firm banana in my mouth is so delicious." I pop the banana into my mouth without incident.

Edward's face is laden with lust. He's practically drooling. Truth be told, that's what I intended.

"Your turn, Edward," I say cheerily.

"You're playing with fire, you know," he growls. Then, his face lightens a bit. "How about we add a new level to the game?"

I eye him suspiciously. "Like what?"

"How about we feed it to each other?"

"Ooh, that sounds kind of fun! So, you feed me first?"

"Precisely," he says in a low voice. Suddenly, I realize I've walked straight into Edward's trap.

"Okay, I'm ready," I say, holding my mouth open.

I watch as Edward twirls the cake in the chocolate, and brings it slowly up to my waiting mouth. It happens to fall in my lap.

"Oh, isn't that a shame?" he smirks. "Now you'll have to take off your pants. I'm so sorry, Bella." He says, disingenuously.

I stand up, intending to pay him back for his cheating antics. I unbutton the button as slowly as possibly, following with the slowest unzipping of a fly ever. I turn around, sticking my butt out a bit, and wiggle my hips as I slink out of my jeans. _S-L-O-W-L-Y._

I can hear him making little frustrated mutterings in the background, and periodically groaning.

Things like…_goddamnedcocktease…hotassinmyface…SweetJesusthosepanties…_I step carefully out of my jeans and toss them aside.

Edward's gaze is stuck on my crotch as I sit down. I snap my fingers in front of his face.

"Hey! Edward! I'm up here!" I giggle.

"Holy fuck, Bella Swan, I need you. Screw the game."

"Umm, no, Edward, I'm going to screw you. After we're done with the game."

Another groan.

"Uh-huh, no complaining. You modified the rules, after all. Now, I need to see if this still tastes all right before I give some to you."

I swirl my finger in the fondue and lick it seductively off of my finger.

Another groan.

"You're trying to kill me, aren't you? You know, we'll never get to the main event if I die first."

"You're pathetic! In the immortal words of Ferris Bueller, 'You aren't dying, you just can't think of anything better to do.'"

"Oh, believe me, I can think of something better to do. It involves my cock buried deep in your pussy, repeatedly, until you scream out my name when you cum."

Another groan. This one comes from me.

"Would it offend you if I told you that you just made me gush? Jesus, I want you so bad."

"Then you better get on with this game, girlio."

I go straight for the cake, because it is the most likely thing to fall off the fork. In fact, I don't even aim for Edward's mouth, I flick it off the fork, and it lands precariously on top of his junk.

_Bullseye!_

He reaches down to grab it, but I catch his wrists first. "No, let me."

I lean over his crotch, and lick the cake off. As I'm there, I notice that his cock closely resembles carved marble in more ways than one. It is certainly just as hard and solid as carved marble. I murmur _mmmm_ as my tongue runs over his jeans.

"Since I'm already down here, I might as well give you a hand taking off your pants," I say as seductively as I can, unzipping his fly. He lifts his hips for me so I can slide them off.

"Edward, I think I just found something else I want to dip in chocolate fondue."

"_Fuck, _Bella!"

"Not quite yet…"

"I think I need to take off your bra, so we're even. Not having bras puts men at a distinct disadvantage in strip anything."

By now, I'm so soaking wet and aching for Edward, I'm ready to go to town. I turn around, so he can more easily unhook my bra, and pull my hair over one shoulder. I feel his hands on my skin, and he skims around to the front of my, taking both my breasts in his hands. I feel his breath on my other shoulder, followed by his lips. I reach over and scoop up some chocolate on my finger. I turn towards him, and coat my nipples with it. His mouth is on my breast instantaneously; he is literally consuming me. I'm moaning loudly.

In my buzzed state, all my sensations are jumbled together. I'm flying, so happy, so warm, breathing quickly. I feel mouth and lips and tongue and fingers everywhere. I'm wet, so wet, so horny, so needy, so empty without him inside me. He lies me down on the blanket, practically ripping off my underwear. I hear him mumble something about _gorgeous pussy, sopping wet pussy, mine, need to taste, so fucking good. _His graceful finger enters me at the same moment his teeth nibble at my clit, and I scream. His mouth is so talented, I can't differentiate between lips, tongue, or fingers. For the first time in my life, I let go and simply feel the sensation of pleasure that Edward brings to me. He gives me this gift, willingly, and I accept. I open my eyes, so I can see him anchored to my cunt, and the sight does me in. He is wearing a mask of ecstasy, adoration, and lust. The look is all it takes—I cum hard, with his mouth on me.

_Fuck! Edward! Oh my God, yes! Yes!_

He moves his tongue over my sensitive slit, cleaning up after the flood. I have my fingers woven into his beautiful hair, just watching his beautiful face.

When he is finished, he moves up to kiss me. I can taste myself on his lips, and it is such an intimate moment to have our mouths joined, tasting our love for each other.

"Bella, if you're ready, now would be a good time for us to try. You're wet, and excited, and it will make things less painful for you."

"Edward, I thought you'd never ask. Of course I'm ready. Take me, please. I need to feel you inside me. I'm aching for it. I want your gorgeous cock. _Please_."

He slips off his boxer briefs, then places a floor pillow under my ass.

"This position will make it less painful for you, I think. I'll do whatever I can not to hurt you, but you need to tell me when to stop if it gets to be too much."

"Of course, Edward. I need to do this. Every woman goes through it. It isn't a big deal. Really, just take me. Please."

He gives me another deep kiss and situates himself between my legs. I can feel his hard cock against my thigh, and it causes me to groan. He pulls my knees up towards my shoulders and rubs his cock through my wetness.

"Here goes, baby. Hang on tight, it's gonna be a bumpy ride…"

I feel the head of his penis enter my pussy, causing me to gasp.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. Just give me a minute."

I allow myself to adjust to the burning sensation between my legs. After a few seconds, the burn starts to decrease, and I give Edward the go-ahead. He starts inching into me, slowly, so carefully, trying to minimize my pain. He is so sweet and gentle with me, and it makes me feel so grateful to have such a wonderful lover be my first. He is so considerate, focusing completely on my feelings and sensations, never once focusing on his own needs.

I look at him in the eye. "Is this okay for you, Edward? Am I making you go too slowly? I want you to be surrounded by this pleasure, too."

"Oh Bella, you have no idea how fucking incredible your pussy is. I want to be buried in you forever. So tight. So wet. Like you were made to fit my cock. _Fucking perfect. _Are you okay if I start to speed up?"

"_Fuck yes!_ Please, I'm ready."

He plunges deep within me, until the base of his cock is flush with my entrance.

"I'm all the way in, Bella."

"I know, I can feel you. I want more."

He slowly pulls out from me, but I need him back. I look down and see his cock inside of me, and it is the most erotic, striking thing I've ever seen in my life.

"Oh my God, that is the most incredible sight in the world—your cock moving in and out of me. It's beautiful, Edward."

"It's amazing, isn't it? Your pussy just takes me in, wraps me in its walls, begs me to stay forever. Jesus, Bella, you feel so right. It's never been this good for me. I don't know how much longer I can hang on, you're too good."

I reach down to my clit, because I want us to get off together. This is my first time, it is such a magical moment, and I want to be there with him. The minute my finger touches my clit, it magnifies the intensity of Edward's cock within me. It is a feeling that is all together different from just clitoral stimulation alone. There is the build up I'm used to, but something extra on top of that sensation. It's almost like I'm stimulating two clits at once; the external one that I'm working on, and an internal one that Edward's cock keeps nudging.

In the back of my mind, I hear Edward chanting to me:

_fuckinghotpussy…needtocumwithyou…sotightsowet…wantotbehereforever…jesusfuckingchristI'mgonnacumsohard… _

His words push me over the cliff. I'm freefalling, suspended in air, with Edward thrusting into me as hard as he can again and again. For a split second, I don't breathe. Time stands still. There is nothing but Edward inside of me, and me covering Edward. We're a fucking circle, eternally joined, yin and yang, me and him, together. And, just as suddenly, the spark releases. My breathing picks up, I scream Edward name, I paw at his ass, pushing him as deep as I can. Our orgasms pulse together, and we come down together, with him still inside me. Although there is still a burning sensation, the ecstasy of the moment makes me forget my own name. Who cares about a slight burn when Edward Cullen's disco stick is inside of me?

As we catch our breath, Edward plants kisses all along my face, my lips, whispers beautiful things in my ears. The moment is perfect.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"I should be thanking you, Bella. That was the most intense sexual experience I've ever had. Everything else pales in comparison."

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

I smile to myself. "How soon until we can try again?"

"Are you sure you feel up to it? Most women need to take a breather after losing their virginity."

"Since when have I ever been a normal woman, Edward Cullen?"

"It would disappoint me greatly if you were."

"Okay, then, I want you to take me from behind, with me on top, with me pinned against the wall, in the shower…"

Edward's hearty laughter interrupts my monologue. "Good God, I've created a monster!"

This time, I give him a smirk. "You have no idea what you have unleashed, you beautiful, perfect man!"

"Then it is time for me to get that hot little ass of yours into my bed, so we can get going on the next round."

He stands up, grabbing my hands. Once I am upright, he tosses me over his shoulder and walks towards the bed.

He lays me down gently on the bed, then goes back to gather the pillows from the floor. He stacks them on the bed next to me. I see exactly where he's going with this; he has mentioned taking me from behind so many times, that has to be what he craves next. I don't even wait for direction; I situate myself over the pillows with my ass up in the air.

"That's so perfect, you know just what I need, baby. You really are custom made for me, aren't you?"

"No, we were custom made for each other. This position isn't your fantasy alone, Edward. I want it, too."

"Fuuuck! You're just impossibly good."

His hands are rubbing my ass, appreciating its round curves, when all of a sudden he surprises me with a little _spank_! I gasp in reaction.

"Is that okay? I just couldn't resist."

"I just didn't expect it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't good." I wave my ass at him, taunting him to do it again. _Smack!_

I groan and feel his hand wrapping around my hair. He pulls my head back far enough so he can whisper in my ear.

"Are you ready to be mounted?"

"Fuck yes!"

Once again, he is so gentle when he first enters me, knowing my delicate skin is still sore. Fortunately for me, copious amounts of wetness and Edward go hand in hand, so I'm more than ready for him. He slides into me effortlessly, and I feel the unique satisfaction in being filled by his glorious cock. This time, however, is better than the first. Feeling his body envelope mine from behind is a genuine thrill. As he glides back and forth, in and out, his body connecting with mine momentarily before separating again, he achieves a greater depth than from our earlier position. How could sex possibly feel better than it did the first time? I have no answers for that, I just accept that it is. In the end, who cares? What matters is the pleasure we are able to bring one another.

Edward's hands rest on my hips, using them to add to leverage to his thrusts, thus heightening the experience for both of us. Our mutual grunts signal our complete satisfaction. Every time his thighs meet my ass with a _slap!_, I picture what his cock must look like entering me effortlessly. He starts talking to me again, so I know he must be close. I reach down to my clit so that we can cum together.

_Goddamnhotlittleass….sofuckingtight…jesustouchyourselfgonnamakemecum…_

_Justwantofuckyouforever…_

"I'm so close Bella, cum with me baby."

His words are all it takes to push me over the edge. I clench around him, and he is lost. The feeling of having on orgasm while he's inside me is so much more intense than clitoral stimulation alone. It makes me wonder, briefly, how I ever lasted all those years being satisfied with my own hand alone.

Edward collapses on top of me, wrapping his arms underneath mine and pulls himself in close to me. He is panting in my ear, and it is music to me. I'm completely unprepared for what comes next.

"I love you, Bella Swan. I think I always have, from the moment I first saw you."

"I love you too, Edward. Thank you for making me so happy. So blissfully, perfectly happy."

As his penis slips out from me, I feel its loss at once. I turn around, shove the pillows aside, and bury myself in his chest. He closes his arms around me, and I feel so secure and loved. I've never been more certain that I belonged somewhere than I do when I'm surrounded by Edward.

He turns to give me a sweet, prolonged kiss, and I drink in the taste of him. Our legs wrap around each other in an attempt to get as close to one another as is humanly possible. Edward pulls the covers over us and we doze off.

I awaken later, during the night, and feel Edward's erection jutting into my back. He embraces me tightly, cupping my breast, then pinching my nipple. His kisses tickle my neck, and I involuntarily arch my back into him. He lifts my leg slightly and slides into me again, filling my emptiness. We move together slowly, deliberately, unhurried in our climb towards release. He whispers in my ear as he moves in me.

"Bella, I will never tire of being in you, of taking you, of making you mine every time. I love what your body does to my cock, closing around me like a sleeve. You feel so good, baby. Jesus, I just can't get enough of you."

My body explodes around him, and he thrusts into me to find his own release. We stay in our spoon, and drift off to sleep again.

The next time I awaken, I feel Edward's hands all over my body, stroking me into awareness. Just gentle caresses all over, as if he is trying to memorize every curve of my figure. I sigh happily and turn to face him, opening my eyes to see his beautiful face staring at mine.

"I need to tell you something, Bella, and it's very important. I know how hot and bothered it makes you to hear a good quote, so I'm borrowing a line from another famous Edward with whom you are probably acquainted, Mr. Ferrars of _Sense and Sensibility_, 'My heart is, and always shall be, yours.'"

His words are so sweet and sincere, I cannot keep from breaking down, just as Elinor Dashwood did when Edward Ferrars said those words to her. The tears stream from my eyes, and before I know it, I'm actually sobbing. The kind of crying where it's hard to breathe, you're crying so hard. His hands instantly go to my face, cupping it gently. He waits patiently for the tears to resolve, then delivers the most luscious kiss, intended to wipe all the tears away. It works. I instantly feel calmer.

"When I first told you I wanted you, I didn't say it correctly, Bella," he explains.

I interrupt, "Oh, God, Edward, _please_ don't remind me of all the horrible things I said to you that day. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for being such a shrew!"

"You didn't tell me one thing that was untrue. I deserved to be chastised in such a way. Please, let's both remember what was said on that day forever, because it was our gross misunderstandings that brought us together in the end. I can never be upset or disappointed in anything that led me to you. However, I did mean what I said about coming back to LA with me; now that you're here, in my home, infusing my entire life with a happiness I never thought to achieve, I cannot imagine your ever leaving again. Will you please consider staying here, with me? Could you ever do that?"

The tears start to flow anew. "I never thought I would hear you say that again. Of course I will stay! I couldn't possibly force myself apart from you again. I have no idea how to break the news to my dad, or Alice, but I won't be going back to Forks."

The sounds of Jefferson Airplanes' _Go Ask Alice_ interrupt us. My ringtone for Alice, of course. My hands are shaking so much from emotion that I can barely open my phone.

"Oh, Alice, I have so much to tell you! You're never going to believe what happened…"

"_Bella, I need to stop you right there, because you have to know what's going on. I'm closing the Wonderland Café, and I'm moving to LA to live with Jasper."_

**END NOTE: Quote from Sense and Sensibility inspired by ManiacalMuse. A special thank you to kellyjaxn for Bella's t-shirt idea.**

**There is one more chapter left, and then the epilogue. James and Renee must face the consequences for their 15 minutes of fame. **


	26. Chapter 25: Karma Police

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: I feel compelled to apologize for the length between posts; my son came down with H1N1, so we've been more than a little busy around the Kimpy household. **

**Things I own: I broke down and got a New Moon Edward Cullen action figure, to go with my Twilight Edward Cullen action figure. Now, I have to keep them **_**both**_** from making out with my Jane Austen action figure. Given that she was born in the early 1800s, a threesome is clearly well beyond her personal boundaries **_**and**_** the social mores of 19****th**** century England. I also have to keep the Edwards away from each other; making out with yourself has to be some kind of taboo, even if you are Edward Cullen. Just saying.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. "Karma Police" belongs to Radiohead. "Dr. Hot Bitch" belongs to Ninapolitan; I simply abuse the use of it frequently.**

_**My sincere and grateful thanks go to NaughtySparkle, who has shined the sparkle to Smirkypeen for some time now. Please give her your thanks for her assistance with concocting James and Renee's "punishment." **_

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: KARMA POLICE (ARREST THIS MAN)**

"_Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." – H.G. Wells_

**Rosalie and Esme's POVs take place the night that the OK website post appears (Friday night). The Jasper, Alice, and Bella POVs take place approximately 36 hours later (Sunday morning).**

**RPOV**

I am deep into a session with Emmett when his phone rings. Or, rather, he is deep in me…

"No, baby, don't stop. I'm almost there. Let it go!" I plead with him.

He doesn't need to reply; he just keeps thrusting, making me feel like his queen.

"_YES! I'm there! Fuckfuckfuckfuckmeeeee!_" I scream with satisfaction.

Emmett lets out a deep groan as he finishes. We collapse on top of each other, when another chime chirps from Em's phone.

I see him reach over and review the message.

"Fuck!"

"What?"

"Alice just texted me a 911. She's never done that before. I gotta call her, baby."

"Of course, Em. Do you want me to leave?"

He leans over to kiss me. "Are you fucking serious? Keep your gorgeous ass exactly where it is!"

I can see the concern written all over his face. He is such a good guy. "What is it?" he asks Alice. "You have got to be kidding me! What the fuck?_"_

My eyes are locked on Emmett's, and his tone has me worried. He mouths the word "tabloids" to me.

_Oh, hell no!_

I motion to him to hand me the phone. He drops it, and I grab it instantly.

"What happened?" I ask, without identifying myself. I'm too shocked to deal with formalities.

Alice explains the situation to me: "_Go to the OK Magazine website. There is an article leaked about Bella and Renee that says they're working together to scam the Masen family fortune_."

"Fucking James! He is constantly pulling crap out of a hat, but this is the worst so far! Thanks for letting us know, Alice. I have to call Edward."

"_Well, I already called Bella before I talked to you, and apparently she's with Edward, so he already knows_."

"Oh, she's with Edward? Huh. I guess I need to check my texts…I didn't know Edward and Esme came back to town. Jesus, I can't even leave for a second without something blowing up!"

"_Well, just tell Em that I'll be here, and will try to keep the cell and land lines open. Let me know if I can do anything, okay_?"

"Thanks, Alice. I really appreciate it."

"_Of course, any time. Talk to you soon_."

I click the phone shut and close my eyes so hard they scrunch up.

_Jesusfuckingchrist, James Masen is a dead man! His balls are GONE._

No one, I mean _no one,_ interrupts my weekend of hot sexing with Emmett! I worked so damn hard to get this whole weekend arranged. I need something to break. _NOW_.

I turn to Emmett, whose handsome face is a mixture of confusion, anger, and lust.

_Goddamn, I cannot resist this man! He could run around in a tutu with drool flying out of his mouth and I would still fuck him silly._

"Okay, so you understand that this is very bad, right?" I explain.

"Yeah, I kind of gathered that."

"Well, I'm going to need to make some phone calls, and I also need to head back to LA, as soon as possible." The crushed look on his face goes straight to my heart. "I promise I'll make it up to you, baby," I coo, and stroke his cheek.

"Rosie, you just got here!" he says, his disappointment apparent.

"I know, babe, I know," I attempt to reassure him. "I'm sure the plane won't be here until tomorrow morning, so that leaves us a little time yet tonight. I just need to make a few phone calls right now, and then we'll pick up right where we left off, okay?" I give him a deep kiss that seals my promise to him.

I fumble through my purse to find my own phone and speed dial Esme.

"_Rosalie? What is it? I thought you were in Forks for the weekend?"_

"I am in Forks, Esme, but Alice just brought a tabloid headline to my attention. I need you to go to the OK Magazine website."

"All right. Let me grab Carlisle's phone," I hear her fumble in the background, then whisper to Carlisle, _go to the OK website, sweetheart._

"_All right, I'm scanning through it now._"

Suddenly, I hear her gasp.

"_Why, that little shit! He got Bella's mother involved?_"

"It looks like it. What could he possibly be trying to pull here, Esme? How is this supposed to pay off for him?"

"_Blackmail, pure and simple. He's seen how attracted Edward is to Bella, and now he's implicated her into a scandal. James has embarrassed her as much as someone can be embarrassed; he gave her an unwanted and unsavory spotlight in the tabloids, and linked her with her mother. He supposes that Edward will pay good money to get the heat off of Bella. I can imagine no other reason. I was always suspicious of his hooking up with Renee, but now I understand why; he simply wanted to get Edward where it would hurt the most. He is such a devious little SOB._"

"I'm kind of surprised we haven't heard from him, then."

"_He's going to wait until the fallout hits, then strike while the iron is hot. I have no doubt about that._"

"What angle do you want to take this time?"

"_We are officially abandoning our previous game plan. James just upped the ante by turning this into libel, and we are going to take legal action. We have to. I'll get the work with the legal team started, so we can slap an injunction on him. I hate to do this, but I also think we need to bring Kate on board, to do a counter-PR move. Once her story hits, it will negate anything James has to say in the future. I'm going to talk to Edward and Bella, to get things rolling. Will you get in touch with Kate and work that magic from your end? I hate to say it, but I'm going to need you back here as soon as possible. I'm sorry, Rose. I really am._"

"No, no, it's okay, I already assumed I'd be heading back. Listen, we both have calls to make. Text me if you need anything else, okay?"

"_Same goes for you, dear. See you soon."_

While I was on the phone with her, I got a text from Edward explaining the OK situation and asking me to contact Esme. I text him back to let him know I'm on it. My phone rings almost immediately after I finish the text. _Jasper?_

"What is it now, my forlorn brother?"

"_I just got off the phone with Edward_."

"Oh, so you know about James' shit?"

"_Yeah, Edward explained it all to me. James is such an idiot…Um, I'm going to be on the plane tomorrow morning, by the way._"

"Really? Why?"

"_Edward convinced me to go back to Forks and win Alice over._"

"Seriously, Jasper? Do you have any idea how badly you hurt her when you left? You have the balls to actually come back here and beg for forgiveness?"

"_Rose, how will she ever know how much I'm in love with her if I don't tell her? I understand that I hurt her—hell, I hurt us both—but until I apologize for what I did, I'll never know if she'll let me back into her life. I have to try. I need her back in my life, forever."_

"You're really serious about this, aren't you? I don't think I've ever heard you speak about another woman like this before, not even when Charlotte broke your heart and ran off with Peter."

"_Damn straight. I am going to do whatever it takes to convince Alice that I was wrong and that I will be sorry for my actions for the rest of my life." _

"Okay, I'm sold. I'm here with Emmett, who happens to have a bounty out on your manhood right now. I'll make him promise to take you from the airport to Alice without killing you first. If Alice doesn't buy your apology, then all bets are off as to how many ways he will filet your ass. Which means you'd better pack your most charming persona tomorrow morning, or I'll be attending a funeral in the very near future. Do I make myself clear, Baby Brother?"

I hear him swallow audibly. _"Crystal, Big Sis. I won't let you down"_

"Fuck letting _me_ down—you just make sure not to let Alice down."

"_I'll see you in the morning, Rose. I have a lot of things to do between now and then."_

I think it's too late in Iceland for me to call Kate about the PR interview, so I send her a text instead. I include the link to the OK Magazine webpage. I'm hoping that is enough to convince her to come out of the woodwork. She's been through years of therapy to get over James, so she isn't going to be thrilled about opening old wounds. Still, I'm fairly certain that she'll be on the same page as us once she hears what James is up to.

I hang up the phone and go back to Emmett. We still have a few hours together, I'm pretty sure I can think of some ways to pass the time. I find him on the couch, watching reruns of _The Amazing Race_.

"You seriously watch this show? Reality television just makes my skin crawl. Probably because I know so many of the people involved, and they are all narcissistic."

"Are you kidding me? This stuff is golden! I love to see the catfights that erupt. Plus, the challenges are really interesting. Like, this one time, they had to cross a river. They could use a hanging rope swing and bungee jump for the quickest route, or they could find their own way across, which took up a ton of time. I was surprised when even some of the guys wouldn't bungee jump. I mean, seriously, for the chance at a million bucks, who wouldn't bungee jump?"

"Did you just say '…chance at a million bucks'?"

"Yeah, that's the final prize."

"OH. MY. GOD. I need to make some more calls."

I flip through my address book, making my way to the "W" section.

_Weinstein._ Yep, that's it. I select the number and wait for the ring.

"_Rosalie?"_

"Weinstein, you owe me big time. I'm calling in my favor."

I hear him sigh in the background. _"Why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like this very much?"_

"Actually, Evan, you're going to love me."

"_Okay, out with it, Hale. What do you need?"_

"I have the perfect couple for the show you produce."

"_Jesus, do you know how many calls I get with people begging to be on The Amazing Race? I don't have any say over who gets cast; it's out of my hands. Sorry."_

"Need I remind you that I'm just a Personal Assistant, yet I somehow got speaking parts in our last film for your daughter _and_ her hoard of friends for her Sweet Sixteen party? Do you understand how loudly 16 sixteen year-old girls are able to scream when they meet Jasper Whitlock face-to-face? Do you know how many hoops I had to jump through to make that happen? Do you remember uttering the words, 'I will owe you for the rest of eternity'? I'm calling in that favor, Weinstein, so I suggest you figure out a way to get them on the show. I don't care what you have to do, you _will_ make this happen. I promise you, they are a very colorful pair, and they will definitely ramp up the ratings. The audience is going to absolutely hate them."

"_You aren't going to let this go until I get them on the show, are you?"_

"I'm assuming that is a rhetorical question."

"_Fuck, we just finalized things two days ago. Why couldn't you come up with this idea sooner?"_

"I'd say I'm sorry this comes at an inconvenient time for you, but I'm not even remotely sorry."

"_Well, maybe we can pull a stunt where one team gets canned at the starting line. That always does well in the ratings. E-mail me their details and I will get the ball rolling. For the record, though, I no longer owe you for the rest of eternity."_

"As long as you get those two on the show, I could care less about what you owe me. Seriously."

"_Remind me never to get on your bad side, Hale. You're a tough cookie._"

"Thanks, I take that as a compliment."

**EsPOV**

Once we get in the car, I'm preparing to give Volturis a call, when my phone rings first.

"News for me already?"

"_Kind of. I just got a wild idea in my head, and made an executive decision to go with it."_

"Well, then, what do you need from me?" I laugh. Rosalie knows me well enough to know I trust her judgment implicitly.

"_Emmett and I were just watching reruns of a show called 'The Amazing Race.' Multiple pairs of couples travel all over the world, taking on all sorts of weird tasks, in an attempt to be the final pair. The winners get a million dollars."_

"Okay, so how does this play into our legal action with James and Renee?"

"_I'm getting there. So the show's executive producer, Evan Weinstein, owes me a huge favor. I called him on it, and now he's working to get James and Renee on the show. Can you imagine how hard they are going to fight to get that million- dollar prize? All the scheming and antics they are capable of? The other participants and the audience are just going to hate them. They're going to be the new Spencer and Heidi. The best part? No matter what happens to them, it will only be the equivalent of 15 minutes of fame, so it will be just enough to whet their appetite, but not enough to satisfy their narcissism!"_

"Rosalie Hale, I am speechless. That is brilliant!"

"_I know, right? So anyhow, I'm thinking we should still go ahead with the injunction and libel suit, to use it as our trump card. To entice them to take the spot on the show, we can tell them we will put the lawsuit on hold if they agree to participate. We make them sign an agreement that nullifies any contracts they have with Masen, and bars them from any future actions to get money from the family. If they attempt to do so in the future, presto! The lawsuit returns. It washes our hands clean of those two douche bags, while giving us an insurance policy against future actions. Pretty cool, huh?"_

"So, you just thought all this up, got it coordinated, and worked through this plan in the last 30 minutes?"

"_Uh, pretty much. Is that bad?"_

"No, honey, it is the furthest thing from bad! It's genius. Edward is going to be so thrilled when I tell him about this!"

"_Thanks, Esme. I guess I just have a head for revenge schemes. Oh, I also sent a text to Kate, but figured she wouldn't get it until tomorrow, knowing what time it is in Iceland."_

"Right, I hadn't thought of that. Do you want to talk to Edward about this, or should I? I'm still going to get things going with the Volturis, though."

"_Sounds good. Why don't you call Edward. I'll be in touch."_

Carlisle looks at me with an amused smile.

"So, do you want to tell me what's going on? Hearing only your side of the conversation has left me guessing."

I lean over and plant a kiss on my gorgeous husband's face. "Well, our genius Executive Assistant Rosalie Hale dreamed up a plan to get James and Renee to be competitors on "The Amazing Race" television show. To make the offer even more attractive to them, we will have them sign an agreement that nullifies James' present contractual agreement with Masen and an injunction against any future claims on Masen money. Should they ever choose to break that agreement, we slap the libel lawsuit on them."

Carlisle whistles. "That Rosalie is really something, isn't she?"

I nod in earnest agreement. "I know. Who would have guessed we would end up with not only Edward's, but Jasper and Rosalie's talents as well?"

"We're a lucky pair. I should have known my life would be charmed the minute you agreed to marry me." I feel his hand on my thigh, carefully moving my dress up and away from my skin. I place my hand over his and sigh contentedly.

"You know I feel just as lucky, Dr. Hot Bitch," I purr, using the nickname the nurses at the hospital gave him. "However, I still have a few calls to make, and if you keep that up, we aren't even going to make it home."

He leans in and gives me a kiss; I feel his fingers 'accidentally' brush against my slit. "All right. I'll behave. _Until we get home_."

"That better be a promise, my love!" I warn, as I cup his package. _Two can play at this game._

"Wait—how about I will behave as long as you behave; fair enough?"

I kiss him in reply and pull up Volturis' speed dial.

"_This is Aro Volturi_."

"Aro, Esme Cullen. I'm afraid I have some last minute legal work that needs your attention."

"_What is it this time?_"

"Well, I know you are familiar with James Masen from the agreement we drew up with him following his divorce from Kate Cullen. It seems that he has been a very naughty boy, and needs some punishment. I'm certain he's been talking to OK Magazine, and leaked a very unsavory story about Edward's new girlfriend and her mother going after the Masen fortune. It's positively grounds for libel."

"_Let me look up the article. Are you sure James is the one who did it? Who is this Renee character?"_

"Positive. There are details in there only James would be privy to. Renee Higgenbotham is the estranged mother of Edward' girlfriend, Bella. It appears that James hooked up with her for another shot at the Masen vault. For someone trying to be so clever, he can really be an idiot."

"_So, what are you thinking? Is she involved, too? A libel lawsuit will be tough to prove. I'm assuming you want an injunction?"_

"Absolutely. There is, however, a catch—Rosalie, Edward's Assistant, is working together with the producers of "The Amazing Race" to get James and Renee as contestants on the show. They stand to win a million dollars if they make it to the end. We plan to use that as an enticement, along with the promise to drop our lawsuit as long as they participate. Is there any way we can draft a contract or agreement for him to sign that outlines all of this? We want to make it so that he cannot come after Masen money, and is no longer a permanent employee of our company. I can't tell you how much revenue we eat up due to his careless mistakes."

"_You know we can, Esme. This will require all of us, of course. I take it that you need this done in approximately five minutes?"_

"Yes, something like that. Just work your magic, and I'll wait for your results. If you have any questions, you can call me, Edward, or Rosalie. We're all on the same page. Oh, Aro, one last thing—we'd really like for the injunction to cover all of Masen, including Bella Swan. We would all like very much for her mother to be barred from having physical contact with her in the future."

"_Understood. We'll make it happen. I should have copies ready for you by 7 AM. I'll call you when they are ready."_

"Thank you, Aro. You know how much your services mean to my family."

"_Ms. Cullen, the thanks are all on our end. Have a pleasant evening."_

My phone rings almost at once.

"Hello, my boy. What can I do for you?"

"_Did you get a chance to talk to Rose? I got a text from her, but I wanted to get the details from you._"

I rehash the specifics to my son, and notice that he has me on speakerphone. It gives me a silent thrill to see him pulling Bella into his life in this way. He is so obviously in love; I'm delighted that he chose a woman I'd be happy to claim as my own daughter. It fills me with so much joy. I've seen myriad relationships ruined by Hollywood; to know that these two have fought each other tooth and nail, but have finally come together, is a triumph. Bella's voice interrupts my thoughts.

"_I beg your pardon, Esme, but Renee could fuck up a circle. I'm just not sure we'll be able to get her to participate in the way you expect. In fact, I've learned to limit all expectations I have of her, so that it leaves me with fewer ways to be disappointed."_

I laugh at Bella's characterization; she certainly doesn't mince words. Such a good match for my say-it-like-it-is son!

"We're working on an agreement that will appeal to her financial motivations. Mark my words, Bella, our lawyers are crafting this to be foolproof; Renee and James will come out on the short end of the stick any way this plays out."

I hear Edward patiently explaining about the impeccable legal strength of the Volturis to Bella. _He's so attentive to her._

"_Thanks for taking care of all this, Mom. Bella and I are going to call it a night. We're both pretty exhausted."_

"Good night, you two. I love you."

They both chortle a _"We love you too!"_ to me.

I hang up the phone, loudly plunk it into my purse, then slide my free hand up my husband's leg. "Now, my dear Doctor, what is it we were discussing earlier? I seem to have forgotten…"

"You really shouldn't have said that, my dear. _We're home_."

*****************************

**JPOV**

I wake up in a tangled mess of Alice and sheets. Alice's head is burrowed into my chest, so I give her a kiss on the top of it. Her scent is so bewitching, it adds to my serious case of morning wood. I breathe in deeply and let out a long, contented sigh. I can tell Alice is waking up as well when she cuddles her body even closer to mine. I'm still half asleep myself until I feel her little hand close around my cock and gives me a few solid pumps.

_Shit, I need to pee._

"Alice, I hate to say this, but I need to make a bathroom stop."

I hear her sigh loudly. "Yeah, me too. Let's go together."

The little dynamo springs out of bed, grabs my hand, and runs down the short hallway of the house with me.

"Do you want me to go first? Do you get stage fright?"

At first, I'm not quite sure what she is talking about, so I don't answer immediately. She takes that as a yes, and hops on the toilet. _Oh, that kind of stage fright._

"Well, baby, I don't have anything to be afraid of, now do I?" I tease, as I stroke my hard cock a few times. Her eyes nearly bug out of her head.

"As much as I love to see you touch yourself, Jasper, you're not doing anything that's going to make it easier for you to pee, you know."

She's right, of course. I groan to myself while she giggles.

"Okay, I'm all done. I'm running back to bed, because I'm freezing my ass off. Do your business and hurry back!"

"Yes ma'am," I answer heartily.

When I'm done, I run back to her room, shutting the door behind myself. I hop into bed and scoop her into my arms immediately. It feels so natural, so right to have her here with me. I slide my hands down to her ass, cupping the smooth curves. I pull her into my hardening cock and lean in to kiss her. She utters no complaint about my actions, and goes so far as to hook one of her legs around my hip to bring us even closer together. I break from her lips for a moment to ask if she has a condom nearby. She starts sorting through the clothing amassed at the end of her bed until she finds what she's looking for. She rifles through her pocket and pulls out the last condom.

"We'll need to re-supply ourselves after this," she says, grinning at me.

While I didn't mean to get this serious with Alice so soon after reuniting with her, I can't help myself. I'm caught in the moment, and blurt it out before I even have time to think about it.

"Alice, will you please come back to LA with me?"

She gasps, puts a hand on my cheek, and just looks at me, saying nothing. I can't tell if that is good or bad, and it's driving me to distraction.

_Why the hell do I do shit like this? Why couldn't I just wait and ask her later?_

"Baby, you're killing me. I gotta know what you're thinking here."

"There are so many things to think about, Jasper. It means I have to close down my café. We've all worked really hard to build it up into its present form. It would mean giving up everything."

I try earnestly to sound accepting and not the least bit judgmental. "I understand, Alice. It _is_ asking a lot; it's also pretty soon to think about living together. I'm just all wound up about reconciling with you…"

"Jasper, you misunderstand…I'm not saying _no_, I'm saying _yes_. I'm simply trying to work the logistics out in my head. Plus, it will really disappoint Emmett and Bella; I'm not just thinking of myself here."

"You mean it? You could really imagine yourself coming to live with me?" I ask, laughing like a madman. "Oh, and by the way, I don't think you need to worry about Bella. Edward isn't planning to let go of her any time soon, and I imagine she will be calling you soon to tell you the news."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. When we discussed my coming here to win you back, he was employing a similar strategy with Bella. He even used words like 'fate' and 'don't over think things.'"

"Wait, _Edward Cullen_ said fate? The Edward Cullen, Masen Masterworks Director?"

"The same."

"WOW. He really does love her, doesn't he?"

"I can safely say I've never seen Edward so smitten with a woman before. I barely even recognize that it's him."

"I need to call her to let her know our news."

**APOV**

Bella doesn't even say hello as she picks up the phone, she launches right into a conversation.

"_Oh, Alice, I have so much to tell you! You're never going to believe what happened…_"

"Bella, I need to stop you right there, because you have to know what's going on. I'm closing the Wonderland Café, and I'm moving to LA to live with Jasper_."_

"_You've got to be kidding me! I swear to God, you are a psychic. I'm just lying here with Edward, discussing how I'm going to be moving to LA with him, and wondering how to break the news to you and Charlie. Looks like you already beat me to the punch, Tom Thumb!"_

We both scream into the phone for approximately an entire minute. I'm sure Edward and Jasper will have some form of short term hearing loss as a result. It's amazing to think that just 48 hours ago, I felt like my life was over, that nothing would ever make sense to me again. Now, I'm sitting naked in a bed with Jasper, screaming with my best friend, because we're both going to change our addresses to 90210 and don't even have to screw Brandon or Dylan to make it there. In fact, we'll be screwing the men of our dreams instead. This feels like the kind of karma we deserve.

My thoughts are interrupted by Bella's giggle—yes, giggle!—and I hear Edward in the background saying something about an "attack." That's more than enough information for me to say goodbye.

"Okay, Bella, I'll let Edward have you back, but you better believe that I want to hear every last detail of what went down the next time I see you, all right?"

More giggles. _Who is this girl?_ "Yes, Alice, I promise. Bye!"

When I look at Jasper, he has the most amused, incredible smile on his face that I've ever seen. I can't not kiss it. Which reminds me that I have an unused condom in my hand…

**BPOV**

"I can't believe Jasper convinced Alice to move to LA with her! I never would have guessed she'd close the café. It's been her life for years now."

"Jasper is one suave dude. I knew he could charm the socks off of Alice."

"Yeah, well it sounds like he charmed a whole lot off of her besides her socks. Plus, we all know the socks don't even count, right? When it comes to stripping?"

Edward is suddenly on top of me, and I'm silenced by one of his signature kisses. He always makes me forget what the topic at hand is, what day it is, what's the date…he's better than any sedative, because I'm no longer oriented to person, time, or place. Unless the person in question is Edward. That's the only thing I'm aware of anymore.

I feel Edward's amazing cock react to our make out session—his hardness is jutting into my stomach. I need it to be lower. _Much_ lower. I start moving my hips to encourage him to move south, when suddenly, I sit up straight, in a panic.

"Oh my God! Edward! We were drunk last night!"

He looks at me, concern etched all over his face. "Yes, we were, Bella. What is it? Do you regret what we did because of that?"

I try to swallow, but my throat is too dry. I manage to squeak out the words, "birth control."

His eyes register my panic at once. "So, I take it you aren't on the pill?"

Another squeak. "_NO_."

Now comes the part when I'm certain it's over. Nothing makes a guy leave you quicker than a pregnancy scare.

"Do you want to get a Plan B?"

"What?"

"Plan B—you know, the Emergency Pill?"

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Do you want me to do it?"

"What I want doesn't even matter right now. This is all about you, your body, and what you want. I will make it clear to you, though, that I support whatever it is you need from me."

I can't help the tears that start to fall. I'm incapable of stopping them. Is it possible that he can honestly be this sweet and caring?

"You won't leave me?"

"Jesus, Bella, no! I thought I made that clear to you—I'm not going anywhere. Ever. You're stuck with me. That's what you do when you love someone."

The tears start flowing in earnest.

"That's the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. I can't believe you're for real," I tell him through my tears.

"No matter what challenges we face, we face them together, from now on. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Not to put any pressure on you, but the Plan B pill has to be taken within 72 hours, just so you know. You don't even need to see a doctor, you can get them directly from a pharmacist. Again, though, the choice is yours, and I will support whatever you decide."

"You seem to know an awful lot about it."

"I'm a director. Believe me, onset dalliances are very common. These things happen. I've had to calm my actors down more than once."

I feel my cheeks flush. "Oh, I guess I didn't think about that. Have you ever thought of having children?"

"With parents like mine? Of course I have. It never made sense for me until I met the right woman, though."

"Is that me?"

Smirky leans over and gives me another one of those too-good-to-be-legal kisses, then whispers, "What do _you_ think?"

**END NOTE: Join our friends Ninapolitan, Lolashoes, and TBY789 in giving childhood cancer a kick in the nuts: more information at **http://bit (dot) ly/6KcOf

**As a pediatric ICU nurse, I see the effects of childhood cancers up close and personal almost every day, and I encourage you to join the fight. **

**The "Renee could fuck up a circle" quote is a bastardized version of one given to me by loyal reader and reviewer, ****DICATAKADD. **

**Yes, I originally said there would be 25 chapters plus an epi; No, I am not mean enough to end things on this note. Yes, there will be another chapter, then the epi. Then that's it. I swear.**


	27. Chapter 26: Premiere Attraction

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: This is it, last full chappie of Desiderata. It has been such an enjoyable ride for me, and delights me to no end to realize that I am capable of starting AND finishing a multi-chapter story. I had no idea what to expect when I first started writing, and I'm thrilled that we broke 500 reviews on FF, and 400 reviews on Twilighted.**

_*****__**Does a Kimpy squee dance across living room floor when no one is looking**__*****_

**Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my little story.**

**In support of Alex's Lemonade Stand, I am offering up to 4 one-shots for $25 each. Check out the website for details: ****http://www(DOT)thefandomgivesback(DOT)com**** (replace the (DOT) with a real period). Want to read Kate Cullen's interview? Want another juicy Bella/Edward lemon? Want something completely new and different? It can be yours for a mere $25! It's for a great cause!**

**There is also a cookbook being compiled to support the cause, and Bella's Queen of Hearts Tart recipe will be in there (**_**The Bella's Buns recipe is a tightly guarded secret, of course, so it's not in there**_**!). **

**Things I own: One Simpsons and three Cheshire Cat scrub tops that I wear to work when I want to be full of attitude. Which is like almost every day.**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. **

_**My love, gratitude, and thanks go to NaughtySparkle for adding her sparkly goodness to every chapter. I lurve u hard, bb.**_

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: PREMIERE ATTRACTION**

"_One of the great mysteries is why people will cheerfully attend movies they expect to be bad, but approach good movies with great caution." – Roger Ebert_

**EmPOV**

I don't know how things in my life got so fucking screwy. One minute, I'm managing the Wonderland Café; next thing I know, my two girls have fallen head over heels in love along with me. I feel like I _am_ in Wonderland right along with Alice and the White Rabbit, things are so chaotic. Bella and Jake are still in LA; Jasper has been holed up with Alice all weekend, and Rose left almost as soon as she got here.

I'm sitting at the kitchen table with my coffee, reading the paper, when Alice suddenly appears out of nowhere.

"Squirt! Nice to know you come out for a breather every few days. I was beginning to wonder about you! Is everything okay? I mean, since I haven't seen you for about 48 hours, I'm assuming Jasper redeemed himself?"

She gives me the happiest fucking grin I've ever seen in my life. I don't think I've seen her this happy since before Mom and Dad died. _Okay, Jasper, it looks like you'll keep your balls for now._

"I know; can you believe it? I'm so happy, Emmett, I don't even know where to begin!"

"Umm, I don't need any specifics, short stop. I'm your brother, remember?"

She whacks me on the shoulder. "As if! All you need to know is that he's taking very good care of me. In fact, I need to talk to you."

I feel like I just got punched in the stomach. Those six words should be banned from the English language, because they never equal anything good.

"What do you mean, Alice?" I give her a stern look.

"No, it isn't bad news, it's really good news."

I don't say anything; I simply wave my hand to let her know I want the details. Even though I'm anxious about what she's going to tell me, I am completely sideswiped when she finally speaks.

"I'm going to move with Jasper to LA."

"The hell you are! That asshat just broke your heart—there is no way I'm going to trust him with you again until he proves himself over time!"

She lays her tiny hand on my chest. "You're wrong. You know me better than that, Emmett. When I get my feeling, it's always spot on. Jasper is the one for me; I've always felt that, from the time I first saw him. He just needed to figure it out for himself. _I've_ never questioned it. Remember that I'm an adult now, and the choice isn't yours, it's mine."

I open my mouth to speak, and she moves her hands over my lips. I let out a deep sigh instead. She's been my baby sister for 21 years, and she's right; I've never known her to be wrong about things when she gets her _feeling_. It's freaky weird voodoo shit, I don't get it, but I can't question it. Still, I don't like the idea of her moving away from Forks; it's all she's ever known, and I feel like I need to look after her—I'm the only family she's got, after all.

"Why do you have to move to LA, though, peanut? You can still date him and live here."

"Now how the heck am I supposed to be with the love of my life when I live in Forks and he lives in LA and on movie sets? No way—where he goes, I go. That means being based in LA."

"But what about Bella? What about the café? This is where you belong, Alice."

"I spoke to Bella earlier, and she is moving to LA, too. We can close the café, or sell it; I don't really care. It's a lot of work to keep it going. I belong where Jasper is. Period. Get it through your thick skull, brother. He's going to be a permanent fixture in my life."

"Bella is moving to LA? What the hell is going on around here? Jesus, am I the last person to know everything?"

"What are you going to do about Rosalie? Aren't you guys pretty tight?"

"Rose is absolutely the girl for me, peanut. Well, if half the population of Forks, Washington is relocating to the greater metropolitan area of Los Angeles, I guess I ought to think about moving along with them, then."

Alice starts her Mexican Jumping Bean routine. Apparently, I just said the magic words.

"Really? You mean it? You'd really come to LA with us? I was so worried I wouldn't get to see you anymore!"

"Pipsqueak, you have to know that I'm going to keep a close eye on you! You're my baby sister! Someone's gotta look out for your interests, you know? What the hell am I going to do in Forks without either of my girls? Of course I'll go to LA."

"Well, we should probably think about liquidating the café then, huh? That seems so sad, but it really is time to move on."

"I'll look into it. Rent is paid through the end of the month, but we should probably put up a sign letting people know that we're closing shop. There's no way you'll change your mind?"

"Nope. None."

"Okay then, that's good enough for me."

Alice hops over to me and nearly smothers me with her hug. I smother her right back.

"I love you, little sis," I whisper to her.

******************

I send Rose a text letting her know about Alice and Jasper's decision. She calls me back not five minutes later.

"_They're both moving to LA? Seriously?"_

"I know, right? Masen sure knows how to mess with my life, you know?"

"_But what are you going to do? I mean, are you going to stay in Forks?"_

"Do you want me to?"

"_Seriously, Emmett, what do you think? Of course I don't want you to stay there! If those two are going to relocate, doesn't it make sense for you to be here, too? I'm assuming you're planning to close the café."_

"Yeah, Alice says she's done with it. I hate to admit it, but it's going to be hard for me to say goodbye to it."

"_So what will you do? Does Alice have any immediate plans?"_

"I have no clue what I'll do, to be honest. I've been so busy just keeping things together for the girls over the years that I haven't put much thought into anything. My long term goals have always been tied to the café; it never occurred to me that we wouldn't be doing it for years. All I know about Bella and Alice is that they plan to move as soon as they can."

"_Would you ever consider opening the café here?"_

"Naw. I mean, I don't know the market there at all, but I assume it is pretty saturated and much more professional than here in the Forks, Washington. We're putting up a sign to let everyone know we're closing, but I'll need some time to get everything liquidated, close the books, that kind of thing. It's probably something I can manage from LA, though."

"_You know, it just occurred to me that you guys did an amazing job when you were catering the Masen set; do you think Alice would consider doing our catering instead? I mean, we don't have a contract with anyone right now; we always just use someone locally where we film. I'm sure we could talk to Esme about it to line something up."_

"That's a great idea, Rosalie. I never thought about doing anything else, since I'm just so used to running the café. Let me talk to Alice about it to see what she thinks. Plus, we'd have to get Bella on board, since she has been our baker."

"_Oh, yeah, I kind of forgot about her role. I think Edward has plans for her to work on screenplays for him, so I don't know if she'd really be available. Let me talk to Edward and Esme about the catering business, and you talk to Alice. Maybe we can figure something out that works for all of us. God, it's all falling together a little too perfectly, isn't it?"_

"I don't know if it is _too_ perfect; maybe this is how it was meant to be."

"_Are you getting a vadge, Emmett? Because the words 'meant to be' sound like someone is missing a set of gonads."_

"I love you too, Rose. I'm not afraid to admit it."

"_Dammit, I need you here! I'm still pissed at James for fucking everything up. Do you have any idea how badly I want you?"_

"If you see me right now, you could tell _exactly_ how badly I want you, baby."

"_Oooh, such a fucking tease! Listen, I'll give you a call as soon as I hear from Esme and Edward. You talk to Alice and then make plans to get your ass down to LA STAT. Is that understood?"_

"Fuck, I love it when you talk dirty to me! Yeah, I'll talk to you soon."

**EsPOV**

"_We were able to serve James Masen and Renee Higgenbotham their papers this morning, so have them backed into a corner. How do you want to approach them with the reality show plan?"_

"Aro, you continue to amaze me with your ability to get things done so efficiently. I don't even want to know how you make it possible; I'll just promise to keep paying the bills. For the Amazing Race proposal, I was thinking the terms and conditions should be addressed by your firm, so that we are out of the loop. My gut tells me that if they find out this has all been arranged by us, they might be less inclined to accept."

"_That's fine. We just need to see the paperwork and specifics in order to present them to Mr. Masen and Ms. Higgenbotham. We'll make certain that the arrangement is airtight, so they won't have any further legal claims on Masen Masterworks. If they renege, then Kate Cullen's interview will be leaked and we'll make certain that they don't violate the terms of the restraining order. If they do, a warrant for their arrest will be served."_

"That's perfect, as always. I don't know what we did to have the Volturis in our good graces, but I'm delighted that you're in our camp and not theirs! I'll make sure Rosalie gets the information over to you."

I send text messages to Rose and Edward, explaining what Aro and I just discussed. I have to admit that I never thought we'd see the day where James Masen's influence was gone, but I genuinely feel hopeful that it is now over. Things might just work out in the end for everyone. My phone starts to vibrate almost at once.

"Yes, Rose?"

"_Are you serious, Esme? All I have to do is get the documents to the Volturis, and they will handle the rest? It seems too good to be true."_

"Trust me, the Volturis are very expensive and with good reason. They can work miracles. God knows how they even tracked James and Renee down, but they found them. I have assurances that the arrangement is airtight, so they're sunk no matter what they do. Unless, of course, they win the Amazing Race!" I giggle to myself imagining such a thing.

"_Okay, I'll e-mail that stuff as soon as we're off the phone. There's one other thing I need to talk to you about. I just got off the phone with Emmett Brandon, and he tells me that Alice and Bella are moving to LA? Have you heard anything about this?"_

"No, not anything definite. I didn't realize that Alice and Jasper were that attached, but I did have to finesse the situation with Bella and Edward. Those two are so stubborn, I practically had to lock them in a room together until they finally figured out they were in love with each other. I have to admit that was the outcome I was looking for!"

"_Well, apparently they plan to close the Wonderland Café. I was thinking, since Masen doesn't have any contracts for catering services per se, that they could move the operations down to LA and open it as our catering arm. One less thing for us to worry about, since we know they have the expertise to take care of it. That way, everyone is happy."_

"I think that's a wonderful idea, Rose! It never occurred to me that they'd be interested in such an arrangement. Why don't you get the ball rolling with them; you can set it up using a similar contract to the one from the Forks operation. We have plenty of time for them to get everything established here before we start filming our next production."

"_Sounds great, Esme. I'll get working on it and let you know if anything else arises from the Volturis."_

"Does this mean that Emmett will be joining the girls down here, too?"

"_I can't hide anything from you, can I? You should have been a detective with those snooping skills of yours."_

"You have no idea how excited I am that all three of you found partners at the same time. Who knew that Forks, Washington would turn into the love capital of the United States for Masen Masterworks?"

**BPOV**

_I didn't use birth control, and Edward Cullen just told me I'm the right woman for him. That he won't leave my side. That I'm stuck with him. What the hell are you going to do, Bella Swan? You just spent two days being sexed up good and proper by the most fuckhot man on the planet. He wants you to live with him. Your life could be endless days and nights of incredible sex, writing screenplays, and working side by side with the man you love. And best of all? He loves you, too. It's GO time, girl._

"Bella? You're being awfully quiet. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm just trying to put all of this together. I feel all jumbled up inside."

Edward leans into my side, pulling me in close to him. I feel his hot breath tickling my ear.

_I want more time to feel that hot breath in my ear and to be able to jump Edward's bones whenever the mood strikes. I want to explore that shower with him on a daily basis. I want to try out the kitchen counters. I want to distract him with my chair yoga poses. I want to drive him absolutely crazy every night. I don't think I can do all that if I'm pregnant so soon. I need more time. We need more time._

I pull back a bit so that we're looking into each other's eyes. "I think I want to get a Plan B, Edward. I hope that's okay."

"I told you the choice is yours, and I meant it. We have plenty of time to think about having children, Bella. You know, we could really use the practice; think about how good we'll be at getting pregnant once we've been at it for a while." He beams a beautiful smile at me and leans in to give me a sweet, soft kiss.

_What did I ever do to deserve such an amazing man? Wait, don't answer that, because I don't want any second guesses here. I don't want the universe to suddenly figure out it made a mistake, and that it really meant for me to end up with Mike Newton._

"Let me text Rose so we can get this done discretely, okay?"

"Sure. Thanks again for being such a good egg about this. I'm going to talk to my Dad while you do that, okay?"

"Do you need me to talk to him, too?"

"I don't think so, not yet. Let me talk to him first."

He leans over to kiss me again. "See you in a bit."

Edward grabs a clean pair of boxer briefs and pulls them on. _God, he is perfect in every way. _ I watch him walk out of the room, openly ogling his ass. As he reaches the doorway, he turns around and looks at me; I feel my cheeks burn as I blush over getting caught in the act. He flashes me that million dollar smirk and silently shakes his head. I throw a pillow at him, missing him entirely.

I know Charlie is at work, but he has a right to know that I'm going to be suddenly leaving him. This is the one bad element in my moving to LA—Charlie is going to be by himself. It has just been the two of us, a real team, ever since Renee left. I don't want him to feel like I'm leaving him high and dry. While that may be _her_ M.O., I'm not that kind of a person. I heave a heavy sigh and dial his number.

"_Bella? What's the matter?"_

_Gee, Dad, let's see—Renee screwed me over by selling me out to the tabloids, she ran off with a guy who is only a few years older than me, I've spent the entire weekend shacked up at Edward Cullen's beautiful estate with paparazzi surrounding us all weekend, I lost my virginity, and I'm in the process of getting a Plan B pill so you don't have to worry about having grandchildren prematurely. That pretty much sums it up._

"Nothing bad, Dad! Take a deep breath! How's everything in Forks?"

"_Since when do you care about official Forks police business, kiddo?"_

"What, I can't ask you about work all of a sudden?"

I hear him chuckling on the other end of the line. _"Oh, you can ask whatever you want; I'm just used to your not wanting to hear about it. It usually means you have something else you want to tell me. So let's not pretend you want to have a long conversation about the police force, and just cut to the chase."_

_Shit. I guess there is a reason he is a good cop; you can't hide anything from Charlie Swan._

"Okay then, you're sure you want to hear this?"

"_Just like a band aid, kiddo. Rip it all off at once._"

"Dad, I'm moving to LA."

All I hear is his slow, methodical breathing on the other end.

"_Uh, that's pretty sudden, Bells. You sure about this? You really want to leave Alice and Emmett like that? That doesn't sound like my responsible girl._"

"Yes, more certain than I've ever been about anything in my entire life. Alice is coming, too."

"_Alice? What about the café? She can't just leave! People will be lost without it."_

"She's in love. Jasper asked her to come."

"_So what's your story?"_

_Do I tell him the real reason? Will he freak and be all overprotective? Yeah, I think I owe it to him. I won't be dishonest to him like Renee always was. He deserves better than that._

"My story is named Edward Cullen."

"_Wait, the director that you hate? That guy?"_

"We don't hate each other anymore. Actually, I'm not sure if we ever did hate each other. I think we were both too stubborn to admit the truth."

"_Will he make you happy, Bells? Can you truly respect him? It would break my heart in a million pieces if you ever end up like me."_

"Honestly, there is no one I respect more on the planet. Edward Cullen has more integrity in his pinkie finger than Renee will ever have in all the years of her miserable life. He's the best kind of man; he's someone I can be proud of, and I know he will love me forever. I don't think I could ask for more than that."

"_As long as you are certain that Edward Cullen is the man for you, that's all that matters to me. You deserve to be happy, Bells. Do I get to see you again before you disappear for good?"_

I feel my eyes well up with tears. "Dad, please don't say it like that. I'm certainly not going to disappear from your life! I'll need to head back to Forks to get all of my stuff, anyhow."

"_You know, from the time your kid enters the world, all you can think of is how much you love them, that you'll do anything in your power to guarantee their happiness, and worry about how much it will hurt when they finally grow up. I know you need to go, Bells. That doesn't make it any easier, though. I'll sure miss you."_

My father just made the longest speech in his life, and it was so full of emotion I'm taken aback. I expected to get a lecture about my bad choices, and suddenly Charlie's inner emo bursts forth? Strange things are afoot at the Circle K, that's for sure.

"The feeling is totally mutual, but you aren't getting rid of me. It isn't like I'm moving to China, after all. I'm not sure how soon I'll be able to get back to Forks, because we have to hide out until this Renee thing blows over. Masen is getting a restraining order on her, so she won't be able to bother us from up close anymore."

"_Did Cullen do that for you?"_

"Yes, Edward is responsible for that."

"_Huh. Good to know she's finally been outsmarted. That's pretty reassuring."_

"I know, it's one big thing I don't have to worry about anymore. Edward is a really great guy, and he just wants me to be happy and safe."

"_Yeah, well, that makes two of us. Can't ask for more than that, kiddo."_

"I have to run, but I'll be in touch. Love you."

"_I love you, too, Bells. You know where to find me."_

When I hang up the phone, my tears start in earnest. I'm not sure why I'm so wound up; it is certainly a new state of being for me. Suddenly, I feel my favorite set of arms wrap tightly around me from behind. _Edward._

"You okay, love?"

I sniffle as I answer. "Yeah, it's just hard. I hate to see Charlie on his own. It just feels wrong."

"Are you sure this is what you want to do? You know I'd never want to back you into a corner."

"Don't be ridiculous, Edward—of course it's what I want to do! How else will I ever find out what it feels like to have sex on your kitchen counters?"

"You really shouldn't have said that, you know." Edward's eyes turn black as he starts to tug me towards the kitchen.

**************************

_**THREE MONTHS LATER—"NOBLE SAVAGE" PREMIERE**_

_**Forks, Washington**_

**EPOV**

_Premieres make me so fucking nervous. One would think I'd be used to this by now, but it always feels like my first film. Yeah, it's the premiere that's making me nervous…_

"Chief Swan, while Bella is busy upstairs, I'd like to speak with you."

"Your tone is mighty serious, Cullen. I'm assuming that you haven't done anything to my girl."

"Well, I haven't done anything yet. I mean, I want to do something…uh, wait, this isn't coming out right…"

"Just say it…"

"I'm in love with Bella, and I'm going to ask her to marry me tonight."

"You're going to elope?"

"NO! No, I mean, tonight I'm going to ask her. I wanted to tell you ahead of time, in case you had any concerns. I'm trying to ask you for your blessing, sir, but apparently I'm determined to trip over my own two feet in the process."

"Yeah, well, I guess that's just one more indication that you and Bella belong together. Lord knows the woman trips over herself all the time."

"I'm going to ask her before the premiere, as we give the Wonderland Café its swan song."

"You know, Edward, I couldn't stand to part with my girl to anyone who doesn't absolutely, completely deserve her. I need to know that the man she chooses will not only provide for her, but also earn her respect and love on a daily basis. When she moved to LA, I told her that the last thing I want is for her to end up like me."

"I would never hurt her, and I will never leave her. She's like oxygen to me; without her near me, I find it hard to breathe."

"What you're describing to me sounds like smothering, son."

"I'm sorry that I'm not explaining it very well. Bella is unlike any woman I've ever met. She challenges me every day. She keeps me humble and honest, and never lets me take myself too seriously. She completes me. I'd like to say that I do the same for her."

"Honestly, I've never seen Bella so happy. When you two walked into the house this afternoon, I could have sworn she was glowing. The way she looks at you, her whole face just lights up. I've never seen her look like that—after her mother left us, I never thought I'd see her look happy again. Somehow, you've erased the pain of losing her mother and replaced it with something much more important. I simply needed to hear that you are ready to do whatever it takes to keep Bella happy for the rest of her life. You have my complete and absolute blessing, Edward. I'll warn you ahead of time, though—if you ever betray her trust or her love, you're a dead man. Do I make myself clear?"

"Of course. I work hard every day to deserve her, and I plan to keep that up. Thank you, Chief Swan. Your blessing means everything."

"I'll catch up with you two at the movie, okay?"

"Rosalie assured me she has your name on the list."

"_Edward._" She says my name so softly, it's as if I didn't even hear it. I look up to the top of the stairs, and see my Bella in a beautiful deep blue dress, her dark brown hair falling over her bare shoulders in loose, wavy curls. Everything about her invites me in. Had I not been completely focused on the task at hand, I would have shoved her in the limo and ravaged her senseless.

"You are so stunning, Bella. I'll be so proud to escort you on my arm tonight." I can't resist leaning in for a kiss. I come back to reality when I hear someone clearing their throat. _Shit, Charlie!_ I hear Bella giggle lightly.

"Thank you, Edward. Now don't we have some goodbyes to take care of?"

"Indeed we do. The others promised to meet us over there." I lift up my arm for her, and formally escort her out to the waiting limo.

Once we're safely inside the limo, I pull her towards me.

"_Bella_," I growl. "You look good enough to eat."

"As much as I would love to contribute to your sex hair look, Laurent will kill me if I mess up my make up and hair. I don't even want to think about what the paps would say if you show up to the premiere with sex hair _and_ lipstick all over your face."

"I wouldn't complain about starting a rumor that you sexed me up before the red carpet…"

I lean in and rub my nose along her neck, taking in her amazing scent. I hear Bella whisper _"Fuck it"_ under her breath, and feel her fingers curl into my hair.

"Just how the hell am I supposed to resist you when you make my heart race?" I hear her croon.

"I could say the same thing, you know."

The second our lips meet, the limo stops. We're at the café. _Show time, Edward. Make it good._

I step out of the limo and extend my hand to her. "Are you ready to say goodbye?"

"Should I grab the champagne?"

"Absolutely. We need to give the girl a good send off, after all!"

"Where is everybody else, Edward?" Bella sounds suspicious.

_Please, baby, just this once, let it happen. Let it be a surprise._

"I'm not sure, but I told them to be here at 5:00 so we would have plenty of time to close down in style."

"Well, I still have my set of keys, so let's just go inside and wait for them. More champagne for us then, right?" Her devious little smile is perfect.

"After you, my dear."

We walk inside the café, and I can picture myself on that fortuitous day we met. I cringe inwardly at the thought.

_We're here to rectify that memory, remember?_

I pop the champagne open and pour it into the flutes. Bella clinks her glass to mine and gives a small toast.

"To the new memories we will create together."

"Bella, there's a reason the others aren't here yet."

"What do you mean?"

"There's something that I have to get off my chest, so I needed to be with you, alone. I wanted to stand here, in front of you, in the exact spot where I first laid eyes on your beautiful face. We started out so badly, full of misconceptions and preconceived notions, most of which were my own fault. Who could have imagined I would have the chance to be here, once again, and get the most amazing do-over of my entire life? I tell you every day what a lucky man I am, but I don't think you can truly appreciate just how much I mean it. You are the only woman who will ever be able to keep me both truthful and modest; no one has ever called me out on my bullshit before, but I trust that you will continue to do that for me. You're the only person in the universe who can complete me. You make me want to strive to be the man you see in me, to live up to that potential. I have never been in love with anyone before you, and I will never love anyone but you."

I pause and pull the velvet box out of my tux jacket and bend down on one knee. I can see Bella is stunned into silence, her face completely white, and her hands are clasped over her mouth. I'm hoping to god this means she's happily surprised, and not trying to hold back the dry heaves.

"Isabella Marie Swan, will you be the making of me? Will you be my wife?"

I slide the ring out of the box, holding it between my thumb and index finger. I tenderly take her hand, noticing how badly she is shaking. Again, I'm hopeful this is a sign of being positively overwhelmed, not of reticence. She puts her small, exquisite hand in mine, and I slide the ring carefully onto her finger.

_Cullen, you are the luckiest bastard on the planet. If Bella's silence is a "yes," no one else will ever be able to look at her or touch her again. She will be all yours—this perfect, intelligent, witty, caring, passionate woman. _

I hear Bella's voice crack with emotion as she speaks: "Edward Cullen, there is no one else with whom I could consider spending the rest of my life. Yes, of course I'll marry you! How the hell did I get so lucky?"

"I was just thinking the same thing about you—how did I ever get so lucky to meet you?"

"I don't really care what the answer is, I'm just so glad it happened. You make me so happy, Edward. I love you so much."

I know she won't want her makeup smeared all over her face before we walk the red carpet, but I have to lean in for a kiss, one small taste of her incredible mouth. She goes into attack dog mode, and my permanently unruly hair becomes even worse than usual. That's all right with me, because every guy looking at Bella on my arm will know that I got some right before we arrived. _I'm fucking King of the Hill!_

"_OH MY GOD! You did not just do that!"_

That high-pitched squeal could only come from one place—_Alice_.

_Cockblocked again, Goddammit! _

"Alice, I'm going to get married!" Bella squeals back in excitement, her face beaming.

As Bella and Alice embrace and scream and cry, Jasper shakes my hand and gives me a pat on the shoulder.

"You crazy SOB, you really did it! How did you manage to keep it a secret?"

"I didn't tell anyone."

"Not even Esme?"

"Nope. Speaking of which, I better call her or I'll be in heaps of hurt."

I catch Jasper looking at me funny.

"Umm, Edward, you didn't happen to have Bella sitting on her work station when you proposed, did you?"

"Yes, why?" I answer warily. Alice is suddenly quiet and giving Jasper a serious look.

"Oh, it's just that it would be easy to stain Bella's dress, I just wanted to make sure Laurent wasn't going to be coming after your ass."

"Since when do you care about Laurent and what he does to me?"

"Dude, you're my best friend. I'm always looking out for you."

Jasper and Alice start cracking up, to the point where they can't even talk they're laughing so hard.

Emmett pipes in. "Oh, you guys did not…" he says, as he points his finger back and forth between the couple and the work station.

Emmett suddenly joins in the laughter. Rose, Bella, and I stand there in confusion. We wait for their laughter to die down. Jasper speaks first.

"Well, it's just that, when I came to apologize to Alice, I apologized on that work station."

I shake my head in confusion. "So?"

"Edward, we _made up_ on the table. Several times."

Alice chimes in, "You could actually say we _made out_ on that table."

Bella's mouth drops open. "You did not!"

Alice vehemently nods her head. "Oh yes, we did!"

"You could have warned me, Alice!"

"How was I supposed to know Edward would propose to you on the work station?"

"Oh, that is just so many shades of wrong!" Her beautiful blush spreads across her face.

I start to crack up, too. It is pretty funny, when you come to think of it. Bella shakes her head and pours champagne for everyone. We go around the circle and make toasts.

"To Bella, thank you for saying yes to my proposal."

She answers me. "To Edward, thank you for deciding to film in Forks, Washington."

Alice pipes up, "To Jasper, thank you for apologizing to me all over Bella's work station." Bella squeaks and pretends she has the shivers.

"To Alice, for accepting all my apologies and moving to LA."

"To Rose, for convincing me to open Wonderland Catering in LA."

"To Emmett, for not putting up with any of my shit."

"To Edward, where in God's name is the champagne for your Mother and Father? Don't we get to celebrate the happy occasion?"

Bella runs over to Esme to show her my ring and tell her all about the proposal. While my Mom and my girl gush over the specifics, my Dad gives me a firm handshake and his hearty congratulations. "I never thought I would live to see the day, but I can happily say it seems like you got just as lucky as I did in love. I'm really happy for you, Son."

"Thanks, Dad. I really appreciate it."

Leave it to Rosalie to keep us all on schedule. "It is about five minutes past the time when we should be at the Forks High gym. Let's haul ass, people! We have a schedule to keep."

My hand locks with Bella's and we head towards the door. She stops me momentarily.

"Wait, everyone. We need to toast Alice's Wonderland Café and Mad Tea Party. Without it, I think it is safe to say that none of us would have found each other. We have a lot to be grateful for," Bella says, with a note of seriousness. "Thank you, oh noble café, for listening to my bad singing at 4 AM, for brewing pots and pots of lovely coffee to keep me going, for providing work surfaces and make out spots. Most of all, thank you for bringing Edward to me. I will miss you. To the Wonderland Café!"

Everyone holds up their glasses and clinks them together as we have one last toast before leaving the café for good. The limo driver takes a photo of us standing on front of the building, and we say goodbye to the place that served as a catalyst for so much true love.

**END NOTE: The epilogue will detail how James and Renee fare in "The Amazing Race," and we get to play catch up with all of our couples at a very special event. The good news is that the epi is nearly complete, and will post shortly. The bad news is that it is the end.**


	28. Epilogue

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: Bella's t-shirt brought to you by my reader Marliarna. Many thanks, my dear!**

**Things I own: A pre-purchased admission for New Moon, at 12:00 AM on November 20. W00t!**

**Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyers. **

_**Best of all is NaughtySparkle, who has pimped my story and read every chapter, spit shined the Smirkypeen, and talked me off the window ledge more times than I care to count. She saved many versions from being tossed into the garbage can. It is in no small part that she helped to get this story completed. Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my cold, black, wicked heart. 3**_

**EPILOGUE: THE UNIVERSE UNFOLDS AS IT SHOULD**

"Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things. " – Denis Diderot

_**Bella and Edward's Living Room, six months later**_

**BPOV**

Tonight is the finale of The Amazing Race. Edward and I have recorded the entire catalog of episodes, and we're planning to watch it all with the whole Cullen family. As we're preparing the house for tonight's festivities, I feel a slight tinge of guilt knowing that our sole purpose for gathering is to watch James and Renee's antics. It feels incredibly voyeuristic and somewhat snarky. While I am indeed known as Ms. Snarky the original, it doesn't seem right to make light of Renee's escapades. Charlie always taught me the importance of staying above the fray; I've never been one to play in the mud with lesser adversaries. When it comes to Renee, however, I remind myself that I really only have one of two choices to make: I can either laugh about my circumstances, or cry about them. I've shed enough tears over that woman to last a lifetime; I'm ready to try the laughter side of the equation.

Gradually, the whole Cullen Clan and their significant others gather in our living room: Carlisle and Esme; Jasper and Alice; Emmett and Rosalie; and, of course, Edward and me. We have beer flowing and snacks at the ready. I put Edward in charge of the remote for the evening.

True to form, I have chosen a special t-shirt just for the occasion: _I will not brew decaf. Decaf is the mind killer. Decaf brings the little sleep that leads to total oblivion. I will embrace my caffeine. I will brew my beverages and let them flow through me, and when they are gone, I will remain…alert_. Edward chose it especially for me, since I can't wear any of my other t-shirts. He knows how adamantly opposed I am to the entire concept of decaffeinated coffee. Likewise, I chose a special t-shirt for Mr. Smirky to wear: _Lucky Fcuk._

We've all taken our assigned seats in the living room and everyone has heard "shh" often enough to mistake our living room for the LA public library. As the theme music cues us to pay attention to the TV, we all sit in rapt attention.

_This year's group of Amazing Race contestants is unlike any other; everyone here agrees that it is the finest assortment of teams we've ever hosted…_

Various teams are presented to the audience, along with interviews and a background story. Finally, James and Renee appear. Everyone squeals and hoots with their appearance onscreen.

"_From the moment I saw her, I knew Renee was such a special woman. We met on the set of Masen Masterworks' new movie, The Noble Savage. Yes, my last name is Masen, but it's a shame I have only a weak connection to the family. If I was one of the Masens, I certainly wouldn't need a million dollar prize from the Amazing Race."_

I can see Edward tense up while James is speaking, so I need to remind him that it doesn't matter.

"Breathe, Edward; we all know he's an asshole. That's what this is all about, remember?" We're sitting close to each other, holding hands, and he lifts up my hand to give me a reassuring kiss.

"Thanks for the reminder, love. Old habits die hard, I'm afraid."

"Remember that Eleanor Roosevelt quote I told you once? 'No one can make you feel bad about yourself unless you give them permission'?"

I hear him chuckle in amusement. "If memory serves me correctly, Bella, the last time I heard that phrase, you were yelling that at me as I was walking out of the Wonderland Café in a huff. It is slightly ironic, hmm?"

"Shh, or you'll miss what they have to say!"

Naturally, Renee feels inclined to state her opinion, too. _"We are so ready to do this! We've been together for over six months, and we work together like a finely tuned dream."_

"_I'm sure what Renee means to say is 'finely tuned machine.'"_

"_No, actually, I meant dream, silly! It's like a dream, us being here together, being as one. And we're not going to stop until we've won it all!"_ Renee adds a little cheerleader jump for emphasis.

"Too bad we didn't send her a truckload of pom-poms before she left," I scoff.

"_Right, so anyhow, we're ready to go for broke and our team's strategy is solid."_

The interviewer asks James a follow-up question. _"What is your team's strategy, Mr. Masen?"_

"_We're going to kill them with kindness, so no one will ever know what hits them until it's too late!"_ James lets out a wicked laugh.

"Does James understand how creepy he seems? Who is going to give someone like him the time of day?" I ask.

"Sadly, he knows exactly when to turn the charm on. He can be very charismatic, which was the only way he got through to Kate. She never saw what was coming," Edward explains.

The announcer moves on to the next team. "_That's James and Renee. We'll be looking forward to see how well their strategy serves them in the race."_

We are all in high spirits as we see the other contestants introduced.

_For the first leg of the race, the teams have to run a three-legged race to their backpacks. Once there, they need to find a card with their bus number on it. There are enough spots on two buses for all except one team. That's right; one team will be eliminated before they even get to leave the ground! _

We watch as the teams get their legs tied together in preparation for the race. The whistle blows, and the teams take off running. Well, they try to, at any rate. Half of them fall to the ground. James and Renee, however, aren't one of them. They are the third party to reach their packs. In her haste, Renee jams the zipper and cannot open one of the pockets. James pushes her aside to get to the pocket. Renee looks as though she has been slapped in the face.

"Why is Renee's coordination so superb when mine is so miserably bad?" I whine.

Rosalie answers before Edward can. "Do you really want anything in common with Renee, Bella? Just one more way you are both different and better than she is."

I blush at receiving such praise from Rosalie; I know she is guarded in her compliments. "Thank you for that, Rose. It's nice of you to say so."

Suddenly, Alice shushes everyone. "Look at Renee's face!"

"_James, I almost had it, you know!"_ She looks extremely displeased.

"_Renee, if we sit and argue about it, we're not going to make it on the bus! Let's move! It's Bus #2!"_

They get up to run to the bus, forgetting that their legs are tied together, and land on top of each other. There are now two more teams who've reached the backpacks. James and Renee struggle to get on their feet, and this time make it to the bus. We're all a little disappointed, but I actually want to see them try to charm their way through the race. The further they get, the harder they will fall.

We find out that the buses are taking the qualifying teams to the airport. Once they get there, they have to open the envelope that came with their bus number to find out where they get their plane tickets. The catch is that not everyone needs to go to the same counter. In the ultimate show of gamesmanship and team spirit, James decides to "help" the other teams by directing them to the wrong ticket counter, while Renee goes to get their tickets. Needless to say, they make it onto the plane with no problem, while other teams aren't so fortunate. When confronted by a couple of other teams, James shrugs it off and pretends that it was an honest mistake. I'm furious.

"How can they get away with that shit! They are so devious!"

Edward turns my face towards his and kisses away my pout. "A wise woman once told me that when I get frustrated, I should take a deep breath." Smirky returns with a vengeance.

"Hmph. That does sound wise," Snarky retorts.

They make it onto the plane, where they learn they are heading to the island of Java, in Indonesia. Their task is to teach children from a remote village how to say a few words of English to the visiting Americans. The camera focuses on Renee as she discusses their team's strategy.

"_You know, being a mom gives you so much perspective on how to help kids. I feel really qualified to nurture their little souls. James doesn't have much experience with children, so that's where my talents lie. I'll be the motherer. James is more like the strategy guy."_

I'm completely shocked when I hear Esme's voice mutter, "The word _mother_ coming out of that woman's mouth is utter blasphemy!"

I look over to see Carlisle plant a calming kiss on his wife's cheek. "I couldn't agree more, dear."

I feel Edward's elbow nudge me in the side. He tilts his head to the side to signal me to look in that direction. Alice and Jasper appear to be in their own little cocoon. They are connected by their foreheads, and gazing into each other's eyes. They are so absorbed in one another that they have no idea anyone else is in the room. Edward whispers into my ear, "Should I tell them to get a room?"

I giggle quietly and shake my head silently. There is so much love contained within our living room that it would be wrong to attempt to put a lid on it. I lean over to kiss Edward, and he deepens the kiss automatically. In an instant, my focus is only in one place: That sublime mixture of his lips on mine. It's like a chemical reaction; Edward's lips act as a catalyst, causing an even more intense reaction to take place. It would be nearly impossible for me to stamp out the flames he starts; I am compelled to see the experiment through to the very end. Esme's voice breaks through our reverie to remind us that the commercial break is over, and directs us back to the show.

The camera cuts back and forth between the various teams trying to teach the Indonesian children English phrases. When Renee and James appear on screen, their happy camaraderie has faded. Something entirely more sinister has appeared.

"_No! That isn't how you say it! It's _'Hell-oh'_! For God's sake, have any of you ever been in school before? It really isn't that hard to say. Come on, children! We need to win this round or you won't get the candy I promised!"_ Renee yells at the children. Several of them have started to cry, and a few have left the group. You can just see James' face turn from content to furious in the space of a few minutes. He pulls Renee aside after a few more children leave.

"_Jesus, Renee, I thought you were the nurturer! You have to do something to get those kids back, or we're screwed for this challenge! I don't know about you, but I'm pretty freaking committed to getting that million-dollar prize! Now pony up, or I'll end up doing this solo if I have to!"_

An interviewer pulls James aside to talk about the incident.

"_Yeah, well I've only known her a few months. Our relationship is totally platonic; we just thought we'd make a great team, you know? How was I supposed to know that she would be epic fail with children? She was a mom, for crying out loud!"_

Renee happens to overhear James' tirade and comes over to defend herself.

"_Look, I don't know how being a mom makes me the person to teach English to these rugrats! I've never had to work with children before!"_

"_What the hell are you talking about? You have a kid! What did you do when you taught her how to talk?"_

"_I'm not sure how her father handled it. I don't remember what he did."_

"_Wait, you don't know how she learned to speak? You're her mom—how do you not know something as important as that?"_

"_Well, for you information, Mr. Smart Man, I wasn't there when she was learning how to speak! I haven't really seen her since she was a few months old! By the time I saw her again, she was already in school."_

"_Wait, you have no idea how she learned any of that stuff?"_

"_No, I already told you, I wasn't there!"_

"_Jesus, are you sure you're a mother? Isn't the definition of mother basically someone who takes care of their kid and teaches them the important stuff they need to know?"_

Renee suddenly becomes aware that the camera is focused on her, and has been recording this entire outburst.

"_What I mean to say is that I wasn't lucky enough to be able to spend a lot of quality time with my daughter once my relationship with my husband went sour. He forbid me from seeing her, so I didn't get to spend any time with her as she was growing up. He was the one with all the funds, and I couldn't afford a good lawyer. She was essentially taken away from me. So naturally, I don't have any experience with kids as a result. I became so withdrawn and couldn't bear to have more children, afraid that the same thing would happen to me all over again. It was all so unfair, you know."_

"_For Christ's sake, Renee! You're pathetic! How could you possibly think that I'd want you on my team if I knew that was your background? I mean, how in the hell am I supposed to be a winner if you have such a relationship deficit? God, if I had known that, I would never have signed onto a team with you! How the hell am I supposed to win a million dollars with you on my team?"_

The narrator's voice is layered over their argument. _"Needless to say, James and Renee were unsuccessful in teaching the Indonesian children."_

The camera pans to James and Renee arriving at the finish line for this leg of the race. James looks incredibly angry, and Renee's face is a study in frustration. The host greets them at the finish line with unwelcome news: "_James and Renee, you are the last team to arrive. I'm sorry, you will not be continuing on the race."_

James looks like he just swallowed a lemon, whole. Renee runs off the camera and starts to hurl. _Well, she never could handle conflict very well, despite the fact that she always brings it on herself._

The living room bursts out in spontaneous applause and a series of high fives with those words. I never thought I would see the day when Renee got what she deserved, but she just had her ass handed to her on a platter, and I couldn't be happier. I honestly never believed in karma, or thought that what goes around, comes around, but for Renee and James, it actually did. I'm delighted and relieved to know that they did not pass go, they did not collect a million dollars, and eventually might end up having to go straight to jail. In the end, it all worked out beautifully, and my wonderful husband and his family were responsible for allowing this to occur.

I take a moment to stand up, but do it so suddenly I get lightheaded; Edward is right there, steadying me. He speaks softly into my ear, "Slowly, my love. You don't want to get a head rush, right?" I feel his arms wrap around my middle, and I instantly feel calmed by his presence.

I nod my head. "I know, baby. Sorry. I'll try to be more careful." I turn to face my friends and family. "I want to thank all of you for being so supportive and helpful over the past few months in dealing with this whole situation. It has been very stressful and sad, but each one of you have been there for me when I needed you most, and I can't thank you enough. You're my family now, and I love every last one of you."

Esme answers for the group. "Bella, I think I speak for all of us in saying that you have brought so much happiness to our lives, we feel that we owe you so much more than we've given to you in return. All you have to do is take one look at my son's beaming face to see the truth of my words."

*************************

**EPOV**

My friends and family surround me in the stretch limo. The mood is so ebullient and festive, and the laughter is flowing as freely as the champagne. I still find it amazing to think that out of this group of individuals who found themselves in Forks, Washington over a year ago, there are now five finely matched couples in varying stages of commitment. My Mom and Dad, of course, have been happily married for years. Jacob and Tanya, surprisingly, have continued to date off and on. Her high maintenance temperament is a great match for Jake's easy going attitude. They complement one another incredibly well; it's only right that they should accompany one another to Masen functions. Jasper and Alice are going to have a full Hollywood wedding in a few months; the date has been a closely guarded secret to keep the paparazzi guessing. Rose and Emmett, much to my surprise, ran off to Vegas and got married a few months ago. Apparently, being an anal retentive planner in her vocation made her want to keep things sweet and simple. Which leaves just Bella and me, Snarky and Smirky. We've been attached at the hip since we left Forks, and my life has never been happier or more complete. I'm totally a _Lucky Fcuk._

The couples make their way out of the limo, one pair at a time, stepping out onto the waiting red carpet. For once, I don't hear the chatter, the incessant clicks of the paparazzi; I'm completely unaware of the glare of the lights. All my senses are otherwise focused on the essence of Bella. I gaze at her deep blue fuckhot dress, I smell the unique scent of _her_—her perfume commingling with her own natural bouquet, I hear her breath hitch, I taste her kiss on my mouth, and I feel the silkiness of her skin as I reach out for her hand when she steps out of the limo. Once Bella is at my side, I lean in to kiss her and place my hand lightly on her belly, which is just started to show the bump of her pregnancy. The only things in the world that matter to me are between my two hands; she is my entire world. After I kiss her, I whisper words of encouragement into her ear, but she doesn't really need them. She is stunning, ravishing, and the cameras love her. I certainly can't blame them, but I can admit I'm jealous of them. I want her all to myself.

I'm not surprised that our version of _Persuasion_ wound up to be Masen's finest critical success. It is my first collaboration with Bella, and her script is brilliant; after years of frustration, I finally found the combination that works: My directing partnered with her writing. It is a perfect collaborative match, as is our marriage. To be here, at the Oscars, with my pregnant wife, and my best friends, is more than I ever could have hoped for in life. I still remind myself daily that I am the luckiest bastard on the entire planet.

**BPOV**

My heart is pounding as the limo comes to a halt. Edward leans in to kiss me.

"Are you ready for all this, love? We can always opt for the back entrance if you prefer. I don't want you to put too much stress on yourself or the baby."

I reach out to touch his cheek. Such a beautiful, caring man, and he's all mine. I still have no idea how all this happened, but I am eternally grateful that it did. My mind flashes back to the words we shared at the altar; Edward quoted Oscar Wilde, one of our favorites:

"All I know is that it takes great courage to see the world in all its tainted glory and still to love it, and even more courage to see it in the one you love. You are the most courageous woman I know—to not be afraid to show it now."

I offered my own quote for the occasion, by Henrik Ibsen:

"…a marriage based on full confidence, based on complete and unqualified frankness on both sides; they are not keeping anything back; there's no deception, underneath it all. If I might so put it, it's an agreement for the mutual forgiveness of sins."

From the horrible beginning we had to our relationship, Edward and I have experienced the most profound love and respect for each other. I rub my hands over my pregnant belly and think back at how, in many ways, the Desiderata of Happiness helped me make it to this perfect place in my life. The most important lesson of all comes from the last line of _Desiderata_; the one stanza I haven't yet reviewed over the past months:

"_Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."_

For once in my life, I can say I am cheerful. I am happy every day and strive to maintain that happiness. And it is all because I have the beautiful, the wonderful, the charming, the perfect Mr. Edward Cullen by my side. Forever.

Edward Cullen _is_, quite simply, my Desiderata of Happiness.

**END NOTE: So, thanks to everyone for joining me on this crazy ride. I truly appreciate the readers and all the wonderful reviews! If you're interested in reading my other stories, my profile is: ****http://www**** . fanfiction . net/u/1868476/ (remember to remove the spaces between the dots before copying the URL). **

**My next story will be a multi-chapter story featuring Dr. Cullen and Nurse Swan, entitled, "The Nightingale Journals." It is a continuation of my one-shots "Underneath it All" and "The Green-Eyed Monster Comes Out to Play." If you want to read, put me on author alert so you will be notified when it posts. I will probably take a week or two off and indulge in some reading, but it should begin shortly.**


	29. Outtake: Special Delivery

**DESIDERATA**

**A/N: This outtake was written expressly for DICATAKADD, which she purchased in support of Alex's Lemonade Stand for the Fandom Gives Back. You can thank her for supporting a great cause in addition to providing more sweet, lemony Edward and Bella goodness.**

**Things I own: An encyclopedic knowledge of birth control methods. Trufax. Did my Master's Thesis on it. No joke.**

**Things I don't: Twilight. It's all Stephanie Meyers'. Damn. **

**OUTTAKE: SPECIAL DELIVERY**

**BPOV**

_Edward._

I breathe in deeply, taking in his delightful scent. I feel him snuggle into my body more closely, and the sense of happiness, the sheer contentedness of being next to him, is nearly overwhelming. It's the last thing I think of before I fall asleep, and the first thing I think of when I awaken.

I remember telling Edward that I wanted to get plenty of baby-making practice in before we officially tried to make one of our own. He's been a most willing partner, taking one for the team, practicing at least once a day, usually twice. I smile secretly at the thought of how earnestly he practices with me.

There is a very specific reason that Edward is always on my mind as I fall asleep and awaken—we always seem to fall into having sex before and after we sleep. More than once, I've been awakened in the middle of the night by my horned out, insatiable husband. He explains that when my naked ass rubs against him as we spoon, and my naked breasts happen to find themselves in his hands, his hard cock announces itself; what else are you going to do? One plus one is two, and sex is inevitable. When he greets me with his deliciously hard morning wood, the same concept applies—you do what you have to do. Oh, do we have to do it. We can't help ourselves. If practice makes perfect, then we are extremely close to achieving perfection.

It's amazing how wonderful and different sex can be. At night, when we're both tired, it becomes slow and lazy. He slides into me gently, and we morph into one. During our coupling, we talk, we kiss, our hands explore each other's bodies. It's the perfect end to our day.

In the morning, however, our sex is a completely different animal. It's as though our naked bodies, rubbing together all night long, have been in an extended version of foreplay—we usually awaken hungry and needy for each other. It's always hot, heavy, and aggressive. We make love every night, but we fuck each other senseless every morning. It serves to wake me up in a way coffee never could and, frankly, given a choice between a mug of coffee and fucking Edward, he wins hands down every time.

Not surprisingly, his perfect, created-to-meet-my-specifications cock is making its presence known on my backside. Edward is still asleep, and unconsciously tightens his grip on me, pulling me in closer. As always, his hand is nestled over my breast. The combination of cock-hand-spoon gets my lady business overwhelmingly over-stimulated. _Need. Edward. NOW._

I lift my thigh over Edward's and reach around to place his incredibly hard cock at my entrance. Wetness is never a problem for me; just the thought of Edward's hard cock makes me go haywire. I hear Edward give out a combination moan/mumble when I place him where I so desperately need him. I turn my head to the side and whisper loudly.

"Edward? Baby? I need you to fuck me."

It takes a moment, but suddenly his grip on me tightens. _Oh yeah, that woke him up!_

His voice is raw and raspy. "Do you have any idea what it does to me when you use words like that to wake me up?"

"I'm hoping it makes you even harder and needing to fuck me as badly as I need to be fucked." I'm not playing any games here; I need him inside of me as much as I need oxygen to breathe.

"_Fuuuck!_ Bella, you naughty little minx, I hope you're ready, because I'm going to fuck your brains out. Right. Now."

"Quit talking and get sexing, baby."

In one swift motion, Edward turns me over onto my stomach, tugs to raise up my hips, and slides right into me. It's amazing what a feel we have for each other's bodies; we seem to know instinctively where the other's is. We're like a finely tuned machine, completely working in tandem towards our mutual goal. Good god, what an amazing mutual goal it is! It's as though I'm making up for lost time every time we have sex; I was a horny virgin for so many years, I need to have as many years as an equally horny sex queen. Because that's exactly how Edward makes me feel: Horny and regal.

This morning, Edward chooses my favorite position, undoubtedly because he knows it will get me even more worked up than usual. There's something entirely erotic about feeling his grasp on my hips, hearing us slap together as his balls slam against me, that makes me go completely bonkers. It's animal and hot and lusty all at once.

I never let Edward get the upper hand completely during sex; while he's preoccupied with pumping into me at an incredibly fast rate, I carefully slide my knees together and cross my ankles over each other. The result is positively mind blowing for both of us. I arch my back, changing the angle of my hips, and suddenly, he hits the jackpot. His cock starts pounding over and over on top of my g-spot, and it takes about 15 seconds for me to come. It's like an explosion that arrives from out of nowhere, taking us both by surprise.

"Fuck, Bella…so fucking hot…baby, coming…" I feel his grip on my hips tighten as he releases into me.

After he finishes, he leans onto my back, sprinkling it with kisses and affectionate words. My husband is the most romantic man I've ever known, but you'd never guess that when you first get to know him. The fact that only I am privy to this side of him fills me with such love and pride.

Eventually, we collapse back onto the bed, facing each other on our sides. I nuzzle into his chest, inhaling deeply. I can never fill my senses enough when I'm with him.

He sighs and groans a little bit.

"Sweets, what's wrong? Why the deep sigh?"

"Because I have to go to the office for a board meeting today, when all I really want to do is sit here and smell your hair for a few hours, then sex you up a bit more. Do you realize how many surfaces of our house we have left unchristened? It's positively scandalous, and we need to remedy that at once. Our bed has been hogging up all of our sexing."

"Would it help you come back sooner if I tell you that I'll wait here in bed for you, naked, until you return?"

His eyes take on that dark, lusty look I love so well. "No, Bella, that would do the exact opposite; it would make me stay in bed with you all day long."

"Board meetings can be rescheduled, can't they?" I ask coyly, while planting soft kisses over his nipples.

He forces himself to disengage from me, rolling over to the edge of the mattress. I pout a little bit, and he kisses my forehead. "I really do have to get going, love, but I promise to make it up to you later."

"I'm glad to hear that; I'm feeling like we still have so much practicing to do, you know?" I grin.

"You'd better be careful what you ask for, or you might end up being too sore to walk for a few days."

"Yes, please, husband! I want to know just exactly how much sexing it takes for me to be too sore to walk. We could make it like a science experiment, with lots of trials to ensure accurate data collection."

He holds his hands up, as if in surrender. "Why don't you spend the day dreaming up all of those different experiments we're going to do, and I'll spend the day thinking of all the different ways I want to ravage you. Then tonight, we'll do them both. How does that sound?"

I cannot even answer the insanely beautiful man standing before me. I simply swallow hard and nod my head. I watch his ass as he walks out of the room; as usual, he stops in the doorway to confirm that I've been watching him and turns to give me the Full Smirky shot. Buck naked and smirking away. It takes everything within my power not to jump out of bed and attack him.

I move over to Edward's side of the bed, where it is still warm and smells of him. I nod off, only to wake up to Edward's kiss on my cheek. I pry my lids open and see his perfect face in front of me.

"Just be ready for me when I get home, my little sexual demon," he says, grinning at me.

"Just be careful what you wish for, hot stuff, because it's probably going to come true."

**********

As I lay there, images of my husband fucking me over and over again flash through my mind. It reminds me that it's time for me to change my monthly NuvaRing. I've been on it ever since we took the Plan B pill after we had sex for the first time. It's really convenient and easy to use, and I don't need to worry about taking a pill at the same time every day. Lord knows, our schedule during film shoots is such that I would never remember to take it every day. I'm determined that when we get pregnant, it will be when we decide it's the right time.

I make my way to our bathroom and prop one of my legs on the toilet lid. I reach in to pull it out the ring out, but it isn't there. My heart stops beating for a moment.

_How can it possibly not be there? Where the hell is it? Did it get lost inside of me? Jesus, only I could fuck up something as easy to use as this!_

I put my fingers back in, checking once again for the ring. Nothing. _Shit! Who knows how long it's been out? We've been "practicing" at least twice a day, every day. Well, I did say we had nearly reached perfection, didn't I?_

My train of thought is quickly cut off by strains of Jefferson Airplane's "Go Ask Alice." I run back to the bedroom to get my phone.

"_I had a dream._"

_Oh, sweet jesus, no!_

"I'm afraid to ask. Just tell me, Alice."

"_Are you pregnant, Bella?"_

"God no! Why would you ask that?" Of course, I know _exactly_ why she would ask that, but I'm still in denial, even as my heart races.

"_I had a dream: Edward was holding your hand while you were in a hospital bed, you were panting, straining, swearing up a blue streak with a beet red face, and then I heard a newborn baby cry."_

"Can't you just keep the scary dreams to yourself, Tiny Tim?"

"_Do we need to meet for coffee? Jasper has a meeting today, so I'm pretty free."_

"Um, no. I don't think I can. I have an appointment."

"_Is everything okay? You don't sound so good, sweetie. Your voice is all strained."_

"No, everything's fine. You just caught me off guard. Your dream didn't happen to tell you how far into the future this was going to take place, did it?"

"_Come on, my dreams aren't that good! It's probably nothing, but I woke up and it felt so real, like it had just happened."_

"If it just happened, I'm certainly not aware of it, pipsqueak. Gotta run. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"_Love you! Mwah!_"

_Okay. That's it. I'm pregnant. I know it. I didn't know how long the ring had been missing; Alice confirmed my worst fears. Looks like the universe has an altogether different plan for my reproductive organs than I do. At least it could have warned me ahead of time, you know?_

I call my OB/Gyn to have an emergency exam to see where the hell that ring is. I'm scared to death it's floating around inside me somewhere.

As I sit in the waiting room for my name to be called, everywhere I look there are babies. Pregnant women, babies being toted around in car seats, brochures, posters, you name it; it's all right here in front of me. Panic has definitely taken hold.

When my name is called, it seems to reverberate throughout the waiting room. I feel like I've been called to the Executioner. I pee in a cup, get my hemoglobin level checked, and I'm whisked off into a room where I'm forced to don a paper gown that covers the top half of my body, and a small paper sheet to cover my lower half. I'm freezing to death. The combination of fear and discomfort makes this place about one step above going to the dentist. In my world, that's not a good thing.

Dr. Meyers comes in, and she is instantly calms me down; she has a very soothing energy. She sits down at the table to ask me some questions.

"So, Isabella, you're here because you had a 'birth control malfunction'?" She reads from her notes.

"It's Bella. Uh, yeah, I went to take my ring out this morning and it wasn't there."

"Okay. When was the last time you knew it was in place?"

"When I put it in?"

"Hmm. Well, that doesn't give us much to go by, I'm afraid. Now, it's very rare for the ring to become displaced, but it can happen when you use a tampon, if you have really rough sex, or when you poop."

_My doctor just used the word "poop." I'd giggle if I weren't so grateful for her not using the word "stool" or—the masterpiece of horrid words—"bowel movement."_

"At any rate, let's have a check to see that it truly has been displaced, and we'll go from there."

As she warms her hands and inserts the metal clampie-thingy, we make small talk. She asks me how long I've been married, how much I've been having sex, the usual. When I explain to her exactly how often we hump like bunnies, she murmurs, "Well, that will certainly increase your chances."

"Increase my chances for what?"

"To get pregnant."

She finishes up with her exam. "There was no ring embedded anywhere. The most likely scenario is that it fell out, sometime within the past few weeks. I suggest we do a pregnancy test. Have you felt any symptoms?"

"I don't think so. I just feel like I'm going to get my period soon. My boobs are pretty tender."

"The first signs of pregnancy are often similar to those of your period, but to a greater degree. Then there is the nausea, of course. At any rate, let's take the test and see what we need to do next."

I'm back to sitting in the cold room, but at least I get to put my real clothes back on. As I wait for the nurse to come get me, I start to process what it would mean to be pregnant. I'm a little bummed out that it's happening so soon. I wanted a lot of time to get to know Edward, do interesting things, and to simply enjoy each other. Still, the thought of a mini Edward growing inside my belly makes me giddy, if I'm truly honest with myself. I think Edward will probably be pretty excited about it. Esme and Carlisle will be positively over the moon; I don't think they ever expected to have grandchildren, with the way Edward had closed himself off in the past. I cannot even imagine how thrilled they will be. I smile at that thought. While it would have been nice to have everything planned out, life doesn't always happen that way; you have to take what you're given. Since my equation already includes Edward Cullen, I really have nothing to complain about. I'll take it willingly.

The nurse takes me to the bathroom and explains how to work the test. I do my work, and, sure enough, the little plus sign shows up.

_Holy hell, I'm pregnant! Really, truly pregnant!_

The doctor quickly calculates when they baby is due: June 18th. Two days before Edward's birthday. I feel a total thrill run through me, knowing that our baby will always celebrate its birth around the same time as my husband. Once more, it feels like fate has intervened.

Suddenly, I'm grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I can't wait to tell Edward. I pull out my phone as I'm exiting the office, still clenching the pregnancy test wand. I stop while I'm in motion; I'm inspired by a great idea. I text Edward to see if he is still at the office; I'm in luck—he is.

I drive to the Masen headquarters, trying very hard to contain my excitement and to act as normally as possible. I talk with Mrs. Cope, then make my way to Edward's office. He's on the phone, so I stand in the doorway. His back is towards me, but he slowly turns around. A huge smirk blooms on his face as he finishes his conversation.

"Baby, I told you I would sex you up a thousand ways until Sunday when I got home. What's wrong? Couldn't you wait that long?" He gives me his signature smirk, and I want to kiss it right off his face. _God, I love this man!_

I walk swiftly over to his desk and jump into his lap. "You and that ego of yours. You'd think you were god's gift to women," I say, pointing my finger into his chest to emphasize every word.

"No, not all women, just my woman," he says as he slaps my ass.

I can't resist. I lean in for one of his illegally good kisses. For the first time ever, it seems, I break the kiss first. I lean over and whisper into his ear, "I have a surprise for you."

His smirk becomes a degree sexier, if that is even possible. "Oh? What is the surprise, you naughty girl?" He cups my ass again. I try hard to stay focused on my task, but Edward makes it so difficult, sometimes.

I stand up, holding the wand behind my back. "Guess which hand."

That elicits a groan from Edward. "Can't you just show me?"

I shake my head vigorously. "No. Absolutely not. You have to guess."

"Okay. Left hand."

I quickly shift the wand to my left hand and pull it around to the front. It is lying on my palm, face up, with the "+" sign clearly visible.

"What…" he says, looking at the object with a mixture of confusion and curiosity; I see the realization dawn slowly on his face. He turns white as a ghost.

"Bella? Is this what I think it is?"

"Yes, Edward. We're going to have a baby."

He looks at me, mouth agape, saying nothing. I'm starting to get very concerned the longer he goes without speaking. Without warning, he grabs me and kisses me with more passion than I've ever experienced before.

"I love you so fucking much, Bella Cullen! We're going to have a baby!"

He grabs my arm and pulls me out of his office.

"Everyone! I need everyone here at once!"

Mrs. Cope scrambles from office to office to gather everyone.

Esme is one of the first to arrive. She gives me a big hug and kiss, like she always does. As she moves away from me, Edward flashes the "+" sign in her face. She looks wholly confused, not understanding what it is. Clearly, she hasn't had to take a pregnancy test for a while.

"Mom! Bella's _PREGNANT!_"

Esme glances between both Edward and me, as if looking for confirmation that she isn't dreaming. "Really? Are you sure?"

"I just came from the OB's office, Esme. Yes, we're sure. I'm pregnant."

She screams out loud and embraces us simultaneously. "I'm going to be a grandma!"

By now, the rest of the office has gathered, and some of them have an inkling of what's going on. For those who don't, Edward makes an impromptu announcement.

"Everyone, the newest member of the Cullen family will give birth to the newest member of the Cullen family! My adorable, beautiful, wonderful, perfect wife is pregnant!"

There are words of hearty congratulations all around. I meet Jasper's eyes, and his look suggests that this isn't a total surprise.

"Alice told you about her dream, didn't she?"

He laughs. "Yes, she did, but I kind of shrugged it off. Looks like I underestimated her talents."

"Over the years, I've learned to _always_ pay attention to Alice's dreams. The last one she had was about my meeting Edward, and it really did happen. The very same day."

"You'd better call her, you know, or she'll be mighty put out that she was the first _and_ the last to know!"

"Oh my god, you're right! I completely got carried away by Edward's enthusiasm."

I interrupt Edward's conversation with Esme. "Sweets, I need to call Alice, and you need to tell Carlisle, too."

He gives me an unexpectedly tender kiss. "Why don't you call her from my office, and Esme and I can call my Dad from her office?"

"Kay!" I say, running off to his office. I feel terrible that I haven't thought to tell her. This day is just weird and wild; I can hardly keep things straight. I dial Alice's number.

"_So I was right, huh?"_

"Oh my god, Alice, how did you know?"

"_You sounded so off this morning, I sensed that something was up and you just weren't spilling the beans. I figured you were calling me for a reason."_

"I can't believe you told Jasper, you know. What if I hadn't been pregnant?"

"_First of all, Bella, it was a dream. They don't always come true. Second of all, he's my fiancé! Who else am I supposed to tell? I mean, besides you, of course."_

"It's okay, I get it. I'm still kind of shell-shocked, I must admit. I cannot believe it happened!"

"_When are you due? Have you told Charlie yet?"_

"Oh god, I totally forgot about Charlie. Shit, I need to call him. Um, it's due June 18th."

"_You're going to have two Geminis to deal with, you know. They can be tricksters."_

I can't help but laugh. Trust Alice to already have the horoscopes ready. "Hey peanut, I really need to call Charlie. I'll catch up with you later, and we'll go over everything. Okay?"

"_Love you, Bells! I can't wait for my godson to arrive!"_

"Wait, Alice, wha?..." I'm talking to dead air. She hung up. _Please don't tell me she found out the gender of my child, too!_

While I very much would love to have Edward next to me for moral support while I call my Dad, I know this is best handled on my own. Charlie has been so supportive of my relationship with Edward, going along with our whirlwind romance and incredibly brief engagement. The last thing I want is for him to suspect that we _had_ to get married. Even though the timing is such that I clearly got pregnant on our honeymoon, I just know that's the first place his mind will go. Once again, I am forced to call him in the middle of the day to give him some surprising news.

"_Bella! Is everything okay? You never call me during the day…"_

"Yes, Dad, everything is fine. I do have a surprise for you though, which is why I called."

"_Are you already coming home?"_

"Charlie! Of course not!" I hear his laughter in the background, but still. Not funny. "Okay, wise guy, I'm going to make this difficult for you now. You'll just have to find out through the gossip mags."

"_Aw, come on, kiddo! I was just having some fun. What's the news?"_

"How do you feel about becoming a grandpa?"

"_Well, that depends on when I'll be becoming a grandpa. Something tells me that it's going to be sooner rather than later."_

"You're right. I'm pregnant."

I hear my dad gulp. All I hear for a few moments is his breathing. _Shit, he's disappointed. I can't deal with my Dad being disappointed, I just can't._

"Dad? You okay?"

"_Bells, you just made me the happiest man in the world, and I don't have the words to describe how I feel. You make me so damn proud, all the time._"

His voice cracks as he finishes his last sentence, which makes me start to tear up. Now it's my turn to swallow hard.

"Thanks. You know how much I love you, right? I can't imagine where I would be without your influence; I will always be grateful that Renee chose to leave us, because our lives were better off without her craziness. Speaking of Renee, we only found out I was pregnant today, so we should probably keep it quiet for a little while. I want to wait as long as possible before she finds out, because you _know_ she will find out."

"_I'm actually going to encourage you not to even think about that, because it will drive you crazy. Trust me, I know from experience."_

Charlie's voice suddenly sounds so sad and alone; when I focus on my own issues with Renee, it's easy to forget that she was once the love of his life. I'm reminded of how devastated he was over that loss. It is only recently I've seen him start to move forward, away from his decades-long grief. It is equal parts heartbreaking and disgusting to admit Renee's capacity for wreaking havoc on the hearts of everyone she touches. Charlie is right; I just need to let sleeping dogs lie; no point in worrying about something that can be neither controlled nor resolved.

I heave a big sigh. "I know. The restraining order is in place, she's long gone, and she can't say anything to the media, unless she wants to go to jail. Still, I find myself always on edge waiting for the moment she's going to arrive. I know that I need to focus on the baby and Edward now; I don't have any room left in my life or my heart for zero sum relationships."

"_That's the attitude you need! You have to live your life as though she isn't a part of it, because she really isn't anymore. You're an incredibly strong person and you're going to be an incredible mother. That little one is going to be so lucky to have you and Edward as parents."_

Charlie is a man who is rather terse. He is both reserved and private. Putting so much emotion into his words catches me off guard; it is unexpected. I understand implicitly the importance of his meaning—I am _not_ my mother.

"Thank you, Dad. Your reassurance and support mean the world to me. I was a little worried that you would be disappointed."

"_Bella, how could I ever be disappointed in you? You've always, ALWAYS exceeded my expectations. You've taken every bump life has given you and turned it into an opportunity. Think about all you went through with Renee, then when Alice's folks died, when you helped her to open the Café, even your choice of Edward. You've got a good head on your shoulders and you're nothing like your mother. You're going to be fine no matter what comes along. Is that clear?" _

"Yeah, it's clear. I should probably get going. I'll be in touch to let you know how everything is going."

"_Aren't you forgetting something?"_

He catches me totally off guard. "Huh?"

"_Exactly when will be become a grandpa?"_

"Oh, yeah, I totally forgot! Sorry! Um, the baby is due June 18th. Right before Edward's birthday."

"_And right around Father's Day! Looks like you're going to have busy Junes for the rest of your life!"_

I laugh. He's totally right; I have my work cut out for me, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Gotta go, Dad. Talk to you soon, okay?"

"_Sure thing, kiddo. Thanks for the call."_

I hang up the phone and wander around to find Edward and Esme. They're still in her office, having an animated conversation. When he sees me in the doorway, he walks quickly over to my side and wraps his arms around my waist. I'm surprised when Esme joins me at my other side.

"You have no idea how happy you've made Carlisle and me, sweetheart!" she says, giving me a kiss. "When is the happy event going to take place?"

"The baby is due on June 18th."

Edward's answering grin is beautiful. "Maybe he'll wait until the 20th, and we can celebrate together every year."

"What makes you think it's a boy? I have a strange feeling it will be a girl."

"We're going to find out before hand, right? So we'll know what kind of nursery to prepare?"

I feel myself frown. "No, Edward, we're definitely _not_ going to find out the gender ahead of time! If I have to suffer through hours of labor, I want something to look forward to at the end. Plus, it's like opening a Christmas gift early. The surprise is half the fun."

I see Edward furrow his brow. "How about if I find out and you don't?"

I slap his arm playfully. "Absolutely not! You know that it will come out by accident at some point; I genuinely do not want to know. Okay? Am I clear on that?"

He gives me a sweet kiss and carefully replies, "Yes, baby, you're very clear."

I mutter, "Wise answer," and kiss him back.

Esme has been quiet for a few minutes. I look over at her, wondering the reason for her silence.

"Esme? Are you all right?" I ask her gently.

"Hmm? Oh, yes dear, I'm fine. I was just doing some math."

"Math?" I look at her, confused.

"Yes, mother dearest, it was conceived on our honeymoon."

I feel my face flush in response.

Edward cups my face between his hands, rubbing his thumbs over my cheekbones. "Blushing, Bella? Nothing to be embarrassed about! I think it is perfect." He gives me a sweet kiss on my lips. "But I think it is time for us to go home. I don't want you to get too worn down."

"Edward, I'm only about 4 weeks pregnant…it's too early for me to get worn down." No sooner than I say that, I start to get light-headed. My knees buckle and Edward holds me up.

"Famous last words, love. Let's go."

My mouth gapes open, ready to rebut his request. His hand is at my mouth in a flash.

"Don't even start, Bella Cullen. That's my baby you're carrying around in there, and it is precious cargo. We're going home."

All I can do is smile at him—already so protective of both me and his child. I love that side of him. "Yes, dear. May I drive myself home, or will that be simply too dangerous an undertaking?" I'm teasing him, of course.

"I didn't think of that. I'll just have Jasper drive your car for you."

"Edward! I was just kidding! Being pregnant doesn't make me handicapped for god's sake!"

He turns to whisper in my ear. "I know, love, but I want to have you all to myself as soon as possible. Remember, we have that arrangement we agreed upon earlier."

I feel my knees buckle again, but this time it is for a completely different reason. I whisper back to him, "Yes, please!" which causes Mr. Smirky to return.

**************

_**FIRST TRIMESTER**_

"I've made an executive decision that we are ordering in tonight. What will it be, my lovely wife?"

"Thai sounds really good, actually."

"Then Thai you shall have, love."

I realized that I'm absolutely famished by the time dinner arrives. Edward dishes it up for me, and we sit down to eat. I hungrily attack my first bite. Suddenly, and without any warning, I'm eating the most disgusting food ever. I spit it out and run to the bathroom, swiftly barfing up a lung in the process. Edward is right behind me, holding my hair out of the way. That is true love right there, holding someone when they hurl. True dedication.

"Are you all right, Bella? Do I need to call your doctor?" he asks me, worriedly.

"I'll be fine, baby. Women have survived with nausea during pregnancy for centuries. Maybe I should just stick to saltines or something bland. Anything without a strong smell associated with it."

"How about some toast?"

"I'll do it. Why don't you go finish your dinner?"

"Love, how am I supposed to take care of you if you won't let me?"

"Baby, it isn't like I broke my leg! I'm just pregnant, and I can deal with this."

The concern on his face is evident. "You have to remember you're not on your own anymore. We're in this together; we're having a baby _together_. You have to let me help, it is the only thing I can do while you do the work of growing our child."

"You know what? You're absolutely right. Old habits die hard—you know how independent I am. I need to get used to the fact that there's two of us here to make decisions. I don't do it on purpose; I'll try to do a better job. Sorry."

He kisses me gently on the forehead. "That's all I can ask of you. Why don't you go to our room, and I'll bring you some toast. That way, you don't have to go past the ruins that was once our meal."

"That's really thoughtful of you, baby. I'll meet you in bed."

"If you weren't feeling so awful, those words would have me very wound up, you know."

"Like I said, I'll see you in bed," is my coy response.

******************

_**SECOND TRIMESTER**_

Edward and I are coiled up in bed, and his hand is resting on my belly. It's funny, ever since he found out I was pregnant, his hand hovers over that area of my body constantly. It's so sweet, like he is being unconsciously protective of our baby. I love that. He's been incredible about our accident, taking the entire thing in stride. It's almost as if it's too perfect—I keep waiting for the shoe to drop, because that's just how my life always seems to play out. I'm good at waiting for imagined disasters. Without meaning to, I heave a deep sigh. I feel Edward's hand start to rub my belly, soothing me.

"I'm almost afraid to ask the origin of that deep sigh, but I'll delude myself and imagine that it's due to a deep, abiding sense of love and happiness."

That makes me giggle. "How do you understand me so well, Edward? How did I ever get so lucky?"

Apparently, Mr. Smirky has decided to make an appearance. "I think it had something to do with some rather sticky buns, a Snarky shrew that I couldn't resist, and who also couldn't keep her hands off my goods."

"Smirky, there is plenty of room in the guest room bed, you know. Just saying."

He laughs as he kisses my forehead, but I take a moment to be serious and share what's on my mind.

"I'm just thinking about our accidental pregnancy, and how you've been okay with it from the moment I told you. It's weird, because most guys would have totally freaked out or left me in the dust."

He looks at me with the most sincere expression on his face. "You should know by now that I'm not like most guys; I suspect that is one of the reasons you love me. I guess my reaction is really because I never expected anything that I have right now—your love, a baby, a family. I always thought it was unattainable for me. The only women I ever dated were such sycophants, interested in my fame or my money, not in me as a person. But you? You've never been remotely interested in that aspect of my life. In fact, it's almost like you eschewed it, and it kept you away from me. Somehow, the moment I realized that I was in love with you, the puzzle pieces of my life fell into place right in front of me. I always longed for what my parents have—an incredible bond in their marriage, a happy, cohesive family—but I never had any hope of achieving that with any of my previous relationships. When I met you, suddenly my possibilities were endless. While we never planned to have a baby right _now_, it has _always_ been in our plans. How could I ever be disappointed in something as unimportant as timing? We have all the resources we could ever want at our fingertips in terms of family and money—we can manage a baby easily. Of course I'm ecstatic! Our love is now growing inside of you; it's wonderful and amazing, just like you."

By the time Edward finishes his words, tears are falling from my eyes in earnest. Just when I think I can't possibly love him more, he comes up with something that deepens my love for him immeasurably. This man is my life, and the fact that we are creating a new life together fills me with so much joy and satisfaction, I'm certain I will burst.

**********

_**THIRD TRIMESTER**_

My eyes flutter open, and find myself snuggled into Edward. He's leaning against his pillows, reading, his hand lazily stroking my hair. My head is resting on his chest, so he's doing his best to balance his book while allowing me to be as comfortable as I am able at this stage of the game. I didn't think it was possible to get this large, but apparently, I was wrong. _Ugh_. Two more months to go, and it's only going to get worse. Dammit. Then I realize why I woke up in the first place—I need to pee. Again. This is getting really old. I groan and roll away from my husband, and make my way for the bathroom.

When I get back to the bedroom, I take in Edward's form. He's in nothing but boxer briefs, and his long, lean legs are stretched out. He's holding his book with one hand, running his fingers through his hair with the other. I grin to myself, because he does that all the time, unconsciously, and it is so sexy. He has no idea how fucking hot he is. All he has to do is look at me and I want him. Oh, let's be honest. He doesn't even need to look at me—I simply want him all the time. My eyes scan his form, following his beautiful happy trail, stopping where it disappears into the waistband of his boxers. That leads me to focus on his junk. I can see the outline of his cock, his achingly beautiful cock, and I think my mouth starts to water. _I need the junk. STAT._

Edward looks up from his book, because apparently I've been standing there, staring at him, for an unusual amount of time.

"Bella? Are you all right?"

I don't answer him, I rush over to the bed instead. In one quick motion, I remove his book from his hands and place it on the bedside table. I straddle him, taking his face into my hands, and kiss him with conviction. I don't meet any resistance. He knows well enough by now that _resistance is futile_ when you're living with a horny pregnant woman. You submit willingly, or be damned. Frankly, he hasn't complained once about my attacking him.

Although my hugely pregnant belly is in the way, I still can't help but move my hips over him, sliding over his now wonderfully erect cock. _Hmm, layers of clothing in the way. Must get rid of all clothing._

I stand up, towering over Edward, and slide off my underwear. I point to his boxers, and he swiftly removes them without being asked. _God, I love this man!_

His beautiful erection hovers below me, and I get back on my knees in front of him. I grasp the base of his incredibly hard cock and give it a squeeze. He groans and shifts his hips in response. _Good boy!_

I swirl my tongue around the tip of his penis, s-l-o-w-l-y savoring its slick smoothness. Again, I am rewarded with a groan and thrust of his hips. I move to take in all of his length, appreciating how good he feels in my mouth. I love driving my husband crazy this way. I pause when he reaches the back of my throat, and he knows what comes next. He whimpers, which only encourages me more. Slowly, I stroke my tongue up and down the hard center of his shaft, while still squeezing the base of his cock. His hips always thrust when I do that, and it is so fucking hot. I feel him weave his elegantly long fingers into my hair, subtly guiding me up and down. The noises I tease out of him only serve to get me more worked up.

I stop what I'm doing and return to straddling him, so his cock is positioned between my slick lips. When he feels how wet he makes me, it always evokes a moan, which turns me into a full-fledged sex maniac. I can't get enough of him, ever. He pulls my face roughly into him, kissing me with passion and raw lust. He puts his hands on my hips, coaxing me onto his hard cock. The minute my pussy is flush with the base of his shaft, we both groan.

"_Fuck_, Bella, do you have any idea what you do to me?"

"Um, yes, I think I have an idea."

Using his hands on my hips, he starts gliding me up and down his cock.

"Jesus, you feel so good. You get so wet for me."

I'm starting to breathe harder. "Can't keep myself away from your cock. Need it always."

His hands move from my hips to my breasts, which are getting so huge it's ridiculous.

"Ungh, baby, your tits…" his delicious fingers start pinching my nipples, which are quickly replaced by his tongue. As he swirls that wicked good tongue around my nipple, I'm gone. My orgasm bursts forth out of nowhere, strong and hard. Ever since I've been pregnant, I can orgasm at the drop of a hat. I always push him over the edge when I cum, and he's right behind me.

"Fuck, Bella…so hot!"

Spent, I collapse on top of him, and we catch our breath.

"Remind me to keep you pregnant for the next twenty years."

"Why in god's name would you say that?"

"Because I never want to say goodbye to my horny, pregnant wife. It drives me crazy when you can't keep your hands off of me," he smirks.

"Just be careful what you wish for, because it just might happen."

"Then my dick will die a happy death."

"Edward, if you kill off that superb cock of yours, it's a deal breaker. Just so you know."

He lifts up my face and kisses me hard. "God, I love you!"

After a few minutes, we slow down, kissing more gently, and his hands start to roam over my big belly. The baby starts to move under Edward's touch.

"I love feeling him move after we've been together. It's as though he can sense how much we love each other, and can't wait to meet us."

"Just remember, it's probably a girl."

"No, it's a boy. I'm sure of it."

"I'm going to be so happy to prove you wrong, you know."

"Alice thinks it's a boy."

"She could be wrong."

"Mmm, I don't think so. I'm going with Alice on this one."

*****************

_**D-DAY**_

I'm standing in our baby's nursery, checking to make sure everything is ready. I've been nesting for several weeks now, driving Edward crazy. He just doesn't get it—I need for everything to be ready. It isn't like my normal, anally retentive ways; this is something entirely stronger. It's like an instinct left over from our ancestors, back when we were still cave people.

I check to make sure the diapers and wipes are set up on the changing table, that the sheets are perfectly spread out on the crib, and that all the clothes are folded and in place in their drawers. I sigh. _Yes, it's ready._

Lost in my thoughts, I don't hear Edward sneak in behind me. He wraps his arms around me, with his hands on my belly. The baby shifts under his touch. The shift causes its head to hit my bladder, and its legs to kick my ribs. I groan with discomfort.

"Are you all right, baby? Is there anything I can do for you?" He kisses my neck sweetly.

"You can get this baby delivered, thank you very much. I'm about four weeks past ready at this point!"

"I wish I could help you out…I hate it that you have to be so uncomfortable."

"I'll live, sweets. I would love to be able to see my toes again."

"I assure you, they are just as cute and adorable as ever."

"Let's go lie down for a minute, okay? The nursery is fine. It has been fine every time you've looked at it in the past month. Nothing has changed."

"I can't believe we didn't have to buy anything for the baby yet. We are so spoiled."

"You know my parents were so thrilled to be able to surprise you with the nursery furniture and design. You aren't an easy person to surprise!"

"I've had so many baby showers it's ridiculous. I don't think I will ever get used to people's generosity when you're famous."

"Come on, love, let's lay down." He takes my hand and gently leads me across the hall to our bedroom.

The minute I collapse onto the bed, I see the wisdom of my husband's suggestion. I sink down, feeling instantly relaxed. Since I can no longer lie on my back or my stomach, I move onto my side, and feel Edward spoon in behind me, hand over my pregnant belly.

As is usually the case whenever we spoon, Edward has risen to the occasion. He starts to plant soft kisses on my neck, and I'm gone. I reach behind me to start unfastening his fly. He quickly does the rest.

"Baby, please just slide into me. I need you so much." I'm suddenly overwhelmed with my love and passion for this man. My feelings are all over the place these days, and I simply need to have him; I feel empty without him inside me.

Gently, he moves my panties to the side and glides easily into me.

"So wet for me, aren't you love?"

"Always, baby. I always want you."

He moves in me slowly, holding my pregnant belly. It's divine.

But then, suddenly, it is _not_ divine. I feel a cramp seize me.

"Ungh, Edward! Stop!"

"What is it, love?"

I stumble out of bed and waddle off to the bathroom, holding my belly. Edward follows close behind.

"Bella? Please, tell me what's wrong!"

_Fuck. Another one._

I grab the towel bar and pee all over the floor.

"Shit! Oh my god, Edward, I just peed!"

I look down at my legs, and they are covered in clear fluid with streaks of blood.

"Do I need to call the doctor? Please, Bella, tell me what's going on!"

Then it dawns on me—everything I've read, the Lamaze classes—it floods back to me.

_My water just broke._

"My water broke! It's time!"

"Really?! Shit, um, okay. Bag, I'll grab your bag. We'll go to the hospital."

"Fuck the bag, Edward! I need a towel!"

"Oh, right, a towel. Sorry, love."

While he cleans me up, another cramp hits. It's more intense than the last one. I grunt.

"Baby, I'm so sorry! What can I do?"

"Clean clothes. I need clean clothes."

He takes me by the hand and escorts me to the bedroom. He stands in front of the dresser, zoned out.

"Edward? Clothes?" _Nothing._

I let go of his hand and grab a few things. When I bend over to put on my underwear, another cramp hits, and I groan. That brings Edward back to life.

"Sweetie, why don't you call your mom and dad to let them know? I'll just grab my bag, then we can leave."

I make my way to the nursery, and hear Edward babbling on to Esme. I smile, until another cramp knocks it clean off my face.

Edward wraps his arm around me and walks me to the car. The hospital isn't far, but you'd think my husband just became an EMT with the way he's driving.

"Sweets, this isn't a race; you can stop driving like a Cullen."

He gives me a panicked smile. "If ever there was a time to drive like a Cullen, Bella, now is that time."

_He's so freaking…CRAMP! CRAMP!_

"We're almost there, love. Hang on."

I almost wonder if he is trying to reassure himself, he looks so worried.

We make it up to Labor and Delivery with no problem. We have a private suite prearranged, because we know the fucking paparazzi will descend like flies the minute they catch wind of my imminent delivery.

The nurse gets a gown for me to change into and goes to get the monitoring equipment. She comes in with Dr. Meyers, who instantly makes me feel better. She is so calm and collected, acting like this is just another routine day. Well, except for her it is. For me, the panic has set in.

_I'm having a fucking baby and it hurts already. I can't do this. I cannot fucking do this._

"So your water broke Ms. Cullen? Let's just check and see how much you're dilated."

She sticks her gloved hand up my cooter and pokes around. _OUCH!_

"What exactly are you doing down there that feels so damn uncomfortable?"

She places a hand on my thigh to reassure me. Strangely, I do feel calmer. "I need to see how ripe your cervix is. It needs to not only dilate, but also get thinner, before the baby can be born. You're dilated to a three, but your cervix still needs to be more effaced."

"Effaced?"

"Thinned out. The goal is full effacement."

_Oh. Right._

"The nurse will hook up a monitor so we can keep track of the baby's heart rate and vital signs. I suggest you settle in."

"Um, how, exactly does one settle into labor?"

She just smiles and leaves the room.

"Edward! I can't settle into labor! We've talked about this!"

He sits on the bed next to me, kissing me and stroking my hair. "You need to try to relax, Bella. All we can do is wait and work through it."

"I'm scared. I don't think I can do this. In fact, I'm sure I can't do this. It hurts too much. FUCK!" Another contraction hits me.

Edward just keeps soothing me, making suggestions to keep my mind off of the real reason I'm here.

"Do you want to watch a movie, love? Anything you want."

"NO! I do not want to fucking watch a movie! How the hell am I supposed to watch a movie when it feels like an elephant is stepping on my abdomen?!"

Before long, Alice and Esme arrive at the hospital, and that makes me feel remotely better. Right when they come into the room, I have a huge contraction that makes me throw up all over the bed.

_Jesus fucking Christ on a gurney, do you have to take away every last shred of dignity I possess? Seriously?_

Edward's face turns a bit green, and he volunteers to find the nurse. I'm positively mortified to have hurled on my best friend and my mother-in-law.

The nurse returns with Edward, carrying clean linens and a new hospital gown in her arms. They work together to get me up to the bathroom. I notice a whirlpool tub in there, and it sounds heavenly.

"Oh my god, that's perfect! I would _love_ a soothing whirlpool bath."

"Oh, honey, I can't let you take a bath now that you're water is broken. It is a potential source of infection for the baby."

"Then why in Christ's name did you wave it in front of me, taunting me with its promise of soothing jets of warm water! You people are masochists!"

I hear everyone in the room burst out in laughter, but I see nothing funny about a taunting whirlpool. I growl at everyone.

The nurse cleans me up and helps me into a new gown, then leads me back to the bed.

Just as I sit down, another contraction hits, along with another case of Tourette's.

"_JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST!"_

Again, everyone laughs, but I fail to find any humor in the situation.

I turn to Edward, pleading with him.

"Baby, you know I can't do this. I can try to relax until I'm blue in the face, but I can't do it. I'm physically incapable of relaxing even on my good days, and we both know this isn't one of my good days! Please, sweetie, hit me over the head and render me unconscious. Just until the baby arrives. I'm begging you!"

"Are you ready for an epidural, love?"

"Hell, yes! Isn't that what I've been trying to tell everyone?"

Once again, Edward leaves to get the nurse. Once again, she gloves up and reaches up into my cooter.

"Jesus, it's like we're having a rummage sale, and everyone has to come test to merchandise! I didn't realize I was going to sign away my dignity at the door."

The nurse laughs at me. "Sweetie, there is absolutely nothing private about having a baby! Get used to it. You're going to have more strangers check out your vagina than a porn movie!"

The nurse pokes around in me, and tells me that I'm a four, and partially effaced. I'm far enough along that I can have an epidural. _PRAISE JESUS!_

An hour and a half later, I'm still waiting for my fucking epidural. I've ceased with the grunts, growls, and groans, and have progressed to outright screams. Edward looks so worried and upset every time I scream, but I can't help it. It flies out of my lungs without warning. I have no control over my body anymore—it is on automatic pilot. I don't want automatic pilot, I want to be steering the goddamned plane! NOW!

The Tourette's gets progressively worse as well. I'm contracting and squeezing the life out of Edward's hand, when a slew of swear words that rivals the Exorcist spews out of my mouth.

"_I don't fucking goddamn motherfucking care what he's doing, get that asshole motherfucker anesthesiologist's ass in here fucking NOW!! I NEED A FUCKING EPIDURAL!!!"_

I hear someone clear their throat. "Oh, you rang?" It's the anesthesiologist.

I didn't think it was possible to blush while in labor, but I was wrong. Even though I have beads of sweat clinging to my forehead, I feel the blush spread over my entire face.

A bit sheepishly, I apologize for my outburst. "Oh, I'm sorry. This is just really bad, and I need meds. Badly. Now."

"Strange, I hear that a lot from my pregnant patients."

He has me sit on the side of the bed and lean over, so my spinal column is in position for the needle. He cleans off my back with antiseptic and gets his needle ready.

"Wait! I'm going to puke!" I grab the bucket and puke for the 100th time.

"Are you finished?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? My body isn't exactly taking orders at this point. I ceded control hours ago."

"This is going to sting, Mrs. Cullen. 1-2-3…" OUCH! Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as the contractions. All of a sudden, it's like a black veil is dropped over me.

I hear an alarm whine in the background and everything smells funny. I open my eyes to find myself lying in the bed with about ten faces staring at me, looking panicked. Dr. Meyers enters the room, bellowing out orders to the nurse. They push Edward aside, and my hand loses contact with him.

"NO! I need Edward!"

"The patient is awake, Dr. Meyers."

"What are the baby's vitals?"

"Heart rate has returned to normal."

Once again, I feel someone rifling around downstairs.

"Well, Mrs. Cullen, I have good news. You are now dilated to ten and are fully effaced."

"How did that happen? I was just at four before the epidural."

"Apparently, the minute we took away the pain, your body was able to relax. You dilated and effaced instantly. That's why you passed out; your blood pressure crashed for a moment, along with the baby's heart rate. Everything is fine now."

Edward speaks for the first time in hours. "What do you mean 'everything is fine now?' My baby's heart rate plummeted, how can that be all right? My wife passed out in front of me! Nothing appears to be fine now!"

"I assure you, Mr. Cullen, this kind of thing is actually pretty routine. We've been monitoring the baby the entire time, and it is fine. Look, you can see its vital signs right here; they are exactly where we expect them to be. It was just a brief moment where its

vitals were a concern. The good news is that now your wife can start to push, so you're going to have a baby very soon!"

"Wait, what was that you said about pushing? I can't feel anything below my chest. How the hell am I supposed to push?"

"Well, that's one of the side effects of the epidural, it makes it harder to push. But you're ready, the baby is ready, and you need to get into pushing mode!"

Esme and Alice have been quietly supportive from the corner of the room, but I hear Alice squeal the minute she hears the nurse say the words, 'ready to push'."

"Bella! You're having a baby!"

"Yes, Alice, I am aware of that. I'm not sure how, though, because I feel like my lower parts are made of Jell-O."

I feel Edwards's kiss on my forehead, and I turn to kiss him on the lips. Despite all my puking, sweating, and swearing, he is right there, holding my hand, willing me to move forward. In that moment, drenched in his love, I feel my resolve suddenly take shape.

I squeeze his hand and smile. Quietly, I say to him, "Are you ready to have a baby?"

He presses a wet washcloth into my forehead. "So ready, love. You can do this. You're the strongest woman I know."

I turn to the nurse. "Right. Let's get this done. This baby is coming whether it wants to or not!"

The nurse instructs me to grab my knees, flexing my hips open. I start to push, at least I think I'm pushing, but the nurse corrects me afterwards.

"Honey, this isn't like holding your breath kind of pushing. You need to use your lower abdominal muscles. Pretend you need to poop."

As if this isn't mortifying enough—I've have the entire hospital in and out of my vadge, I've puked, I've peed, and now I need to poop? Really? This is bordering on macabre. I decide, however, that I don't care, because I want to have this baby. I am resolved to having this baby. So, if I need to pretend like I'm pooping, I will fucking pretend I have to poop. I don't care anymore. This baby is coming.

I'm pushing as hard as I possibly can. I'm panting, and sweating, and swearing. My hands keep slipping off of my legs, they are so slick with perspiration. The entire time I push, Edward is in my ear, murmuring encouragements, giving me kisses, cheering me on. Neither puke, nor pee, nor poop has scared him away, so he clearly loves me beyond reason.

"Bella, do you mind if I go down to see our baby's head?"

I'm breathing to hard to use words. I simply nod my head up and down. I'm completely unprepared for Edward's response to seeing a bit of our baby. He starts to cry and shake.

"Bella, love, this is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. He has a beautiful head of dark hair, just like you! You're doing such a wonderful job, baby! He's almost here to meet us!"

I'm moved incredibly by Edward's display of emotions, but I've had it with his believing he knows the gender of our baby. "For god's sake, Edward, it isn't here yet! We don't know that it is a boy!"

Alice pipes up to answer. "It's a boy, Bella. Trust me. It is."

Now that just pisses me off. I don't want to know the gender yet; I don't want anyone else to think they know the gender yet, dammit! I'm now determined to get this baby out once and for all, in order to prove everyone wrong.

I start to push as if my life depends upon it. I flex my hips as far as they will go, and grunt like Monica Seles during a tennis match. I scream, I strain, I push that baby as hard as I am able. Dr. Meyers suddenly tells me to stop pushing.

_STOP?! What the fuck?! _ I scream my response to her. "How the hell am I supposed to stop? I can't stop!"

"Bella, we need to suction out it's nose and mouth. You have to stop for a minute."

I look up and see Edward looking at me, and his face is so filled with love and adoration, I'm struck dumb for a minute. It just so happens that I pause at exactly the right moment. I feel the next contraction start, and Dr. Meyers gives me the all clear.

I give one final, loud, bellowing scream, and feel the pressure break. My baby popped out in one additional push, into the doctor's arms.

"Mrs. Cullen, you have a baby boy!"

_Oh jeebus, I will never live this down! They were right!_

I hear Edward's voice first, thick with emotion and love. "Bella, love, he is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!"

Esme and Alice are crying, looking at my beautiful baby. Edward is crying. I'm crying. I just want to meet my baby boy, hold him, and stop his cries. I don't care if he is just born, my very first instinct is to soothe away his tears. Edward cuts the baby's umbilical cord, and the nurse places him on my chest. He sounds like a foghorn, he is crying so plaintively.

I pull him close to me, kissing his little forehead. I whisper to him, "I'm so glad you're here, baby. We've been waiting for you!" He stops crying, and looks over at me, as if he is trying to remember who I am. "I love you, little baby," I coo. He continues to look at me, so seriously.

I hear the nurse break in. "He is going to be a remarkable little boy. I can already tell."

I'm shocked at her words. "How can you possibly know that?"

"When you've delivered babies for 30 years, you get a feel for that sort of thing, Mrs. Cullen. Very few babies can stop crying like that, and then focus on a subject so intently. I'll tell you what—you come back in ten years and tell me if I'm wrong. I won't be. You'll see."

Edward leans over to kiss my forehead, then his son's. He whispers to our baby, "I always knew you would be remarkable. Just like your mommy."

I feel a flood of emotions take over, and I start to sob in happiness. The long wait, the work, it is all over, and I have a baby and a husband I love deeply.

The nurse whisks the baby off to be weighed and cleaned up, and Esme and Alice lean in to give me their kisses, too.

"Bella, thank you for loving my son so much and for giving me a grandbaby. I'm so happy, you have no idea."

"Actually, I do have an idea—I never imagined I could be so happy, Esme."

I hear someone clear their throat, and look over in the direction of the sound. Carlisle is standing in the doorway.

"Is it all right if I come in to meet my grandbaby, too?" he says, sheepishly.

Esme, runs to meet him, and they come to the bedside, arms linked, huge smiles on their faces.

"So, Edward and Bella, what is my grandson's name going to be?"

We decided on a name just a few weeks ago, but didn't breathe a word of it to anyone. We wanted it to be a surprise. I nod to Edward, signaling him to break the news.

"Mom, Dad, welcome your new grandson, Masen Edward Cullen, into the family."

"You used the family name?" Esme says, shocked. "It's lovely and perfect, just like him!"

Alice giggles and clapped her hands. "I knew it! It's what I dreamed! And you know what day it is today, right? June 20th!"

I'm shocked. "Alice, you never told me you dreamed the gender and the name! How could you? How did you know it would be Edward's birthday?"

"Because you needed to come up with it on your own, silly. That's how these things work. If I told you, it would be breaking the spell."

I roll my eyes at her, but let it go. How can I argue with fate?

*******

A few hours later, when little Masen is clean and ready to be presented, we dress our son for the first time, in an outfit we chose together. It evokes shades of Snarky and Smirky, and tells us exactly what to expect of him for the day: It is a onesie that says, _I was worth the wait._

With Edward sitting next to me, holding our son together, everyone gathers around us to say hello to our little guy. Jasper's arms are around Alice, Carlisle and Esme are hugging together, and Rose and Emmett are holding hands. Even Charlie joins us, having caught a flight out when Edward called him to tell him that my water broke. Looking into the smiling faces of the people I most love in the world, it hits me: It _was_ worth the wait. All of it. Edward, our marriage, our baby, our family, our life.


End file.
